Author's Note: Remember what I've told you about getting a tan? Screw that. It's been raining like there was no tomorrow the last couple of days. Feels like I'm back home, not in Australia. bigpout

Thanks for the reviews. Made the sun shine a little brigther. What sun? Ja.

True Beauty Lies In The Depth Of Friendship

New York, 2006

'...A good friend is hard to find andhard to choose wisely. Friends imprint themselves on you like feet on a pair of Birkenstocks. Once the shoes have the form of the feet they will stay like this forever...'

'Addis is that you?' There was a sniffling sound on the other line but no answer.

'Addiebabe, what happened? Tell me.' Savvy paused shortly before she spoke again nervously, her voice full of worry for her friend.

'Talk to me, honey. What is going on. Is it Derek? Did something happen to him?'

That question caused another moment of heavy sobbing on the other end of the line.

'Addie, please,' Savvy pled helplessly, trying to coax her friend to speak with her.

'He left.'

Savvy heard Addison say, her voice full of sadness and despair, void of the strength and determination it was usually filled with.

'I'll be right there'

About half an hour later Savvy opened the door to the Brownstone with the emergency key she had been given after Sarah's death. She ascended the stairs and walked hurriedly into the master bedroom, where she came face to face with an Addison that she had hoped she would never have to see.

Addison sat on the edge of the bed, wearing only a pair of white panties and an old CBGB's tee shirt. Her make-up was smeared and her hair was damp which indicated that she had been out in the rain some time this evening. Addison sat motionlessly, even when Savvy was standing in the threshold. Addison did not seem to notice the intruder.

With quick steps Savvy moved towards Addison, took her friend's face in her hands and kissed the top of her head before engulfing her in a tight hug. Savvy rubbed Addison's back soothingly when she felt that her friend began to shake more heavily again.

'Sssh, Addie. Calm down and take a deep breath. I'm here now. Please. Ssssh.'

After a couple of minutes Addison's breathing went back to normal and the tears that ran down her cheeks got fewer and fewer, leaving only a puddle of salty streaks and a million memories behind.

In that moment Savvy decided to try and talk to Addison and to get her to speak about what had happened between her and Derek and how it came to Derek's sudden departure leaving her in this emotional state.

'What happened,' Savvy asked softly, trying not to be too pushy.

'I fucked up.' Addison admitted while choking on tears that were welling up in her eyes again.

'Okay.' Savvy said with a pleading voice, pleading for further information.

'I mean, I literally fucked up,' Addison paused shortly and averted her eyes to stare out the window into the darkness of another cold and empty New York night. When she spoke again, her voice was so full of emotion that nothing she could have said would have covered the gravity of the truth.

'I fucked Mark. I fucked him and Derek walked in…before he walked out.'

Savvy could not believe what she had just been told. Her best friend, the woman she knew had been fighting for her marriage with all the obstacles that had been thrown in their way, for such a long time, had thrown inthe towel and slept with her husband's best friend in her marital bed.

To her that seemed like a scene of a bad soap opera and in that moment she would have paid any amount of time to transfer the day's events into such daytime show and get their old lives back.

Savvy had so many questions and needed to hear her best friend's answer to the questions that she would dare to pose.

'Why?'

Addison sighed.

'I wanted to feel something. I just wanted to feel again.'

'I think we can agree on the fact that you feel again,' Savvy said with a trace of bitterness and disappointment in her voice.

'Yes, I do. Now, Savvy, I loath myself.'

Addison started sobbing again. Her whole body shook heavily. Savvy took Addison in her arms, kissed the side of her head and whispered reassuringly in her ear.

'I don't hate you. I love you, Addles, and I always will. I will not leave. Never.'

Addison hope that those words were true. Now that she had lost her love, she needed her best friend so much more than before.

'…A true friend is someone who takes your hand and touches your heart…'

Savvy was Addison's pair of Birkenstocks.

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New York, 2010

'Someday you will wake up, Shepherd, and you will realize what a mess you have made out of your life, and how you have lost the one person that will make you happy and complete. I hope for you, that once you realize what has happened, that you'll have people around you to catch you. You might fall deeper than you could imagine.'

'Oh God, yes, I'm coming. If you could pace yourself.'

Still half asleep Mark Sloan stumbled down the corridor of his New York apartment at 3.51am.

'For God's sake what idiot is ringing my door be…Derek?'

Mark stopped mid sentence as he saw his former best friend on the other end of the threshold.

'What are you doing here,' Mark asked incredulously, leaning against the wooden appartment door.

'I need someone to catch me,' Derek admitted quietly.

Mark looked that the man in front of him. He had not see Derek in years. Not since that last night at Joe's bar when had had predicted what seemed to be happening right now. Derek looked older, grayer and less dreamy as the nurses at Seattle Grace would call him. He would say that Derek looked like a man that had finally woken up from a dream and had realized that the fantasy did not match with the reality. He looked beaten.

'Come in.' Marked opened the door wider to allow Derek to cross the threshold.

'So?' Mark started while he filled two glasses with Scotch and handed one to Derek who had sat down on Mark's couch. He had the feeling that they would both be in need of liquor by the end of the conversation.

'I'm in love with my wife,' Derek admitted, holding on to his glass and keeping his eyes fixed on the TV screen in front of him.

