A/N: Sorry for the mistakes

Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Chapter 2

Philip slowly woke up. His head was pounding and his heart was so loud that it rang in his ears with each heartbeat. He opened his eyes and looked at his surroundings. He was lying in his bed, the courtians were closed. Philip searched for his phone and found it on his bedtable.

11 pm. He goaned and laid back. He heared shuffling behind his door and someone softly knocked on it.

''Can I come in, Philip?,'' the deep voice rang. Gabe already pushed the door open and looked at Philip.

''What happened? I don't remember anything after Lukas came and talked to Helen,'' Philip said quietly, sitting up on bed and looking at his foster parent.

''Lukas found you in the forest. You fainted and he brought you back here. Said that you had an argument and then just fell down. He's waiting for you, if you want to talk to him. But you must know, you don't own him anything. How are you feeling?, Gabe explained and sat beside Philip and took teenager's hands in his, drawing circles with his thumbs on the back of Philips hands.

Philip was shocked by Gabe's gentle gesture. He stared at their hands and Gabe retreated his. He wasn't sure that Philip was comfortable with the touch. He stood and walked to the door and looked back at Philip.

''Sorry. I'm okay, just a bit tired. You can say to Lukas that he can come in,'' Philip replayed and blushed slightly. Gabe smiled and left the door open. Philip could hear hushed voices and rolled his eyes. There were always people talking behind his back, never telling Philip things related to him directly to him in this town. His foster parents, schoolmates, even or better, firstly, Lukas, who hid his true self from everyone, including Philip.

He turned away from the door, laid back and scrolled through the news on the phone. He was puzzled to be honest; he couldn t remember, what happened after. He could recall that he walked to his secret place and that Lucas came shortly after him, but didn't know what they talked about. He remembered being angry about everything but the memory of the conversation still wouldn't come back.

He was deep in his thought and didn t hear Lukas enter. Lukas just stood at Philip's door, ashamed and nervous. He didn t know how to start the conversation. Gabe told him, that Philip didn't remember everything and overall, everything was just messed up and awkward. Lukas moved towards the bed and sat carefully down.

Philip jumped at the sudden change of weight on his bed and turned around quickly. There was Lukas, looking Philip straight in the eyes with an apologetic expression on his face.

''What do you want to talk about, Lukas?,'' Philip said bitterly.

Lukas sighed and started to caress Philip's hair. He sighed and started what he knew was going to be a long talk.

''Look Philip. I know that apology isn't enough for you to forgive me all the shit I've done to you. But I am sincerily sorry for all of it. I was stupid to think that hiding the truth was going to be easy and the right way to deal with these things. I panicked, okay? I couldn't tell anybody about you. I couldn't leave Rose. I couldn't hang out with you. And most definitely couldn't tell about the murders. I thought that motocross was worth all of that. But when dad told me, that Gabe and Helen were going to take you away, I realised that without you being beside me, I couldn't be alive. Not really. You are the first thing in my life that made me feel so happy and to be honest, when I was with you, that was the only time I didn't pretend to be that boring boy that obeys his father and leads a normal life. So please, try to understand me. I'll do anything to make you understand how much you mean to me.''

Lukas took a deep breath. He never was a big talker and he has outdone himself. Of course, if that ment that Philip would stay in his life, he'd talk all day long.

Philip sighed and slipped his head away from Lukas touch. He was sure that Lukas was just yacking to save his ass and make Philip believe the nonsense he was talking even though Lukas face was never that serious before.

''And I should believe you? Look, it s good that you told Helen about murders and all, but there are so many things that you fucked up. And I know that you want to lead your boring life. And believe me, that's impossible if you want to have me in your life. I am done hiding with you. I know it's not easy to come out in that stupid village but that's life, its not fair. You have to deal with that. You are fucking gay even if you tell yourself hundred times a day that you're not. Not to mention that you d never sacrifice your fake friends and your girlfriend. So go on, pretend your life away, I don't care. I don't need another selfish bastard like you in my life. I've had enough of them already,'' Philip snapped and stood up. He yanked on his sweatpants and shirt and turned his back to Lukas, switched on the computer and sat behind it.

''I broke up with Rose, Philip. You know that I like you and I know that I fucked up, but couldn't you give me one more chance? I'd do anything, Philip. Please, listen to me, please let me make it up to you,'' Lukas begged with pitiful voice. He hugged Philip from behind in awkward angle and placed a soft kiss on the top of the brunettes head.

Philip sighed. He knew he was too weak to say no. He never could let someone beg his forgiveness. He knew that everybody were irrational and plain stupid sometimes. And he knew Lukas was so ignorant that he didn't know the half time that he was hurting Philip so much with the things he said or done. Philip could see that Lukas wasn t used'to honest relationships like one he had with Philip. Lukas wasn't used to be appreciated for what he was, for what was his true self. All his relationships were based on dishonesty and all of Lukas friends, Rose including, were just abusing his popularity for their own benefit. And even if Lukas couldn't see that, Philip could and he felt for Lukas.
Philip was always the kind that rather had no people who would like him or care about him than having some pretend relationships. It was so meaningless, all the hierarchy that all the schools had, sorting people into groups by popularity. If they didn't fit, they were outcasts. He never felt that in the city so strongly like he did in Tivoli. He couldn't believe that those teenagers were so disrespectful to throw trash into another living being. But he was obviously wrong, that was whole new kind of low that he had gone through. To be honest, he wasn't surprised that Lukas was acting like one of them. It's easier to back out than to resist and be yourself.

Philip had so many mixed feelings inside he was about to explode. And Lukas was still there, holding him while the tears slowly slipped down Philips face. When Lukas felt the wetness, he turned Philips chair to look at his boyfriend. His thumbs wiped the tears away and he looked straight in those wide brown eyes, filled with tears.

He tried to convey everything he felt when he kissed Philip and framed his face with his hands. He missed the touch of Philips lips on his own. He missed the feeling of his warm and soft and at the same time rough skin under his touch. He missed Philips smile and their playful bickering. Their long quiet hours when they just enjoyed eachothers' company.

Philip finally broke the silence.

''I have to talk to Gabe and Helen. And I need to think about all the things. See you tomorrow, after school or something. I ll text you, okay?,'' he said delicately and gently pushed Lukas away from him.

Lukas just nodded in understanding, even if he was hurt and confused. He didn't know what to expect from Philip.

''Philip.. Just tell me one thing. Will you be able to forgive me some day?,'' he asked quietly, holding the doorknob, looking behind his back at his beloved Philip.

Philip smiled for the first time. His eyes lit up and Lukas knew that moment that everything was going to be okay someday.