USUAL DISCLAIMERS: They dont belong to me...

A/N: Uupps!! Im very sorry... I was writing John's name hundreds of times... and just in this ... I made the dumbass mistakes... Im so sorry for that... and thanks for the people to let me know about that

This is Dean POV... about losing his beloved brother... and how I think he will react to something like that...anyone of us.. after losing a loved one,can pass for this five stages defined like grief...

Warning: Some swearing and bad words... but I think that they are needed to express the feeling

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PREVIOUSLY

John was full of panic , he felt lost, the thing know what to do... they fell in the tramp,, he brought his baby to the evils altar.

"Oh John...dont feel so guilty... you and Dean made a great job raising Sammy... he is the stronget angel... and the one who can save the world and destroy me...but... unfortunely.. the redentor angels don live pass the 33 years old, just ask Christo...

"Do you remember Christo...Sammy??"

What happened next was the worse nightmare for John and Dean... for like seems an eternity , the demon torture and hurt his baby, limb by limb the monster hurt his son, killing him slowly just in front of their eyes.

Lasts Sammy words were for him and Dean... so full of love and forgivness... with his last breath Sam smile to his brother and then like a torch, he light himself in flames, taking the demon with him in the middle of horrible screams... after the blinding light goes... they were free, and they can see in the floor, the charred form of their beloved angel...their angel was dead...

Now he is here, broughing flowers and stuffed animals to his sons grave... Jim say to him, that God works in very strange forms... but this... this ..he cant understand this...he lost his two sons...because, even if Sammy was the one buried in the tomb... Dean was in denial since that tragic day... he dont even come to Sammys funeral... he just keep talking about the things he will do with his baby brother when he come back for Stanford... talking to him... like Sam is still alive...cleaning the Impala, because his brother will be making a travel with him... they will go to the Grand Canyon, he said...buying Sams favorite coffee and food in every restaurant and gas station they stop... and keeping Sammys clothes in his own duffel bag...

Yes... that night he lost his two sons... one in the hands of death... and the other in the hands of madness and pain...

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"LIVING WITHOUT HALF OF YOUR SOUL"

1.- DENIAL

...One month... one entire month since the day than that blinding light take Sammy... he was just expecting, every day to his brother call or coming, but as usual Sammy is taking his time, he even call Sam's cell phone a couple of times but obviously the kid is pretty busy because he dont even answer the phone... his Sammy.. little cub.. maybe he is enjoying himself with that blond chick he has... What's her name...??...Jessica...anyway he is the big brother and will be expectig Sam for make that great trip, just the two of them... even if his dad was mad at him for being talking about Sam all the time...Come on!! he is his brother!! No matter what the kid does, he always will be there for him...his dad need to learn to forget... and love that kid like he deserves.

"Dean...What are you doing now????...--Speaking of evil!!

"Cleaning the car, I will go to California, old man!!"

"Oh my God, come on Dean... come back to me son!!" Think John passing a callous hand over his tired face... Dean was keeping doing this for a long time

"Why do you need to go to California???"

" I will become an actor!! What do you think Dad?? I will go to see Sammy... the little shit isn't answering the phone... so... I need to go to shake his head a little!

"Dean...!"

"No , dad."-- Dean raise his hand to stop his father rambling .."He is your baby son, come on!! dont tell me that you aren't worried about him"

"Dean, come on, your brother is..."

":...Is mad at you, as usual... I know that old man.. , but you need to be tolerant, the kid is growning up, but he still can made tantrums"

"Dean, I dont believe that you understand.."

"No, Dad... four weeks, I dont talk to him since four weeks ago, and last time; we talked about making a trip, he will take me to Hollywood and show me all the hot chicks he knows!! even Jess agreed with that!"

"Jess???"

"Sammy's girlfriend... dad..that's old news..!!"

Dean began to put things in the Impala, John need to act quick, he sadly knows what to do... Since Sam's death, Dean had a lot of this "episodes", so he need to play his part...

"You're right ! Come on son!! lets go packing a couple of your old man things... lets go to visit your brother..." and throwing an arm over Dean's shoulders they walked to Jim's house...

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2.- RAGE

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?????"

