A/N: Hey guys, I'm starting to have doubts about continuing this story, so please let me know if I should keep it going or not.

Rated M for language in this particular chapter.

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi (sadly) nor the lyrics to "Stay With Me" by Celldweller.

A/N 2: This is told in Clare's POV, and Eli's POV at a later point. I'm not going to mark the POV switches, but you'll be able to tell in the story. If it gets too confuzzling, leave me a review and tell me to fix it. : )

Chapter 2: Who Wants to be Alone?

How long as it been?

Days?

Weeks?

Time meant nothing to me anymore. Nothing did. Everything that happened after his death was a blur.

My spirit was broken. My heart left in shambles.

Nightmares plagued me every night….It was always the same-reliving the horrid moment of Eli's murder. I'd wake up upright in bed screaming at the top of my lungs and tears running down my face.

Two months. He's been gone almost two months.

I sat on the bed, hugging my knees to my chest. Eli….Why did you have to leave me? I almost expected to hear an answer…but there was only silence, no matter how many times I asked. I looked down at my neck and saw the golden cross necklace I had received as a birthday present when I was four. In rage, I ripped it off my neck and screamed, throwing it across the room.

How am I expected to believe in a God who took the only thing I ever cared for away from me? If God really loved me, why would He do this? I grabbed a fistful of hair and screamed again, frustrated at my never-ending torture of living without Eli.

I was sick of putting up with people's apologies. I was sick of everyone's opinions. After all…

"I should be happy that Fitz was put away for close to life. I should try to move on and get back into the swing of things. I should go to church like normal Clare did. I should go back to school before I get too behind in my studies."

I was sick of people telling me what I SHOULD be doing.

I SHOULD be with Eli….who SHOULD be alive. But he's not. …He's not.

I glanced over to the picture of Eli and me sitting at lunch together. He had his arms folded casually across his chest and was giving me his usual smirk, and I was laughing at him with my mouth wide open and my eyes squeezed shut in glee. Adam took that candid when Eli and I were having one of our many "awwwww" moments. I looked at the bottom of the picture frame and saw the ring.

I was afraid to reach out and take it. I didn't want to go back to that memory. I could only think of what if and why? What if Eli was here right now? What if he had survived? Why didn't I try to stop Fitz? Why didn't I try harder to protect Eli? Why do good people like Eli have to die? Fitz deserved death…not Eli…never Eli…Why can't I stop thinking about him? What if I never stop loving him?

Thought after thought after thought bounced around in my mind, making me cry more and more as I thought about these things. I grabbed the picture of me and Eli and held it to my chest, choking back a sob. I curled up into the fetal position on my bed, tears streaming down my face.

Mourning was a physically and emotionally exhausting time period….and my body was too exhausted to continue. I didn't want to sleep…but I slowly began drifting off…and when I closed my eyes, the first thing I saw was Eli's perfect face…

.

.

.

.

.

God, I wanted to hold her in my arms again….for her to know I was with her…that she could feel me when I touched her cheek or hear me when I whispered in her ear. But I couldn't.

I promised Clare I'd never leave her, and I'll be damned if I don't stick to that promise. I was with her through everything…she doesn't remember of course. But I do. I'm doomed to remember. I was with her in the hospital when she was sedated and being treated for shock. I was with her at my funeral when they practically had to pry her off of my casket.

And even now, I'm with her…Every day, every night, every nightmare, every thought. I'm with her.

It's been almost two months. As much as I longed for Clare to return to normal, I had a feeling that it wasn't going to happen anytime soon. I couldn't bear to see my blue-eyed angel in so much pain. She knows me. She knows I want her to be happy.

God, this sucks so bad, I thought to myself. But it could be worse, Eli…you could have been sentenced to an eternity of not seeing Clare period. At least I'm with her.

"Eli, why did you have to leave me?"

I know Clare couldn't hear me, but every time she talked to me, I felt the need to respond…just in case by some miracle she'd understand.

Clare, baby….I could never leave you. I made a promise, didn't I?

As soon as I finished that thought, I felt something smack my forehead.

Ow, dammit. What the hell was that?

I rubbed my forehead and looked down…it was Clare's cross necklace. She never took it off. I heard her scream in frustration and grab fistfuls of hair.

I jumped up off of the floor and ran to her, throwing my arms around her protectively and whispering into her ear.

Clare, shhhh, shhh….you need to stop. Stop doing this. You're hurting yourself. Calm down baby, everything is going to be okay.

Maybe my words had some sort of effect, because as soon as I finished whispering to her, she slowly calmed down, whimpering as tears streamed down her face.

We both looked to her nightstand at the same time and saw the picture of us. Ah, Clare looked so beautiful…not that she didn't every day. God, she thought something was hilarious….she was making such a goofy face. How could I not love her? I may have been smirking in that picture, but dear Jesus, I was hysterical on the inside. She was the only one who made me that happy.

I watched her glance at the ring. It pained me to see that she couldn't even touch it. It was supposed to be a symbol of love and happiness for the both of us….now it was just a constant reminder to her of loss and pain…

"What if Eli was here right now?"
Clare, I AM here…you just don't realize it….

"What if he had survived?"
Then you'd be a lot happier and I'd be a lot less dead. I smirked at my sarcasm.

"Why didn't I try to stop Fitz?"
Blue-Eyes, Fitz would have hurt you too. Your life meant more to me than mine. I couldn't risk it.

"Why didn't I try harder to protect Eli?"
Clare….you did. Every time you warned me against fighting, you were protecting me. Of course, we both know I'm a dumbass and I never listen.

"Why do good people like Eli have to die?"
Life's a bitch sometimes. That's why it's so unfair that you're suffering because of me.

"Fitz deserved death….Not Eli….Never Eli…"
Yeah, tell me something I don't already know But I have a feeling that Fitzy-boy is gonna get what's coming to him. As for me, I DID deserve it…for not listening to you and putting us both in a shitty situation that could have been avoided.

"Why can't I stop thinking about him?"
Because there's a glimmer of hope that you realize I'm here with you…that I'm talking to you…that I'm watching over you.

"What if I never stop loving him?"
Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with that. But due to the circumstances, I figure it would be in your best interest to move on. It's obvious that I'm not going to stop loving you, but you can't let this continue, Clare. You've got so much ahead of you in life.

I sighed as Clare curled up with the picture clutched against her chest. I curled beside her, stroking her hair. I knew she didn't want to sleep, but her health depended on it. I swore to myself I'd make sure she didn't have any nightmares tonight.

I leaned over and kissed her gently on the cheek right as she closed her eyes and began drifting off.

I love you, Clare. Always have. Always will.

It's funny….she squinted her eyes, as if she wanted a better look…..as if…..she saw my face…..

A/N: Hope you guys enjoy! Send me a review and let me know what you think/if I should continue this story or not. : )