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She headed towards the cafeteria, but found herself heading somewhere else, almost subconsciously. She walked through the hospital like she never left. She found her way downstairs and made her way to the furnace room. When she opened the door, the memories flooded her. So many things had happened in that room. So many things were said. She stood in the center of the room and took it all in, waiting for the wind to come blow her problems away. When the wind finally came it blew her hair up and released all the emotions she had been holding in. Tears built up in her eyes and she could feel the sobs forming deep within her stomach. She stood there with her head in her hands trying, but failing to control her emotions. She turned around to find the door opening and coming face to face with Owen. She had been in Seattle for almost two days and this was the first time she had seen him. She wasn't sure if she had been avoiding him, or if he had been avoiding her, or maybe both, but seeing him made her feel even more. She was feeling things she didn't want to feel. She could tell he was startled by her presence. He wasn't expecting her to be there.
"Cristina, I, umm, I didn't know. How are you?" He just stared at her. She looked so broken. When she finally lifted her head from her hands the truth came out in her eyes.
"Oh my god, Cristina, are you ok?" She looked at him with a dumbfounded face. Clearly she wasn't ok. He should be able to tell that by looking at her.
She shook her head and before she had any time to react Owen ran over and wrapped her up in his arms. The familiar feeling of Owen's body against hers, his warmth, made her relax a little, but also made her emotions explode. She missed him. She would never admit it, but she did. He rubbed his hand up and down her back and wiped her tears from her eyes. Once he could feel her breathing steady he lightened his grip and brushed her hair from her face and looked into her eyes. He missed her so much, though he wouldn't admit it either.
"Meredith is going to be fine. She's strong. She'll pull through." He reassured that Cristina knew this, even though she didn't look convinced.
"I know she'll be fine. She woke up this morning and she couldn't talk and she couldn't hear and the only thing that would calm her down was Alex." Owen looked at her sympathetically knowing how hard that must have been for her.
"I came 8,000 miles and she didn't even need me. Alex is her person now."
"No Cristina, that's not true. Right now Alex is just familiar to her. She's hurt and scared and when she woke up and you were the only one there, she was probably very confused. She still needs you and she still loves you. You'll always be her person."
The tears were steady flow from Cristina's eyes. No matter how hard she tried, they just wouldn't stop. She tried to compose herself. If not for her, then for Owen. Owen didn't need this. He wasn't her husband anymore. Of course, she still loved him and always would, but he didn't need this. When she finally got herself together and wiped her eyes, she found Owen just staring at her.
"Cristina, what can I do? Do you need anything?" She let out a slight laugh thinking yeah, there's probably a lot you could do, but at the same time there was nothing.
"Just being here helps." Owen smiled and nodded at the request and suggested they go get some coffee. He knew Cristina had been awake for hours and coffee would help her.
The two walked side by side to the cafeteria. They made small talk as they walked, asking each other about surgeries and medicine. They were both trying to avoid asking about each other. They both had questions, but they were both afraid to ask.
When they got to the cafeteria, Cristina took in the all too familiar scene. She had so many memories here. The last time she was in Seattle she hadn't stepped foot in the hospital, so the memories were flooding her now. Owen came over and handed her a coffee and motioned towards a table where Bailey, Ben, Maggie, Richard and Amelia were sat. Cristina smiled at the group as she sat down next to Bailey. She placed her hand reassuringly on Cristina's shoulder knowing how hard this must be for her.
"How are you doing Cristina? Meredith's awake, so that must be a relief." Miranda could see that bringing up Meredith hit a sore spot for Cristina. The Cristina she knew would be all over talking about Meredith, bossing people around, making sure that Meredith had everything she needed. This was not the Cristina that she knew sat here. Miranda's eyes met with Owen's which told her to investigate the situation further.
"Cristina, can you come with me? We should go for a walk." Cristina looked at Bailey, irritated at the request, but when she looked at Owen he gave her a reassuring nod, indicating that she should go with Bailey.
The two left the cafeteria and walked the hallways of the hospital. They walked in silent for a long time before Cristina finally spoke up.
