No Turning Back

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Chapter 2 Broken Nothing

Soundtrack: Blue October-Hate Me

I awoke to the sound of my alarm. Getting ready for school is very hard because I'm not just getting ready for school, I'm getting ready for Brittany. Today's the day. I smile at myself in the mirror. I'm satisfied with my appearance. I'm wearing a purple and black striped dress with a black leather jacket and matching black boots. And to top it all off I'm wearing our friendship bracelet. I'm sure Brittany will love it, because recently I stopped wearing it when she started dating Artie. I give myself one more look over then I'm off. I decide to skip breakfast in case I get too nervous and it comes back up. I get in my black 1968 Camaro and speed off to school.

When I arrive at school I realize that I'm really early. Brittany won't be here by now. But another person I need to see will be. I spot him in the library. I sit across from him at a table. "Hi Kurt", I'm trying to sound friendly but it just sounded rushed.

He finally looks up at me. "Umm Santana? Why are you here?", he replied cautiously. "Listen, before you jump to any conclusions I'm not here to insult you or to harm you in any way. Ok?" I say. I visibly see him let out a sigh of relief. Then his expression changed to confusion.

"Then...why are you here Santana?"

"I'm here to talk to you. To ask you some things"

"You and I have never really talked before...Are you sure it's me you wanna talk to? I mean we've never even-"

I cut him off. "I'm sorry Kurt" I look at him to see shock written all over his face. I continue anyway.

"I'm sorry for saying those awful things to you Kurt. You're a nice guy. I shouldn't have said them."

"Wow...I wasn't expecting that. Honestly I'm really surprised Santana. I never expected an apology from anyone. Especially you. But, apology accepted. Is that what you came here to say?" Kurt said slowly.

"Well yes. No. I did want to tell you that, but I have a question. Was...it worth it?"

"What do you mean?"

"Was Blaine worth all of the bullying?"

"Well we are not together, but so far it was just worth it to have a friend like Blaine."

"Oh. Ok. I'm glad you do. Um ok bye Kurt. See you in Glee club."

I get up to leave but Kurt speaks up.

"Wait Santana. What is all of this about?" Kurt says curiously.

"Nothing." I reply quickly.

I leave the library and walk back to my car. I grab my school binder and put the note in my jacket pocket. I walk back in the school and notice more people have arrived by now. I can see Brittany's locker by now. But then I see her pushing Artie. My heart drops at the sight. She stopped pushing him and is kissing him goodbye. I turn away at the sight. I run to the closest bathroom I can find. I quickly check to make sure no one is in there. When it's clear I finally let myself break. This is going to be harder than I thought. That was the first time I've seem them kiss. Hopefully the last time. I put my hand in my pocket and feel the letter. I realize this letter isn't good enough for Brittany. She at least deserves to hear it from me. It's what she's wanted right? I quickly fix my hair and my make up again before leaving the bathroom.

I see Brittany alone at her locker. Suddenly my confidence is no where to be found. I feel like everyone is staring at me. Judging my every move. I stop staring at her and slowly make my way to her.

"Hi."

"Hey"

"Can we talk?"

I can't believe what I'm hearing. I really thought that right after she said "of course I love you I do" that she would jump into my arms. But no. She chose him over me. The tears are flowing harder now. I really want to run away. But I want to know if I heard her wrong.

"Artie?"

"I love him too."

"I don't want to hurt him. That's not right. I can't break up with him."

Oh but you don't mind hurting me?

"Yes you can! He's just a stupid boy!"

"But it wouldn't be right."

I cant even hear her right now. The last thing I heard was "Proudly so." I try to think of a remark that would express how I feel. I'm not even sure if I said it. Next thing I know is Brittany's trying to hug me. That's the last thing I want right now. She's pitying me! I push her off. I can't look at her anymore. All I see is her feeling sorry for me. I turn around to leave. I can hardly see anything through my flowing tears. I've never felt this way. It hurts. In fact I need to vomit. I run to the nearest bathroom. I know people are staring at me. I don't blame them. No one has ever seen this side of me. When I'm done emptying my already empty stomach I see Quinn in the bathroom. "Leave!" she tells the other girls. I turn to look at her once we're alone. I'm sure she can see the tears threatening to spill from my eyes.

"Santana. Are you...ok?"

"What does it matter? You stopped caring. Along with everyone else." my own voice surprising me. I sound so hoarse.

"Santana what happened?" she said in a firm voice which means business.

I'm not sure why I feel like I need to answer Quinn, but I will. "I let my wall down. For once I let it down. See where it got me? Fucking nowhere...Screw this I'm outta here." I leave before Quinn could respond.

I'm trying to wipe my eyes off as I'm rushing out of school, but I'm sure the whole school knows by now that I was seen crying and vomiting in the bathroom. I reach my car in record time. I put my hands in my jacket pocket to find my keys. Then I remember the letter. It's gone! I'm starting to panic. I get in my car to check my binder. It's not there either! I must have dropped it inside the school! Too late now. I drop my head on the steering wheel and cry. It's like I can't stop. Why is everything in my life so wrong? I have never felt so alone in my entire life. Brittany chose Artie over me. The whole Glee club fucking hates me. The whole school fears me. My parents don't even know me. I lift my head up and attempt to wipe my non stop flowing tears. I start my car and speed out the parking lot.

I'm not sure how I make it home alive. I don't remember walking upstairs to my room, but here I am. Laying on my bed laughing at myself. How could have I be so stupid? Thinking that Brittany would actually want to be with me. Ha yeah right Santana. She deserves to live a normal live with her cripple boyfriend. She shouldn't be afraid to walk hand in hand down the street with her partner. I realize that she is better off with him. I can give her nothing. I'm broken.