Author's Notes:
- Fair warning. I'm not very kind to the Superfriends because I hate how they treated Lena and basically shoved Kara aside because they had better things to do.
- I'm choosing the spell What'sHisFace's name as "Monel" instead of "Mon-El" simply because the comic geek in me hates the way the show's PTB ruined the character and never explained how he ended up with the same 'family' name as Kara & Kal.
- I actually started writing this before spoilers/info for s3 came out, so there will be no mention of Sam/Reign. I'll probably ignore everything that happens in s3 actually.
- In my headcanon, Kara sort of blames being Supergirl for every bad thing that has happened in National City because before she was known as SG, things weren't as crazy and as complicated.
- Flashbacks are in italics.
- In this world, Kara wrote about LCorp's considering developing an alien-detecting device, but never wrote about a working prototype. I seriously doubt the world and the DEO/U.S. government would have just sat in the background if they knew Lena was successful in making it/having a working prototype.
- I'm picking and choosing what I take from the canon universe and changing/modifying it to fit my story.
- As usual, this is self-edited, so mistakes are mine and mine alone.
Chapter Two
Kara sighs as she looks at the blinking cursor on her laptop. She glares at the empty document, willing herself to write something, anything. But even if she can conquer her current bout of writer's block; she still needs actual quotes, something easier said than done. It takes all her self-control not to fry her office as she gets angrier at her current situation. Otherwise, her laptop will be a pile of melted plastic and metal, followed by her desk becoming a pile of ash. That is something she knows is impossible to explain and she would just end up having to replace her work-issued laptop and desk on her own, an extra expense she definitely can do without. Her savings are still hurting after her short stint with unemployment. She also doesn't want to accidentally set off the fire sprinklers again because she can't control or redirect her anger. There is no way she can explain a second time why the sprinklers would go off in her office without anyone believing she isn't a pyromaniac of some sort. It was embarrassing enough the first time it happened because she found the new LED lights too bright and she decided to use of candles as a way to provide herself a softer source of light. With her door closed, the heat of candles had set off the sprinklers and the fire alarm. She's sure no one would have believed her if they hadn't seen the remnants of the twenty or so candles all over her desk and on top of the small filing cabinet.
It's not necessarily the inability to write a coherent sentence that has Kara so angry. It's how she ended up with this impossible assignment. For a moment, Kara wishes she had access to whatever material Lillian Luthor had used to absorb the power of her heat vision when the woman forced her to solar flare. She wonders if it's possible to toss Snapper and James in such a way that they'll orbit Earth once before belly flopping into the Pacific without getting seriously hurt as she replays what led to her current predicament.
Kara nearly put her knee through her desk when someone knocked on her office door as she sat there with her eyes closed. She had been brooding over the happenings of the last few months so intently she had missed the heartbeat and footsteps of the person approaching.
"Come in." Kara called out once her heart wasn't trying to beat out of her chest.
Kara really wasn't in the mood to deal with whoever it was on the other side of the door. She had hoped that with the door closed, people would respect her need for a little privacy. She had thought that since she could literally count in one hand the number of times she had ever been inside her office with the door closed; people would have done their best to let her be. But it seemed the closed door was a magnet for everyone inside CatCo to suddenly want to talk to her about something "urgent". Part of her wondered if they did it on purpose to annoy her and that she should just give up on ever enjoying a little bit of privacy. After all, she had always worked in an open concept space while she was Ms. Grant's assistant so it wasn't like she didn't know what it felt like to work in what basically was a fish bowl. It had been a year since her promotion and there were still some who were resentful of the fact that Kara got to choose her new position. They resented that their interim CEO had come to Kara's defence when Snapper had tried to get rid of her soon after Ms. Grant took her sabbatical. Yet, they all chose to ignore how James had not stopped Snapper from firing her during the blog fiasco. They resented the fact that Snapper himself had begrudgingly admitted he was wrong and had acted harshly when he fired Kara. They resented how he quickly rehired her after the Biomax incident. They resented that Snapper cared enough to follow Kara's blog. They resented how Kara was one of the few reporters who got Supergirl to agree to interviews when the hero usually dismissed most reporters with a polite "no comment" or an "I already spoke with Miss Danvers from CatCo Worldwide Media". They resented the way Ms. Grant had once again gravitated to Kara upon her return to National City. They resented the praise she got and the concern that only she got from their boss. They resented the fact that a cub reporter had her own office (or the fact that she got it back after she was rehired) while the rest of them; the more seasoned ones only had their cubicles in the general bullpen.
The other person opened the door suddenly, stopping Kara's mental rant. "Snapper wants to see you in Mr. Olsen's office ASAP." A junior reporter by the name of Brian Miller said, sticking only his upper body through the door.
"Did they say why?" Kara asked all business, hoping it would mask the uneasiness that had crept in once she heard the request. They had never asked to see her at the same time. Not even when Snapper had fired and rehired her. She was certain she hadn't done anything wrong, but with Snapper as her immediate boss she was never sure. And things weren't that great with James either, so again, she had no idea what could happen.
"No. They didn't bother to tell a peon like me. Not all of us have a close friendship with the new Director of Media Content and the Editor in Chief. Next time, tell your buddy he has a personal assistant for such things. Better yet, remind them both there are such things called telephones. I don't have time to play gopher. I have actual articles to research for and write." Miller said bitterly. "This isn't optional. Don't take too long because I don't want either of them to yell at me for not running their silly little errands. God only knows how you managed to always get away with disappearing without notice when you were Ms. Grant's assistant." He said before he turned around and left, not giving Kara a chance to say anything else. But it wasn't as if there was anything she could say since Miller was partially right. James did have Eve as his personal assistant whenever Ms. Grant wasn't physically at CatCo herself.
