"Morning, Detectives!" Maggie, the college-aged barista, greeted Amanda and Sonny cheerfully.
Most of the squad went to the same Starbucks every day: four blocks from the precinct, it was always in a state of controlled chaos, but over the years they had become acquainted with the staff. On several occasions, Amanda had witnessed Sonny and Fin shamelessly flirting with the girls behind the counter in hopes of free pastry - she hadn't quite stooped to that level.
Amanda hovered amid the hoards of customers with Sonny as they waited for their orders to be called, both of them still wearing their sunglasses despite being inside, like taking them off just to head back out into the bright winter sun moments later was far too much effort. Amanda slid her arms around Sonny's torso underneath his dark pea coat. Usually not one for public displays of affection, she was feeling particularly possessive that day. Maybe she was hormonal, or maybe it was because she noticed that Maggie always looked at Sonny just a little too intently whenever she made his coffee.
"You're having a good hair day," Amanda observed as she peered up at him with coquettish smile.
Sonny's hand found the small of her back as he grinned. "I'm always havin' a good hair day." He leaned down slightly to kiss her.
"You guys are gonna make me hurl. Can't a person just get a cup of coffee without bein' subjected to this?" Fin's familiar voice came from somewhere behind her.
Amanda rolled her eyes and released her arms from around Sonny to see Fin paying at the cash register. "You wake up on the wrong side of the bed, old man?" she teased her partner.
"I never went to bed. The sequel to my favorite game was released last night. I waited in line for five hours to get it," Fin explained.
Her brows knitted together in a combination of confusion and amusement; she knew Fin well enough to not challenge him on his choice of entertainment.
With coffees finally in hand, the three of them scurried through the cold toward the precinct and walked into the squad room together.
Upon her arrival, Liv told Amanda immediately, "Rollins, I've got Ms. Gray in the interview room waiting for you."
Amanda shook off her big navy jacket and took off her sunglasses, abandoning both at her desk. She wasn't expecting Laura's mother that morning, but maybe she had new information for her. Eager, she knocked on the door of the interview room before entering. Ms. Gray looked tired and frazzled, understandably so. She wasn't crying, but she was clutching a tissue in one hand like it was a definite possibility.
"Hi, Ms. Gray," Amanda said, sinking down into the chair across from the older woman.
"Call me Caroline. I'm sorry I'm here so early. It's just, I haven't been sleeping since... this happened to Laura," Ms. Gray explained shakily.
Amanda nodded in understanding. "How is Laura doing?"
"The same. Not worse, which I guess is a good thing." Caroline took a deep breath. "I know you asked me to try to think about the people in Laura's life, think about any relationships she had... but Laura was so private," Caroline stammered, looking to be on the verge of tears. "She had a couple of boyfriends in college, but nothing that lasted more than a few months. She was so focused on school..."
"It's okay," Amanda reassured her gently. "We've got other ways. We're going through her social media, her phone, to see what we can find."
"Those other families... of the two other girls. They are all so confused, so devastated... those were good girls, smart girls. They were doing the right thing, like Laura. Making lives for themselves..."
She bowed her head slightly. "I know."
Caroline suddenly reached across the table to grab Amanda's hand, squeezing it desperately, their gazes locked. "She's my little girl," she pleaded helplessly. "When her father left, I thought I would fall apart. Everything I did from that point forward was for Laura. If I lose her... I don't know what I'll do. You have to find who did this."
"Easy, Jesse. We want more in the pot than out of it," Sonny reminded the overeager three-year-old who stood on a step stool beside him at the stove.
Jesse was stirring a pot of sauce - or attempting to - after wearing Sonny down with repeated 'can I help?' queries. It was a cold night after a long day, Sonny's suit jacket discarded in favor of rolling up his sleeves and starting dinner within minutes of walking through the door. Amanda, of course, kept her distance; the kitchen was not her forte. In these scenarios, she typically sipped a glass of wine and offered color commentary. That evening, she was struck by how tired she was. The ongoing investigation was exhausting enough, but it was Caroline Gray's plea that had rented all the available space in Amanda's head.
She watched Sonny hoist Jesse off of the stool and set her back on the floor. "Good job. Now we gotta wait a little," he explained.
"It's cooking," Jesse informed her mother matter-of-factly.
Amanda smiled and picked her daughter up, resting Jesse on her hip. Jesse leaned her head against Amanda's shoulder, her little hand toying with the loose bow on her mother's silk blouse. "You a good girl today?" Amanda murmured into the top of Jesse's head.
"Yes," she answered sweetly.
"Did you learn anything?"
"Ella's dad drives a firetruck," Jesse reported, speaking of the neighbor downstairs who she often played with.
"That's right, he does. Pretty cool, huh?"
"Ella said my mom and dad are police officers."
Sonny glanced at her over his shoulder, an eyebrow raised, before he turned back to the stove.
Obviously little Ella didn't know about Declan, just the man and woman who seemed to care for her friend Jesse in the apartment above her. Amanda cleared her throat and said vaguely, "we're both police officers, yes..." It wasn't untrue.
