Disclaimer: Sadly enough, I don't own anything. This is written for pure enjoyment only and no profit!
CHAPTER: 2
It was around 6:00 PM when Alex started to rise. She felt safe. Secure and oddly rested.
What the fuck did I do?
She questioned. She wasn't too alarmed though.
She felt a warm body pressed against her back and his hot breath on her neck. She relaxed momentarily.
Oh god this feels good.
And then she remembered. Everything. Everything that happened and everything that did not. She took a deep breath. She could still smell his scent, which didn't surprise her really since it was his apartment.
It was comforting and she knew that she shouldn't be enjoying it this much.
But she was.
Bobby's arm was still possessive around her but it was looser than before. He was still spooning her and she knew he was still asleep by the rhythm of his breathing.
She thought about leaving.
Leave while you have a chance.
She knew that she shouldn't be here, in his bed, especially with him in it. She knew their intentions were nothing more than friendship, comfort, and the usual. Still, it wasn't right of her to stay in his bed; or at least that's what she kept telling herself.
She started to get up when she felt his arm tighten around her waist. She instinctively fell back onto the bed.
He was awake. It wasn't her movement that had woken him, but the feeling of losing something. His something.
She was frozen momentarily, but then turned her body to face him. She was on her right side and damn if she didn't have to urge to reach out to him and cradle him, caress him.
She resisted the urge.
She looked at him. She questioned his motive, though she doesn't know why. She trusted him. She always has.
Her eyes were asking the question that her mouth was unable to do.
What's wrong, Bobby?
"I'm sorry, Eames." And he began to cry.
Goddamn him!
She knew it would come though she feared what it would bring.
And she felt like crying in return. But she didn't.
"Bobby? Bobby, look at me."
And he did.
"What are you sorry for? You have nothing to be sorry for—"
"Walking off like…like that. Yesterday, at the court house, I shouldn't have…I had…have no right to…I—"
And he finally did it. He finally spoke to her about the incident, but it was not to his liking. The words he managed to get out were jumbled and he deeply cursed himself for it.
He spoke to her, though. And she now knew the reasoning behind his need to hold her in his bed.
He's sorry? He had no right? You've got to be kidding me, Bobby.
"Shh." She reached up with her left hand to softly brush his graying curls around his temple. He sighed unconsciously and relaxed. His eyes drifted shut. "You had every right to walk off. Bobby, I'm the one that should be apologizing—"
But he wouldn't let her.
"No!" He shrieked. His eyes were wide open now and he started to become disoriented.
He resisted the urge to get up and pace around his bedroom like he did in every difficult situation when he needed to think.
Yup, that's my Bobby.
"Bobby, calm down." She uttered as she looked deep into his eyes.
Fear plagued him.
"I—I…" He paused and dipped his head down, breaking eye contact with her for a few moments. "Thank you, Eames…thank you for not leaving me. I…I don't deserve you, you know?" He glanced back up at her.
"What makes you say that, Bobby?" She softly asked.
And she continued to gently sooth him, stroking the side of his face as his eyes were looking into hers. She only wished she could take way his pain.
"I should've told you about the letter, Bobby."
"It doesn't really matter now, does it?" He spat out rather harshly. "I guess, what really scared me was the fact that you thought about leaving. You were going to leave me…and I had no idea." He dipped his head down and this time her hand slipped off of his face. He softened as he continued. "I don't care about the things that the letter entitled back then. I am crazy, I got that. Hell, I accepted that years ago." He paused and took a deep breath. "I am anti-social by choice because…it's just who I am." He looked into her eyes…deep into the depths of them once again as he spoke. "I just care about what you think now. Today. At this very moment. Am I erratic, Eames? Do I have bizarre interrogation techniques? Tell me, Eames, do you still have serious doubts about my judgment and mental state?" He questioned.
"I—I…" And then she stopped. She wasn't sure what to say. "I—"
"Tell me the truth Eames, because I don't think I can be lied to again. Not by…not by someone I trusted."
And he said it. To her face. This time it was her that sensed betrayal. She now knew what he felt like. Shit.
Trusted? He doesn't trust me anymore? God, I've ruined everything. I fucked up everything we've worked so hard for. The numerous struggles that built into trust. A great partnership. Love, appreciation and admiration of each other, all gone.