Kara couldn't help the long sigh that escaped. Her friendship with James had never been a secret, but did they really think Snapper and her were "close friends"? Kara had thought that Ms. Grant making sure she answered directly to Snapper instead of James would have meant fewer rumours. It hurt that after Ms. Grant left for her sabbatical, she started to hear some people talking about her behind her back. Many of them thought that if things were bad before because she was Ms. Grant's Golden Child, things would be even worse now that her best friend James had taken over as interim CEO. Before her promotion, she thought she had earned their respect for surviving as long as she had as Ms. Grant's personal assistant. It seemed though, that many of them shared Snapper's initial views that Kara hadn't earned her position as a reporter. It didn't help that Ms. Grant made no secret that with Kara's promotion, came the office and Kara herself would pick her new position (within reason). Many thought that Kara had no business running around pretending to be a journalist when in reality she hadn't even been passionate enough about writing to have had pursued writing or journalism as a college major. Everyone knew Kara had a double major in Digital Art Design and Marketing because Snapper had made sure to shout it at the top of his lungs when he went on and on about how unqualified Kara had been and that she would never be a real reporter because she hadn't earned it like everyone else in his bullpen. Things had only gotten worse after Snapper rehired her and started to openly, but albeit hesitantly treating her with newfound respect (in his own unique way of course).
What hurt most was that the worst offenders, the ones who would say those horrible things about her and call her names behind her back, were also the ones who greeted her with fake smiles and fake enthusiasm. They were the ones who were always overly nice to her whenever she was present. They were the ones who paid her compliments and had gone as far as to invite her to drinks so they could bond (which she always declined. No use in wasting her money on overpriced alcoholic drinks that had no effect on her. And on top of that, spend her very precious free time with people who clearly disliked her). But the second she was far enough away (for someone with human hearing), they'd start making fun of the way she dressed, the way she talked, the way she would stammer when nervous. They were the ones who relished that at least she still got stuck writing nothing but fluff and filler pieces that got edited to death. It had brought back all the bullying she was subjected to during her first few years on Earth.
Kara stopped walking before she made the final turn to the open space outside Ms. Grant's office (James's now, she reminded herself again). She wondered if the chatter about her was kept to a minimum because they all knew she was on her way. So far, all she overheard were bets on how much trouble she was in and if she'd finally get "her ass fired for good this time". As expected, the moment they noticed Kara round that corner, everyone stopped talking for a few seconds before chatter picked up again, only this time topics were work, the latest fad diets and foods, the weather and the current approval rates of President Marsdin, trying to appear as if they weren't just talking about her.
Kara did her best to tune out the gossipmongers and made a beeline for Eve's desk. Just because she was expected, she wasn't going to just waltz in. When she saw the pile of paperwork Eve was sorting through she understood why someone else had come to get her. Miller was right though. James could have used the phone.
"What are you waiting for, Ponytail, an engraved invitation? You're not being paid to socialize." Snapper yelled out before she even got a word out to greet Eve.
Kara ignored the snickers from the others in the bullpen while she sent a smile and quickly mouthed 'hello' to Eve on her way inside. Her smile faltered and her heart started beating fast again after she saw Eve mouth 'good luck'.
"Uh, I wasn't going to socialize. I was going to have Eve announce that I'm here." Kara replied.
"One. Couldn't you see how busy she is? And two. This is a see-through office. We're not blind. You were expected. No need to waste everyone's time like that." Snapper said. "Neither Olsen nor myself would've cared if you just came in as expected. It would've been preferred. If you want to be a better reporter, you have to think on your feet. You need to know who you are meeting with. It's like knowing the audience you're writing for, so you choose your words to match them." He added.
Kara nodded. More often than not, since she was re-hired, Snapper would add a few words of advice after berating her for something. 'Maybe this meeting wouldn't be so bad.' Kara thought, relaxing slightly.
James glared at the group that was slowly gathering outside his office, intent on eavesdropping. It was at times like these that he cursed Cat's need for a fishbowl of an office. Sure, it gave her and now him the chance to see anyone slacking off and in Cat's words; it was a chance to lead by example. In her opinion, if she expected everyone to give her one hundred and ten percent, then come hell or high water, she would be doing the same and her employees would see her doing just that. At least the glare was effective enough for people to disperse, but he knew that wouldn't last.
"Let's take it to the balcony where we can have some privacy." James said as he pointed to the sliding doors. He had to bite back the urge to yell at them to get back to work when he noticed the deflated looks once everyone had noticed they were heading out to the balcony.
'And there goes the good feelings.' Kara thought as she was led through the sliding doors.
"Ponytail, I have a new assignment for you." Snapper said the moment the doors slid shut.
That was the last thing Kara expected. The way James had insisted on privacy, she thought for sure she was going to get fired or demoted. At least now, she wouldn't have to start job hunting immediately. Her last stint with unemployment seriously depleted her savings. Her relief was short lived and her paranoia skyrocketed the moment she caught sight of James looking everywhere but at her. He had tried to disguise it as making sure the others were doing their jobs, but she knew him enough to recognize when he was avoiding her. It brought back all the negative feelings of the Guardian fiasco. She knew immediately she wouldn't like the assignment. James's darting eyes was all the confirmation she needed. Kara wondered if this was how humans got ulcers; the constant up and down in the extremes she had been experiencing lately.
Snapper rolling his eyes condescendingly at them made Kara wish she could hide her feelings better. That she could somehow not wear her feelings on her face. That was something that Alex and Lena always teased her about. The thought of Lena brought the now familiar sense of loss, sadness and guilt, so Kara did what she had been doing each and every time. She buried those feelings behind a wall of anger and indignation. Now wasn't the time to brood. She turned her full attention to Snapper and waited for what she knew was going to be something she would hate.
