After nearly a year, the lights to the building flickered on. Most of them were broken and would need to be replaced, the few that were not were dim as it was. Cobwebs filled the vast stage, dust filled the air and a foul odor was hard to ignore. It seemed that no one had bothered to give the stage for the reviews any TLC during the absence.
With torn up chairs, broken and dusty objects and clear signs of vandalism, it was going to take a lot of work to fix the place up.
Sitting in her usual chair, cradling a mug of hot cocoa was Spades. No longer did she have the Attack on Titan cloak, it having been replaced by a red hoodie. Other than that and a new pair of glasses, not much had changed with her. Well, there was one big change, she was no longer a high school student but a college kid, and that meant one thing; more sleep deprived reviews.
Like this one!
"Hello everyone!" Spades called out cheerily, the tired bags under her eyes the only sign of the lack of sleep she got had yet to cease over the months she was gone. She drew her knees up to her chest as she sat on the chair, "Sorry for the impromptu absence, there was a bit of personal problems that erupted between MC and I like an active volcano. We'll maybe explain it a bit more in our next duo-commentary, but to keep it short; we fought and now we're friends again and working on these again."
She gave an apologetic smile, scratching at the back of her head with her freehand.
"I'm really sorry about the hiatus, but it's hard to work on things together or be on here at all when we're both really angry at the other. You know? Besides, college stuff also got in the way a little."
Grinning yet again, Spades jumped off her chair; careful not to spill any of her precious scalding hot brown liquid, she marched around the stage with it's now creaking floorboards, "But we're back again. It's some work, but we're working on reviews, and we have an obligation to give you guys our shitty commentary in an attempt to make you guys laugh and smile!"
Stopping to stare at the empty audience, because who in their right mind is coming to a stage when everything is on the point of falling apart? Spade could only smile wider, "So, without further ado, who's ready for some more of Obsidianpaws train wreck of a life? Because I know I'm not!"
The screen creaked as it came down, one half of it falling completely so that it hung lopsided, viewers would have to crane their heads to the side just to read it properly and Spades could only give a weak laugh.
"We'll... have to get a lot of this fixed," she mused, "Or just get a new place to do these at."
PART 4 LOVETRIANGLE
Oh boy, now if that isn't a sign.
The next day obsidianpaw went to jayfeathers den. He looked at her with longing in his cool blue eyz.
It's always Firestar and Jayfeather, has anyone else ever noticed that? Whenever there is polyshipping, it always involves those two. The underage cat wants to be mates with the medicine cat and his leader grandpa.
When in reality, a girl having the hots for a guy and his grandfather is kind of gross.
He pured.
"I smell firestar on u" he said.
"I smell my grandfather who has a mate and kits on you, you dirty whore." Is what he really said.
"oh…uh…" obsidianpaw stammered.
Caught red-handed… or rather red-pawed.
"how abot….i get my scent on you to" he sugested.
IT'S ALWAYS JAYFEATHER AND FIRESTAR OH MY ENKINDLERS
Why can no one just let the Medicine Cat be single and not mingle?
Obsidianpaw blushed. Befor she culd do anything he waz kissing her. He kissed her harder than firestar.
Aaaaand drink! Cause kissing, over the year-plus of not working on this, I still have yet to find proof that cats can engage in steamy make-out sessions.
She enjoyed it.
Of course you did.
He took it to da next level by twining there tails together. Obsidians heart raced. The blud rushed in her ears. They both pured loudly.
Gross.
Obsidian left the den felling happy and satisphied.
I just now noticed that they no longer call her Obsidianpaw, but just plain ol' Obsidian. Is she not a clan cat anymore?
She new she liked jayfeather more den firestar
You shouldn't like either of them, because Firestar has a mate and Jayfeather can't have a mate, because it's against the Warrior Code. Why does no one ever care about that rule book their supposed to follow anymore?
…but firestar was so hot…suddenly a memery flashed in her mind. It was firestar making out wif her as a kitt.
OH MY ENKINDLERS FIRESTAR THAT IS SICK AND WRONG! CRADEL ROBBING AT A WHOLE NEW LEVEL SOMEONE ARREST THIS CAT RIGHT NOW!
He had always loved her….who wuld she choose?
Doesn't make the whole MAKING OUT WITH A KIT any less wrong!
PART 5 REGRET
I know that feeling. I regret reading this.
Obsidianpaw felt pain in her belly.
NOPE. NOPE! ABORT MISSION! I REPEAT! ABORT!
She immediately went too jayfeathers den…at leest it was an excuse to see him again. She still hadn't tooled firestar about them and it had ben a week!
Wow. You are a shitty mate. Can't even tell your mate that you ditched him for his grandson on the, what was it, same day? Same day you mated with him.
