I trek down the halls, my gifts for the princes stacked in a neat pile in my arms. Let's see; first up is Prince Leonhard…

'Waah, I'm so excited!'

On hearing that, I lean around the corner to see Maximilian and Leonhard standing outside the palace kitchens, taste-testing plates of cake and talking with their mouths full.

'Christmas happens every year, Prince…'

'Yeah, and I wish it happened more often!'

Maximilian chuckles, and licks the last traces of frosting from his fork. 'Hoping for anything in particular?'

'Yes, for another fencing match so I can thrash you,' Leonhard says flatly.

'Whew, you can hold a grudge!'

Leonhard stops. 'I mean… I… that was rude, wasn't it?'

Maximilian looks a little surprised. 'Well, it's a valid wish.' He grins, taking Leonhard's plate as they go back into the kitchen. 'I am the best of the best, after all!'

'Technically, until I dethrone you, and I will!'

'That's more like it, Prince.'

'But still…' Leonhard coughs up the word. '…Sorry.'

'Well, okay, but what was that about?'

'It's called the silver rule!'

'…What the… anyway,' Maximilian says, pointing at Leonhard's empty plate. 'What's the verdict?'

'Definitely the Cardinalschnitten. The fruitcake is passable.'

'Eh?! I thought you would have been Zachertorte all the way, you torte devil! That reminds me, should we try to steal another slice?'

'Definitely!'

They disappear into the cacophony that blares through the kitchen's open doors. You can practically hear the safety hazards, yet at least Leonhard literally has a guard with him. I leave them to their banter, and pass the kitchens with a smile on my face. I can't say that their excitement isn't contagious.

I slip into Prince Leonhard's room, and leave a new diary propped against his pillow, with a handwritten note written inside. Then I head to Prince Licht's room.

'Almost done…'

I stop and look over the railing of the walkway I'm crossing, to the marble floors below, then back up again. Prince Licht is balanced up a ladder, straightening a silver-and-gold star atop a staggeringly tall tree. Truly staggering — I'm on the second floor yet Licht is up at my eye level.

'Almost…' He catches sight of me and breaks off with a grin. 'Hey, Teach!' Licht turns and waves a hand yet nearly slips right off the ladder, much to the panic of Ludwig and the other guards below.

'Careful, Prince!'

He finds his balance and sighs. 'O ye of little faith. You think I'd fall and break the hearts of all the girls in the kingdom on Christmas Eve? What do you take me for?' He flicks his hair out of the way and gives me a flirty grin. 'I'm a heartbreaker, but that would just be too cruel — '

'Focus on your work, Prince.'

'Yeah yeah. Delivering presents? Is that one for meee?' he teases.

'Only good children get presents, Prince.' I eye his work so far. He and the others have done an impressive job — twenty feet of pine tree decorated with glittering ornaments and white powder designed to look like snow. I wonder how they even fit the tree through the palace doors.

I can't resist taking a dig at him, however. 'It's certainly stunning, in the traditional sense.'

'What's that supposed to mean?!'

'Well, given your ordinary sensibilities — '

Licht looks the tree up and down and comes to a snap decision in two seconds.

'Let's put lighted candles on it, everyone!'

'WHAAAT?!'

'That will set the tree on fire, Highness!' one of the maids protests.

'Then we'll put them in lanterns!' Licht speeds down the ladder and gets everyone on board in a mere instant, the group scattering to find glass lanterns and candles.

Licht winks at me over his shoulder, and sticks his tongue out.

I shake my head in amusement and continue on my way.

I slip into Licht's room, ignoring the mess and kicking the scattered illicit literature under the bed, and I leave an apron embroidered with his name on his pillow, for his coffee-making practice. Then I straighten the pillow, because I just can't help myself. His room truly is a mess. But as though I'm one to talk…

I head down the hall to Bruno's room, and nearly run into the prince coming from the other direction.

'So we've found all the stringed instruments? And what happened with the tuba, did they manage to get the mouse out of it?' He nearly passes me, he's so busy talking with the court orchestrator. He skids to a halt. 'Oh, Master, my apologies.'

'The mouse?'

Bruno's eyebrows lift, and he hides a laugh in his sleeve. His companion tries not to look amused and fails. 'Oh, it's been a while since the entire court orchestra has assembled, so we have all the players and most of the instruments, but… The tuba has been somewhat in a state of disuse, and we found a mouse in it.'

