Chapter two: "Let me tell you about my lab."
It was nearing nine and Venture was just beginning to work on his latest re-invention. It was coming close to perfection, he could feel it or maybe that was just the beef casserole he ate for dinner last night, he really couldn't tell now. It was particularly quiet this morning; something very rare. It was always a nice surprise when the boys could keep themselves busy and Brock wasn't fighting off any wannabe super villains. It was almost too calm today and it was starting to make Venture get that feeling way down deep: the longing for even the slightest bit of attention. Why hadn't the Monarch dropped into today? It's been at least a few weeks. He never remembered his father ever having days like this.
"Uncle Byron, I really can't thank you enough," began Shirley, " I mean since everyone's pretty much disowned me in the family and all."
"No need to thank me, dear, just promise me this," Orpheus turned to stare at his niece, "Swear to me you won't create the same atrocities as Dr. Venture. Promise me you will learn from his mistakes and never place the Orpheus family name to shame!"
"Uncle Byron --."
"Promise me!"
"Alright, I promise, but --."
"Swear to me!" Orpheus pulled out a large book from beneath his cloak, "Swear on the sacred text!"
Shirley looked down at the book, the twisted face on the cover snipping at her fingers, "Uh."
Orpheus sighed as he placed the book back inside his cloak, "Fine, I'll settle for a pinky swear!" He held out his smallest finger and exchanged a shake with Shirley's.
"There now, that wasn't so hard." smiled Orpheus.
"Really though, Dr. Venture has done wonders for the scientific community." explained Shirley.
Orpheus smiled patronizingly and patted his niece's head, "yes, of course he has."
"What's wrong with you?" snapped Shirley, " Why is it so terrible that I'm doing something different with my li--."
The two had made it to the front door where Brock Sampson sat waiting for them. His gigantic body seemed to cast a shadow over them as he rose to his feet. He nodded to Orpheus and glanced at Shirley. He didn't need to say anything for the two to know they should to follow him. He led them through the living room, a few hallways and then finally Venture's lab. Brock opened the door and allowed the two inside than proceeded to close it behind them. He had no need to accompany them; Orpheus had already proven himself trustworthy.
"Good morning, Dr. Venture!" Orpheus' overly dramatic voice rang out through the entire lab. Venture began to stand up, but found himself hitting his head on the same metal beam as he had the other morning. He began cussing to himself loudly as Orpheus and Shirley stood a good distance away.
"You see?" murmured Orpheus.
"Are you sure that's Venture?" asked Shirley.
"He's only my land lord."
"He's much taller in person and...balder,"Shirley whispered softly, "That really is Jonas Venture Jr?"
"Jonas Venture?" Orpheus looked puzzled, "Oh..oopsy!"
"Oh, god," Shirley sulked, "You don't mean that's --."
"Dr. Thaddeus S. Venture and you are?" he held out a hand to Shirley.
"This is Shirley Orpheus, the shame to the family."
"How delightful. Looks like we have something common," Venture said bitterly.
"I only kid,"smiled Orpheus, "you see being that my whole family practices in the art of magic, well..."
"Science is shameful to your kind, I know." Venture rolled his eyes then turned his attention to Shirley, "Well, you look like an Orpheus, but what's with the name? Shirley?"
"It's short for --"
Orpheus cut her off, "Something that you, dear venture, could never even begin to pronounce. A name in such length that the very passage of time itself could not even break through it's indigenous crown!"
"Could you make less sense?" asked Venture.
"Free your mind, Dr. Venture and open your thoughts to the whimsy of the soul!," Orpheus began to leave the room, "I'll leave you two scientists alone now."
"Yes, we'll just be playing with our little chemistry set while your gone. Don't worry about us." Venture exclaimed sarcastically. He turned back to Shirley and looked her over one eye narrowed and the other bulging out slightly. Scratching his chin he took note of her attire; hardly the garments of a scientist!
"You can't tell you me you plan to work in that?" said Venture disapprovingly.
"I don't wear pants, besides the Scots made fine without them."
"Well we're not battling off Rome here! We're inventing." explained Venture. He knew it, he knew he was going to get some hussy of an intern.
"It's almost to my knees. I'm even wearing boxers underneath," Shirley lifted up her skirt to
demonstrate, " you won't see anything."
Venture shielded his eyes to keep from looking at Shirley's pacman patterned boxers,"Fine, fine, but don't come crying to me when the noble peace prize goes to a woman in pants," Venture motioned for Shirley to follow him before she could retort, "let me show you my lab."
Venture showed her everything in his lab excluding the ultimate failures which meant, Shirley really didn't see much. Venture made sure she only saw the select inventions that only needed "a bit of tweaking." He passed by the room full of the boy's clones with no intention of sharing this secret to another outsider. He did however show off a bit of his work with reanimation at which point Shirley asked, "Sooo, you're like a mad scientist, right?"
