Disclaimer: I don't own Teen Titans. If I did I would probably know what was going on in the comics a bit better, because as of right now I am freaking confused about the relationships of everybody. Feel free to explain if you can.

Philophobia

Chapter One

Philophobia: Noun: Fear of falling, or being, in love.

He was ridiculous. There was no other word to describe him. How else were you supposed to describe someone with green hair, an insufferable goofy grin, and an ego that could sometimes be bigger than Buckingham Palace?

"I swear to God, Gar, if you say one more thing to me about the meatloaf in the cafeteria I'm going to shank you," I snapped at him as I bit into sandwich that I had made at home. He was right, all of the cafeteria food was gross, but I was tired of hearing about it. "Why do you insist on having the hot lunch at all if you're just going to complain about how disgusting it is?"

"Because, Raven, I have to test these things out on myself before I let the public try them, just in case one of the ingredients is deadly."

"Yes, because half of the people in the cafeteria, who are eating the same thing you are by the way, would die if you didn't eat it first."

"That... is very true." I was pleased. There was nothing that he could say back at me, since he wasn't testing out the hot lunch, and some of the people in the cafeteria were eating it, and none of them were falling down dead. He was trumped, and he knew it.

The other people at our table were now talking about something else. They usually just ignored Gar and I when we were bickering about something, which was often, so sometimes Gar and I had to jump back into a conversation. Sometimes one of the others, Vic usually, would get sucked in the argument and then everyone got involved. But that didn't happen very often and that was a good thing.

"And then I told him to back off. And that was the end of it, that stupid Xavier Red," Dick was saying, with relish. Xavier Red was a bit of a jerk, yes, but it wasn't a big enough reason to hate him like Dick did. I think Kori, as well as some kind of competition had something to do with why Dick hated him so much, but I wasn't really sure.

"So then what happened?" Vic asked, and Dick started telling us Xavier's retort. Kori was paying very close attention to what Dick was saying, like she always does being the loyal girlfriend that she is, and Gar was now listening too. I have to admit that I was tuning him out; I didn't really care about Xavier Red anyway. So what if he was a jerk? Most people are, so it wasn't that big of a deal.

I continued chewing as I look around the cafeteria, people watching like I sometimes do. This was something that I usually did if I was ever forced to go to the mall (mostly with Kori, but sometimes if everyone went too) but sometimes at school it was just too.

There wasn't anyone that I really knew in Lunch C, which is when I have lunch, except for the people that I was sitting with, but there was a red haired football player that was shaking his butt like he was trying out for a Beyonce video while his friends were jeering at him.

"What are you laughing at?" Gar asked me, trying to follow my gaze. "Oh," he said when he finally saw what I was looking at and he chuckled. "That is just too funny," he added. "Who knew Bryce Nolan could move like that?"

"Yeah," I paused. "And I wasn't laughing."

"No, but you were smiling at him. For you that's as good as a laugh. I mean, you almost never laugh. Especially not at my jokes."

"I don't laugh at your jokes because they just aren't funny."

"Sure they aren't. You know you secretly think I'm hilarious."

"The day I find you even remotely funny is the day that I kiss you."

"Well, you're just dying to kiss me, aren't you?"

I rolled my eyes, "Oh yes, kiss me now! I've been waiting for you all my life," I said dryly, getting up from the table to get to Sex Ed, which happens to be one of the two classes that I share with Gar (if you count study hall a class), and is also a class that I share with Vic and Kori.

"I knew it!" he exclaims, and bumps his shoulder into mine. I stop. "What are you doing?" he asks, looking at me. "You're blocking the hallway."

I sighed; I couldn't believe that we were going to have this conversation again. "Okay, Gar, we've gone over this. I have a bubble around me. What's that bubble called? It's called my personal space. You don't get in it unless I touch you first, or if I want you to. Understand?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," is all he says as he holds the door open for me.

"Thanks," I tell him as I glide past.

"You're welcome," he says back, as he does every time he opens a door for me, which is often. He always holds doors open for me, which I think is a bit strange, but also nice in its own way. It shows that at least chivalry isn't totally dead, as my mother often says.

*

"Hey, Raven," I hear someone call as I open my car in front of my door.

I look up. "Oh, hey Garth," I call, dragging my backpack out of my car.

Garth was actually someone that I was on pretty good terms with outside of my five friends at school. In fact, my friends were friends with his friends, if that even makes sense.

You see, we both go to different schools even though he lives in my apartment complex which probably means that he would go to the same school as me. His mother, though, teaches over in Steel City (which happen to be Jump City's fiercest rivals in all things containing high school sports) so he goes to school over there.

Our 'groups' met at a track meet freshmen year (As if I was actually running. High school athletics? No thank you. That was Gar, Vic, and Kori's department.), and we all actually got along pretty well and kept up with them. Occasionally we all go and hang out, which have resulted in some pretty crazy times.

When I moved in Garth and I actually found that we had something in common other than our friends, and sometimes talk if the mood strikes us. I had a mad crush on him when we first met (something that Gar refuses to let go of), but now we are more friends than anything else. Although I still he think he is extremely hot, but that's a moot point.

"Nothing really, unless you count having a research paper due in Government and English as something."

Garth winced. "Ouch. That sucks; we don't really have our big ones due until the end of the year."

