Title: H-E-l-P Spells Hell

Theme: #2 Complicated

Rating: PG-13

Warnings: Mild cursing, brotherly love, and panty whompings

Pairing(s): Gregori & Savannah, Daratrazanoff Brotherly Love, Lil OOC (maybe...)

Summary: In which Gregori learns that a simply pair of panties can make things go from bad to worse.

Disclaimer: All Feehans. Just my idea.

But I do love reviews. They let me know I'm doing something right.

"If you want I could always..."

"No, I got it."

"I could call Gary."

"No, Savannah, I got this."

"...and you'll do it the normal way?"

"..."

Savannah dropped her hands to her hips and glared at her lifemate for all she was worth. "I want this done the normal way. No magic, no tricks, nothing. I want our daughters to understand the fruits of hard work and labor. What would they think if you just went around creating things out of thing air? Where's the work? Where's the value? Promise me you'll do it on your own. Promise me, Gregori."

Shoving a large box out of his way, Gregori scowled at his lifemate.

Tissue paper and packing peanuts hung from his hair and dangled uncharacteristically from the side of his face. If it wasn't worth his lifemate's love to do this, Gregori would have just stormed off to his study and locked himself inside until her impulse passed away. He had gone through the same phase when she had suddenly had the idea in her head that she wanted to take up massage therapy, or when she decided that she wanted to take up flower arranging. The last one had left him smelling like roses, tulips, and bits of manure. Darius still had yet to let him live it down. But this...this was taking it one step too far! At least with the other tasks, Gregori was allowed to use his mind to get through everything in one piece.

"Savannah be reasonable," He tried to keep the pleading out of his voice but it was difficult. Especially with the pink tassel Savannah swung around like a weapon.

"Reasonable? Reasonable! You want reasonable!" Savannah slapped the tassel into Gregori's hand and stormed out. "You have three hours to get this done or so help me, Gregori, I'm taking my daughters and moving back home!"

"Savannah!"

"Three hours, Gregori!"

Gregori, the Dark One, the one who knew no fear and gave evil a smiting stare, flinched as he faced his greatest obstacle alone. His lifemate had abandoned him...and with no hope in his own abilities, he did the one thing any male would have done in his position.

He tossed the directions aside and got to work.

It should be well mentioned that Darius had respect for his elder brother. He also had enough respect to enter the home without knocking and thus...suffered for it.

Darius stared at a sight he thought he'd never see.

Savannah's once open and lively living room was blasted apart. The couch was over turned and pieces were everywhere. And boy was there a lot of pink. It was enough to make Darius itch at the sight of it all. And in the ring of destruction sat the single most scowling individual Darius had ever seen in his life: Gregori.

"If this wasn't so sad to look at I might just be tempted to take a picture."

Gregori snarled, and the house shook. "Shut it, little brother, and get your ass over here."

Darius chuckled and stooped to pick up a bright purple bolt the size of a quarter. Holding it up to his eye, he turned it around in his finger tips, snorting. "Why yes, Brother, I'd be more than happy to help you. It would be a great honor!"

"Grab a wrench and shut up."

Darius snorted and picked up a purple ribbon. "You sure about this? Didn't this come with directions?"

"Don't need them."

"...If you say so."

Gregori ripped the wrench out of his hands, and thumped him over the head with it. Darius hissed, and bared his teeth at him. "If you're not going to help then get out."

Darius grabbed the wrench back. "I do that and Tempest will have my head. She seems to think we don't spend enough quality time together."

"Because we don't."

"You go ahead and tell her that," Darius sighed picking up the directions and squinting. "I happen to like my manhood right where it hangs. We need these?"

Gregori took one look at the piece of paper scowled and shoved it back into the box. "No, we can do this ourselves."

"Alright...hand me that pack of stickers, would you?"

"Gregori!" Lucian sighed, finally frustrated from his brother's lack of attention. Storming into the house, Lucian halted at the scene that greeted him. Gregori scowled and Darius gave a glare that could only be copyrighted by one of Daratrazanoff family. Lucian blinked slowly, his eyes scanning the remains of Savannah's once spotless and beautiful living room. "Wow...What vampire did this mess?"

Gregori hissed, and Darius scowled, shaking his hand trying to free a piece of metal that had gotten stuck there. "Don't start, Lucian. Neither of us are in the mood right now."

"So I noticed," Lucian nudged the remains of something he couldn't identify. "You realize there are easier ways to do this."

"Savannah will not allow it," Gregori snorted, holding up a wrench of some sorts, and a package of paper. "It's the 'normal' way or nothing."

"Ha, then you fail, brother," Lucian took up the wrench and grabbed the nearest piece. "Let me show you how a true warrior does this!"

"Uh..." Darius twitched as Lucian jammed one piece to another with a sickening crack. "Lucian...could I say one thing?"

"I never asked you to hold your tongue before."

"And I am forever glad that you didn't," Darius sighed. "Because that's backwards."

Lucian promptly gave him a rude look and got to work. Within a few moments, Lucian was calling for Gabriel's help. After all, he did have a daughter of his own.

