I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist.

"Envy?"

I felt a deep, resonating ache in my chest as I suddenly remembered. I clutched at my chest and gasped in pain. It was completely overwhelming, and images and scenes started to force themselves to my attention, completely overtaking my vision.

Suddenly there was nothing but blackness except for a lean, ambiguous figure standing before me.

"Who are you? What's your name?" I had lost a lot of blood and my spirit was destroyed.

They smirked, "Well, that depends. I can be whoever you want. So, who would you like, Mr. Fullmetal Pipsqueak?" He leaned forward and looked at me like I was a child, placing his hands on his hips, "Huh? Maybe a… Taller version of you?"

I growled at the short joke and threw a halfhearted punch, my body wore and tired. He calmly stepped back as my fist whipped past his face.

"My, my. The determined little pipsqueak wants to start a fight. But I donno… I'm really more of a pacifist."

"Stop calling me a pipsqueak, it puts me in a really bad mood!" I swiped at the air in front of me, about to clap my hands. My automail arm suddenly fell limp by my side. I stared down at it in horror. Next thing I knew, there was a swift kick to my head, knocking me back. Another kick, two more kicks. I flew backwards, landing right on my face.

"Just remember that you were the one who started this sparring match, Pipsqueak. Do you have any idea who you're trying to pick a fight with here? Huh?" A swift kick to my side flipped me over to my side. I gasped in pain, it hurt so much… I don't know how much longer I could hold up.

"The only reason I haven't killed you is that we were told not to. But I will never forgive you. And there will never be a time when I am able to forgive you, for carrying that bastard's blood in your veins!"

I was hyperventilating. I couldn't breathe. It hurt. It hurt so bad.

Another kick to my head sent me lying back on the floor. I could feel my heartbeat in my ears and the pain was relentless.

"This pointless chitchat stops here. So, Pipsqueak, why don't you shut up and get to work on the transmutations now? You can start by fixing the ceiling." He was kneeling over me now. I clenched my jaw and looked up at the ceiling but the memory was cloaked in blackness.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and put my hands over my ears. I knew I was making noise, I wasn't sure what. Maybe I was screaming, maybe I was crying, or maybe I was laughing. I couldn't tell. I just wanted this to stop.

He kicked me right in the face, "We weren't created by anyone. We were born." I clutched at my ribs, trembling. I was so scared. I was going to die here. Blood was all over my hands.

Please make this stop. Please.

"We laid the fake bait and sure enough, every idiot interested in the stone came flocking."

It hurts.

He wasn't talking to me this time. He was facing me, but he was looking over his shoulder at something in the blank darkness, "Hah. I thought for sure you and your brother would have gotten the message after your pathetic attempt to bring back mommy. You've got to spend life to make life. C'mon, this is basic alchemy here! Don't kid yourself into thinking there's someway around it, 'cause there's not. As they say, death is the high cost of living."

Anguish. Defeat. Hatred. Greif. Sorrow. Pain.

I felt my hands clawing at my open eyes, even though I could only see the lake of memories that I was being pulled into, "Make it stop…"

Memory after memory, I am sure that I'm screaming now. Every hit, every wound, he could feel it so vividly. Every emotion. It was hell. I'm sure I'm in hell. I could feel my wrists being pulled from my face and there was a hand on my chest, gently pushing me back down onto the bed. I didn't give it any thought. I couldn't. My body was screaming, and I was in misery.

"Quite an amazing feat, Edward," An old man graying hair commented.

"Doctor Marcoh? I was never sure where you went…" I gazed up at the man as a bright light flashed and suddenly a friendly looking man with stubble and glasses was standing in front of me.

"Sure you did, Ed. Oh, you were the one who found the old doc and just waved goodbye as he went into the furher's custody. Now, that was a great idea. Poor man ended up in that thing's stomach," The man pointed at something behind me and I turned to look, but there was nothing but darkness. I gasped, my past self seeing something that my current self wasn't able to.

"Wouldn't have died if you hadn't tagged him down. Of course, you were bad luck for a lot of us, weren't you?" The man pulled three knives out of no where and expertly threw them at me, but I dodged just in time, "I'd still be with my wife and my adorable little girl if I hadn't have met you. It must be tough fighting against a friend that you've already killed once."

