A/N: hey, I decided to put the chapters together for each episode. So I've finished episode one, but if you've read this before you can skip most of this and I'll put a little A/N where the next bit starts. The next but is the same AN as before so you can skip it.
A/N: hey, so this is my story 'my mad, fat diary' it's based off the T.V show, 'my mad, fat diary' so the name was really hard to pick you see. Oh and it's set in 1996, and was originally an English T.V show, so uses a lot of old slang and relates to English bands and festivals such as 'oasis live at knebworth!' So if you don't understand Any of it just PM me or leave a review.
Anyway this is the description.
My name is cam. Its 1996, I'm 16, 16 stone, and desperate for some love. Oh yeah, and I've been in a mental hospital for a while. But I'm gonna listen to the love doctor and take on the big wide world. Of course, that means leaving the mad house behind me. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I'm gonna find out if there really are any cool people in roseville. I need to love a boy, until theres nothing left. The problem is, either I'm gonna be to big for the world, or the world is gonna be to big for me. And diary, if anyone ever finds you, and thinks I'm crazy …well, they just might be right.
My Mad Fat Diary.
Sitting in the hospital corridor, waiting for my therapist.
Boring as shit.
There's doctors walking around the place. But there's one man that stands out. Not because he's in a suit, or be sure of his big bald head, well maybe. It was because he was touching the big pile of bird crap on his head, whilst repeatedly mumbling the word "shit"
He walked into the room that I had been going to for the past 4 months. The room that belong to my old therapist Dr. Khan
He closed the door and I sat there wondering, if he was a new therapist, of if he was stealing from him.
He opened the door again whistled and waved me in.
I sat down in the chair opposite his desk, while he stood up upon the desk taking the fire alarm down.
He opened the window, sat down and said "I'm Dr. Kahn's replacement. Dr. Solomon. You can call me Joe. Is it Cameron?"
"Cammie or Cam." I interrupted quickly.
He started smoking a cigarette.
"I told Dr. Khan to ask you to start keeping a diary-"
"Well you can't read it, because Dr. Khan-
"I don't wanna read it, it's private, it's for you."
I shuffled in my seat uncomfortable.
"You always this quiet?" He asked.
I shrugged in reply.
He blew out some smoke and stated speaking again. "You know there's a theory, that you can decide the majority of a persons characteristics in the first five seconds of meeting them. What do your instincts say about me?"
"My instincts say that a bird took a dump on your head."
He did a very breathy laugh. " so, yo survived the first week, still in one piece I see. What have you been up to?
"Look, with we're just talking-"
"I'm not Dr. Khan."
He put his cigarette out. "So what have you been up to this week?"
Sighing, I leaned back in my chair "not much."
LIE!
Big lie! This so has infact been pretty momentous.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
wednesday 10th july 1996
Day 1: freedom
Dear diary,
I'm 16, i weigh 16 and a half stone, last time i checked anyway. And i live in roseville,virginia.
My intrests include music, vegging out and finding a fit boy, on scratch that, any boy to quench my ever growing horn. unfortunately, I already have a lover that makes me lone pregnant.
Food.
But there is a difference between snacking and binging, and I don't binge, anymore.
And if anyone ever finds this diary, and read it and cones to the conclusion that I'm crazy… they'd be spot on.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
Chapter 1: Big Bad World
Sitting in the cubical, head leaning against the wall.
"Go away. I'm not speaking to you."
"Why not?"
"You're abandoning me. You're leaving me here with all the mental's."
"I'll be back for my sessions all the time."
"You don't be back, you'll be off going to loads of parties, boy parties."
"Liz, we both know that there a zero cool people in Roseville."
I heard a slight sniff, followed by a "tissue please, skinny."
I pulled some toilet paper and passed it under the cubical wall.
I walled off of the stall and opened her door. Liz was sitting on the floor willing her nose with the tissue.
"You get a new tooth brush?" She nodded her head slightly.
"I'm gonna miss you." I said gently.
