Chapter 2: A Series of Memories

Robin glared at her as he slumped against a tree. "You're stirred by him."

Marian bit her lip and looked away, toward Guy, who was bound and gagged and under the watchful eye of Much, well out of earshot.

"He said it himself," Robin continued. "And I saw you that night when you went to visit him - the look on your face. Don't lie to me."

"As a human being -"

"Don't insult me, Marian." Robin leaned forward, a sneer on his lips and pity in his eyes. "He's a monster."

"You don't know him like I do."

"That's my point," Robin snapped.

Marian shifted nervously, wishing she weren't standing over Robin as if he were in trouble.

"He tried to kill me, Marian. He had an illegitimate child and left it for dead in the woods -"

"You don't know that was him!" Marian protested, her heart wrenching at the very thought and at the look on Robin's face. She was causing him anguish, and he had enough going on with the poor of Locksley and the neighboring villages without having to worry about her. "Look, Robin, I know I should stop believing."

"It's your greatest weakness, Marian - you think Gisborne has some good in him."

"Everyone has some good in them!"

"Yes and some people choose not to show it."

"Rubbish!" Marian exclaimed.

"Everything is a choice!" Robin said, losing some of his composure. "You told me that!"

"Maybe the difference between you and he isn't so huge," Marian rationalized. "Isn't that the Robin Hood thesis? That one man is much like another? Why can't you apply your views to someone whose been deprived of love?"

Robin, whose expression had grown steadily more disbelieving as Marian talked, scoffed and muttered, "Deprived of love!"

"Robin, I think you've been wrong about him -"

"No. Trust me. I've been right about him. He's tried to kill me before, and he'll try to kill me again. That's why I have to kill him."

"No," Marian said firmly, so loudly that Much looked over in alarm. "I forbid you."

Marian jerked awake, covered in a cold sweat, and sat up in bed. She was in her room, and the sky was barely turning grey - dawn was approaching. She hurried out of bed and lit a candle in a feeble attempt to chase away the darkness and sadness that threatened to engulf her.

She opened the shutters to her window and leaned out, looking straight down at the spot where Robin had stood so many times before. If she let her eyes slide out of focus, she could almost still see him there, begging her to run away with him to the forest with his trusty band of outlaws…

A single tear dripped from her eye and landed on the ground below, forcing Marian's vision back into focus. There were dancing shadows at the tree line, almost as if Robin's gang was back again, checking on her father or asking her for entry into the castle. There was a whisper on the wind, as if Robin was warning her against pending danger. There was a gentle, flowery smell wafting over her, as if enticing her from her private, self-imposed prison, and Marian, out of sadness and loneliness, wept.

It happened every time she had that nightmare. She always dreamt it the exact same, because that was how it had actually happened, nearly a year before. She'd forbade Robin from killing Guy, the man she would never confess to loving, though in her heart of hearts, she'd known it was true. Much had hurried over, had helped to convince Robin that he wasn't a killer, that Guy wasn't worth killing, and Robin had finally consented, though he'd treated Marian with resentment until the day he'd left, again, for the Holy Land.

It was hard to believe that Much had returned only three months ago, bedraggled and alone. Robin had died during war.

It was as if Marian was living those first few months from hell after Robin had left the first time. Her betrothed had sought glory and riches beyond his humble Nottingham life, and Marian had lived in constant fear of bad tidings. After years of waiting, she'd fallen out of love, having grown into a different person in his absence. When he'd returned, she was already falling for Sir Guy of Gisborne, who had replaced Robin at Locksley. He'd regretted leaving for war, believing that he would still have Marian and Locksley if he hadn't gone.

And now, irony of all ironies, Marian was living that horrible fear. A knife wound to the ribs had led to an infection, and Robin had died a week later - never to grace Marian with his roguish smile or teasing again. Marian had been in pieces, and had barely registered what little information Much had on Robin's attacker - that there was a tattoo on his left arm with a slice through it, a wound from Robin's sword. Marian hardly cared - how could she possibly find a Saracen with a tattoo in the Holy Land when she was never allowed out of Knighton Hall?

But this morning, the nightmare was more haunting than usual. That was because of what she'd discovered the previous day. Guy's sleeve had gotten caught on something, and when it ripped open, Marian saw a large tattoo on his left arm - with a slice through it. Marian had understood in the space of an instant: she was engaged to be married to Robin's murderer, and she, Marian, was responsible for Robin's death. If she hadn't forbade him from killing Guy -

"I know that there's no retrieving," she whispered to herself - it was her well-worn mantra, an attempt to move past that part of her life, an attempt to find something to fill the void left behind by Robin. But nothing could fill that void - all Marian could feel was an irrational hatred and a desire to avenge Robin's death.

Picking up the candle, Marian walked over to her closet. The dim orange light slid over the now seldom-used outfit she'd worn as the Nightwatchman - an outfit she'd retired upon hearing of Robin's death. In fact, Nottingham itself was suffering with the death of Robin. Not only had the Nightwatchman disappeared, but Robin's faithful gang had gone into hiding, turning once more into common outlaws; Marian had seen Much only a couple times since he'd given her the bad news, and the experiences had been painful for both of them. From what Marian could tell, Much was suffering Robin's death much worse than she.

Allan-A-Dale, Marian knew, was now in business with Gisborne, ensuring shipments made it through Sherwood Forest without being attacked. Marian wondered fleetingly how Robin would have reacted to such news, but thinking of Robin only made her newfound hatred of Guy feel stronger. "It's over now," she told herself firmly. But she didn't believe it.