I felt empty listening to the man's words, though I knew that it wasn't him. He leapt at me, pulling out another knife as he went to slice. I dodged, going to my knees as the knife flew overtop of my head. He went to knife me again, but I stepped to the side. Again, one went over my head as I got down. I took the man's arm and held it against his back, wrapping my arm around his neck. He dropped the knife as he tried to pry my arm away from his throat. We fell to our knees.

"Is that all you've got?" I growled.

"Release me."

"Impersonations with guilt trips attached?"

"Damn you!"

"You'll have to do better than that! You're still a homunculus under that face. Have you forgotten what I did to your friend Sloth? I killed her while she was wearing the face of my own mother!"

"Really?" Another flash of light as a brown haired woman with amethyst eyes turned to look at me, "That must have been very hard for you."

I was stunned for a moment and Envy used it to his advantage, throwing me back with an elbow to the stomach. He changed back to his original form, "So, not as tough as you think." He turned, smirking at me.

This time, it was an overwhelming amount of emotion. The physical pain from the earlier memories left their marks, but I could feel this down to my very core, "Make it stop," I repeated, "Makeitstop…"

"Do you think I'm gonna listen to you?"

"Go ahead and use it if you want. It's not like I care what happens to your little brother."

"Make it stop…"

"Lets find out," Envy put a knee to my stomach and I doubled over. I went to throw a punch, but he ducked, spinning and hooking his foot onto my face. I slammed onto the ground but got straight back up, lunging at him.

"You're gonna pay for this!" I aimed a punch at his face but he dodged gracefully. I kept throwing punches, but he would literally flip out of the way, suddenly playing gymnast.

"Keep trying, Ed. I'm much stronger than you!" He landed on his feet but looked down at his ankle. He growled, turning around and stomping at something on the floor behind him. My memory blanked everything but him and I out, I couldn't see what distracted him. I used his distraction to my advantage, throwing my arms around him and pushing him onto the ground. I straddled his waist and held his shoulders down. He struggled under me and tried to get up, but I punched him in the face. I went to punch him again, but suddenly I was looking at the face of a kind looking woman with brown hair and gentle eyes.

"Don't hurt me, Edward."

"Don't MESS WITH ME."I punched her in the face. Another flash of light.

"Edward, please, stop it!" The 'Doctor Marcoh' from earlier pleaded. I showed him no mercy either.

"Calm down," The man with glasses teased. I pummeled him.

"Give up, kid. You don't have what it takes to kill me," Roy's face growled from under me.

I laughed, "I don't think you could have picked an easier target!" I smashed my fist to his lower jaw, causing his neck to snap up.

"Show me what you really look like, instead of being a coward, whose only real power is hiding behind other peoples' faces!" I punched Envy's regular face, over and over and over again. I was losing it, my insanity bubbling up to the surface.

"MAKE IT STOP! MAKEITSTOP! MAKEITSTOPMAKEITSTOP-"

"Do you really wanna see?" Envy grinned sadistically up at me.

"Stop JERKING ME AROUND!" I pulled my arm back to throw the final punch.

"You asked for it!"

A flash of light.

My fist stopped. Suddenly, my whole body was shaking. I looked down at the blonde man underneath me.

"What's wrong?" His deep voice asked, "I thought you wanted to see."

I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. He had long golden hair, golden eyes, an elongated face with a strong jaw and a straight nose.

"You're… his son?"

"MAKE IT FUCKING STOP-"

"But then he abandoned me," The blonde man was continuing a story I hadn't been able to hear, "started fresh with his perfect wife and kids. Needless to say, I never did like being replaced." He had this sort of crazed look in his eye and then suddenly pain.

The worst pain I had ever felt in my life. Right through my chest. It was overwhelming. Devastating. Obliterating. Crushing. Annihilating. Silencing.

He pulled his arm out of me, tossing my limp body onto the ground.

The pain in my chest amplified tenfold at the last memory. I knew I was screaming, but there was a hand over my mouth, muffling me. I felt tears streaming down my face, my eyes were open but I couldn't see. I felt pain. The center of my chest was on fire.

I don't know how long I laid there. Minutes, hours, days, it didn't matter. The agony I was going through was subsiding and I was slowly gaining my vision back.

I could start to see someone leaning over me. I have stopped screaming, but their hand was still over my mouth. I blinked a few times, clearing the static from my vision, to see that my captor was Envy. He was straddling my hips and had my wrists pinned above my head with his other hand.

"What the hell, Fullmetal?"

I was trembling. I think I had the right to be afraid after everything I had just seen. I halfheartedly struggled under him, thrashing to get free. I pulled at my wrists and shrieked into his hand.