"What? No, this is super science! And I'll have you know I'm well respected in my field!"
Shirley wanted to ask by who exactly, but thought better of it seeing as this was only her first day. Then again she really didn't care if Venture did decide to call it all off. She never wanted to be an intern for him in the first place. The name Thaddeus Venture on any resume would set anyone back. Shirley had heard all about him from one of her professors. He told her Venture's father had really done a number on little Rusty. He said the man was nothing more than a pill popper these days; could barely raise two boys much less accomplish anything in the field of science. Shirley could rightly say it was depressing. The whole compound reeked of failure and the loss of days gone by. The past was rotting away in this place and Venture was just sitting back and letting it happen. Although Shirley could sympathize in some sense with the man; Valium was pretty tasty and quite a quick fix to dem blues.
"...And this is what I'm currently perfecting!" Venture outstretched his arms to point to a large metal cylinder with a few lights and buttons and a large door in front, "Before you say anything let me ask you this, "What would you say if I told you it was possible for you live out your deepest and utter most fantasy through this machine?"
"What is it made out of?" asked Shirley staring up at one the lights blinking an eerie red.
"Uhhh...well what does it look like?"
Shirley shrugged as she began walking around the other side to examine the rest of the colossal structure.
"You don't need to see all of it now, it's unfinished!" Venture managed to drag Shirley away from where he was harvesting the orphan's organs.
"Then what am I going to be working on?" Shirley asked as she tried to keep from tripping over an overturned box of tools.
"Ah, yes! Well," Venture paused, he hadn't thought of that. What do interns do? Suddenly he heard the beeping and bopping of H.E.L.P.eR behind him, "Ah, H.E.L.P.eR, this is my new intern Shirley. She'll be tuning you up today!"
"Uh, I really don't know anything about robotics, Dr. Venture--."
"Nonsense, you'll do fine!" assured Venture leading Shirley away with the confused robot, "Oh and here, you'll need this," Venture handed her a wrench and flat head screw driver, "Now go on and do what ever it is you interns do..."
Shirley stared down at the tools in her hands and then to H.E.L.P.eR, " I apologize a head of time." she said.
H.E..L.P.eR beeped a few times and waved his hand as if to say, "don't be so modest."
Shirley sighed and opened the little door into H.E.L.P.eR's chest. She started with one bolt, tighten it slowly then when nothing seemed to happen she began to work on other parts with more confidence.
It wasn't so bad really. It was actually kind of easy. She couldn't understand why Professor Sorayama made this out to be so difficult. Why H.E.L.P.e.R was coming right along and--
A few sparks lit up in helper's chest and then a stream of electricity surged up his spine causing the robot to scream in loud mechanical beeps and bops. H.E.L.P.eR flailed his arms about begging for the pain to stop.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, helper, I'm sorry!" cried Shirley, "Oh, what do I do, what do I do?"
H.E.L.P.eR continued to spaz out and spin in circles as Shirley frantically tried to calm him down. She chased him around begging him stop. She promised she'd figure it out and fix it, he just needed to settle down.
"Oh, god, what now." Venture turned around from his work his hands on his hips. Shirley was running after his finest robot with a screw driver yelling incoherently. Venture watched as she finally gave up and threw down her tools panting trying to catch her breath.
"Excuse me? Do you mind telling me what you've done to my robot?" asked Venture angrily.
"I'm—a—biologist—I—don't—do—robots." Shirley panted.
"oh, then what pray tell do you do? Hmm?"
"Living...organisms..." with that Shirley collapsed to the ground.
Venture looked over at H.E.L.P.eR, "look what you've done helper, that was my only intern. God knows when I'll get another one," Venture glanced back down at Shirley her plaid skirt raised up just enough to see a few bat symbols, "go get me a bucket of water, helper."
Later all Shirley could remember was that warm liquid pouring over her, the sound of it splashing against the floor.
"No! H.E.L.P.eR, that wasn't water!' yelled Venture, "Bad robot! We don't pour those things on interns! She hasn't even signed the waver yet."
Shirley opened her eyes slowly to see Venture scolding his robot his finger shaking furiously and his back arched wearily, "H.E.L.P.eR, I don't care what she touched! You don't mix those things together!"
Shirley sat up the best she could feeling bit of tingling feeling around her scalp and eyes. She coughed a bit causing Venture to stop cursing the robot and look down at her. H.E.L.P.eR crossed his arms and rolled away beeping a few things as he went.
"Oh, glad your awake, Shirley. Hope you had a nice little nap time," Venture mocked before he began to go back to work, "oh and H.E.L.P.eR poured some acids on you, you might want to shower off."