There's the sound of keys in the door as Shepard is startled awake from her nap. The keys are not loud but she wakes at the slightest disturbances, now. She sits and when the door opens to reveal Liara, Shepard raises an eyebrow. Liara walks through the front door, struggling with a cardboard box. Shepard hasn't seen cardboard since ... she can't remember when.
"Bring a science experiment home?"
Liara smiles at her. "You know I'm not that kind of scientist."
"Who knows what you're learning at the museum." Shepard gets up off the couch to kiss her bondmate. As she does so, Liara fumbles a little with the box.
"What's in there?"
"Someone suggested that animal companionship might help you until ... Well, everyone agreed. Except for Helen, but that was not unexpected."
Liara sets the box down on the ground and she and Shepard kneel next to it.
There's something alive in that box. Shepard doesn't want to know what it is. She forgot to feed her hamster and it died and the only reason her fish survived is because of the automatic feeder she had installed. That, and Samantha would clean the tank. They weren't really Shepard's fish, just pretty things to look at.
She doesn't know how to take care of things. Her hands are scarred, calloused. She can barely take care of herself; the last few months have proven that. She's lost so much weight since the reaper invasion, and she wasn't exactly bulky then. Liara has to remind her to shower and even so, Shepard rarely remembers to wash her hair.
Still, she tries to look pleased when Liara opens the box. Revealed is a tiny, grey kitten with huge eyes.
'Oh.'
Liara is watching Shepard intently, leaning forward, biting her own lip.
Shepard looks at her. 'What's its name?'
She'll break it somehow if she touches it, she's sure. It's so small. As Liara reaches in to pick it up, Shepard holds her breath. The kitten wriggles around in Liara's lap as she holds it there, firm but gentle as it tries to escape her.
"He doesn't have a name, yet. I thought you might want to name him."
She can't be left alone with this creature. If she is, she'll kill it. She inhales. The whole kitten can almost fit inside her hand. What if she steps on it?
She inhales again. Her chest feels tight.
When Liara goes to work in the morning, Shepard will have to look after this thing all by herself.
She can't breathe. Trying to suck in air, she finds she cannot. She puts a hand to her chest.
"Shepard, are you alright?"
Her head feels light. "Fine," she manages to choke out. She puts a hand out to steady herself. She has to get away from the cat.
"What are you doing?" Liara asks, her voice becoming panicked as Shepard stands, swaying a little on the spot.
Shepard dashes into the bathroom, just managing to close the door. She sits with her back to the door, using herself as a barricade so Liara can't get in.
"Shepard!"
There are thumps on the door as Liara pounds it with her fist. The thumps vibrate down her spine.
Shepard cradles her head in her hands. Her vision is going black around the edges. Tunnel vision. She shuts her eyes.
What if it dies and it's all her fault?
The door behind her gives a massive shudder. She scrambles away from it as Liara rips it from its frame. She glows a brilliant blue, her face a snarl. She throws the door into the wall beside her, where it crashes into the plaster, leaving a gash in the wall.
Shepard crouches in the middle of the bathroom floor, wishing her heart would stop beating so fast.
Liara rushes to her side, hugging her with all her strength. "Shepard," she breathes into her ear. "Don't do that again."
Placing an arm around Liara, Shepard leans her head on Liara's shoulder. "I'm sorry." She's shaking. Her palms are sweating.
"I should be the one apologising. I knew you didn't like animals." She helps Shepard to her feet and they go back into the lounge. The kitten is back in its box.
Shepard lets herself be led to the couch. Liara goes to get a glass of water for her. When she comes back, she sits beside Shepard, not quite touching her.
"It's not that I don't like them." Shepard takes a drink. "I just ... can't look after things very well. I killed my hamster."
"I should have thought this through. It was supposed to be a surprise."
"Well, it was a surprise." Shepard tries to grin at her.
Liara takes her hand. "The pyjaks should have given me a hint."
Shepard thinks for a moment. "You weren't on Tuchanka with us the first time. How did you know about that?"
"Don't you remember? We had to recover a data module from one of them. You ran one over."
Shepard laughs. "I did not! Not on purpose. The thing crawled under the tyres before I'd noticed. Besides, have you ever had to drive the Mako? It's impossible."
"You would never let me drive."
There is a meow from the box and both their heads swivel to face it. Liara looks back at Shepard, trying to find out from her expression what she's thinking.
The meow sounds again. Liara goes to the cat and gives it a bowl of water. "I didn't have time to pick up some food. I'll go out and get some."
Shepard puts her own glass down onto the table in front of the couch. "I can go get it." She hasn't been outside in about a week. She's not supposed to go out a lot but she's not under house arrest. She's awaiting her trial but nothing is very official, everyone is concentrating on rebuilding and trying to get everything into some semblance of order.
"Are you sure?" Liara can't quite look at her. "I'm sorry I didn't discuss this with you beforehand."
"Liara, I'm fine. It's fine. I appreciate it, really." She cringes. She knows she's not good with words. She kisses Liara on the cheek and picks up her wallet from the bench beside the door. "I'll be back soon."
She hates shopping. There are so many people about, all the time. Buying things they don't need and talking loudly, talking about her, looking at her. Sometimes people come up and want signatures, photos. Sometimes people want to yell at her. She doesn't tell Liara about any of these things, she doesn't want to worry her.
She reaches the aisle with the cat food. There are so many different types. What does she need? Dry or wet? She knows she should get the 'kitten' food rather than 'adult cat', at least.
There's a pair of men standing not too far away from her, trying not to let her see them looking at her. They're whispering something to each other. She doesn't look at them. Her back still feels too light without her guns strapped to them. Whilst she knows hand to hand combat, she hasn't been practising and has lost too much weight to take on anyone larger than her, let alone two people.
She grabs some dry kitten food and walks briskly to the counter.
The walk home is not far, she's thankful. When she gets home, Liara is playing with the kitten and one of Shepard's socks. She laughs as the kitten sinks his claws into the cloth and tries to kick with its back paws. They both turn to Shepard when she walks through the door.
"Got the food," she says, trying to sound cheerful as she holds up the bag. She shakes it and the kitten meows, waddling up to her. It climbs over her shoes.
She freezes, the muscles in her legs tensing. Don't move, she tells herself.
Liara picks up the kitten. "Thank you."
"I think I got the right one. I didn't know there were so many."
Once the food is in its bowl, the kitten immediately begins to eat it as loudly as possible. It rests both its front paws on the rim, constantly threatening to tip it over completely.
"We'll have to leave him in the laundry or the bathroom overnight and put some paper down, I forgot about a litter box."
Shepard wrinkles her nose. She's going to have clean up after the thing.
"The bathroom will be easier to clean."
"Have you thought of a name, yet?"
Shepard shakes her head.
"Do you want me to take him back?"
It would be easier, certainly. If there is no kitten, Shepard doesn't have to worry about killing it. She can go back to wasting her days doing nothing with no responsibility and the endless stretches of time that constitute days. It's not exactly enjoyable but she's not disappointing anyone except herself.
But this is something Liara wants. It - he - made her laugh, something that is becoming rarer. She got this kitten for to help Shepard; she thinks it will work.
"No. Let's keep him."
She watches the kitten, almost tipping the bowl over. She hopes she's made the right decision.