"Bobby, what you do…it works for you. Your techniques, your style." Deep breath. "Like I said, I came to see that your approach was based on deep understanding of human behavior. I said that I came to appreciate you as an ethical person and an effective police office, Bobby, and I meant every word. If I didn't believe that, if I truly didn't believe it and didn't trust you, then I would've left years ago. You have to know that, Bobby." She paused and dropped her head, matching his. "I'm sorry."
She let out a breath. She remembered almost, to the exact word, what she rendered on the witness stand. She doesn't think she will ever forget it.
She knows she won't.
Bobby laid there for a few minutes without responding to her. Both their heads still titled down towards their legs.
Then she began to cry.
Bobby brought his head back up to face her and removed his hand from her waist; it was replaced under her chin.
"I trust you, Eames." He said as he lifted her head up to catch her eyes. She was crying just as he was. "You know I trust you…"
"Do I?" She spat. She was angry now. "Then how come you said that you can't be lied to by someone that you trusted. Trusted, Goren, not trust!"
She shivered at his touch, at her emotions and at the possibility that after today, their partnership could end.
"I…Alex." He chose to use her first name though he wasn't sure why. It seemed alien to him. "You—you hurt me. I feel like everything we've worked for has been disposed of." He paused. "But I don't want that to happen. I don't want our friendship to be tossed away." He admitted.
Friendship? He didn't mention anything about our partnership…but our friendship?
"Alex…you never answered something… do you still have serious doubts about my judgment and my…my mental state?" He softly asked.
"Your judgment? I will never have doubts about your judgment. I have questions at times but in the end, I know you know what you're doing. You always do. You're one hell of a detective, Bobby. I came to respect that and I understand you…possibly better than anyone else."
He nodded. She did understand him.
Do I tell him the truth? Do I lie? No, no I won't lie to him…not anymore.
"Bobby…I do have doubts about your mental state. I worry about you, Bobby. I don't know how far you'll take things but when I don't hear from you for a while, or you become distant…then I can't help but imagine that you—" She sobbed and buried her head in his chest. "Bobby, please forgive me."
And for a moment, all her fears had vanished as she buried her head in his chest. That contentment soon changed.
She does have doubts about my mental state. He rubbed her back a few times and then pulled away and rolled over to the other side of the bed.
She looked up at him, her eyes full of tears. You could see it, in her eyes, she was pleading with him for forgiveness, but he wasn't going to give it. She knew what was coming.
"I think that…maybe…maybe you should…leave." He muttered, not looking into her eyes.
She looked up at him as he began to sit up in bed, his feet planted firmly on the ground.
"Maybe you should re-submit that letter. Maybe you should request a new partner." He whispered, loud enough so that she could hear. "One that's more stable."
He rubbed his hands on his face when he heard her get up.
This was it. It was over.
He knew it was too good to be true. Whatever they had together, was now gone. Broken into millions of pieces, too many to try and put back together. All was by their own doing.
"I knew that one day one of us would fuck this up. We had something good, Bobby." She remarked through the tears. "I guess…I'll see you around."
He didn't answer her. He just sat there.
He heard her quickly shuffle around and put her coat and shoes on. He didn't care. He couldn't. He needed to let it go…let her go.
He turned around one last time to see her back as she staggered out of his bedroom. He heard the door shut, surprisingly soft, and he started to sob. Uncontrollably. It hurt.
What the fuck did you do? Why did he have to tell her to go?
He was ok at first, when she was here next to him. He felt alive when she was lying beside him and when he was touching her. Now she was gone. It all started to fall apart after she left.
He cried. He couldn't control his emotions or his breathing.
She would request a new partner tomorrow morning. They would perhaps nod to each other at 1PP and then go back to their own business. She might even leave Major Case all together. The rumors around the office would be horrible, he knew, but didn't give a shit. He only cared about Alex.
Wait, why am I angry at her? Why am I upset? Because she cares for me? Hell, at times I've even thought about my own mental state. The fact that she does care about that…
He stood up quickly and ran towards the door of his apartment.
Catch her. Now. Before it's too late!