"You know Dr. Bailey, when I left here two years ago, I never imagined…I never imagined how screwed up life would get. I honestly thought all the bad stuff was over. We survived unimaginable things, and still we cannot escape disaster. It still seems like yesterday I got the call that Derek died, and now I get another call that Meredith was attacked. When will it stop? Will there ever be enough disasters?" Miranda looked at her sympathetically. Inside her own mind she was thinking the same thing. She had five interns, and those five interns and especially the three that remained have faced more disasters then anyone could imagine. Why were they so attracted to disaster?
"I wonder myself all the time why so many bad things happen. In the last twelve years we have been faced with more disasters than we can count on our two hands, but, we've also overcome more disasters then we can count on our two hands. And that is something to be proud of. Even with all the bombs, and shootings and plane crashes and car accidents, we're still stood here. We're still alive and Meredith, she's still alive. She's been through more than any of us and she's still alive, and she's going to stay alive. But she needs her people and you are her person. She needs you to be there for her. Alex has taken great care of her since you left and especially since Derek's been gone, but he can't replace you. You're her twisted sister, she needs you."
Cristina tried to control the tears that threatened to escape her eyes, but she couldn't. These were tears for Meredith, tears for herself. Tears she had been holding in for too long, which was ironic because she hadn't stopped crying in the last two days. Miranda noticed the devastation in Cristina's small figure and without warning embraced her in a hug. She knew Cristina needed it and was reassured of that when she hugged back.
"It's ok to be sad that she's fine without you. She's making it without you, but you're making it without her too. Know that it took her a long time to be ok without you. You leaving was not easy for her. But she's fine and she's going to be ok. Let's go see her." Cristina nodded at Dr. Bailey's idea and the two of them walked towards Meredith's room together
They made their way back up to the ICU just in time to see Jackson inside talking to Alex. Meredith looked to be sleeping again, which was good, she needed the rest. When Alex noticed Cristina and Bailey stood outside he motioned for them both to come in. He knew by looking at Cristina that she was upset, but he didn't push it. Not yet. They all listened to Jackson and took in what he was saying. He thought Meredith was stable enough now, so he wanted to go up and try to repair the damage to her ears and remove the wires in her mouth. All four doctors agreed that it was a good time, so they got Meredith prepped and Cristina and Alex both wheeled Meredith to the OR where Jackson and April were waiting. He assured them everything would be fine and would update them as soon as possible. Both Cristina and Alex nodded and thanked him.
The two walked back to Meredith's room in silence. Alex knew he needed to talk to Cristina, but he didn't want to upset her even more, but he thought not saying anything at all was worse.
"Cristina, are you ok? You left really quickly this morning and you never came back." Cristina studied his concerned look before thinking of how to respond.
"Alex I didn't know what to do. Meredith woke up and she couldn't talk and she couldn't hear anything and the first thing she sees is me? I mean the last time she seen me her husband had just died so like I'm kind of associated with disasters now. I only show up for the disasters. I didn't know how to comfort her and the second you walk in she calms down. She doesn't need me anymore. She has you. You're her person now." Alex could hear the pain in Cristina's voice and see the tears in her eyes. This is not what he wanted. He never wanted to take Cristina's place. He couldn't take her place. He was just trying to be there for Meredith. He was the only one left. There was five of them and he was the only one left. It was his job to look after Meredith. Cristina left him that job.
"Cristina, I didn't mean…Meredith needs you. She hasn't stopped needing you. She talks about you all the time. If something funny happens, or something bad, her first thought is always 'I wish Cristina were here.' You left her to me, to take care of her, but look what happens. Her husband died, and you came to be there for her. It was your hand she held, your shoulder she cried on and the second you left, she took off. There was nothing I could do. She was gone for almost a year and there was nothing I could do. I couldn't help her. She wouldn't let me in. But now, now that she's here, I'm doing everything in my power to keep her happy, keep her alive. Disaster follows Meredith Grey like a shadow and I'm trying my hardest to keep the sun shining so the shadow stays away." Cristina didn't even realize how hard this had been on Alex. She was being so selfish that she never even thought of his feelings. He was doing everything he could. The same thing she would be doing if she was there.