Poor, lovely, messed-up lizzie.
"Here." She handed me a hospital tag that said
"to skinny, always
Love fatty xxx"
It was a joke we had, because she was so small and I was so big, she was fatty and I was skinny. It was ironic.
"Go." She said, holding back the tears.
I half smiled and walked out the door.
The vending machine. The place I had been to so much, but not lately. no lately, its been salads instead of chocolate.
"Hi Cam."
"Hi."
. Expert moisener of lady gardens. I wanna eat his face.
I pulled my water out of the vending machine.
"Same, it's good for the skin." I said, noticing the bottle in his hand.
"Yeah I know, yeah. I drink 2 litres a day. Probably what makes you go to the loo every half hour."
"Pffwhaghh," I kinda giggled out. I looked at my hands awkwardly. "I'm getting picked up in 20 minutes."
"Shame."
"Why's that?"
"Because I never got the chance to do a sex on you."
OK, OK that never happened.
"Cam?"
"Yeah?"
"Don't get up to any mischief."
We both laughed "well, don't go changing, you keep drinking that water!" AWKWARD!
Oh god! Why do I always say such twatish things?
Four months locked away, four months convincing people my finger is no longer on the self destruct button. Finally, i was leaving.
Finally, I was free.
I stepped outside, on the ssteps, waiting for my mom. And waiting. and waiting.
The cars that went passed started to get louder and louder. I turned quickly, and started banging on the door, asking to be let back in.
Nobody answered.
Slipping the last of my change into the nearest phone box, I stang the only person I knew s who could help me.
"Hello?"
"Im not ready!"
"Where are you?" Liz said, concern laced in her voice.
"Outside." I looked up to the window to see Liz looking out at me through the curtains. " im freaking out! I'm having a freak out!"
"Just count to ten."
"I don't think I'm strong enough to make it on my own!"
"You're not on your own. You've got your mom, and all your friends."
"My moms a nightmare. And I haven't got any friends. You're my friend." The phone stated beeping now "the pips are going! What if something really bad happens?! What if I have a proper freak out, what then?"
"Just count to ten."
"Yeah but-"
Cut off by the phone.
We looked at each other, and waved sadly, gently, to each other.
As I turned to get out, I started counting to ten. Fast.
Just held it together.
It had just stopped raining, while I was sitting on a step, waiting for my mom.
A car pulled up with a terrible sing playing.
Mother.
We were sitting in an awkward silence, every so often, she would turn and look at Me.
"Look, I'm sorry I was late. It was only ten minutes."
"40 minutes."
"Give over with your '40 minutes' you talk more random than dog shite sometimes."
I still didn't look at her.
And got a cigarette out.
"Do you want one?"
"When have I ever smoked?"
"You might have started."
Outside was the most interesting thing in the world to me at that moment.
"There's some blue ribbons in the glove box." Mom said.
I opened the glove box and pulled out the chocolate. I offered her one.
"Nah,no i cant,love, I'm on the alphabet diet."
"The what?"
"Each week, you only east food stating with a certain letter. Makes you rotate all your food types. This week is W."
"So you've nearly done the entire alphabet."
"No, i started on S cause i bought a load of scotch eggs, cheap."
*sigh*
"But I've lost 6 pounds though. And that's what? Just over a month? A month and a bit?"
"A blue ribbons got wafer in it. Wafer begins with W." She looked at me like i had may solved the world's problems, looked at the chocolate, licked her lips and took the chocolate. I put the rest back in the glove box and changed the radio station.
We hard beeping from behind us,i turned to see 3 motorbikes with 3 boys and 2 girls. They like like they were having fun. Fun. When's the last time i had anything to do with the word fun.
We came to a stop sign, and they stopped next to us. One of the girls turned around.
"Oh no," i shuffled further into my seat.
"Cam?" The girl asked, i pretended not to hear her.
"Whose that? Mom asked like it wasn't anything bad.
"Macey."
"Cammie, oh my god!" Macey continued.