"I want you to write an exclusive on LCorp's and your gal pal Luthor's involvement in ending the Daxamite invasion. Find out the truth from the rumours floating around. How the youngest Luthor knew about the lead thing, or if it was her mother and that militant organization of hers, Cadmus, that told her about it. I want quotes on how she came up with that idea for the device used. How did she managed to get it made so fast? How did she determine the safety levels needed to make the lead to be as non-toxic as possible to humans? What gave her the right to play god and make a decision that would certainly affect all of us, especially the elderly, children and those who are already physically weak. While you're at it, make sure to interview Supergirl as well. I want to know why she went ahead with that plan. And see if you can get at least a couple of photos." Snapper said.
"I thought you assigned that story to O'Neill because you didn't want my friendships with L..., uh, Miss Luthor and Supergirl to taint CatCo's journalistic integrity." Kara said confused and a bit suspicious.
"That was before your friends refused to talk to anyone. In the past, you've managed to get them to go on the record when they refused to talk to the press. I'm counting that if you're the one asking, both of them will start granting interviews again. I'll edit the piece myself to make sure it's unbiased." Snapper replied as calmly as he could. He had promised Cat he would do a better job showing Danvers the ropes, He promised he would be a good mentor. He agreed with her that the young woman had potential.
"That doesn't mean Miss Luthor will automatically talk to me on the record. She has made it very clear she doesn't want to talk about what happened. And no one has seen Supergirl unless there is an emergency. Once that emergency has been attended to, she just leaves without a word. She no longer flies around the city regularly and it's not as if I can just pull out my phone to call her." Kara said evenly, trying not to grind her teeth.
"Supergirl has a soft spot for you. Olsen told me Luthor gave you unrestricted access to LCorp. Why didn't I know about that? Use that to your advantage and get me that interview. That will be a true exclusive. We'll run it in three parts starting with our website where we'll introduce the story and tease our readers, followed by a printed run of the Trib and in the paid portion of the online content with detailed events of what happened. We'll print a teaser in the CatCo Magazine website and print the last part in the upcoming issue of the magazine where you can give readers more insight on Luthor's motivations and how Supergirl knew she could trust her. This may even put the Trib back in the black." Snapper said, ignoring Kara.
"I can't just start shouting and hoping Supergirl will suddenly hear me and grant me an interview. Just like I can't walk up to Miss Luthor and spring this out of nowhere." Kara countered.
"Yes you can. You're just not willing to. Unrestricted access means you get to bypass the need for an appointment." Snapper said in a tone of voice used to explain something to a child.
"I can't abuse my friendship with them like that. It's not ethical." Kara tried again.
"Don't lecture me about ethics. You're the one who posted something on a personal blog as a temper tantrum because I wouldn't let an unconfirmed article be published? I'm not asking you to make up sources here. I'm asking you to use the resources you've been handed. According to Olsen, she knew you're a reporter when she gave you that unrestricted access. Anyone would know it was a matter of time you'd use it for work reasons." Snapper said, voice rising and getting more exasperated by the second.
"Even if I can get Supergirl on the record, I won't be able to do the same with Miss Luthor. Because of the constant harassment from reporters and paparazzi, Miss Luthor has a temporary restraining order against any and all reporters from approaching unless she agrees to an interview and they have an appointment." Kara said as evenly as possible. Didn't Snapper say something about Supergirl not being enough to risk their journalistic integrity when Kara couldn't get the DEO to go on the record for the alien abduction story? How it would look bad for a reporter to constantly write about her friends because it would be a major conflict of interest. Now she was allowed to write about Supergirl, Lena and LCorp because she was their last-ditch resort? She really wanted to fry both of them. Maybe give them a mild case of frostbite? Snapper for being such an opportunistic ass and James for being such a coward. He still hadn't said a word and still refused to meet her eyes.
"Why am I only finding about it now? When was this issued? How the hell did Lena Luthor manage that? Not even Lillian Luthor was able to do that during her son's arrest and trial." Snapper nearly shouted. That had come as a complete surprise.
"Lena Luthor put in the request three weeks ago. Her lawyers pulled some strings and sped up the hearing. It was issued two weeks ago. She managed it because of the previous attempts on her life. The judge thought a hired assassin would be able to pose as a journalist or a paparazzo and get close enough to kill her." James finally said something when it was clear Kara wasn't going to answer. He needed to get control of the situation and somehow manage to convince Kara this was a good idea. He missed the times when Kara would be a stammering mess trying to please everyone. While he understood what Kara was going through after losing Monel (mainly because he basically moved to the opposite coast when Lucy had broken things between them), he was getting tired of this moody version of the Kryptonian. It had been four months and Kara was still moping around instead of getting better. Not only that, she was getting angrier. Last time Kara was unable to control her anger, she had nearly broken the hand of someone while saving a group of kids. He doubted punching cars would help this time.
"Big surprise. With that last name and with the brother and mother she has, what was she expecting? A love fest? Even if she isn't at all like them, many will go after her to get revenge for the other two's actions. Did anyone tell this hack of a judge fire burns? She can always hire extra security. The very essence of our First Amendment is at stake here." Snapper seethed. He wondered what the hell O'Neill had been doing during the last two weeks he was supposed to be camped outside LCorp trying to get that damn interview.
"Snapper, I'll take care of this." James said before Kara got a chance to reply. He was getting worried Kara would say something that she would regret later and more than likely would get her fired a second time. This meant no story for CatCo and he couldn't allow that to happen. Worse yet, he was worried that in her anger, Kara would say or do something that would reveal her alter ego.
"You better Olsen. You heard what Cat said." Snapper fired back; glad that while he still had to answer to James, the man couldn't fire him either since Cat was back as CEO. It was surprising that the woman had chosen to still delegate the more day to day jobs she used to cling to while she would still run the company working mostly from home. "And you? You need to learn to clamp down on your personal feelings. You're here to do a job. That job isn't to make friends. It's to get to the truth. Do not let people use your bleeding heart against you. Luthor and Supergirl are using your friendship as a way to control their narratives. What better way to control the tones of articles when the only person who has access to them also happens to be a friend? Wise up." He added to Kara before he slid the balcony doors open and stormed back into the general bullpen.