'Ex-wife,' Mark said flatly.

'Mark,' Derek sighed and looked him in the eyes for the first time in a couple of minutes, pleading for him not to take away the rest of hope he had still in his heart.

'I don't say it to be mean or petty. That's how it is and just because you had an epiphany and realized how much you have fucked up the most important relationship in your life, doesn't mean it is going to be easy. You did not treat her very well for quite a while and you need to keep that in mind because you screwed up pretty badly. Or how does everything that has happened to you in the last couple of years sound to you?' Mark asked.

'Fucked up,' Derek admitted and put his head in his hands.

'Now, don't give up so easily, man!' Mark shook his head.

'What?'

'That's what it is about. You must show her that you know how much you screwed up, the both of you, and that you are willing to do whatever it takes to make it up to her.'

Derek nodded at the words of his former best friend.

'Derek?'

'Huh?'

'If you know what you want and who you want, then why the fuck are you still here in New York City, sitting on the worn down couch of the man who has fucked your wife?'

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Seattle, 2007

'…Forgive and forget. I grew up in a catholic neighborhood, was sent to a catholic all girls school and went to church every Sunday until I was thirteen. That was when my grandmother died and with her the catholic spirit she had spent so much time creating in me. What I remember from that intense time is one certain prayer, which comes to my mind whenever I have to deal with guilt and forgiveness:

Our Father in heaven,

Hallowed be your name,

Your kingdom come,

Your will be done,

On earth as in heaven.

Give us today our daily bread.

Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.

Save us from the time of trial,

And deliver us from evil.

For the kingdom, the power, and the glory are yours,

Now and forever. Amen.

I forgave the people that have hurt me in my life, but I have not forgotten. I think that carrying with us not only the good but also the bad experiences that we have made in our lives, lets us grow and become better, wiser and more caring people.

I hope that someday the people that I have caused hurt and grief will also forgive me…'

'Dr. Montgomery, there is a call for you at the nurses' station on the fourth's floor.'

A passing nurse informed Addison about the call. Slowly Addison walked over to the desk. She was tired because she had been up doing emergency surgeries for the last eighteen hours. Babies did not care about their doctors sleeping habits. They decided all on their own when it was best to start off their lives. Therefore Addison was exhausted. But she was also very motivated. There was a race for Chief of Surgery at Seattle Grace hospital and Addison did not just think she was one of the best candidates, she was sure that she wanted this job more than all the other surgeons. Addison did not complain and did not slow down because she knew what she had to prove to be called worthy of the position. She worked as much as was required and more.

'This is Dr. Addison Montgomery speaking. How can I help you,' Addison said tiredly.

'Oh Addie, dear. No need for formalities.' Patricia Shepherd greeted her former daughter-in-law.

'Hey mom.' Addison smiled in spite of the tightness and tiredness that had spread all over her body.

'You sound tired, dear,' Patricia said with worry evident in her voice.

'It's nothing really. Just a lot of work. That's all.'

Addsion sighed and thought to herself how wrong that statement was. She did not feel all that great. A lot had happened to her during the past year and every single event had left its mark on Addison. But nonetheless speaking to her former mother-in-law felt nice. They had not talked in a while, especially not after the divorce was finalized. Addison felt guilty for what happened to her and Derek, even though she had always had a great relationship with Patricia mostly due to the early loss of her own mother and Patricia's welcoming persona.

She had never been shown any sign of rejection after the affair, but she did not feel too comfortable around Derek's family anymore. She felt like an intruder into Derek's world that held no spot for her anymore.

'Are you taking good care of yourself,' Patricia asked in a motherly tone.

'I think so.'

"How are you doing anyway?'

'Fine. Thanks,' Fucked up. Insane. Neurotic. Empty. Addison added mentally. 'How are you and the kids? How is everyone? I miss them.'

'They are great. The whole lot of them and they miss you all so much. The kids miss their Auntie Addie. They are asking about you all the time. Actually that is why I called in the first place.'

'What is,' Addison asked curiously.

"I'm calling to invite you home for Thanksgiving,' Patty said happily. Though she know very well that getting Addison to agree to come home was still a hard fight. But Patricia Sheperd was well prepared to fight. She missed her former daughter-in-law like the rest of the Shepherd family did and she wanted her to come visit for the holiday and she would get her to agree.

'I don't know. What about Derek?'

'What about him? He is not coming home for the holiday anyway. Again,' Patricia said bitterly. Derek had not even tried to make up an excuse. He had just said that he would not be able to make it home for Thanksgiving this year.

'I'm sorry,' Addison apologized sincerely.

'Don't be. It is not your fault. You have always tried to get his workaholic butt home for the holidays. But you should come. I miss you, dear.'

'I miss you, too. But I don't know. I wanted to fly home to Hartford and spend the day with my Dad.'

Patricia smiled and said, 'That is what I thought. I called Frederic this afternoon and asked him if he wanted to come to Boston. He said he would like to but I had to check with you first. Don't be mad at him or me. We just miss you and want you around for the holiday.' Patricia paused and heard Addison sigh on the other end.

'So, will you be home for my famous dinner and all the Sheperd insanity,' Patty asked hopefully.

'I will,' Addison agreed smilingly.

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