He didn't bother changing clothes.
He swung the door open violently and almost tripped on the person sitting on the floor. There she was, his Alex. Curled up with her knees to her chest, crying. Shaking.
Bobby looked at her and it took him less than 5 seconds to make the decision and bend down, reach for her and pull her up by the arms. He easily picked her up. She felt like a doll. A fragile doll.
She looked at him. She made eye contact. She was startled by it. By his actions. Then she looked deeper into his eyes. And she saw it. There it was…that regret. That regrettable feeling they both were encountering.
"Don't give up on me, Alex. Don't leave me. I—I need you."
"A…a new partner, Bobby?" She struggled to speak.
How dare he!
"No, Alex. No…I don't want a new partner. I want…I want you."
"You know I…I appreciate you, Bobby."
"And you know that…that I love you." He whispered as he pulled her into him. He didn't want to release her and by the grip she had on him, around his waist, she didn't either.
"Bobby?" She wasn't sure if she had heard him correctly.
No, no, I must've misunderstood.
He pulled back. She was going to torture him now. Make him say it again. And he could do that.
"I love you." And he meant it.
She melted into him.
"I love you to, Bobby."
He smiled that mischievous, Bobby Goren smile that made her heart skip a beat. He wasn't going to question it. He wasn't going to question her. He only held her tighter.
Soon after, he realized they were still standing in the middle of the hallway so he bent down and scooped her up into his arms.
Their fears, their anger, their struggles were all left in the hallway to drift away. His insecurities, however, were still with him.
He carried her into his apartment and turned briefly to shut the door with his foot. As he continued to make his way into his bedroom, she could only hold onto his neck tighter.
Don't ever let go of me, Bobby.
And she knew he had no intention to.
Bobby carefully laid her on the bed and stood back up to gaze down upon her. She also examined at him.
"It hurt…to be hurt by the woman I love. You're…you're my partner, my best friend and the one…the one I'm in love with. I can't let you out of my life. I wouldn't…I couldn't go on. I couldn't, Alex. I was so scared when...when I found out. I had to run...run away from you then." He wept.
He was apologizing in his own Bobby Goren way…and she loved him for it.
She smiled and sat up.
"I'm not going anywhere, Bobby." She said as she turned her legs so that they dangled off the side of the bed. She faced him now. She reached for his hands and held them in hers. "As long as you're not going anywhere…"
"Stay?" He muttered.
"Always." She spoke as she pulled him down with her.
She scooted over and he lied down next to her. Spooning her. Holding her possessively.
Mine.
Mine.
He was so afraid that when he awoke, she would be gone. He should be use to it by now, but not with her. Not with Alex. So many people had come and gone from his life but not his Alex. It was different with her. If she had left him, it would be synonymous to a jackhammer pounding into his stomach. He would disintegrate. He'd already come too close to losing her in many ways. He would fall apart without her their holding him up.
He began to shake though he didn't realize it.
"Bobby?" She spoke as she turned in his arms and faced him.
He turned on his back to giver her better access and she willingly accepted it as she curled up and rested her head on his shoulder. And he let her.
"Y—Yeah?"
His arm made his way to the small of her back. Skin on skin as he pushed her shirt up a few inches to gain more contact with her.
She didn't stop him. It felt good. To both of them.
"I'm not going anywhere."
He froze momentarily and then he smiled.
"Am I that obvious?"
"Yes." She whispered.
She tilted her head up to look into his eyes and she saw that burning desire. That love that they both shared for each other. She matched the look.
"I'm sor--"
He was cut off by her lips gently brushing over his. It didn't last very long but it didn't have to.
"Don't apologize." She murmured
They had a mutual understanding that day. A mutual understanding of each other that they've had for years but never spoken of.
The best relationships are those that are based on friendship and Bobby and Alex were the perfect example of this. Because of this, they knew that their newly found relationship would last.
END
A/N: So, how was it? Not too bad? (Chuckles) Well, please do let me know how it was. Of course, I welcome all comments, good or bad.
So, whoever can tell me where the last time came from, "The best relationships..." part, gets a cookie! It wasn't directly quoted but I took a chunk out of it (Smiles).
-Snyder-
NOTE: No Beta Used.