A/N; Okay I know I haven't updated in a while but it's been less then a week so I think it's not too bad. Anyway thank you all for the lovely reviews. I really wish I could give you all a better chapter but my muse seems to be out of town. Anyway even though it doesn't seem like it right now it will be an Addex story…I just need to get through some stuff first. Next chapter will be plenty Addex though – I promise.

Oh and the lyrics in this chapter is from the song 'Brave' by 'Idina Menzel' I don't own them.

2. My turn to be brave

I don't know just where I'm going
and tomorrow it's a little overwhelming

A few weeks later

"Crap!"

"Come on."

"Give me another one."

"You're delusional if you think you'll get another result on the seventh one" Callie leaned against the doorframe of my bathroom. Well technically it's the hotel's bathroom but who's really counting.

"Give it to me" I held my hand out and with a deep sigh she placed the last pregnancy test in my hand.

"You're insane" she rolled her eyes.

"I'm not pregnant" I tried to keep my voice steady but I could hear how weak it came out. Obviously so could Callie.

"We have six tests here that say the opposite" Callie looked at the row of pregnancy tests on the sink. "Plus you're a doctor, you should know" she moved into the room and sunk down on the floor next to me.

"Aren't you supposed to be on my side here?" I asked.

"I am on your side" she smiled. "That doesn't mean you're any less pregnant though."

"You're mean."

"Yes I am" she nodded and I couldn't help but laugh. "See, I am still on your side" she slowly rose from the floor again. "Now you take that test and once that one tells you you're pregnant we will go eat, I'm starving" she walked out of the bathroom.

"How can you even think about food at a time like this?" I muttered as I too got up from the floor.

"Just pee on the damn stick so we can get out of here!"

"You really are mean" I called back before I slammed the bathroom door shut for some privacy.

I looked at all the other tests and I couldn't help but feel a tug at my heart. I mean sure I always dreamt of being a mother. I even dreamt of having Derek's baby – just not now. Not in this way. Of course I was sure it was Derek's, nothing else fit.

A few years ago I would have been ecstatic…now as I faced this all I felt was emptiness.

With the test in my hand I entered the main room where Callie had taken my bed in her power and the TV was set on some kind of music video. She turned it off as I sat down on the side of the bed.

"What does it say?" she asked.

"It's still 2 minutes left" I let out a deep sigh and crawled up against the pillows at the top of the bed. Callie soon followed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

"So how bad would it be if you're pregnant?" I could hear that she was trying to sugarcoat something and I guess that was a good thing. I was not really in the mood for her straight forwardness today.

"Well I'm old and I hate the father, not to mention that he's like thousands of miles away…"

"You're not old" she laughed but I simply rolled my eyes at her. "You're not. And when it comes to Derek…well screw him."

"It's his baby too you know" I said as I let my head fall onto her shoulder. "I guess I just never pictured me doing all of this alone."

"You're not alone in this" her hand went up to my head and her fingers laced themselves into my hair. "You have a lot of friends who will be there for you…" she heard me snort against her shoulder. "You do, you have me…and…well lots of people."

"Has it been 2 minutes yet?" I asked, I was too tried to even get in the argument Callie could have just started.

"I don't know, has it?" she answered my question with a new one.

"I guess" I didn't move but my eyes landed on the test in my hand. The backside was towards me so I couldn't see what it said. I slowly turned it around and for the seventh time that evening my heart sunk into my stomach.

"Are you accepting now or do we need to get another bag of tests?" I heard the sarcasm in her voice and slowly just shook my head. No matter how I tried to keep them away tears begun to fall down my face.

Callie didn't speak; she simply held me tighter and allowed me to cry – knowing it was all I could do at that point.

--

"Do you feel any better now?" Callie asked an hour later as we walked down the street. We had just had a quick dinner at the small diner around the corner from the hotel. The one that Callie insisted had the best paella in the city.

"A little" I nodded and fished up one of the mini candy bars we had picked up on our way. All full of chocolate and too many calories to count – which of course made them perfect in every way that mattered.

"Do you want me to stay with you tonight?" she held the door to the hotel open for me to get in. "I mean it wouldn't be a problem, really."

"No I'll be fine" we stopped by the elevators.

"Are you sure?" her dark brown eyes focused on me as if she was trying to look into my soul for the true answer.

"Yes. I just need some time to think this all through."

"Of course" Callie nodded.

The doors to the elevator opened and we both stepped inside. We stood there side by side for several seconds before she broke the silence.

"If I'm going to my room then you're not taking all the chocolate…"

--

I had never truly thought about how empty a hotel room really is. As I sat down on my bed once more I could feel the emptiness in the air and I almost regretted not telling Callie to come with me. Just almost.

"I can't stay here" I mumbled to myself.

I got up, grabbed my purse and coat and walked out of the room. I didn't have a goal in mind, I simply took the elevator down and then walked out onto the street. Around me people were walking, they were talking on their cell phones or with each other. It almost felt as if everyone had some place to be or someone to talk to.

Everyone except for me.

I tried my coat closer around my body as I begun walking down the busy street. As my arms were folded over my stomach it hit me over again. There really was a tiny, tiny person in there. Okay yes I know it's not considered a person yet…maybe my thoughts were running a bit fast. Still if I kept it I would end up with a baby. A tiny helpless perfect little baby.

I stopped at an empty bench where I sat down. I don't know just how long I sat there, just watching people walk past me. The wind grew colder and that was what finally brought me out of my haze. Around me people had started to disappear and the sun had followed them. Still I couldn't bring myself to go back quite yet. I grabbed my purse and fished up my cell phone. As I turned it on I noticed several missed calls from Callie which I skillfully ignored. Instead I started dialing a number I had known by heart for a long time. As soon as all numbers were pressed I erased them again.

I did this ritual a total of five times before I finally brought myself to call. For every signal that went by I alternated between wanting to hang up and wanting to yell at him. It turned out the choice was already made for me as his voice mail picked up…

"You have reached Derek Shepherd, leave a message after the tone and I will get back to you…beep…"

I swallowed hard and forced the words out of my mouth.

"Hi Derek, it's me, Addison. I need to talk to you but I would rather not have this conversation with your voicemail. Not that I don't like your voice mail, he sounds nice, I just think we need to do this face to…" the signal sounded in my ear and my message was cut short. I flipped my phone closed in my hand. "Oh well he'll get it I guess."

I got up and started to walk back towards the hotel and it wasn't until I reached the doors that I realized just what I had said. "Your voice mail sounds nice? Oh god being pregnant has made me insane…"

This is the moment I stand here all alone
with everything I have inside everything I own
I might be afraid but it's my turn to be brave