Summary Bobby is diagnosed with a "disorder". Something in the mansion is disrupting the lives of the X-Men and no one is acting like themselves, which proves to be a serious ( I use this term lightly : ) ) problem. Rated PG. No cursing. No sex. No illegal drugs. No alcohol. It's your grandmother's sillyfic! J/K. *Watches as everyone leaves.* Ah, dang it.
Author's Note: Please note that I don't mean to offend anyone
with this. There are one or two jokes about A.D.D. and about three jokes
at the end about homosexuality. Please do NOT flame me. *Watches as flames
start rolling in.* Ah, dang it.
It's All In The Balance
By Blitz
SAME DAY:
"Bobby you have to take the pills." Jean and Bobby were sitting in the kitchen with a bottle of pills between them. She pushed them toward him. Bobby pushed them back.
"I do' wanna!"
"Bobby you're being immature."
"Oh, am I?"
"Yes. Yes you are."
"You've survived this long with me like this. Can't you guys just accept me the way I am?" he said, sounding genuinely hurt.
Just then Scott walked in and, spotting the open bottle of pills on the table walked up to them and grabbed them. "Ooh! Flintstone's chewables!"
"Scott, that's - !"
But it was too late. Scott popped one in his mouth and chewed. "Cherry's my favorite. Whoa . . . " His jaw dropped and Jean saw his pupils dilate and shrink a few times. He stared straight ahead.
"Hey! Cool! Flintstone's chewables!" Jubilee said, prying the bottle from Scott's stiff hand and popping a few in her mouth. She suffered the same effects. After staring ahead in space for a few moments, she fell over.
Bobby grabbed the bottle and popped one in his mouth. Immediately, his hyperactivity was dulled and he was eerily calm. At least, eerily for Bobby.
"What made you take them?"
"Peer pressure," Bobby shrugged. "I'm a very sensitive and impressionable young boy."
And now, enter Hank. Hank also walked toward the medicine bottle. "Are those . . . ?"
"Flintstone's chewables," Bobby smiled. His hyperactiviy was gone and he was more focused, but his malice that had activated the pranks before hand was still there.
"Ooh!" Hank took one. "Pretee-ty co-lors," he cooed.
"I'm going put the child safety cap on these and hid them," Jean said while putting them in the cabinet.
"Are dose . . . Flintstone's chewables?"
"Hand'em over, Shug, and no one gets hurt."
Jean sighed and turned around. There stood Rogue and Gambit. Storm walked in behind them.
"Sure. Why not?" she sighed. She handed them a pill. "Storm, would you like one?"
"Do you have cherry?"
"Ummm . . . I think. Here." Jean handed her a pill and Storm popped it in her mouth. Sighing in exasperation as she left, Jean put the pills in her pocket.
Wolverine walked past Jean Grey and straight to a last pill that rested on the table. He ate it and shrugged as his healing factor took over and took a bottle of beer out of the refrigerator and popped a claw to open it. "Hey, Red."
***
DAY 4:
Ororo Munroe walked into Iceman's room. He was sitting quietly on his bed and reading a book. There was a stack of books on either side of him. He closed his book, set it down in one stack, and picked up another. Ororo approached him, trying not to look unnerved by his sudden change of character. "Robert, it's time for your medication."
Bobby closed his book and took the pill from Ororo's hand and swallowed it without water. Storm looked at him curiously.
"What?"
Ororo, deciding there was no nice way to say, "You can read?!" or "Since when did you read 20,000 Leagues Under The Sea?", shook her head and walked away. Once she was out of his room and the door was shut she leaned against the wall and exhaled. "By the goddess," she murmured to herself.
"Hey, Storm. What's up?"
"Oh, hello, Jubilee. I was just thinking about Bobby and how - Jubilee is that black lipstick and nail polish you're wearing?!"
"Oh this? Yeah. It's the color of mourning. I thought today I'd, like, remember all those who died in the X-Men and that I could be next. Uh, Storm? What are you doing?"
"Hmmm . . . temperature seems normal," Ororo said, bringing her hand away from Jubilee's forehead. "All the same, I think you should go see Hank."
"I'm fine! Besides, I can't. I have poetry to write."
Storm raised a skeptical eyebrow.
"I have a lot of teen angst inside me right now. I mean, my parents died, my friends died, I'm the youngest member of the X-Men, which brings up the fact that I'm a mutant and, like, lotsa organizations want me dead! Death is all around us, Storm, and I could be next!" Jubilee whirled around and walked quickly to her bedroom as Storm stared after her in surprise.