Kara could hear everyone scrambling back to their desks and Snapper yelling at them to get their sorry asses back to work. At least the man was consistent and he was brusque with everyone.
"I know you're loyal to a fault, but why are you fighting this, Kara? Weren't you the one who was so outraged you were taken off of any future LCorp or Lena pieces because you assured everyone you could be unbiased?" James asked while he closed the sliding doors again, preventing Kara from addressing Snapper. After all, before the current situation, Snapper and he had agreed it was better to send another reporter to interview the LCorp CEO to avoid any appearance of impropriety. But that was before Lena had refused to speak to the media and before that restraining order.
"Because you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Lena has been refusing all interviews and you think that our friendship means she'll automatically talk to me. She has had reporters from every major and minor publication hounding her for months, including one from CatCo. If she wanted to, she would have given CatCo an exclusive already. She knows I've been taken off anything that has to do with her or her company so she's not holding out for me. Suddenly, I'm the one to do the asking and she wouldn't be suspicious at all? How would you even think I'd consider betraying her like this? Her entire life she has been used by people for something or other. I will not be another so called friend that uses her when it suits me." Kara said as neutrally as possible, glad that everyone thought their friendship was as solid as ever and that the time away from everyone, including Lena, had been because she was still mourning Monel's loss. "Do you care about the scoop of the decade so much that you'd risk my freedom? We both know I'll breach that restraining order the moment I ask her a question about her role in the Daxamite mess without an appointment and without her agreeing for an interview." She added with a glare.
"So you're finally seeing that Lena isn't as innocent as she claims to be? That she'd betray and throw you to the wolves if it meant protecting herself and her company. People only refuse to talk when they have something big to hide." James threw back.
"Or they simply value their privacy. Why is it so hard for you and the others to believe that Lena was manipulated by Rhea? That she was lied to? Lena had no idea who Rhea was. She thought she was helping a stranded alien wanting to go home. An alien who didn't want to fight and compete for resources because she still had a home to return to. She also thought that a transmatter portal would do so much good for our planet. When she found out the real motives, she did something to stop Rhea and the entire Daxamite army." Kara nearly shouted, barely able to bite back the "stop projecting your own failings and your need to lie about Guardian" from slipping. She kept her eyes fixed on the silhouettes of people walking on the street. Otherwise, she was sure she would throw James over the railing. Only this time she wouldn't have red kryptonite to blame for her actions.
"Come on Kara, stop being so naïve. I know you like to see the best in everyone; even those who don't deserve it. But she has the ninth highest recorded IQ in history. How could she not know?" James fired back.
Kara knew exactly how it happened. Rhea had seen and exploited Lena's need for that maternal connection she always lacked but wanted from Lillian, but it wasn't for her to say. That was something only Lena had the right to divulge and if she didn't want the world to know, then the world would never know. At least not from Kara. "Because having that kind of intellect doesn't mean you don't get blinded by other things, like the possibilities of what a transmatter portal calibrated to work only for Earth could mean. She was only seeing what something like that could do to help people here. You and everyone else keep forgetting that Earth under Daxamite control would have meant she would have been enslaved as well." She said instead.
"Or she could have made a deal with Rhea to prevent that. Or worse, a deal that would've given her some type of powerful role in 'New Daxam'." James said, voice rising as well.
"If that was the case, then she would have done nothing to help stop the invasion. She is the reason Earth is still free and not under the control of that lunatic. I was there when Rhea double crossed her. I saw the shock and hurt in her face. After all Lena has done to help, how can you still doubt her?" Kara said, still refusing to look at him. She was glad no one knew the real reason why Rhea had kidnapped Lena when she was betrayed. It would only fuel their mistrust.
"Lena turned in her mother without hesitation. Who betrays their parents like that? Then she worked with her mother like nothing bad happened. For someone who keeps claiming she's nothing like Lillian or Lex, she keeps going back to Lillian. First, it was the Medusa virus. Then for some unexplained reason, Lillian had Metallo break her out of jail. She talked you into throwing your career away by suggesting that blog. They used a device Lex made to kill Clark. A device meant to kill Kryptonians. To kill you. They could have come up with something different. Hell, Daxamites aren't bulletproof. Good old-fashioned lead bullets would have worked." James argued.
"Lena may have given me the idea of using a blog for my article, but it was Monel who convinced me to go through with it. And even then, it was still my lapse in judgement. I could have found a different way, but I made the decision to do that because as policy dictates, I couldn't name the DEO as my second source during an open investigation. I could have asked you to pull rank because you knew my information was accurate. Instead, I let my ego dictate my actions. I didn't want to be known as the reporter who had to ask her friend to bail her out. I took the easy way out and I paid for it. As for Lena going back to Lillian? It doesn't take a genius to know why. No matter how awful that woman may be, Lillian Luthor is still Lena's mother. As much as I disliked what became of my aunt Astra, I still loved her. I kept hoping I could bring her back. Does that make me evil? My mother, for the longest time ignored my aunt Astra's warnings about Krypton's imminent destruction because she wasn't part of the science guild. It wasn't until my father and my uncle arrived at the same conclusion when it was too late to do anything that she scrambled along with the rest of my family to illegally put Clark and me in those pods. Are you going to judge me by her inaction as well? She only cared enough to save me while she let an entire planet die because she wasn't open-minded enough. My family could have done more to help evacuate more than just the two of us. They didn't because they thought Kal and I were the only hope for our race. They thought that with the codex split and embedded between us, we'd somehow bridge Earth and Krypton. Not once did they think that Kal and I would be taking over an entire planet's civilization to do so. They didn't care about what happened to humans. Only what those humans roles would be for giving Krypton a second. Does that mean that we are only defined by our mistakes and bad actions? That when we choose to do something good it's pointless? Does that make me a self-serving hypocrite as well? Is that what you and everyone else think of me? That I'm a ticking time-bomb and I could go evil at any moment? Do all of you think the way I behaved when I was exposed to red kryptonite is the real me because you all say it freed my darkest thoughts? She wanted to include her father's creation of the Medusa virus, but couldn't. The man may have created a biological weapon of mass destruction to defend Krypton from stronger invaders, but they never had to deploy it. By contrast, Kara had to make the decision to deploy one in order to keep Earth safe, and she couldn't voice out loud the reason she had been so angry and withdrawn the entire time following their victory. It wasn't about Monel's departure, but Kara's role in it.