I quickly grew tired of fighting back, my earlier episode having drained all my energy. Envy just held on stronger and leaned in close to my face, looking into my eyes. He seemed confused and… Was that concern I saw?

"Are you done?" Envy asked mundanely. It seemed that the sin was also trying to grasp the situation just as I was.

I mutely nodded my head, not wanting to take my eyes off of him. My body was tense as Envy removed himself from me and sat in the chair by my bed, crossing his legs.

"Wh-what are you doing?" Saying I was confused was an understatement. This guy, who was most likely a very life threatening enemy, was calmly sitting beside me, almost like one of the visitors I had earlier today, like he was a friend.

Envy took a newspaper from the side table and tossed it onto my bed. Huh, Pinako must have left it here. "I heard you were back in town, I was curious," He said, like it was no big deal, "Where'd you go, anyway?"

I shrugged at Envy's question, bringing the paper to my face as I read the title, "Hero of the People Returns to Central!" Below was probably an outdated picture of a young blonde teen wearing a red coat and leather pants. I skimmed the article. Hero of Lior? Gone for four years and hospitalized, okay I knew that. Declared dead? The People's Alchemist? Wow. I've sure got myself one heavy reputation.

Envy decided to fill me in, waving his hands around for effect, "When you left, Gluttony ate Dante. We didn't have anyone to follow, so we just kind of dispersed and went on with our lives. Gluttony never got his mind back, but Wrath kept in touch… Though, I haven't heard from him in a few weeks. And you have no idea what I'm talking about do you?"

Was the blank expression on my face that obvious? I shake my head at him. He leaned forward as if he were observing me.

"I don't remember," was all I could say.

Envy perked up an eyebrow, "Huh? You don't remember what?"

I pursed my lips, "I donno… Everything, really. Except you. I remember you quite clearly…" I felt that deep ache and I reached my hand up and grasped at my chest.

Envy sat back in his chair, crossing his arms, "How do you mean?"

"I just woke up here yesterday. I don't know who I am, I don't know who any of the people are who visit me, and I certainly don't know how I got here. But when I saw you, suddenly a whole bunch of… Memories, I suppose, came crashing down on me. It was worse than that, though. I'm sure you noticed."

Envy seemed taken aback, "You… You really don't remember anything?"

I averted my eyes from him, "Except you, though I'm not sure why."

He then suddenly reached for the hand that was on my chest and replaced it with his own. There was a sharp pain and I gasped, but he just smirked.

"Ah, it makes sense why you would remember me. I was the one who killed you," He took the upper corner of my hospital gown and roughly tugged it downwards, slipping it from my shoulders and revealing a huge, nasty scar on my chest. My breath caught in my throat as I looked down at it.

"You killed me? That's… Then, how am I alive? I don't…" I stammered, yelping as Envy brushed a finger along the scar, small tingles of pain following its trail.

"Ooh, tsk," Envy pouted, "I left such a pretty scar, too," he chuckled darkly, "Say, Pipsqueak, do you remember that?"

"You could… Change your appearance. How is that possible? You changed into a blonde man and I hesitated… And then pain… My chest…" I croaked out.

Envy peered at me, as if expecting a bigger reaction, "You only saw what happened. You had no idea what was going on in those memories, did you?" He was still fingering my scar and it was making me uncomfortable. Hell, this whole situation was making me uncomfortable, especially the fact that those painful tingles were starting to feel…good. In a bad way.

I shook my head at Envy's question, "It was like I was the Edward in the memories, I could feel everything- physically and emotionally-, I just kept the mind I have now… And it was only me and you, everyone and everything else was blocked out, will you stop that?" I snapped at him, glaring. He gave me a curious look before placing his palm directly onto the scar. It sent a spasm through me and I gasped.

"Huh? Why should I?" He smirked.

I squirmed, attempting to push his hand away, "Feeeels weird," I whined childishly. Envy narrowed his eyes at me, but withdrew his hand. He leaned back in the chair.

"I still don't get why you're here! Shouldn't you be trying to kill me or something?" I pulled my hospital gown back up onto my shoulders, trying to take back what dignity I even have.

"Life got boring after you left. You kept things… exciting. And I don't think I'd get the right kicks out of fighting you like this, so you don't have to worry about that."

"Do you know where I went?"

Envy frowned at me, "No. I know you went beyond the gate, but I don't know anything past that."