'Can't get the blasted thing out,' the orchestrator says. 'The boys are trying to smoke it out with tobacco as we speak, all while the tuba player's fit to bust a valve with all the smoke in that precious instrument of his.'

Oh dear. I try not to laugh.

Bruno exhales, and says with a smile, 'I left a trumpet in my brother's room one day, and when I next touched it I found that a pigeon had somehow taken up residence inside it. It was a terrible shock.'

The other man checks off a list, talking as he does so. 'Did you hear about the time that one of the flautists left his flute near the washroom when the pipes were being fixed, Prince?'

Bruno chuckles. 'I almost don't know whether I want to hear it.'

Bruno and the other leave with a wave, discussing Christmas carols as they go. You can actually be quite flexible, Prince, especially when you're not forcing yourself to think about it.

I head into Prince Bruno's room, and after looking over the piles of theses and sheet music on his desk, I carefully straighten the papers and place a paperweight tied up with ribbon on the largest pile. I confess, I had no idea what to give him at first, but I know he'll use it. And against my better judgement, I had 'To My Apprentice,' engraved on the paperweight's base.

I continue on to Prince Kai's room with a wry grimace. I may live to regret that particular little gift...

I let myself into the last prince's room and let myself in, noting the freshly made bed scattered with soft blankets and pillows.

'Over here?'

'Nah, m'lord, there t'would be better.'

'Uh-huh.'

I look out the open window, to see Prince Kai helping some of the gardeners with placing torches around the palace grounds, no doubt to be lit for some bright festive lighting later in the evening. As the prince has strength that almost borders on superhuman, the work isn't that difficult for him and he's likely speeding up the others' work as well.

He's got splinters in his hands, but he looks happy.

Good work, Prince.

I place the final gift on his pillow, a pair of gloves lined with rabbit fur. I half-smile. I wonder if his brothers will ever be able to get him to take those gloves off again.

I step out of the prince's room, and hesitate outside the door. I wish I could say that I was waiting to give Viktor his gift until later, as I can't slip into his room and leave it there, but… I don't really know what to give him.

I have a bottle of Niederglanzreich white wine that I purchased at the beginning of December, and a hand-written note, yet… I bite the edge of my nail. I've given him wine many times before. Maybe he's tired of that by now, like how I tire of his jokes. But… what do you give a man who literally has everything? Nothing that I can afford, that's for certain. Hopefully, I can merely pin my unoriginal gift on a tight budget and he'll get some nostalgia out of it, if nothing else.

The clock chimes the hour and cues the soft notes of a piano, scattered with laughter and the footsteps of maids rushing down the halls. I pull out my pocket watch. It seems that, after much to-do, the princes' Christmas Eve party is finally starting.

I walk down the halls, making my way from the cold, abandoned dead ends of the palace to the warmth. To glitter dusted over the carpet runners, to candles glowing in nests of pine needles and holly. Rather than the usual quiet and occasional meetings that echo through the palace corridors, the night is filled with the rumble of conversation and laughter, with golden lights and happy silhouettes.

I slow to a halt, watching what appears to be some of the final guests to arrive file through the doors, with much talking and the occasional shriek of laughter. It seems the princes — most likely Prince Licht in particular — have got the party rolling with great success.

I watch from a distance with something like an ache in my heart.

It's always little things like these. Happiness, festivities, just little random things that remind me how out-of-place I am at the palace. At anywhere.

Happy as I am, I do not belong here…

Will I ever be able to let myself be at home somewhere?

Hands rest on my shoulders and he says, 'Kreuzer for your thoughts, little one?'

I gasp, and nearly step on the toes of Viktor's boots. 'Viktor… you're terrible.'

'Merry Christmas to you too.'

I turn around, my shoes scuffing a stroke over the carpet. His smile is just as golden, just as warm as usual. He sees something in my face and his expression turns serious. 'Truly. Is everything all right?'

I put my feelings away, and shake my head. 'It's nothing. Truly.'

He nods, and walks past me. Then he turns and tips my head up to his, just a touch, with a gloved finger. 'You can't lie to me so easily, Heine. What's wrong?'

My heart skips a beat, and I step back from his touch.