Storm's eye twitched.
Cyclops, the so-called "fearless leader" of the X-Men stormed past Ororo. He was soaking wet, in uniform, and wearing Jean's make-up. His visor was decorated as if he were going to Mardi Gras, complete with feathers and sparkle glitter. He was also wearing flippers on his hands and high heels on his feet. Ororo recognized them as her own.
Storm opened her mouth to say something but Cyclops turned on her.
"I don't wanna talk about it!!!!"
Stepping a few feet away, he stepped out of Ororo's high heels. He picked them up with his two flippers and handed them to her.
"Um, no. I'll pick them up later," Storm said, wrinkling her nose.
Scott turned back around and continued walking down the hall. As he turned a corner, Jean came rushing up to Storm.
"Ororo! Have you seen Scott?" she asked breathlessly.
"Storm pointed down the hall. "Jean, what is - "
"Can't talk now! Got a Cyclops to catch! Scott!! Come back!!"
Storm sighed. "By the bright one, this is not my day." Ororo headed towards her attic, hoping her collection of lush flora would give her solace. But inside, she knew it had only just begun to get worse. "Must keep my sanity," she muttered, though she knew it would be impossible to do just that.
Ororo opened the door to her attic and gasped.
"Remy! What are you doing here?:
Gambit sat in the middle of Storm's plants, knees hugged tight to his chest, red-on-black eyes wide with what appeared to be terror, and rocking gently forward and back. Without a word, Remy got up and walked out of the room as Ororo watched him go. Thoroughly confused, she walked to her bed, avoiding the spot where Remy LeBeau had been sitting. She stared straight ahead, trying to work things out.
"Iceman reading -20,000 Leagues Under The Sea- - on his own free will - Jubilee becoming bleak, Scott dressed as . . . " She decided to skip Scott. "And Remy . . . " Because she didn't know what he was doing, she skipped him as well. Fearing the worst, she began to turn over plant leaves and examining each stem. They were fine. "And Gambit was sitting." When she thought about what he was doing - merely sitting in her room and not touching anything - she decided she was being foolish. All the same, she thought, she resolved to keep her door locked from then on.
Ororo. Ororo, are you there?>>
Ororo sighed. Of course she was. It was ~her~ mind. Yes, Jean. I am here.>>
Good. Are you in your room? >
Yes.>>
Good. Scott's on his way over. Would you trap him for me?>>
Ororo sighed again, both mentally and physically. If it's all the same to you, Jean, I would rather just stay out of this whole mess.>> she said to Jean, remembering her last encounter with the . . . flippered Scott Summers. But on the other hand, he did have her shoes. Ororo opened her mouth and then shut it. Fine. But if you're not there in 10 minutes, I will release him. I have things to do.>> she half-lied. The "things" she had to do consisted mostly of finding Hank McCoy to treat her shoes for any diseases or bacteria and then to sterilize them thoroughly, because God only knew what Scott had done with them.
Ororo's attic door flew open revealing a dripping wet Cyclops. This time, he was dripping with a blue liquid. In his right . . . flipper he held Ororo's shoes; they were covered in yellow glitter. Each toe had one feather on it, one yellow and one red. Scott slammed the door and pressed himself flat against it, obviously afraid.
Pressing her index knuckle to her forehead and lowering her head, she shut her eyes. If she did not keep her emotions in check, a huge windstorm - or other disaster - could pick Scott up and carry him out the window. Despite her wanting to think it, she still wondered whether or not that was really a bad thing. "Scott," she said, eyes still closed, head still lowered, "would you care to explain this to me?"
"I . . . I fixed your shoes," he said helpfully.
Her eyes shot open. "You fixed my shoes?!" She inhaled and exhaled deeply, forcing herself to calm down. They had been nice shoes.
"I . . . I made them pretty."
She decided then and there that Scott Summers was crazy. After all, one could only take losing a wife and a family so many times before one snapped. "Scott. What is going on?" Storm asked slowly.
"Well, I was bored, so I started to talk to Jean. She was stressed so she yelled. One thing led to another and now, here I am."
"As for my shoes?"
Scott shrugged. "I can't explain what I was thinking when I did that."
"Neither can I, Scott, neither can I." Storm got up and walked to her window and put her hands on the windowsill, thinking. Finally, she turned around. "Is that it? Is there anything else you need to tell me about?"
