Disclaimer: The UGP (Unofficial Grammar Police) is owned and operated by its members. Any attempts to copy/steal/snatch/grab anything to do with the UGP will be met with violence and the gnashing of teeth. Attempts to copy/steal/snatch/grab anything to do with the UGP is forbidden, unless permission is granted by the members in written form.
The UGP does not own any of the shows, books and examples of fan fiction herein expressed, unless noted.
The Unofficial Guide to Fan Fiction
Contents:
Introduction
The Title
The Summary
The Actual Story
Leaving a Review
Responding to a Review
The Title
"Don't judge a book by its cover," is an idiom best not applied to fan fiction, as the reader viciously judges each story on its cover and decides whether or not to read the story. Thus, the author should take pains to try and make the title interesting and grammatically correct.
For example, Fiona Fan wrote a story about Inuyasha and decided to call it "the adventirures of the inuganng".
Rita Reader noticed Fiona's story, gagged on some vomit and continued searching the Inuyasha fan fictions for a story written in the English language.
Later, Fiona is distressed to find that she has no hits! No one has read her story! No one has left a review! No one has realised her genius!
"Why has no one read my masterpiece?" she sobbed and wrote a bad, angsty poem full of spelling errors.
Little does poor Fiona know, she has made several simple, but terrible mistakes - she has not started every word in her title with a capital and she has incorrectly spelled two words. These simple mistakes advise the reader that Fiona has no spellchecker, no knowledge of the English language and the fandom, or that she simply doesn't care. The reader believes that the mistakes inherent in the title of her story will continue in the actual story.
You may be thinking, "How could anyone be so idiotic?" Never underestimate the stupidity of people. Such cases of blatant bad English in titles run rampant across the virtual world. It is practically an epidemic.
For those of you who are thinking, "But, it's like, so totally, symbolic!" know this: bad grammar is never symbolic. It is simply messy and crude. Capitals are taught in kindergarten; there is no reason to forget them later on. You'll make them angry and they will come at you with sharp things while you sleep. Spelling is essential if you want people to know what you're on about. If you don't have spell check look up the words on the internet, or if you really want to earn points, try looking in a physical dictionary.
Also, if you are entertaining the idea of alternating upper and lower case letters in your title because it looks really good, immediately dismember your brain and bury it. For those not following this distasteful train of thought, an example of such backward grammar is, "InUyAsHa AnD kAgOmE aRe In LoVe".
The Summary
The summary, like the title, of any story is judged and critiqued on its grammatical and literary value. The UGP categorizes summaries as either a 'summary' or 'non-summary'.
A summary is a chapter or story boiled down to about three sentences or less. Summaries may also be included in the actual story. When written within a story they may be longer, as there is more space to write. A 'non-summary' includes incorrect grammar and spelling, character listings that take up the entire summary space and phrases such as, but not limited to "Bad summary, good story" and "Don't blame me for the bad summary."
The purpose of the summary is to draw the reader in and reveal the basics of your story so they know what it's about. A good way to draw a reader in is to evoke a sense of mystery. Endless rhetorical questions are not mysterious - they are annoying.
So that you, our humble reader, may be prepared should you face a minion of the Syntax Monster, the Non-Summary, here is an example written by our friend Fiona Fan:
"okay so inubaby and kago r like in love but what about kogar? how does he feel? what is he doing? is he even still in lurve with kags? does he cut his hair inangst? Does he try to kill himself? will he ever recover from kagomes betrayl? will kagome return to him to ease his pain and what does Inuyasha think of it?!?! Inyasha,kags, kogar, seshhi, rin, ahun, naraku, kagra, and the GAANG! yay! Bad summary, good story r n r plzthx"
The above is an exaggeration, and there is no way all of the non-summary would fit in the available space, but all of these mistakes have occurred time and time again. It is distressing that a number of authors continue to assault readers with such disgusting, horrendous and insulting syntax. Moreover, it is an insult to the English language, which is an essential part of existing in most of the Western world. Only think of the torture life would be if everyone started communicating like Fiona Fan!
On that note, we shall delve deeper into some of the issues of the previous example, unless of course the above made you physically sick. We would like to warn you that the below example may cause you grievous bodily harm:
"Inuyasha and Kagome are travelling through a forest and then these demons attack them and Naraku comes and is evil. The gang gets captured and tortured. What will they do? Can they fight off his almighty might? Can they prevail? Can Inuyasha and Kagome's romance survive? What about"
If anyone cannot find the mistakes in this example, please do not hesitate to leave your computer, climb into the fridge and close the door behind you. Never leave again. Thank you.
For the remaining, you might have noticed that not only is the author attempting to explain the entire plot in the summary and is using a painful amount of rhetorical questions, but has actually run out of room and left a strange half sentence for potential readers to blink at. As previously mentioned, this is seen far too often and often makes the hand twitch to scroll down, searching for less nonsensical stories.
If you wish to draw in readers, keeping your summary within the word limit helps. A useful technique is actually selecting an interesting/beneficial quote from your story and inserting it. With this the reader's interest may be piqued, especially if the quote comes from an emotional or battle scene.
Another useful technique is that of warnings. Some examples are WARNING: Character death or WARNING: Torture included. This helps a potential reader realise the probable focus of the story and let them avoid it if need be. In the UGP's opinion, there should be other warnings. Confused? Examples include:
WARNING: Character horrifyingly OOC
WARNING: Story sickeningly AU
WARNING: Author insertion/blatant Mary Sue within
We are of the opinion that these would be helpful for those with weak stomachs.
One or two parting notes:
1) Canon is there for a reason. Canon is there to be followed. Those who steer away from canon are treading in the dangerous unknown, and better have an amazing handle on context and characterisation. There should be anti-canon warnings on summaries.
2) Pairing warnings on summaries are useful. For example, if Rita Reader doesn't wish to read about Inuyasha being raped/tormented/etc by Naraku while helplessly lusting after Sesshoumaru, she shouldn't have to. There should be some indication in the…say it with us: SUMMARY.
We hope you have found this to be helpful.
The UGP (Unofficial Grammar Police)
(Fiona Fan, Rita Reader and all example titles and summaries contained in this chapter are the property of the UGP, and cannot be used without permission.)