"Let me see," Gabriel took the wrench from Lucian and skimmed over their handiwork with a scowling focus. "You screwed in this part wrong. And look at that point! It's too sharp. Are you trying to put your daughters' eyes out? What is wrong with you, Gregori?"

Gregori snarled and shoved the contraptions towards Gabriel. "If you know so much then go ahead and show us how it's done!"

"Believe me...I will." Gabriel smirked. "Unlike the group of you, I have experience in this kind of field."

Only but a few moments later...

"Why...won't...they...fit!" Gabriel cursed and shook his head.

"Maybe we need the directions," Darius rubbed his chin with a scowl.

"NO!" Lucian, Gabriel, and Gregori all whirled on Darius in a single swoop.

"We are warriors!"

"We are male!"

"We are failing," Darius snapped. "Now someone get me the directions!"

The males scowled and proceeded to find the directions in defeat. They overturned boxes, moved pieces, threw stickers, and kept shifting looking for some sign of the single bit of paper that could make all of this right. They hunted, twisting and turning, but in the end all these succeeded in finding was dust bunnies.

"Ah!" Lucian jumped back from reaching under the couch, his hand cradling something.

"Found it?" Gregori lifted his head instantly.

"Define it," Lucian coughed and held up something light...and lacy. "But I certainly found something."

Gabriel and Darius stopped filtering through the pillows on the couch and backed away from the cushions as if they held some kind of disease. Gabriel coughed and Darius discreetly wiped his hand on his pants.

"Give me those!" Gregori snapped and lunged for the panties. For a man who had lived in nothing but darkness, the color took to his face quickly almost letting him rival the color of a tomato. "Those are none of your concern."

Lucian lifted the panties higher into the air. "Oh, little brother, I do believe you are blushing."

"Go to hell, Lucian."

"Been there, and as Jaxon says," Lucian smirked and held the panties up, stretching them before his brother's dark eyes. "Got the panties."

With a roar that shook the very windows, Gregori tackled Lucian to the ground, sending all their hard work flying. Gabriel yelled and dove to save their work at the same time Darius moved to grab Gregori by his shirt. Their heads connected with a painful crack and the two of them fell into the brawl. Lucian yelled and kicked, sending Gregori flying and rebounding off the wall. Gabriel lifted his arm to catch him, but it was no use. Tripping over Darius, and one stumble over Lucian's swinging leg, Gabriel went sprawling to the ground with a crash that sent chills up every male's spine.

And as God for see fit, the front door opened and a gentle cry carried through the living room. "Gregori! We're back!"

Savannah danced into the living room, holding the hands of her tiny toddler daughters only to stop in her tracks and stare at the wreckage of the room she once called a 'living' room. Now...it looked like a dead room.

Her mouth dropped and she had to let go of her daughters to keep from swooning. Her master pillows hand stitched and carved with love were ripped and covered in bits of tassel, her bookshelf laid toppled over with bits of pages fluttering to the ground, her radio had stickers with little fairies attached to it, and right there in the middle of the room was the culprits.

"Gregori..." Savannah snarled, her hands dropping to her hips. Beside her, the twins giggles mischievously as they sensed the punishment coming towards their father. "What....happened...?"

Darius coughed and shifted along the wall. "Well, brother, it's been fun but I think I hear Tempest called. Can't leave her by her pregnant self for too long!" With a wave of his hand he called over his shoulder as he made a break for the door way. "Farewell brother...It's been an honor knowing you."

Gabriel winced and carefully jerked part of a bell out of his pants from where it had been hanging dangerously. Sheepishly he caught a glance at Savannah and smiled. "Indeed it was entertaining. I shall go and check in on Skyler and Tamara then. Savannah," He offered a pleasing bow in her direction before giving a sheepish look at Gregori. "My brother...it was nice knowing you."

And he too vanished.

Lucian didn't say anything, but his smile said it all as he grabbed hands with Gregori, carefully sliding something into his hands. Then he too vanished.

Gregori cursed them all. He cursed their blood and his own blood for this kind of hell. Then again it was his own blood...

What the hell were his parents thinking?

"Gregori...." Savannah's voice brought him back to the present, and what a look she was giving him. Cringing Gregori almost took a step back, but he was the Dark One! He made vampires flee in his wake! "What happened? I leave you alone for three hours to put together two tricycles and...and you completely destroy the living room in the process! What the hell happened?!"

"Savannah, I can explain. There is a perfectly honest explanation," He answered calmly bringing his hand to wipe back the hair from his face only for something soft to brush his skin. Stilling he pulled his hand away and watched as Savannah's lacy panties flopped to the floor.

Unfortunately, Savannah's eyes also dropped and her face reddened. With a yelp she snatched the panties up and promptly began to smack him with them. "Why do you have my panties?!"

"Savannah!" Whomp. "Savannah!" Whomp. "Damn it, woman stop!"

Savannah took two more smacks before she actually bothered to halt for a second to catch her breath. "God help you, Gregori, you better explain what the hell happened here!"

Gregori looked at the mangled mess of parts and flinched. Here he was the best of the best and he couldn't even assemble the most simple of human toys. "You see..." He began slowly. "Everything was going fine..."

"Oh...really?" Savannah snapped her panties in her hand and glared. "Then what happened?"

"...The panties complicated matters."