It's selfish, to be lonely and unhappy when everyone else is so happy. It's not fair to make other people suffer my pain, a private matter that I should be able to carry alone. I can't let anyone see. I just have to protect myself with a facade, as always.

Happy as I am, I do not belong here…

'Tis nothing, Viktor. And don't. Not where people can see.'

'But no one can see, my friend.' Pain etches its mark on his features, but aren't I the one who should be in pain? 'Not when you're standing so far away.'

And I realise it's just the two of us, at the end of a dark, burnished corridor.

'Please, Heine. Tell me.' Viktor tips his head, and his eyes glimmer blue with a smile. 'Tis the season of giving, is it not? So give me some of your load and let me help you carry it, if you want me to.' He rests his hands on my shoulders again. 'Because you look like you're carrying the world on those little shoulders.'

'I…' I stop. Then start. And try. The syllables come out clumsy and mismatched, like a badly-strung garland. 'I'm just… tired.'

And I rest my head against his chest. 'And my heart hurts a little.'

His hands touch my shoulder blades and he holds me close. And he doesn't say anything, just lets me… be in pain. Be tired, if I want to. Not denying me, nor what I'm made of.

He whispers. 'Stop denying yourself. You don't have to carry everything all by your lonesome.'

My eyes widen. '…Can you read minds?'

'No. But I can read that heart of yours like a book.'

'…It feels like you knew what I was thinking…'

'And I know this, Heine. That you have and always have had the tendency to self-sacrifice. To put everyone else above yourself. Even when your heart needs happiness just like anyone else's.'

How… how is it that he knows me better than I know myself? Knows every facet of my heart like a precious jewel?

'But I don't deserve…'

He drops down to one knee, his hands still at my shoulders. 'Heine. If we only loved people because they deserved it, then the world would be a terrible place.'

…Why, Viktor?

My eyes water behind my glasses. I take my glasses off, rubbing my eyes with my sleeve.

His eyes soften. 'Heine?'

I push my glasses back on, looking at his cuffs, his gloves, his medals, anywhere but his eyes. 'Yes?'

'Even if you don't feel like you can belong here — ' I look up, stricken, because the last thing I want him to think is that I don't appreciate with all my heart how he opened up his home to me, ' — know that you always have a place in me.'

Because sometimes home isn't a place. It's a person.

'All right?' he says gently. 'No matter what. For old time's sake.'

Because always, he's been my compass rose, my North Star, and my port of call. My home, whether I've known it or not.

I smile, with trembling lips. 'Thank you.' And I lock away my emotions again, yet it feels more like locking away jewels in a jewel box than locking away wraiths in a cell.

He taps my shoulder blades, his hands still at my back. 'Always so stoic. It makes one wonder if those are angel wings hidden beneath that coat of yours.' He lightly traces two wings down my back with his index fingers, teasing on one hand and wistful on the other. 'Always hiding those wings away, for the sake of everyone else.'

I can't help a half-smile, and I murmur, 'I'm anything but an angel, Viktor.'

'Not all angels are saints, either, Heine.'

If I were an angel, then I would be one with wings stained with ash and mistakes, with a shotgun over my shoulder. With scarred hands from piecing the shards of my halo together too many times to count. And I'd hide my wings away, and keep them hidden and safe, every night, tonight.

Viktor tips his head and exhales. 'Quite a tiny angel. You could stand to put on a few pounds, we could almost put you atop a tree at this rate — ' I stamp on his instep and he yelps, springing away. 'Heineee!'

'You just said that not all angels were saints, did you not?' I pause, quiet darkness on one side of my vision and a golden glow on the other. 'What were you doing here, anyway?'

'Isn't it obvious?' He takes my arm in his, leading me down the corridor. 'I heard that there's a party on — and you could hardly expect me to stay away!'

'My word, don't you have work?' I grumble.

'It can wait. It is Christmas, after all!'

I gently take my arm from his as we near the doors and the golden glow spilling from therein. 'The princes will be thrilled. They did not think you would be able to attend, or have time for the usual festivities.'

'Well, I figured your first Christmas at the palace deserved a special appearance,' Viktor jokes.

'You're terrible…'

I place our familiarity behind a mask, and wipe all traces of emotion from my face. We can't be ourselves in front of others — to everyone else, we're a king and a member of the royal staff.

Viktor glances at me and winks.

With a few secrets, of course.

To be continued…