"Alex, I'm sorry. You're right, trying to keep Meredith Grey alive can be hard sometimes. It's like she has a magnetic pull towards disasters. But you being there for her means everything to her. Don't think I don't know, because I do. I may live 8,000 miles away but me and Meredith still talk. I know all about how you take care of the kids and do car pool and make waffles, all the things you swore you would never do. You've done good Alex. Evil Spawn has done good." Cristina could see the gratitude in his eyes. He didn't know that Meredith had told her all that stuff, he didn't even think it was a big deal.
This time it was Alex who pulled Cristina into a hug first. Believe it or not he actually missed Cristina. He was glad she was back. He was glad he had her to go through this with him. He needed her to be there, for both Meredith and him. They both knew Meredith still had a while in surgery and Alex had an idea that might help Cristina.
"Hey, do you want to go see the kids? Amelia dropped them off at daycare this morning, so we could go up and see them." Cristina smiled at the offer and nodded eagerly. Believe it or not, she missed the kids like crazy and had only ever seen Ellis over FaceTime, so she was happy to finally get to meet her.
The two walked up to daycare together. They walked in and Zola eyed Alex first. She ran towards him before realizing Cristina was there when she sped towards Cristina even faster.
"Aunt Cristina, what are you doing here?" The young girl was so excited to see Cristina. She wrapped her arms around her neck and squeezed her so tight.
"I missed you baby girl. I wanted to come see you. You're getting so big." Zola's eyes beamed at Cristina, she was so happy she was there. Bailey also came over to acknowledge Cristina's presence, but he wasn't as enthused as Zola. Alex had left to go to the nursery to get Ellis while Cristina reunited with the other two kids.
When he returned, Cristina's eyes were met with Ellis. She had soft blond curls, just like her mother and her blue eyes, just like her father's. She was so petite. She was perfect. FaceTime could never show just how beautiful she actually was. Cristina walked over and spoke softly to the little girl. The baby smiled when she spoke, so Cristina was confident she recognized her voice from their FaceTime calls. Alex handed Ellis to Cristina who was in awe over the baby. Ellis took to Cristina right away, cuddling right into her. Cristina took the baby and went and sat closer to where Zola and Bailey were playing. She sat down next to Alex. The two smiled at each other.
"They're pretty great kids." Alex spoke up and said.
"They're lucky to have you. It's good they have someone like you in their lives. Someone who loves them, just as much…" Cristina stopped midsentence when she realized what she was going to say.
"As much as Derek?" Alex knew exactly where she was going with her thought. She nodded at his response.
"I would do anything for these kids. They are my life. I'll never measure up to their dad, but I'll do everything in my power to make sure they're taken care of and loved." Cristina smiled at Alex. She was so proud of him. He had grown up so much.
The two of them sat in the daycare for a while before Alex's pager went off. It was Jackson, so they both needed to go. Cristina and Alex both kissed all three kids and promised they would come back later. Zola waved as she watched Alex and Cristina walk down the hall. They met Jackson just outside Meredith's room. Cristina could see through the window that she was still asleep, but felt at ease as Jackson explained that he was confident her hearing would return and that the injury to her jaw wasn't as bad as they had expected and were able to remove the wires. He expected her to make a full recovery.
Cristina and Alex both sat at Meredith's bedside for the next few hours. She still wasn't awake, but they both knew it could be a while before she woke up. Alex decided that he was going to go get the kids and take them home for the night and come back. Cristina agreed that was best and said she would stay with Meredith. Cristina assured him she would call if anything happened and that she would also rest while he was gone.
Thankfully she was able to get a bit of rest while Alex was gone. The quiet buzzing of the monitors around her were calming to her. She felt peaceful for the first time in days as she sat in the chair next to Meredith's bed. It wasn't until she heard an unfamiliar noise and felt movement that she was actually startled awake from her sleep.
"Cristina…" She could hear her name being called softly. Although the sound was quiet, to Cristina it was the most beautiful sound in the world.
I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I know I said the story was only going to be two chapters, but I got a little carried away, so be ready for a third one! Let me know what you guys think. I love reviews! And if you have any suggestions on something you'd like me to cover in the next chapter, please let me know! Hopefully I get the next, and final chapter up soon! :)