Chapter 1
Feelings. They seem to overwhelm us. Being a teenage girl isn't the simplest thing to do. You wake up in the morning bombarded with feelings and thoughts and it becomes overwhelming. You don't know if you should be sad you had to wake up or happy it's going to be +22 outside. And that's just the start. Don't even get me started on school or friend issues. And it gets worse when your body decides to start to PMS on you. But the absolute WORSE to me is feelings for people. More specifically, guys. You see it was never a big deal in elementary school, but now it's the shit! Their supposed to dictate our every thought and consume our dreams! I honestly wish I could have a break of it. No one really understands unless they too have been placed in the same situation or have helped someone in one. But in the end it won't matter because they come back to bite us all in the ass. Well, that's what I keep telling myself, cause well it's true. I'm living it right now at this present moment in time. Ask my friends that understand, better yet, come spend a day with us! You will see that it is very messed up and that we indeed need the break, but sadly the break wouldn't come to us. So, as I sit here pondering before bed, I'm very confused as to HOW to get this break. Okay...Maybe I just need some sleep then tomorrow morning I can sort things out the proper way. But in the end it will end one of a few ways, which at the moment I am figuring out the rest, I only know 2 for sure and I have just discovered a 3rd, but explanations for them will come later on, they aren't important at the moment. Trying to sort out my problems is. I mean it's not just my problems, there's also Sam's problems and Marissa's, which I am helping with as well to an extent. Breath. Okay, well, I obviously need to get my thoughts on one track and get sleep! Turning out my light I slowly sank into my bed, consumed by the darkness surrounding me, my head still buzzing with my thoughts of the day. It didn't seem to matter whether or not I told my body to sleep or not, my thoughts would continue to play threw my head. Slowly they calmed down, like how bouncing balls start to slowly stop, and I soon fell asleep, instead of dreams, I was bombarded with a rush of blackness which was soon replaced dreams.
I awoke in the morning with a smile, which to be honest was the first in what seemed forever. I had so many things going on right now that the morning smile that embraced me, seemed to be everything for those few minutes. I walked into the bathroom barley fighting to stay awake as I normally am. I turned on the shower, quickly undressed and then was welcomed by the warm tiny droplets of water that caressed my skin with each drop. It always felt so nice to shower when I first awoke, it always gave me time to think over my day plans and get things organised. I didn't want to be awake so early on a Sunday morning but it's what happened because of Church. I slowly awoke, able to embrace all of my Sunday morning. As I started to awake, my memories from the previous day came flooding back. The good, the bad, and well, the ugly. I hadn't been able to concentrate at all that day on my religion exam review, mainly because the most important person in my life was ignoring me. I don't quite know if this is a sort of game boys like to play but, they get you worried and wondering then they won't answer your texts for 48 hours or the inboxes your friends send to them for you and then they come and text you with a "Hey look I don't like you anymore. Sorry" And what the bloody hell am I supposed to do? Sit there and be all like "Oh, pfft it's fine! I'll just pretend I never fell in love with you and try to move on when deep down inside you have just shown me love doesn't exist!" No, I told him there was more too it. We had talked, I told him I feel for him like...in love. Since he hadn't gotten the letter I wrote him yet, I was screwed and had to start from the beginning. In the end we decided to be best friends still and well do all the things we were going to. Sure I enjoyed that part but...Still Colton was my best friend and I didn't want this to be messed up anymore then it would. (Meaning of Mallory, unlucky) 'Calm down Mar, it'll all be alright." I knew I was over dramatic about these types of things but it was only because I was tired of it all. I finally decided to get out and get dressed. Slowly, I walked out of the bathroom, trying to decide what to wear. After picking out simple clothing, I tip-toed down the stairs as to not wake my mom. The rest of my morning seemed to pass in a blur, except near the end of Church. Sitting listening to the last song as I sang it, I soon realised it was sort of like what I was asking the Lord to help me with. The hymn was entitled Precious Lord Take My Hand. The thing that struck me the most was that it was someone asking God to take them home and help them through this time of difficulty. I tried to excuse it as pure coincidence. As my grandmother and I drove home, 3 songs in a row stuck out to me. The first was One Thing by One Direction, I had been singing that in Church, and I had listened to it the whole week that Colton and I had our thing. Then the song Warrior came on. To me it meant that I had to stay strong, like Sam from YEO had been telling me too. And finally give your heart a break by Demi Lavato. I really noticed this song for it's lyrics because I had told Colton the day before it didn't matter if he hurt me because love didn't exist to me anymore. This song was pretty much telling me not to give up but to take a break. The rest of my day was spent doing review till I remembered I had play rehearsal. Sure, it was as boring as hell but it was worth it because I got to see some of my favorite ladies and my 2 guy friends. When I first arrived everyone was outside in the scorching heat. As the time passed my friends finally arrived, so I wasn't lonely anymore. I finally decided to tell Tiffany what had happened between me and Colton because she was on I usually kept up to date on this stuff. I told her what he said and how I explained everything to him since he hadn't received my note. I also told her how I told him love didn't exist to me anymore and I said we could still be friends when he asked. After that the two of us had decided to keep our summer plans and our lunch plans the same for next year, so nothing really changed just I had feelings for him and he had zero for me on the level. Over-hearing the conversation my friend Paris interrupted. "And who told you he'd leave you?" She asked. "You..." I said lowering my gaze to the cement. It's true, Paris had told me that he would most likely do this to me and that I could do better. The only reason she knew was because she had gone to school with him the year before. And the only reason I didn't listen was because I was hoping he'd change for me, but no, it ended exactly how Paris said it would, me broken hearted. The only person who actually somewhat cared was Tiffany, but she was always there for me and that's why I loved her. The rest of rehearsal was a blur to me. I told Tiffany and Olivia about this book and they we're quite happy to know they were in it but besides that, I was completely lost in thought. When I got home my dad was out by the pool and started emptying my pockets, and took my glasses of the top of my head. Before I realised what was happening, I had been thrown into the pool and was screaming. The coolness of the water had formed goose bumps on my arm, causing my hair to stick up on my arms. My short-shorts now felt like they were 100 sizes too big, and I was lucky my sexy belt was holding them up. My shirt had started to sink but had luckily just ended above my chest area, and my hair...it was a mess. For the first time that day, my mind wasn't on my problems but on having fun, like it was near the end of rehearsal. After swam around I was called out for dinner. The rest of my night was review and trying to get my phone to work again since it only did for an hour. At 12 AM I was shooed off to bed. That night my dreams were filled with memories from the past, and ones that seemed all too real.