"No one who knows you thinks the way you acted under the influence of red kryptonite reflects the real you at all. You weren't yourself because you were poisoned. That's different. I'm sorry it took me so long to see that. Without something altering your thoughts, you're not capable of doing such things." James said. "Lena wasn't under the influence of anything. She was acting on her own free will." He added.
"And in every one of those instances you've mentioned, the end result each time was something overwhelmingly positive. It was her blackbody field generator that destroyed the alien weapons being used by that gang of thieves. She stopped the genocide of the entire alien population here. And in the process, she sent her own mother to jail. She helped me find the warehouse where Cadmus and Lillian were using to forcefully ship as many aliens as they could into space. In fact, if it weren't for Lena, Alex wouldn't be here. I was only able to stop that ship in time because of the information Lena gave me. She stopped Beth Breen and the Biomax disaster by sacrificing her own chance for happiness because there was no way to come up with an alternative. And in case you've forgotten, she's the reason once again I'm not dead and the reason you and the rest of Earth's inhabitants aren't slaves." Kara said for what felt like the millionth time.
"And each time, she lied about it. Don't you see the pattern here? The last couple of times she helped, people had to die. She was so set on acquiring new technology, she missed what would have been obvious to you or Alex or J'onn. Her work is why we were invaded and you had to kill someone. We're the good guys, Kara. We don't kill." James said.
Kara finally looked at him. Her eyes held disappointment and disillusionment. How could someone claiming to be the "good guy" be so blind? "Alex killed Morrow in an attempt to stop Red Tornado. She also killed my aunt Astra. She told me that in a war, people die, even if they try their best to not kill anyone. Clark nearly destroyed Metropolis in his attempt to stop General Zod. Who knows how many people got hurt or died during that battle? He had to kill Zod in order to save a family of bystanders. Lois, along with my uncle's hologram sent General Zod's followers back to the Phantom Zone. That's a fate worse than death. That's an eternity of torture because time doesn't pass but you're still aware of everything around you. You can't move or do anything. You just have your thoughts to keep you company; and to hopefully keep you sane. It is so eerily quiet there that the silence is nearly deafening. In the process, many soldiers died. M'gann tortured and killed so many Green Martians before she changed and has been trying to redeem herself. We don't even know what J'onn had to do in order to protect his family and his people because he never talks about it. Until he learned to control his powers, he permanently damaged people while he was trying to get information from them. He killed Indigo. She may have seemed like artificial intelligence imbued tech, but her entire race is like that. They're living tech. They possess a soul, just like you and me. I killed Non and Rhea. Who knows how many Daxamites were killed during that invasion by all of us. We did that in the name of protecting others and ultimately, protecting this planet." She said sadly.
"That's different. You were all forced to do so. Those were last resort actions." James countered feebly.
"If you and the others are willing to justify our actions like that and to give us the benefit of the doubt because you all believe the good within outweighs our darkness; then why can't you do the same with Lena?" The thought of Lena caused her shoulders to droop with the now, constant weight of her guilt. She did the best she could to push those thoughts aside. Now wasn't the time to brood or dwell on her mistakes.
"Because her entire family is evil. She has been exposed to that kind of toxic environment since she was four. As children, we learn by examples set by the adults around us. According to experts, our personalities aren't set until we're about five to seven years old. She was adopted when she was four. They had years to influence her. There's no way she isn't just like them." James shouts; his frustration evident.
"Then why aren't you suspicious of Winn? He's the Toyman's son. He also had years to influence Winn. Everyone knows that Lionel Luthor was ruthless in business, but he never shared any of the crazy ideas Lillian and Lex are known for, and neither has Lena." Kara managed to say evenly.
"Winn was eleven when his father went crazy. Old enough to know better, but too young to stop him. Lionel Luthor may not have openly said or done anything, but you can't tell me he wasn't aware of it. That kind of hate is impossible to hide. He never did a thing to stop them. He was too busy making more money. That made him just as guilty. Just like Lena. Why didn't she stop Lex when he first started to spiral downward? When he first started manipulating events to destroy your only surviving family. I don't buy that she didn't know about her brother and mother founded Cadmus as a way to get rid of aliens. Why didn't she stop them before it got so out of hand?" James shouted, unable to control his temper.
Kara wanted to slap him. Lex's descent into madness had happened slowly. It had started while Lena was sent away to boarding school, when she was still a child. Once she realized what was happening, she was away for college and still too young to be able to do anything. But oh, how Lena tried to reason with Lex, only he wasn't hearing any of it. Those constant attempts were what caused the now huge rift between brother and sister. James knew that originally, Cadmus had started as a private contractor to the US military, they had only parted ways when Supergirl and the DEO stopped Non and Myriad. By then, Lena was beyond estranged from her mother and it wasn't until around the Medusa fiasco that Lena found out about Lillian's involvement with Cadmus. In fact, Lena and Lillian barely talked to one another after Lionel had died and Lena was sent to boarding school. Kara would never betray Lena's confidence by discussing what she had learned in one of their many nights just talking and sharing. Even without knowing any of that, how could James so conveniently forget that Lena testified against her brother so his victims and their families could receive some justice and closure? Doing so had painted a huge target on Lena's back because in Lex's eyes Lena was a traitor. Even Kara remembered what had happened during Lex's trial when Lena was testifying. It was so high profile they had televised everything and one of her professors in her freshman year had been so obsessed with it, that he stopped lectures just so they could watch the trial. There were a series of outburst where Lex had threatened to kill her, that Lena would never be safe until one of them was dead. She remembered the look on Lena's face when Lex followed his rabid rants by calmly stating how his mother was right and Lena was never a real Luthor. He then went in for the kill by cursing the day his father felt sorry enough to adopt a worthless orphan. Kara remembered how devastated Lena was when she recounted that because aside from Lionel, Lex had been the only other person who welcomed her with open arms when she was first adopted.