Dean's fierce scream startled John, who was silent folding Sam's clothes and putting them in a box..

"Good morning to you too son!!"

"Dont give me that crap!! What are you doing with Sammy's clothes??"

"Jim will gonna take them to the shelter Dean,there are a lot of people who can use them.."

Dean snatched for his father hands Sam's jacket... "Really?? and what do you think Sam will be wear when he come back... a leaf???!!"

"Dean your brother will not come back..."

"DONT YOU DARE... OLD MAN... DONT YOU DARE TO SAY THAT!!!!"

"Come on Dean, you need to face it... Sam is gone "

"HE WILL COME BACK, HE PROMISED, HE ALWAYS FULFILL HIS PROMISES!!"

"Dean your brother goes six weeks ago, and he cant come back... not this time son.."

John was surprised for his son's rage, who took him and pinned him to the nearest wall, yelling at him with fire in his eyes.

"HOW DO YOU DARE... DONT YOU DARE TO TALK ABOUT SAMMY LIKE THAT. YOU DONT KNOW HIM ENOUGHT!!! I KNOW HIM!! AND HE IS... HE IS..."

"He is gone Dean..."

"NO...NO...YOU DONT HAVE THE RIGHT...YOU CANT QUIT ON HIM...YOU HEAR ME!!!"

John can see Jim at the bedroom's door with a syringe in hand, ready to another of Dean's rage attacks, he shakes his head at the priest... they need to do this... no matter how painful can be ..."

"Dean...Sammy loves you so much..."

"LOVE ME...LOVE ME ...??? THAT STUPID SOB IS A SELFISH BASTARD WHO ONLY THINKS IN HIMSELF... THAT'S ALL!!!"

"Sammy adores the floor in where you step Dean, you were his life..."

"HE IS MY LIFE ...ALL... ALL MY FING LIFE I SPEND IT RAISING THE LITTLE PRICK... AND FOR WHAT...???... JUST FOR HE DECIDE ONE DAY THAT HE WANTS A DIFFERENT LIFE, WITHOUT ME...WELL!!! YOU KNOW ONE THING , I DONT CARE!!! THAT KID ISN'T WORTHWHILE... AND WHEN HE COMES BACK , IM GONNA BREAK HIS PRETTY FACE WITH MY BARE HANDS..."

"Dean, he will not come back... he cant son... but he dont wants to see you like this..."

"I DONT CARE WHAT HE WANTS , YOU HEAR ME... HE DONT HAVE THE RIGHT!! THAT SOB DONT HAVE THE RIGHT TO GO AND LEAVE ME ALONE IN HERE... HE DONT HAVE THE RIGHT... AND I HATE HIM FOR THAT... I HATE YOU SAM... I HATE YOU STUPID LITTLE BROTHER...I HATE YOU..!!!"

Dean was passing like a cagged animal the bedroom, throwing Sam's things for all over the place, screaming and swearing at his dead brother's name... but there isn't a single tear in his eyes... Jim approachs him and plunges the needle in his arms in order for make him rest.

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3.- NEGOTIATION

"Of all your stupid ideas this is the worts of all Dean!!!"

"What are you doing here... cant you leave me alone for a moment , old man???"

"No, when you are doing stupids things at midnight...Come on we are leaving"

"DONT TOUCH ME!!...You can go if you want... I have a job in here.."

"Which work Dean... which work can you have in a crossroad in the middle of the night??"

"Please dad...just...just go...I need to do this...please!!"

"Do what?? A deal with the demon??? A deal with the same thing who tooks your brother??"

"You dont understand , he can give us 10 years dad... 10 years in what we can see Sammy grown up and be happy... we can be the Winchester family again... please dad... please...!!!"

John Winchester look in the pleading eyes of his son... and remember in them the brave and sweet eyes of his Sammy...God if he can have is baby son again...!!!!!!

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Kind of cliffy... well this happen to turn very large... so I want to post it in two parts.. tomorrow I will continue with the two last stages of Dean's grief.

Please tell me what you think... I was trying very hard to balance the human and the supernatural factor... so please... drop me a line... and let me hear you...

Im being repetitive here... but all the mistakes are mine... its my fault for grown in acountr where the spanish is the official language...