"Chloe? She's blossomed. Look at her chest."
Macey got off the bike and walled over to the car. I looked at my mom like she was insane. Did she really just say that?
The knocking on the window disturbed me from my thoughts.
Standing out there in all her glories was macey, my oldest friend. That i haven't seen in 4 months.
"Please don't embarrass me." I said as i reached the door handle.
"Oh, get over yourself. And don't be long, we're in a rush."
"Come here!" Macey said while hugging me."why didn't you tell me you were back? How was France?"
"France?" What the hell? France? My mother told people i went to France? " yeah, it was great. It was rally nice."
"I cant believe you've been gone foot a month-"
"4 months."
"Well …I'm glad your back anyway."
"Cam!" I heard my mom shout before she started reving the cars engine.
"Yeah, i should get going."
"Oh, no no no listen, you've got to come to the pub (bar) tonight with me and the gang." She gestured to the others on the bikes. " the guys are fit, right, and there all single." They were all to busy doing stuff to notice me anyway. "So please say you'll come tonight, please." Macey practically begged.
I looked over at them as one of the guys were taking the helmet off.
Yes, please...
Oh he was just.. There are no word to describe how good he looked. Uh, how i with i could just-
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, i mean I'm a bit busy but, it would be cool to hang out with you. In France all i did was hang."
"Definitely."
"I'd probably get withdrawal symptoms if i stopped hanging."
Macey looked a bit confused "yeah"
"Cam!" And honked the horn. For 10 seconds.
"I better go." I said rushing to get back in the car.
"Yeah, well, i'll see you later."
"OK, bye." I did closing the door.
My mom looked at me with an exasperated expression.
"France!" I practically yelled.
"Well i had to say something, you told me not to tell anyone."
"France?"i sighed as we turned in the opposite direction to macey and her gang.
"Why didn't you just tell them i had glandular fever or something?" I said as we drove off.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
Welcome to the house of pain. Barely enough room for one person. Let alone me and her. I'm not even in and I wanna get out.
I've lived in this house my whole life, but I don't think I can consider it a home. Not with everything that's happened in that house.
My loving mother knocked on my window " come on Cameron, I've got something to show you." Then walked to the boot of the car.
I got off and followed her there. "What?"
She looked around before opening the boot.
A MAN! A man was laying in the boot of the car. My mother was smiling and waving slightly at a man in the boot of the car!
Once inside, my mother stated to explain. " Cammie, this is karim. My lover. Isn't he something?" She barely whispered the last part before he started kissing her neck and squeezing her butt. A lot of came out of my moms mouth before she remembered i was there "say hello." Giggle "Karim say hello now" giggle.
He stopped missing my mother neck and turned to me. "Pesz to me u." He m mumbled whilst shaking my hand.
"Why were you in the boot?"
"No, well he can't speak much English, he speaks Arabic and French. That's what the speak in Tunisia."
"Err.." He said gesturing to my bags, before snatching them and running out of the room.
"Right who'd like a sticky waffle?" She's terrible at changing the subject.
"Why was he in the chuffing boot?" I said as soon as he closed the door.
"Look," she looked around as if to make sure there were no spies eavesdropping on the conversation. "Now, look, he hasn't done anything wrong, but there are people looking for him."
"What people?"
"Immigration. He's not aloud to be here, not just yet. Just got now. He, err, he ran away from his holding place and, err, well we fell in love." Giggling like a teenager. "Now, no one can know about this. Not just for now, is that okay Cameron?"
Were jet looked at each other for a minute, before Karim growls and basically tackles my mother into a bear hug. I walk out before I had to witness a live seed show.
There Is a difference between snaking and binging. And I. don't. Binge. Anymore.
This thought whirled through my mind as I found myself face to face with the thing that has basically started this all. In other words, the confectionary cupboard. $60 dollars worth to be exact. I walked away before the temptation came to much for me.
Ever feel like you're returning to the scene of crime?