"I know," Jesse said simply.
After a gentle squeeze, Amanda set Jesse down on the floor. "Why don't you go give a treat to Frannie, hm? I hear she's been good, too."
"Yeah!" the little girl replied excitedly, toddling away.
Arms crossed over her chest, Amanda chewed the inside of her lower lip. "I know I-"
Sonny turned around and shook his head, interrupting her gently, "let it go, 'Manda. Let her think whatever she thinks."
"You're the one who told me to tell her awhile ago," she reminded him.
He wiped his hands off on a dish towel before tossing it aside. He leaned back against the counter to look at her. "You know I love that little girl. I've read her 'If You Give a Mouse a Cookie' ten thousand times, helped clean her up when she's sick at two in the mornin', had everything I own drooled on, spit-up on... she ripped out four pages of my law dictionary, I'm missin' a bunch of the 'm's.' If that's what dads do, then..." He trailed off with a shrug.
Amanda knew what he was implying: Jesse may have been biologically Declan's, but three years had passed and he had never done the real work of a parent. Sonny had been involved with Jesse before she had even left her womb; he cared about Amanda, then he cared about Jesse, too, without hesitance or judgement.
Moving toward him, her fingertips played over the dark suit vest he was still wearing. She wrapped her arms around his torso in a hug that lingered, her cheek resting on his shoulder as his arms enveloped her. She leaned her weight into his body wordlessly, but her mind was turning: Amanda was always convinced that she would never marry, and that the concept of 'the one' was a pathetic fantasy, but in that moment she understood what all of her girlfriends gushed about. Sonny was rare and good, and she didn't know how he ended up there but she couldn't imagine letting him go. She felt her love for him in her bones.
"I got Laura's phone back from TARU," Amanda announced excitedly at the precinct. She was drained that morning, but that didn't impact how eager she was to share the new information with the squad.
"Yeah? Anything good?" Sonny asked her from his desk, not looking up from the notes he was scribbling about another case.
"Took them long enough," Fin mumbled.
"It looks like she's got a psychiatrist," she continued despite the lack of an enthusiastic response.
Sonny peered up at her, not appearing all that impressed. "Okay..."
"Dr. Jeremy Garner is his name. He works out of a huge practice in TriBeCa. I tried to get in touch with him, but his secretary told me he's been on a sabbatical in India for the past four-ish months. Incommunicado. Convenient, don't you think?"
"You're goin' Amaro on us. That doesn't really mean anything," Fin cautioned her knowingly, leaning back in his chair to put his feet up on his desk.
Amanda rolled her eyes, momentarily flustered by his reference and the implication that she was paranoid. "I'm going through the contacts of the other girls again now. Nobody mentioned they were in therapy but that doesn't mean they weren't, or hadn't been in the past. It could give us a lead. People stay stuff in therapy they would never say to friends or family, maybe there's something in those notes!"
"The doc isn't gonna tell you anything without a court order-" Sonny said.
"I know: HIPAA. I already left a message for Barba," she interrupted briskly.
Sonny abandoned his pen and his notes to eye Amanda skeptically. "Because this shrink has been away for four months and that happens to coincide with when these girls got attacked? That seems like a stretch, Rollins. You ask Liv about doin' this?"
"You new here, Carisi? Amanda prefers to ask for forgiveness, not permission," Fin interjected with a smirk.
"Rollins, to what do I owe this pleasure?" Barba asked her from his desk two days later, filling out paperwork, clearly distracted by something he deemed more important.
Amanda stood in front of him in her big winter coat with her beanie still on her head, cheeks red from the biting cold air of January. "Didn't you get my message?" she asked him breathlessly.
"I did. I thought my lack of response would be a sufficient answer to your question. It's too much of a reach," he explained, shuffling files around to move on to the next document.
Her eyes widened and her brow furrowed. "Come on! Dodds is up our ass to figure this out. It's not so implausible and I have this feeling-"
The counselor peered up at her with raised eyebrows, almost appearing amused. "I want this guy as much as you do, but do you realize how crazy people get around HIPAA and privacy, especially when it comes to mental health? You need to give me more than a feeling for me to ask this practice for protected health information."
She was getting tired of people trivializing her gut instinct - it wasn't like she had just become a detective yesterday. "I went through all of the girls' phones again. The other two - Cara and Sydney - they have that practice listed in their contacts. Isn't that a little weird? Therapists are a dime a dozen in New York City but they all had the same one?"
Barba heaved a dramatic sigh and set his pen down.
Amanda used his lack of response as an opportunity to continue, "besides their appearance, this is the one thing those vics have in common, Barba. I know it's just an idea but at least it's something and as of right now we don't have a thing except two dead women and one who is barely alive. He got sloppy, he didn't finish the job with Laura, but since when has that stopped a serial? He's winning because we're out of leads. We've exhausted the friends and family, the crime scenes are immaculate, the-"
He put his hand up to silence her, looking pained. "Okay, okay. I'll see what I can do."