Apex could not believe it. He just couldn't fragging believe it. Stellar-Cycles of trading one partner for another, berth-hopping like a cyber-frog and he missed him. He actually missed that big, stupid lugnut. How in the name of Primus had that Autobot wormed his way under his plating? (in ways he so did not want, thank you very much.) He thought he was past this. No strings attached and no ties down, free to do as he pleased, whom he pleased. Relationships only ended in spark-break; he learned that the hard way.

And yet, that did not quell the ache in his spark. It wasn't like an unending throb, like something was gnawing on him. He was lonely, and he could only think of Juggernaut. His sweet gaze, how chivalrous he was, how his whole faceplate lit up when he smiled of laughed at Apex's jokes. His comforting gestures, his tender touches, how he looked so sweet after they had...- No! He would not think about that! Determined to outrun the stupid feeling chasing him, he aggressively pursued conversations with the bots inside his passenger hold.

Several cycles later of aggressive conversation, high grade, interfacing and hard work of transport did nothing to diminish the feeling clutching to his spark. It was like a scraplet had gotten under his plating and was nibbling at his spark casing. Everything he tried to knock it loose, it stopped nibbling, hung on and resumes as soon as his guard was down. It was driving him insane. What was worse, his memory purges. Almost each cycle he dreamed about that oversized rust-heap. Not interfacing, like he had at least hoped. If he missed his spike, maybe he could get a fix and be done with him. No. They talked. They talked between themselves, they share their lives in small bits. They hung around other bots like an old bonded couple. It make him sick! He onlined after every purge with feelings of disgust and guilt. He had, as Whisk had asked, helped him see other bots and let him down as gently as one could. Juggernaut was disappointed, but he wasn't spark-broken. Whisk told Apex, and that was when he left.

It was a whole deca-cycle before the feeling got him and never let him rest. Now he lay in berth, besides a rather lovely pair of miners (not minors, mind you) and finally, finally gave this 'feeling' a little thought.

Primus he missed him. He may not want to Bond with Juggernaut but he missed him. How he treated Apex like he was made from crystal. Like he was some kinds of noble, and how he worshipped him each time they 'faced and how he glowed afterwards just looking at him. Facing these bots were nice but…somehow he was getting tired of it. He was getting tired of hoping they found his good spots, or liked his quick wit. He wanted someone who knew him. Played him like and instrument in berth and listened to him after like he was somebody.

Despite the protests he got out of berth swiftly, hearing a few choice curses…

A strange sense of elation replaced the Feeling as he saw the familiar orange-brown planet come into view. He also saw the colony and hailed BigBlue to land. Strangely, he didn't respond. He tried again but got nothing. Perhaps they had a minor communications malfunction. Oh well, BigBlue wouldn't have scraplets over him visiting. He landed heavily, feeling a strange anticipation as he saw the Autobot ship, the ADSS Celestia, still docked where it was before he left. He didn't even notice the oddly deserted streets as he hurried up the ramp. The unfamiliar smell of plasma distcharge…..

As he entered the main hall, he heard voices. Turning the corner towards the HUB where everything met he saw BigBlue. He was sitting on a crate, hunched over. Pathfinder was beside him, servo in his and whispering something in his audials. He caught snippets.

"… wasn't your fault Blue … no look at me ….. you never intended this ….. could never have seen … don't you dare."

BigBlue wasn't saying anything.

He passed them, ahead seeing a quartet, Guidelines besides Diffuser, the Captain looking solemn and his Bondmate holding their Sparkling like it was going to vanish the instant he let go. Near them was Frequency, clinging to the racer, Falsehood or Quickstart…..what was his designation?

They weren't saying anything.

As he neared the storage area where Juggernaut was quartered, he saw Patch and Whisk. The two femmes were locked onto each other, looking rather upset. Patch was holding her spark sibling, who was trying to get away. What was wrong with everyone?

"No you don't….don't touch me! Don't you fragging touch me! DON'T TOUCH ME!" Whisk wailed, kicking and beating at Patch, who did nothing. Apex had to intervene.

"Whoa woah! Wait…..come on, now what's going on….." He held her fast. She looked up, utterly startled. "Apex! You…when….." She seemed at an utter loss, her optics flickering from distress.

"What is going on? No violence now…." He was starting to get a little worried, all this was freaking him out. "Come on now, let's just sit down and talk. Where's Juggernaut? I really wanna see him."

She stiffen, looking horrified. "Juggernaut?" Apex nodded. "I know what I said before but…frag me if I didn't get attached myself…..I just…I gotta talk to him again…I know it's wrong, after cutting loose like that…." He paused, as Whisk had suddenly started to sob uncontrollably, her engine hiccupping and stalling in what sounded painful ways.

Patch pulled his servos off Whisks, who ran wailing down the hall. Suddenly Patch's appearance made sense. "He's injured isn't he?" he asked suddenly, feeling a surge of panic.

Patch hesitated, then nodded forcibly. Apex didn't waste any time, pushing her aside and striding in.

Patch wasn't saying anything.

He saw the familiar rusty-red frame laid out on the berth-floor, and felt a pang of guilt and pain. He knelt beside him and grabbed his servo. "Hey ….. Juggernaut ….. it's me. I ….. I know I really shouldn't be here …. After what I did and said ….but I …. I just can't stop thinking about you! You're on my processor all the time and …well…. Please wake up, I want to talk to you!"

Juggernaut wasn't saying anything.

Apex frowned and laid his helm affectionately on his chestplates. The silence was a bit soothing.

But … it was too silent.

He sat up, frowning more before listening at his chestplates. There was no spark-pulse. He recoiled as if burned, and suddenly he saw that Juggernaut wasn't rusty anymore, he was grey.

Gunmetal Grey.

Apex stared in horror before the scraplet, the feeling, took one large, last bite out of his spark casing.

And then his world fell apart.