I looked around the room that held so many memories. Posters, pictures, even my old bed set with the rainbow pattern. I rubbed my foot across the station that had basically changed my life, when I noticed the mirror in the corner. Sighing, I got up and turned it around. Even I didn't like what I looked like, how could anyone else, let alone a boy.
A picture of Damon Albarn replaced me as I mentally relaxed. "Oh Damon, I love you, but I've gotta get out of this house and meet some real boys."
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
Macey met me at the door of the bar so she could introduce me to the afformention 'gang'.
"Right look, when you meet everyone, just try and be cool. Yeah? I could try and get you in with them but there a pretty exclusive bunch. So…just don't be upset if it doesn't happen. Okay?"
"Yeah."
"You ready?"
"Yeah."
We walked through the bar. Through the crowds, smoke and music.
Being in a bar is weird, when 8 hours earlier, you were in a mental ward. I felt like a criminal, like a renegade. Like it was so obvious I wasn't meant to be there.
I felt alive.
"Everyone, this is Cammie."
"Hey." I said, trying to keep my cool.
"Hiya." "You 'right" & "hmph" answered me back. There was 2 guys and 1 girl.
"Do you want a drink?" Macey asked as I sat down.
"No it's alright, I don't drink." I said as one of the guys stated looking at me.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Where's Josh?" Macey said sitting down.
"I dunno. Somewhere. He said he was coming." The other girl.
I started to freak out. I was figuring out the quickest exit route, and i don't know why. I just couldn't control myself.
Then, one of the guys slapped a badge out of the girls hand. A birthday badge that has 16 on it. I felt better. Just knowing that if anything happens, were all in this together.
"What you doing? Are you trying to get us kicked out?" He said as she giggled.
"Here, make yourself useful and take a picture of the biggest pythons in sports entertainment."
"Do you mean these?" The guy next to him said, as they simultaneously put up their arms as she took a picture. It came out and everyone stated laughing.
"Josh," someone on stage said into a microphone,"get up here!"
Oh my God. The guy from the road was walking on stage. Oh is it possible for him to look even hotter than before.
He picked up a guitar as the whole place started chearing. "This is a little bit that came out a few months ago." He said, and stated strumming his guitar. Oh how i wish i was that guitar.
He started singing return of the mack.
Two words: Gushington central.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
After that we went to the local chippy.
So this is what I've worked off about the gang.
-my oldest friend. We kinda grew apart over the last year. I guess i kinda had my own stuff going on. Like wondering why my best friend was growing apart from me. Like wondering why i was having a secret mental break down. But whatever, is complicated i guess.
"There's no toppings on this." Bex complained as she opened her pizza box.
"You've opened the box upsidedown you div." Grant said as she just giggled.
- she's so cute. I've only known her for two hours, but i can't imagine her having a negative thought about anything.
"You two are so like a married couple sometimes." Macey said.
"Err, gross, it'd be like marrying my sister." Grant said.
"Yeah, so gross." Bex said with less enthusiasm and a bit of disappointment.
There three boys:
3. Grant- rating: slice. He doesn't even go to school. Macey said he works down at some garage fixing cars or something.
"I don't care what you say, Jennifer Aniston is first then Pammy." Grant said. "Theres only one women whose first then both."
"Bollux who?" Zach asked.
"Your mom!" Grant burst into hysterics before Zach stated squirting ketchup all over him.
4. Zach- he a bit of a grumpy sod. He's such an epic slice but he massively knows it.
When he stopped with the ketchup, grant through a sausage and it it Josh in the face.
5. Josh- ultimate slice. Half geek, half rock god. So hot, he'd make a priest much a whole in a stain glass window. I wanna do 14000 romances on him.
He picked up some fries and chucked them at grant.
It was now a full on food fight as i stood at the back mouth open as a pizza hit grant in the face.
It got to the point where we got chucked out cause they were making such a mess.
I couldn't believe it. There were cool people in Roseville. This was it. This was my chance.
6. Cammie?
Everyone was covered in food, and stumbling all over the place. Grant was giving Zach a piggy back, as macey stated to speak.