"It seems we've reached an impasse on this subject for now. I won't change my mind and no matter what I say or what Lena does, it's likely you won't change yours. We're at work and we shouldn't be having this talk here. How about you tell me why I'm suddenly the go-to reporter for this story when you and Snapper made it perfectly clear that I could never be objective with Lena before removing me from anything Lena or LCorp related." Kara eventually said as she once again leaned against the railing and focused on the people below them, tired of the circle they were caught on.
James stared at Kara's profile as he tried to figure out the best way to proceed. Clearly trying to open Kara's eyes to Lena's true motives was taking him nowhere. They would try and make Kara see the truth in their next game night. Maybe an intervention of sorts would help. But Kara was right. Work was certainly not the place or time for such a talk. Kara's frustration was almost palpable. It was obvious he needed to change tactics.
"No one understands Lena's refusal to talk to the press. It's only a matter of time before people will wonder why, if they're not already doing so. They'll start to speculate why someone who claims she has nothing to hide is refusing a simple interview. It's how negative rumours start. By getting ahead of the situation, she gets to set the record straight about what happened. She gets to control the narrative. The good publicity would help that positive image Lena has been trying to give Luth..., I mean, LCorp since taking over as CEO. It would mean confirmation that LCorp is slowly turning into that positive force of good, and at the same time show what a manipulative user Lillian is. It would do wonders to separate Lena even more from the image most people still have of her because she shares the same last name as Lex and Lillian." James finally settled on saying.
"Cut the crap James. I may have only been a journalist for a short period of time. I may be very trusting, but I'm not an idiot; so don't try to manipulate me with clichés. You just spent the last half hour telling me how confused I've been and how wrong I am to trust Lena. Suddenly you have her company's and her best interests at heart?" Kara said turning to face him.
"See it as the opportunity to prove Lena is all you believe her to be and prove others wrong." James tried, but the glare he got from Kara made him rethink his words. Being honest was the only option left. "The truth is Cat isn't happy with how CatCo has been performing since she took her sabbatical." He added. "Since I took over as interim CEO." He admitted.
"I didn't realize our friendship deteriorated to the point that you now lie to me on a regular basis and that you only seem to be honest with me when you have no other choice. Funny how it's okay for you to lie, but it's unacceptable for anyone else." Kara said sadly, remembering how that seemed to be the case with just about everyone in her life now. "Personal issues aside, what does your performance as CEO have anything to do with me or my abilities to remain impartial. You can't seriously believe the rumour mill that I'm the only reason for CatCo's stocks to take a dip recently. I'm just one rookie reporter. I only write stories assigned to me by the Editor in Chief for CatCo Magazine. I have nothing to do with the Trib, the online content, the radio or TV news stations." Kara countered, unable to keep herself from rolling her eyes.
"No, but with Supergirl and Lena refusing interviews, you're the only one who has direct access to the one story the entire world is dying to read and hear about, but no one can get. You're one of Lena's closest friends. I've even heard her say you're her only friend. You can get her to agree on an exclusive interview split the way Snapper suggested. We can extend it into an interview to be aired at the radio and TV stations simultaneously. CatCo Worldwide Media would scoop every major media network around the world." James said.
"I told you I won't abuse my friendship with Lena that way." Kara said vehemently. "You wouldn't shut up about how unethical it was to use myself as a source. Well guess what, I'm doing exactly as you requested. I'm no longer using myself as a source and I'm no longer writing about Supergirl, Lena or LCorp." She added.
"You don't have a choice Kara. All our jobs depend on it." James said in a near whisper, knowing Kara would have no problem hearing him.
"So, is this an ultimatum? If I don't do this, you're firing me?" Kara asked incredulous, ready to quit on the spot if needed because she wasn't going to be bullied anymore.
"No Kara. I didn't say it was only your job that's at stake here. It's all of ours. If I can't make the company turn around soon, Cat made it very clear she will come back full time. But that comes with a huge price. She let me know in no uncertain terms that if that happens, she will downsize most of the employees starting with me, and restart with a mostly brand new staff because she found it unacceptable that the current staff can't function without her. And for those who are lucky enough to keep their jobs, she'll micromanage everything and everyone. No job will be safe. If for whatever reason that soft spot she has for you means you get to keep your job, would you want to be responsible for most of us losing ours?" James said looking everywhere but at her.
"And how exactly is a single interview going to turn CatCo around?" Kara asked, trying her best to keep her temper in check.
"It won't be a single interview. The entire world is interested in what you and Clark do as your alter egos. While there are many stories about Superman with quotes and the rare photo op, right now, there are no direct accounts from Supergirl herself. Everything out there is second hand information. We no longer have the Supergirl exclusives everyone craves. The world can't get enough about the last Luthor standing and she won't talk to anyone but you. When I asked you to use other sources other than yourself and to let others write about Supergirl, I didn't mean for you to stop talking to others by refusing all interviews and photo ops." James admitted.