Scott nodded his head, paused, then shook his head. He thought for a moment and frowned, deciding which question to answer. Finally, he decided to compromise. "No, I . . . yes . . . I have nothing more to tell you." He smiled proudly, happy for getting the right answer.
Storm bowed her head. "Oh, goddess, give me strength!" she muttered to herself.
The door shot open and Scott let out an optic blast at the perpetrator . . . knocking Wolverine flat on his back.
Logan jumped back up, popping his claws. He growled and walked toward Cyclops.
"Logan, Scott, stop it. There will be no bloodshed in my room. Which reminds me: why are you in my room?"
"Where's the Cajun? Is 'e here?"
"No," she said. "No, Logan, he is not."
"See ya, Ro." Logan turned around and left, claws still out.
Ororo looked at Scott and raised an eyebrow. "Why did you attack Logan, Scott?"
"I thought he was Jean!"
Storm walked up to Scott and put her hands on his shoulders. "Scott? My friend? Does Wolverine look like Jean Grey?"
Scott looked down at the floor and scuffed his toe against the floor. "Noooo . . . " he decided.
"Ro! Thank you for holding him for me." Scott was raised into the air by an unseen force. Jean appeared behind him.
"Traitor!!!!" Cyclops shrieked as Jean carried him away.
"Thank the goddess, they are gone!" Immediately remembering the past turn of events, she jumped up and ran to the door and locked it. But as she was walking back to her bed, there was a loud knock at the door. "Can I not have a moment of peace?!" she said, exasperatedly. "Must I keep getting interrupted from my much needed solitude? What is the point of a mansion if they all must gather in my room?!"
The knock at the door came again. "C'mon, Ro! Ah know yah're in there! Don't make me bust down this door, shug!"
"Rogue, could this wait? Perhaps and hour or so?"
"Shug, this is a matter of life and death!"
"Isn't it always?" muttered Storm as she opened the door. "What is it?"
"Have you seen Gambit?" Rogue asked breathlessly.
"Yes, he was right in here a moment ago, but he left."
"Was Logan here?" she cried, her green eyes growing wide.
"Why, yes. He just left."
"Oh, nooo . . . "
"Would you care to explain this to me?"
"Well, Bobby froze Wolverine's shower head and it broke off. Ah reluctantly let him use mine - and that man is hairy! He left a hairy clog the siza Atlanta, Georgia in there!"
Storm raised an eyebrow and folded her arms.
"Anyway, Remy came in and Ah had him sit on mah bed while Ah went to get mah gloves. As Ah was looking for them, Ah realized they were in Jean's room, so Ah left. When Ah came back, they were both gone! Ah later found out that while Remy was waiting, Logan came outta the shower . . . in a pink shower cap. He had heard me leave so he thought the coast was clear. He came out, saw Remy, panicked, and . . . " Rogue covered her eyes with one gloved hand.
"Rogue?" Ororo said gently.
"And his towel dropped!" Rogue shouted, making Ororo jump a little in surprise. They both shuddered. "Mah li'l swamp rat saw Wolverine in the buff!" She sounded very hurt. "And now, Logan's tryin' ta kill hm! Or at least rip out his eyes, which Gambit told me he'd thought about doing, too!"
"Well. That explains a lot." Storm walked to the window again. "Rogue? I think I may have found your 'li'l swamp rat'."
Rogue rushed to the window and looked out in time to see Wolverine chasing Gambit, Gambit looking back fearfully, and then running into the forest in a panic.
"Gambit! No!" Rogue turned to Ororo, her eyes wide with fear. "He'll never survive in there against Logan!"
Storm opened the window and held out her arm to signify to Rogue that she may use it as an exit.
"Thanks, shug," Rogue said, flying out. "Ah'm comin', Remy Lebeau!"
Sighing, Storm collapsed on her bed, using her power over the wind to shut the door. She silently watered her plants and took a well deserved rest.
Outside, Gambit was crouched behind a tree, waiting for Wolverine. If he didn't get out of that forest soon, he knew he was as good as dead. He had a better chance inside the mansion.
All of a sudden, Gambit heard a cry of surprise from behind him. He looked up just in time to see Wolverine flying above him, claws out. And if Gambit looked surprised, it was nothing compared to the look that Wolverine had on his face!
"Uh, t'anks, Rogue."
"Yer welcome, shug!"