Shinobu:
It's been a couple of months since I've started taking classes with Misaki-sensei (he started letting me call him that a month ago), let's just say that things have been proceeding quite well. I've already know how to make toasts, ten different kinds of smoothies, how to prepare juice, rice, scramble eggs and plain pancakes. Though for the last one it took me over a month to achieve. I even bought a mixer for the smoothies and a rice maker. Senpai also gifted me with a notepad that became my own cooking book, every time we achieved a goal he wrote the recipe in it, step by step.
I wasn't only getting better at cooking but feeling better with myself and in my relationship. Not only did I have someone my age to take to about Miyagi I feel like I gained a new friend, might I even say best friend. Mirage himself, also, has been praising me about my advances in cooking. He no longer protests when he finds me there every morning to make breakfast, and eats with a smile on his face. I could not wait for Misami-sensei to start teaching me how to make bentous for my boyfriend.
Right now we were learning how to make french toasts.
"Misaki-sensei can I ask you a question?" I asked, as I dipped the toasts.
"What about? You've been cooking well all morning" he inquired, keeping a careful eye on me- he learnt early that if he doesn't do that the kitchen will explode somehow.
"Not about cooking, well, it is about cooking simply not my cooking" I replied "I am simply curious as for why you are not studying to be a chef? You are clearly very good at it and enjoy it a lot, is there something you desire to do in business so much?" I was met by a deep silence, confused as for what had just happened I looked up "Sensei?" I was shocked to find a Misaki no longer gazing at me but at the wall behind me with a distraught look on his face.
I rapidly turned everything off and washed my hands, before dragging him to the couch.
"What are you doing Shinobu? We still have fifteen minutes of class" he demanded, surprised by the sudden movement.
"We can finish early today, you are always hearing me complain, maybe it's time for you to vent. Whatever I just asked must have brought difficult memories, otherwise you wouldn't be making such a sad face. So, tell me. What aren't you following something you truly like?" I asked again.
"You don't get it, you won't get it" he said softly.
"Try me" I snapped "Keeping quiet won't make anything better, if anything it will make things worse. Come one vent out, shout, scream, but do something otherwise you will be a ticking bomb waiting to explode and that's not healthy" I've noticed this about sensei, he is a pushover who keeps quiet and blames himself if something goes wrong. But I believe that all he needs is someone pushing the right buttons to make him finally snap and talk about his feelings "Come on! Speak up! Is it your family? Are they pushing this into you? I never thought my senpai would be such a coward not being capable to say no to them! Then agains your family is worse for pushing you into a path you don't even enjoy..."
I couldn't even finish my rant before he finally exploded and started screaming at me. Check mate sensei, my plan works out just fine.
Though what came out from his mouth made me realize I pushed the wrong buttons...
"Don't get my family into this! They have nothing to do with it! My parents died because of me! Do you know what it feels to be a eight years old boy and find out that your parents died in a car accident because they were coming to pick you up from a sleepover early cause you were scared?! Having to watch your brother give up his dreams to go to his dream university and study because he had to take care of you?! It feels like horrible! You are talking about me following my dreams when my parents died because of me! When my brother didn't follow his dreams because of me! You have no right to ask such thing, to say such thing... I... I..." that was the drop that spilled the glass.
Heart wrecking sobs slipped from his lips as tears started to fall down his cheeks like a waterfall. Not knowing how to act in such situations I simply wrapped my arms around him and rocked him gently, as he cried on my chest. Somehow I simply knew that he had not been capable to mourn like this before o say all of this out loud before. I crossed a line but I also knew that Misaki-sensei needed this.
"You know" I started, once his sobs ceased, trying to channelize Miyagi as much as I can at the moment so I don't end up saying something stupid in such a delicate situation "You are not at fault, many kids asked their parents to pick them up because they were scared you know, not all of them die. You couldn't have known that would have happen. And if you had known would you have called your parents that night?"
"Of course not!" he exclaimed.
"See, you did not kill your parents and your brother knows that. If he is as good as you are he won't hold you accountable for it or for not being able to go to college. He wouldn't want you to fulfill his dreams out of pity" I continued "He would want you to be happy. If you want to pay him back somehow, do it by saving money once you are out of university to pay him back for your studies both previous university and for your degree. Do that, don't chase dreams that are not yours" I saw his eyes watering again "I know that this talk won't make all those worries or blame go away, or change your mind. But at least think of it this way, study business to one day manage your own restaurant or cafe or bakery, whatever you prefer. Then you can fulfill both of Takahashi brothers dreams. And... try to get a psychologist, I believe you need it"
Once again he started crying, and for a second I thought i had screwed up... again. But when he hugged me tighter I knew that I had not, that things might not be alright, might never really be, but they were getting better. Step by step.