"You're unbelievable. I can't risk my identity by talking to other reporters regularly. Unlike Kal, I don't have another reporter in the know who can protect my identity. And instead of running the company Ms. Grant entrusted to you; you decided to run around being a vigilante trying to be a hero and neglected your day job." Kara said with a shake of her head. "In case you forgot, there is more news than just what I do as my alter ego or what Lena is up to with LCorp. There is an entire world with events happening in it." She added.
"We talked about this already. I couldn't sit in the background anymore. I had to do something to help. I couldn't continue being the sidekick. I was Clark's for so long. When I first came here and you decided to take on the mantle of superhero, I thought I'd be on equal footing. I thought I'd help guide you. Instead, I became the sidekick all over again only this time; there were two of us, Winn and me. To add insult to injury, Winn found his place in the DEO. He got to help even when he wasn't relaying information to you. I was back to being useless. When I decided to be more proactive and split my time between being her new art director and photographer, I didn't expect Cat to assign me to being your personal photographer. I didn't come to the opposite coast to once again be known as the guy who took pictures of the Supers." James said frustrated.
"And that's somehow my fault?" Kara asked.
"No, but you know that no one says 'no' to Cat Grant without suffering dire consequences. Have you forgotten how she was ready to fire me unless I got her that interview with Supergirl after you saved Alex's plane and you started doing your heroics wearing that same crest as Clark?" James countered.
"And I did the interview back then so you wouldn't lose your job. I can't believe you're putting me in a similar position again." Kara said sadly.
"I didn't ask you then." James quickly defended himself.
"No, but you didn't talk me out of it either." Kara said, letting out a humourless laugh.
"It isn't just my job at stake. I need to prove to Cat I'm not incompetent." James said.
"Somehow, that falls on my shoulders? You could have done that by learning to do your job properly instead of running around playing pretend superhero and risking your life because your ego got bruised. If you were so intent on being a hero, you should have at least learned to manage your time better." Kara said, unable to contain the bite from her voice.
"You weren't perfect when you started. You caused an oil spill. You only knew to start small because Cat told you to. And you managed that only because Winn and I were telling you where the small things were happening. If it weren't for my help with the non-alien threats, you would've never had the time to start your relationship with Monel. It's thanks to me that you were able to find the balance between your day job and your side job and still have time for a social life. Or have you forgotten we were the first casualty because you spread yourself too thin? We could have been great together." James said bitterly. He only realized he went too far when he saw Kara's eyes fill with tears. Though he wasn't sure if they were tears of anger, sadness or both. "Kara, I—" He started to backtrack only to be interrupted.
"I don't know who you are anymore. I'll find a way to do this interview without using Lena. But don't you dare say that I'm being biased when I recount what happened during my fight with Rhea, what led to it and how the invasion was stopped. You weren't there. And to be perfectly clear, I'm not doing this because I'm afraid of losing my job. I'd rather quit or be fired than to use a friend in such a way. I'm only doing this because everyone else here doesn't deserve to lose their jobs because you didn't do yours. If you weren't ready for such a challenge or you were so set on being a vigilante then you should have declined the promotion. Ms. Grant could have given the position to someone who actually wanted to continue her vision and was willing to put in the hours to make that happen." Kara said before she left without giving him a chance to say anything else.
Kara can't believe James put the well being of so many people on her shoulders. She can write a very detailed account of what happened. Give CatCo the Supergirl exclusives once again (provided she's the one writing them). But how in the world is she expected to get Lena to talk about something that her best friend clearly doesn't want to? How is she going to be able to request that dreaded interview without having Lena think Kara is using their friendship for personal gain? In all the time she has had unrestricted access to LCorp and to Lena, Kara always made sure it was only used for personal visits and never for anything CatCo related, even if there were times the lines were blurred. More than once Kara has wondered how many of the exclusives she has gotten have been because she and Lena are friends. Even with Lena reassuring her that the only reason Kara gets her exclusives is because Kara is the only reporter in the entire nation (and at times, it feels, the entire world) that is willing to always give Lena the benefit of the doubt. Because Kara is the only reporter Lena has encountered that is willing to listen without preconceived notions. At least not after their first meeting when she was still shadowing Clark and trying to figure out what to do with her "regular" career.
If things were the same between herself and Lena, Kara could just put the cards on the table and ask. But now? Their friendship is strained enough that just making the request and telling Lena why would only seem like pressure just so Kara won't lose her job a second time. And knowing Lena, she would agree in a heartbeat if it meant helping Kara. Even if it involved doing something she didn't want to.
Lena was the first person she saw after the thwarted invasion. That meeting was beyond awkward and each subsequent visit had only gotten worse. With LCorp being renovated and fixed, they had met at Kara's apartment in order to avoid the press. Things had been so weird and charged between them, they could barely hold a conversation that wasn't full of small talk. Kara chalked it up to the guilt Lena was feeling for her role in the whole thing. After all, it was so clear in Lena's expressive eyes. To compound the issue, Kara was already feeling bad that LCorp's headquarters had taken the brunt of the destruction. When they finally started talking, no matter how many times they tried to dissuade the other of blame, both were unable to let of their guilt. They would avoid all kind of eye contact, looking everywhere but at each other. If by some unfortunate happenstance Lena's eye would land on something that belonged to Monel; she would once again take the full blame for what happened and then offer another apology, and the cycle would start all over again. They would then fall into a very uncomfortable silence. Not even when Kara had gone to LCorp with Clark right after the Venture accident and he had accused Lena of being responsible for the incident had things been so awkward between them. They probably would have just sat there in that uncomfortable silence had Lena's phone not interrupted them, informing the CEO she was needed for some emergency meeting regarding LCorp's reconstruction and renovation. So with another apology for the interruption and a promise to call later, Lena had left. Kara and Lena both couldn't hide the relief their meeting had been cut short.
