It had been two weeks since our son had died. Carly came by every Monday to tell me how my sons were doing. Claudia stayed in her room I went and checked on her every thirty minutes. She always seemed to be in the same state, eyes closed and curled in a little ball. She refused to go anywhere in the house saying it reminded her of our son. I wasn't going to take her to a therapist she'd probably hate me if I did. I walked up the stairs to check on her.
When I opened her door she was having a rage attack, throwing and kicking things. I walked up to her and held her. "It's okay, I'm here, I'm here." I told her. She turned towards me and put her head in my chest. "I want my baby." She told me, sobbing a little. She had always been such a strong woman, this had damaged her so much. "Hey, it's okay. Do you want me to stay up here with you and cancel the meeting I have with Carly?" I asked her, she shut herself off again. How could I be so stupid to mention Carly? Carly was still pregnant, Carly had a healthy baby. My poor wife had that, but it all slipped away from her. I picked her up and laid her on the bed. She shut off a lot lately, but what else was to be expected. Then her eyes brightened up again. "Can I come, too? I haven't heard from my step-sons in awhile." I looked at her, she had not left this room since before she lost the baby. "Are you sure you can handle it? Of course you can come, I just don't want you to hurt yourself anymore." "You'll be there, right?" She asked me her big, dark eyes stared into mine. "I'll be there." I told her.
We sat on the couch, I held her close. Her face had black lines running from her eyes. Her mascara had stained her face and she didn't even bother putting it on anymore. I tried to be as loving to her as possible, she was so damaged. I remember telling her she was broken, but not beyond repair. Am I holding her from the man that can repair her or am I the one that can? Carly walked into the room all smiles, she saw Claudia and frowned. She for once wasn't thinking of herself, she didn't want to flaunt the fact that she was still pregnant in Claudia's face. Claudia looked up and for the first time in two weeks she smiled. "Hi Carly. How are you?" She asked very cheerful. Carly bought the act, but I knew she was trying so hard not to cry. "I'm good. How are you doing?" Carly asked sympathetic. "Okay I guess. I never thanked you for pulling me out of the car tha…….that night. So thank you." She stumbled on her words. Wow, my wife was actually a decent person. Carly mumbled a 'your welcome' then we talked about the boys.
I walked Carly out to her car thinking Claudia would be okay. I was dead wrong. She laid on the couch, her head in a pillow sobbing. I sat beside the couch, rubbing her shoulder. "I thought I was going to be able to do it." She told me. "You did great, I'm so proud of you." I confessed to her, she was so strong, but this threw her for a loop she never saw coming. She turned to her side facing me. "Will I ever be able to do anything again? I breakdown everywhere, thinking of him." "Claudia, you'll be okay/ You can do it I promise. I'm here always." I told her. "How can you do this? Walk around like nothing happened." "You're a sound sleeper." I said, meaning I cried at night when she fell asleep in my arms. She put her hand on my cheek. "You don't have to be strong all the time." "Yes I do, you can barely last an hour without crying. I've dealt with this before, I know how to take it you don't." She put her head in the pillow again, "I don't want to live anymore, Sonny." She sat up and I moved next to her. I held her shaking body. "Claudia, I think you should see a therapist." "No, I'm not crazy like my father." "I'm not saying you're crazy, you need someone to talk to." She shook her head, I knew she needed it. "I'll be there." She nodded. I was finally doing something good for her.