22

Kenny was having the worst birthday of his life. On the morning of the day he turned 22, he had recieved a phone call from his girlfriend telling him she was breaking up with him. So now he was sitting sadly at his friend Stan's house with a sad birthday hat on his sad birthday head.

"Don't even think about her, Kenny," said Kyle kindly. "The kind of person who breaks up with someone on their birthday isn't the kind of person you want to be with anyway."

"Yeah!" said Stan. "Cheer up. How about we go out and have fun instead of sitting here feeling sad?"

Kenny wasn't sure how he could not feel sad on this sad birthday of his, but he sighed and said, "Okay. Let's go."

The three friends left Stan's house. At this point, since he had been spending so much of his birthday moping, it was already somewhat late.

They went to a few different places but none of them cheered Kenny up. They went to a wacky store that sold lots of hipster-y glasses and Stan put on a pair and mocked Kenny's girlfriend, but it didn't even get a chuckle out of the very short blonde man who was short because he was poor.

Then, Kyle noticed a strange sight. It was a house with loud music and lots of bright lights flashing inside of it. "Hey, I think they are having a wacky party at that place!" said Kyle.

"We should go inside!" said Stan. A party was sure to cheer Kenny up.

So they went inside the building.

There was music blaring. Kenny thought it must be Taylor Swift, which he was happy about because he loves her music so much. For the first time that day, Kenny felt happiness!

Then he heard a girl next to him say, "Who's Taylor Swift anyway? Ew." and he felt sad again because he remembered the injustice of the world.

Then Kenny realized he had been so caught up in the music that he had lost his good friends, Stan and Kyle! He looked around not knowing what to do without his friends at this party where he knew nobody. He walked around and saw lots of strange things happening and lots of people socializing with each other, but he couldn't talk to any of them because he was still quite shy.

He ended up sitting in a chair in the living room of the house, still feeling a bit happy about the Taylor Swift music, but also feeling quite lonely because of his lack of friends.

Then he heard a saucy voice from above him. "What's wrong?"

He looked up and it was a large man with brown hair and multicolored eyes staring down at him. The man looked kinda familiar but Kenny couldn't place his finger on it. The man was so buff he looked like a character from Jojo's Bizarre Advertures.

"Well... My friends and I just kinda walked into this party where we don't know anybody, but they disappeared and I don't know where they are now. Also, my girlfriend broke up with me today, and it's my 22nd birthday."

The tall man took a large drink and said, "wow, that sucks. Wanna leave? I gotta get outta here anyways before they realize all the booze I stole."

Kenny had two thoughts at this moment about this strange, buff man. One, this man looked like bad news. Two, Kenny had to have him.

So Kenny took the man's meaty buff hand and followed him out of the building. They ran for awhile even though they really didn't have to run just because it was fun. Then the man held up a booze and said "want one? I have so many now."

"Okay," said Kenny, taking the booze. He wasn't an alcoholic.

So Kenny took a very big drink and said, "What's your name, anyways?"

The buff man looked offended. "You don't remember me, Kenny? It's me, Cartman."

Kenny spat out his drink in fear. "CARTMAN?" He thought back about the fat boy he had known as a child who had caused so many issues in his hometown. The boy had moved away in 6th grade and nobody knew what had become of him. He felt so confused.

"Yeah I got buff," said Cartman. "I worked really hard and now I'm the strongest man on earth."

"You're not the strongest man on earth," said Kenny.

"Oh yeah?" said Cartman. "Watch this!"

He lifted Kenny up bridal style and carried him in his arms. "See how strong I am now!"

Kenny laughed and said "That's not too impressive. I'm very small and malnourished due to being so poor after all."

Cartman laughed and said "You always were so poor." Then he put Kenny down.

Then began their adventure of roaming the streets and forgetting about Kenny's ex girlfriend. They ran around the streets. They went to weird stores. Kenny told Cartman about what Stan and Kyle were up to these days and Cartman told Kenny about his new town and his criminal record. They visited a strip club. It was great. Kenny felt so free, but also happy, lonely, and confused at the same time.

Finally, at midnight, they went to Denny's and ate some midnight breakfast.

"Wow, Cartman!" said Kenny. "I always thought you were kind of a dick, but you're actually kinda fun to hang out with!"

"You're better than I thought, too," said Cartman. I always thought you were lame because you're so poor."

The Denny's server gave them a milkshake with TWO STRAWS then!

"Hey!" said Cartman "that fucking stupid waiter thinks we're a couple."

"Well..." said Kenny, "Maybe he's onto something."

"huh?" said Cartman. "You were talking about your girlfriend earlier! Aren't you straight?"

"No," said Kenny. "I'm bisexual."

"Oh," said Cartman.

Then they kissed and Cartman was like "Wanna go to my place later?" So they did and it was great.