What floored Kara were her own convoluted emotions. It wasn't until recently that she started to figure things out. She was sure none of her moodiness was directed at Lena, certainly not on purpose. She never blamed Lena for anything, and still doesn't. Kara's initial reaction was to isolate herself by choice. All she knew was that she couldn't stomach seeing anyone after she pressed that remote. The more they tried to comfort Kara, the angrier she got. She, along with everyone in her life thought she was just reacting to her sudden breakup. That she needed time to grieve in private (which was partially true), so eventually they had left her alone. What was truly confusing had been her reaction to seeing Monel's things in her apartment. Along with the sadness of the sudden breakup, also came feelings of anger and shame. It had taken a bit to admit that even to herself, but once she did, instead of helping her deal, it only made things worse, at least initially. At first, she thought she needed to be alone because the sight of Alex and Winn being so happy with their partners was like rubbing salt in the wound, even if she was very happy for them. She thought it was a reminder of not having that anymore in her life. But as sad as she was, not having Monel around didn't feel debilitating. It was nowhere close to what it felt like the first time they had broken up when she found out about his lies. As days dragged into weeks, the sadness was gone but the shame and guilt remained, though they weren't as acute. All that changed when Kara was in the presence of her family and friends. Whenever she was around others, she just wanted to crawl into a hole. It hadn't helped that her feelings were written all over her face. Lena constantly asking her if things were all right between them should have been a huge hint. But she was so deep in self-pity; Kara had missed all the cues.
Kara thinks back to each of their subsequent meetings. Every time they met in private, Lena would apologize over and over for her role in the invasion. For being so insecure she played right into Rhea's hands. For not coming to Kara sooner with the details of that portal and for not revealing the identity of her new mentor. That in turn, made Kara feel horrible because she would then blame herself for not having enough time to spend with her best friend. Because she was never around when Lena would call to hang out, choosing instead to spend time with Monel. Then Lena would apologize for being the one who came up with the idea of dispersing lead and for being the one who modified Lex's device in order to do so that ended up in all Daxamites' banishment (at least for the foreseeable future). Eventually, by some strange, unspoken agreement, they started to meet in neutral (read: public) places. They both knew that with so many reporters hounding Lena, they would never have the chance to talk about anything deep or personal. Every conversation they had was superficial at best. The excuse being that they couldn't risk of strangers overhearing them. Kara was constantly mulling over her behaviour and at times, wondered if that was what Lena's fear of losing control was like. Only for Kara, becoming her family's legacy had become a reality. At one point, they were barely saying two sentences to each other before the other was replying in monosyllables. It had simply been easier to keep their distance and over the span of four months, they have barely seen each other.
The turning point was Kara's conversation with Clark months later, when he admitted he would have never been able to choose Earth over Lois. It had her wondering if she truly was that in love with Monel. It was a shock and it hurt when the realization came that if she went through with the only option they had at the time, she would never be able to see Monel again, but the alternative was never a possibility for Kara. The thought of billions of people either killed or enslaved just so she could have her boyfriend never even crossed Kara's mind. In fact, she was surprised at how fast she had come to the choice she made. That led to the discovery that what she did wasn't all that different to what her father's intention had been when he bioengineered the Medusa virus, or even what Lillian had done when she tried to let it loose on National City as the test city in order to clean out Earth of all alien life forms. That had Kara feeling like a hypocrite for being so quick to condemn her father when she herself had resorted to what accounted to genocide to defend Earth. That was when it all clicked. It wasn't just about Monel no longer being there. For the first time, she started to think that perhaps the reasons her father's reasons for developing Medusa weren't so black and white. In the end, it truly came to doing anything and everything to defend her new home. Just like Zor-El had been willing to do before the discovery that Krypton was doomed.
Seeing Lena had and continues to be an indirect reminder that Kara isn't as different from her own parents as she always believed herself to be; simply because Lena and Lillian had been the ones who gave her access to that device. And after Clark confirmed he would never be able to give up Lois even if it were to save the entire planet, she wonders if she is capable of loving someone that deeply. After all, it wasn't that hard to sacrifice her boyfriend and his kind in order to save her new home, her family and her friends.
Kara, to this day, hasn't set foot in Lena's new office. She has been so sad and angry thinking she couldn't escape her family's legacy; she has neglected her job as Supergirl, resulting in five attempts on Lena's life during LCorp renovations. By the time she had somehow worked though some of it, things had reached a point where Kara was basically a recluse, only spending her time split between CatCo duties and the very basic of Supergirl duties. Kara feels like an idiot and a traitor because she has been unconsciously associating Lena with her own family's legacy. The kicker though, has been Kara's fear that Lena would only see a monster incapable of having any kind of humanity, cementing the whole "alien" bit. And she only has herself to blame for that. Alex's points when she talked about what has to be done while at war in order to survive resonates more than ever. Perhaps, it's time she applies the whole "the world isn't black and white" to herself and her biological parents. Knowing the actual reasons she has been so odd around Lena only makes Kara angrier because Lena has never been the kind of person to judge others. In fact, Lena has been the only person she knows who will always give someone the benefit of the doubt and a second chance because Lena has been on the receiving end of being judged solely by her last name and the actions of others. With one more disgusted look at the blinking cursor, she closes her word processing program and shuts down her laptop. It's clear she won't get anything done. Instead, she resolves to fix things between Lena and her. Not simply because it'd make writing that stupid article easier, but because she truly misses her best friend. And what truly floors her is that she misses Lena even more than she misses Monel. In the four months since the failed invasion, he has just become a dull pain that she failed at another romantic relationship. But not having Lena in her life instead feels like someone ripped out part of her soul.
Kara looks at the time and decides to surprise Lena with lunch. She knows it won't make up for months of neglect on her part, but hopefully, Lena will see it as a starting point to fix their friendship. Maybe, with her best friend by her side, she can truly start working on healing. Maybe with Lena by her side, she can start to slowly forgive herself.
TBC