"Oh, everyone! Announcement. Party at mine on Saturday to celebrate Bexs birthday!"
Cheering filled the empty street.
And all I had to do, was just be normal.
They got into a group huddle and Bex said "take a picture" as Zach grabbed the ccamera.
"Look, here you are, maceys mate. He shouted, handing me the camera. I went to grab it when I talked my hospital tag was showing. I quickly zipped down my sleeve and grabbed the camera.
"Zach, is Cammie" macey said
"Yeah sandy take a picture of us."
I took the picture, and when the photo came out, shook it till it developed. Everyone surrounded me to look at it. "Grant, your guns nearly don't fit in the picture." I said as everyone started laughing.
I'm off to a good start I think, as I go home.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
I put the picture in a little frame on my bedside table as I looked through my lunch box and found a peperami. I opened it thinking of Josh.
I've decided, there are three ways Josh is goons go out with me.
1) If he secretly has a thing for big women. Like Lenny Henry has for Dawn French.
2) Apocalyptic catastrophe takes out all other women in the earth and therefore my humps become a precious commodity.
3) I feed him biscuits until he's fat too.
I sighed with boredom. I noticed I still had the peperami wrapper.
"If this goes in the bin, Josh will definitely sleep with me." I said to the picture, as if making a wish.
I threw the wrapper and... It missed. Terribly.
I tried again with a piece of draft paper. And again. And again. And again. To make this easier, let's just say I tried twenty times before giving up and going to sleep. OK 25. I mean 30. OK OK 35. I can't lie to my diary. That's just wrong.
I was awoken in the middle of the night by someone climbing through my window. I switched the lamp on.
"I had to see you." Was all Josh said.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, quite taken aback.
His response was as simple as taking his glasses off.
"Let's not talk." He said before lunging down at me and claiming my mouth. My hand went to the top draw grabbing some rubber, if you know what i mean, as he took his shirt off. Just as we started to get intimate, i heard a strong Tunisian accent.
"Please! Please!"
"Why are you talking like that?" I asked.
I heard it again so i switched my light on.
I followed by
" Oh, Karim! Oh! Oh! Karim! Oh!"
I went on for ages, as i tried to get back to my lovely dream, but to no avail.
I went downstairs to find my mom making a cup of tea and some toast.
"What?" She asked as she noticed me in the door.
"Do you have any idea what time it is?"
"It's quarter to five." And said a bit skeptically
"It's quarter to five," i repeated, "and I'm awake." I said stepping further into the kitchen.
"What do you want? A medal and a round of applause? " she said, half laughing too herself.
"I want to be able to go to sleep, knowing that I'm not gonna be woken up by the sounds of you, getting your bone stroked."
"I beg your pardon."
"Just stop having sex at top volume, yeah?"
"I didn't know we were being loud."
"There people in Washington that probably think the world's coming to an end."
"Oh, come on Cameron, you talk more random than dog shite sometimes."
"Would you stop saying that! It's just stupid!"
She started walking towards me
" you, watch your tone with me young lady. You remember who your talking too."
"Do you know what-" and then I said it. The worst thing I've ever said to my mom. And, as I'm feeling mega guilty anyway, as might as well do the top three.
Worst things: Top three:
3. "Mom?"
"What?"
"Why's your bum bigger than all the other moms bums?"
"Cameron... Morgan!" She whisper hissed at me.
2. "I wanted a Kylie one!"
"Well, maybe we couldn't afford a Kylie one."
" well, maybe if you hadn't made dad leave, you'd be able to get nice things!"
"Cameron... Morgan!" She said it a bit louder this time.
1. "-it's no wonder i went mental is it? When I've got the biggest screw-up in the history of screw-ups for a parent!" Silence. "Go on. Say it. 'Cameron Morgan'"
She didn't though. She just left the kitchen. Sighing, i rested my head on my arms. It be and really apparent again. The confectionary cupboard.