"Gate?"

He merely shrugged, "Some weird alchemist shit. Don't ask me."

"When I woke up, Alphonse was here. He's my brother. He said something along the lines of that he brought me back from the gate."

"I know he's your brother, dumb fuck. But he brought you back? Hmm…" Envy suddenly looked like a light bulb lit up in his head. "Your memories! Equivalent exchange!"

Equivalent exchange? That phrase struck a chord with me, but I still had no idea what Envy was talking about, "Huh?"

Envy leapt from the chair, "You went through the gate when you sacrificed yourself to bring back your brother and to get back from the gate, you had to sacrifice your memories. The gate, it does this weird thing where you give up something in order for the gate to do something for you or whatever. I don't know, alchemist mumbo jumbo. Doesn't seem like enough, though. Your whole body to go through the first time, and then just your memories the second? Did Alphonse sacrifice anything?" Envy was half thinking out loud, half taking to me. I have no clue what he's talking about with sacrifices and gates, so I just kind of ignore it.

"How am I supposed to know? He seemed fine to me, except he was all emotional and shit. Is he always like that?" Oops, I probably shouldn't badmouth my brother.

Envy chuckled, "Yeah, pretty much. I like to keep tabs on the people around here, and your brother is a strange kid."

"You know these people?" Maybe Envy could help him out with his relationships with his new friends.

"Hell no. Not personally. I watch from a distance. I'm not exactly on good terms with the people around here, thanks to you."

Edward huffed, "Me? What did I do? And I was hoping you'd help me out. I have no idea how to handle anyone. Especially that Roy Mustang guy."

"Oh, you only turned the military against me and my 'family', no big deal," Envy shrugged halfheartedly, "And Mustang? Ever since you left, he's completely given up on himself. Even got demoted and reported to an outpost near Briggs just to isolate himself. Bet the guy's gay for you."

I felt my face heat up at this accusation. Then, I remember a question I had earlier today with my visitors, "How old am I?"

Envy gave me a pitying look, "That really is horrible. You don't have your memories, and you don't know anything about yourself? Damn. I'd say you're around 20 or so. Anything else you wanna know?"

I scoffed, "Besides everything? Please. I don't even know what I look like."

He raised an eyebrow and held out a hand for me. I looked at it questioningly. He sighed, "C'mon, Pipsqueak. I'll take you to a mirror."

I hesitantly accepted it, bringing myself to the edge of the bed and slowly standing up. I groaned, stretching my muscles a bit. I felt a breeze on my bum and squeaked. Hospital gown. Right. I reached behind me and held the ends together as to not show my backside.

Envy grinned at me, eyeing the top of my head, "You're still short." I feel like I should take offence to all these short jokes.

He led me to a bathroom. I stepped inside and slowly raised my eyes to the mirror. The man in the reflection wasn't too bad looking. I was tanned, toned, and tough looking. I had long, impressive golden hair that reached the middle of my back. The color seemed to be the same as my eyes. I had a strong jaw and a muscular body. The automail was a little intimidating. My shoulders were broad and my arm was thick. I turned to the side, still clenching the gown closed, and checked myself out. I looked up for a split second to witness Envy shamelessly doing the same.

"Damn, Shorty, even though you haven't gotten taller, you sure have filled out," He let out a low whistle. I felt heat rise to my face and looked in the mirror to see myself blushing profusely.

"Um, thanks," I mumbled. Envy led me back to my bed and gestured for me to sit back down. I complied.

Envy then turned around and looked through the window. The night was still dark but the morning was starting to peek around the edges, "I gotta go," He turned back to me, "I had fun, maybe I'll find you again," He then leaped from the window without another word.

"Goodnight?" I said to the empty room.

Though, I haven't had many nights here with this fresh mind, I could tell this was definitely going to be one of the stranger ones.

I grabbed my notebook from the table and wrote down new information I learned. I'm 20, I apparently sacrificed myself to bring back my brother, I was beyond some gate, I sacrificed my memories to come back, I remember Envy, Roy is probably in love with me, equivalent exchange, my scar feels funny when Envy touches it, Envy killed me, and I hate hospital gowns.

Wow, I hope no one ever picks up this journal.

Suddenly, the events from tonight all pressed down on me. The automail was still sore, and my chest still ached. Not to mention, I gained one terrible headache from those memories. I groaned and set the journal back on the side table. I closed my eyes and let darkness soothe my aching body.