"You lucky dog."

We sit in silence for a while until Garth begins the conversation again. "So, how's Gar? Is he ready for the big race this year?"

I have to resist the urge to roll my eyes. Ever since the two of them met they have had this gigantic testosterone fueled completion, which as far as I'm aware, has no loser or winner.

In fact, I'm pretty sure Garth just does all of this to humor Gar, because Gar really is the one who started this whole thing in the first place. They're friends now, sure, but Gar always strives to beat Garth in swimming, something which they're both pretty good at… even though Garth is a better swimmer just by natural talent, if I was being honest.

"I'm sure he is you know how he gets about that whole thing."

"Talk to you later Rachel, I've got to go. I've got swimming practice at four thirty," Garth tells me, waving as he walks away.

Gar would have a cow if he knew that I was just talking to Garth. I smile at the thought of what he would say to me if he knew. When he's not trying to be, he's actually pretty darn hilarious.

"Raven!" my mother shouts when I enter the doorway. "Come, you have to see my latest painting. I'm thinking of calling it 'Serendipity'!" Like an eager child my mother grabs my hand and pulls me toward her painting room (which used to be her bedroom until she announced that she must have an artistic space). Once inside I cringe at the joyful opera music coming from the loud speakers. She really must have wanted to get into the mood.

"Wa la!" my mother exclaims, beaming at me excitedly. She only gets like this when it comes to her work (which is painting), and occasionally men. She likes to show people her work while she is still working on it, unlike most artists, or so I have heard.

My mother was an alcoholic, starting when I was ten up until I was fourteen years old. Evidently she got pregnant with me at a young age. She soon got kicked out of the house, and had to find a job, a place to live, and to top it all off she was pregnant.

So my mother did all of these things, had me when she was barely nineteen, and somehow managed to keep it all together until I was ten, which was when things just started to fall apart for her. She soon got into heavy drinking and left me totally alone when she went out at night to drink, and often came home drunk or with a hangover.

She had always been painting, though her painting instruments were fairly more expensive now, and she only painted with watercolors and construction paper when we were at our worst. When she was looking for a job (she lost many when she was still a lush) my mother was getting up to leave when one of her paintings had fallen out of her jacket and onto the man's desk.

The man knew brilliance when he saw it (or so my mother claimed) and offered her five hundred dollars for a stupid watercolor on paper. He set her up with an agent and helped my mother get started. Because of this, this money and promises of fame, did she go and get help for her problem.

To be honest I'm bitter about how well things worked out for her in the end. I know things were tough before, because I was there. I remember how things used to be when I was small, and even though we didn't have the best of anything we were still doing okay, scratching by. People have hard lives all the time and do not get drunk and abandon their daughters.

I had to sit and watch her get drunk, and listen to her while she would ramble on like an insane person. Sometimes she would hit me, or tell me how all of this was my fault and that I was a mistake. Of course she now says that these words weren't true, but they felt like it at the time and still feel like it today.

My mother has made lots of mistakes in her life (for example most of the men she has dated and married to), but one thing that isn't a mistake is her talent.

"Well?" she asks, not noticing me being lost in thought.

The first thing that I notice about the painting is that there is a lot of yellow. Different shades of yellow all over the place slashed with random red marks. Serendipity indeed.

"I like it," I tell her, because I do. Although I'm not fond of her 'happy' pieces (she will be in too good of a mood for me to deal with until she is done) I did like this one, and the vibrancy of the color is just brilliant.

"Thanks," she beams at me again. "Oh, and by the way, Kevin is coming over tonight for dinner."

I groaned internally. Her boyfriend Kevin is her flavor of the year, and although no marriage plans have been made yet I wouldn't be surprised if that happens.

My mother has been married three times, and all of her marriages ended in failure.

My mother is always in a relationship, and the one time that I have ever seen her not have a significant other was when she was drinking at her heaviest, which was when I was about twelve.

Once in a relationship she becomes almost dependent on them, gets over excited about them whenever she can, and becomes a mess for weeks when they break up. She has had many boyfriends, and since I'm not a problem child (meaning I am rarely at home) most of the men don't care that she has a daughter.

I have listened to her cry on the phone, listened to her moan and wail to me, and I have seen her extremely happy and loved.

I refuse to ever be like her. I do not want to hop from one relationship to another, become dependent on someone, and I don't want to fall in love.

I've seen what that does to people and I refuse to have any part in that sort of thing. No thank you.

From what I can gather love can turn you insane (my mother), hurt (myself and Gar), or in rare instances turn out fantastically great (Kori and Dick).

I only voice these opinions to myself, though, because I know that they would alarm other people. But when you have to listen to your mother whisper on the phone to some man, "I don't think that I can do this without you. Please, come back to me," it makes my mind up pretty fast. I refuse to become reliant on one person for all my happiness, the way my mother is or can be.

I, Raven Roth, promise to never fall in love.

Of course I had no idea what was to come.

A/N:You know, they say promises are made to be broken. :) Anyway, yes, I know a quick update! Don't get used to this. I'm not real pleased with this chapter, but I think it set a good foundation. It explains a lot, anyway, like why Raven is so bitter towards her mother, as well as love, plus we get some Gar/Raven at the top. :D