She went to his den and acted sexy,
-Takes another gulp of vodka-
I have yet to see a cat be 'sexy', and the day I do find a cat sexy, I want someone to throw me off a cliff.
she culd tell it gave him pleasure. "my belly hurts." She said az she ran her tale acros his cheek. Jayfeather let ot a cole breath.
This just… makes me uncomfortable? I'm not sure why though?
"ill check it out four u" he said. Obsidian ruled over on her bak. Jayfeather brushed his paw a long her belly. Befor he could start to do somthing she wuld have liked,,
I'm afraid to ask what that 'something' would be.
he gasepd.
"OBSIDIANPAW U R PREGNANT!" he gasped.
-And cue Spades screaming in her seat-
Obsidianpaw felt sick. "are…are…they urs or firestars."
"idk" jay said.
You guys are wild cats; you don't have the technology or capability to even check to see who's kits they are. Obsidianpaw, why would you even think you could tell just by feeling the belly.
But, I guess either way they're going to be kin to both Jayfeather and Firestar.
Obsidian cried on hiz shulder "i…i….hope dey r urs…but they culd be firestars….or…" obsidian gasped, remembering back to when she was first apprenticed and liked lionblzae
OH MY FUCKING ENKINDLERS ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
"THEY ARE LIONBLAZES!"
And you just knew that they are his… because that's a natural thing to do?
Jayfeather sobbed. "my own brother…." He cried.
Hey, it's better than them being your grandfathers.
Obsidianpaw felt bad but she new they wer lionblazes.
I don't know if you guys knew this, but, no sarcasm here, I really love when trollfics pull this bullshit. It just brings life into my cold dead heart because it's freaking hilarious.
She rushed to the leader s den an told firestar. Firestar gave her a gash on her face.
Whoa! What the Hell, Firestar? Did you seriously just attack an apprentice? A pregnant apprentice?
"DEY SHULD HAVE BEEN MINE" he yowled.
Because attacking a pregnant child-and-or-teen-because-I-don't-know-how-old-Obsidianpaw-is is totally the right thing to do!
Obsidian was hurt mentally and outsidely.
I think you mean to say 'physically', but 'outsidely' works okay, too.
She sobbed in the apprentice den…a cat came into comfort her. She luked up and it was…icewing?!
Sup, Icewing! Aren't you supposed to be in Riverclan? With your mate Mintfur?
(2 b continued pls stop hating. Are you team firestar, jay, lion, or ice? XD)
Wait… Ice? As in Icewing, as in Riverclan cat who should not be in Thunderclan territory? Are you saying she's going to be a love interest too?
Also, how can anyone be team Lionblaze when the poor tom has only been mentioned?
PART 6 NO HOMO
All of the homo!
Obsidanpaw felt comfortable next too icewing.
If I was a Thunderclan cat, and a Riverclan cat was randomly in my den, I'd be more on edge than comforted.
She crled up against her az ice licked her afectinately.
I am so confused as to why Obsidianpaw is not confused.
She kissed ice quickly and turned away.
Wow, she really is a dirty whore.
Instead of being shocked icewing kissed her bak on the lips. She kissed her hard and pressed against her. Obsidian shiverd. She luved a she-cat?
It's not all that weird or strange, but I just get the feeling that they're going to make it seem weird and strange.
"I cant be wif you I had an affair wif firestar, nd pregnant with lionblazes kits, nd jayfeather is my bf" obsidian said.
Wow, it totally sucks to be you, because it's not like you can just end all your cheating relationships and settle down in a healthy monogamous relationship, or a healthy polygamous one.
"ill be ur mate instead of dumb jayfeather." Icewing said.
Jayfeather is not dumb. Well, this one is, but the real one is not.
"ugh why does everybody luv me" obsidianpaw said.
Such a curse.
Icewing ignored her and kissed her more. Obsidian didn't proteest. Suddenly jayfeather walked in. he didn't notice cuz he waz blind.
You would think he'd notice the Riverclan cat in the den, but no, of course not.
He went ovr and kissed obsidian, her didn't know ice was kissing her to. Obsidian fekt awkward.
I would too.
"I wil father da kitz" jayfeather said and walked away.
Not even going to stay and try and talk about it? Just going to tell her that you'll be the father, not give her a choice and walk away? Yeah, real father material.
"that was close" icewing said.
That was bullshit, that's what that was.
Icewing walked away. what will I tell jayfeather? I want icewing too b the kits parent wif me not him. Obsidian thought.
Here's what you do, Obsidian. You just walk into the den, sit him down and explain to him that you care about him, but it can't work because he's a Medicine Cat and it's against the Warrior Code, so you can't let him be you're mate and father of your kits.
She cried and ran out of the camp.
Please don't come back. Just… get adopted by twolegs and never come back.