"12345678910." And then i walked away.
Thursday, 11th July, 1996
Day 2.
No ones called. I love Thursdays in the hospital. In the mornings, me and Liz would catch up on the charts and eat toast. And in the afternoon we'd have group, and then go out to the lake with Jonas two hats and play ten questions.
But now, there's a new gang i suppose. But why haven't they called. Have i ducked out up already?
I took my hospital tag off, and put it in my pocket.
I came to the bar because, well, because i wanted to be in this group. I wanted friends. I wanted to be one of the cool people in Roseville.
"Cam?" She walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder and looked around like she didn't want anyone to see. "What are you doing here?"
"I was just passing, thought I'd nip in." We started walking over to the group at the table.
"Do you know, i would of rang, but, it was kind of a spontaneous thing. You know how it is." I only nodded in reply.
"Ah, this music's doing my head in, Josh, put something decent on the jukebox." Zach said, sliding twenty cents over the table.
Music. My turf. Go big or go home.
"I'll do it." I said, putting my name on the coin before Josh had even lifted his.
"No I want Josh to do it. He knows his music." He said turning to Josh and so winking nonchalantly.
" I know my music."
"Look, pam-"
"Its cam."
"As in Camden?"
"As in Cameron, or Cammie." I said with a shake off my head.
"Whatever, cam, it's my 20¢ and I wasn't Josh to do it."
"If you don't like what I put on, I'll give you your 20¢ back." I said getting out of my seat.
It was time to drop the big guns. And I hereby present my case for gang membership.
I such on "sabotage" By the Beastie Boys. And the. Whole. Place. Cheered.
Spin on that Zach.
I walked back over to the game where Zach was shaking his head, but trying to hold back a smile.
"Hey, nice one." Josh said as i sat down.
"Yeah it's not bad. For mainstream." I looked at Zach as i said the last part, and he turned away.
"I don't think we've been introduced properly. I'm Josh." He said sticking his hand out.
"Hi Josh." I'd shag him untilk there was nothing left. Just a pair of glasses.
"Cam, you're still coming to my party on Saturday right?" Macey asked out of nowhere.
"Am i invited?" I asked.
"Course you are, you silly moo."
"Tell everyone!" Bed suddenly chipped in. Tell everyone what?
"Alright. Right listen," she said tapping a glass add if this was a speech at a wedding. Which it could be. Knowing macey. "As you all know, i am proper excited about moving into my new house, so, i am defined to say that Saturday night will be my first ever... pool party."
Bex cheered.
. "pool party?" Grant said like it was the crappiest idea he had ever heard. I might just have to bump your rating up there grant." Get in there!" And be stated cheering. Okay cancel that.
This I'd like my own personal hell.
"Are you kidding me?" He said and everyone else joined in cheering."who wants a snake bite?"
Okay, let's just make this clear. On normal days i don't drink, hell, ive never drink before in my life, but that news, well, i think it's a good enough excuse.
"Yeah i do." I said grabbing one out of his hand and downing it in one. Add i was doing it, Josh,Bex and grant were cheering me on, and macey and Zach are just starring at me.
I am never dining again!
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
(A/N: THIS IS THE NEXT PART OF THE STORY WHERE YOU CAN CONTINUE READING!)
I am never drinking again!
Friday 12th July: day 3
My first hangover. I felt like an orangutan had been sick on my brain.
"The big question is one-piece, bikini or monokini?" Macey asked when we were out shopping for swimming costumes.
"Well... where's the makes-you-not-look-like-a-massive-bloaterkini?" i asked, fed up with the idea of swimming.
"What?" She asked after opening the dressing room curtain. Noticing that I hadn't even made a move to try them on yet'she motioned to them "well go on, try them on!" She sounded a bit too excited for my liking.
Exasperated, i closed the curtain, the universal signal for 'I'm trying them on now leave me alone!'
There was a time where i refused to wear anything other than a swimsuit.
"Will you help me get pasty please?" My nine year old self asked me.
I looked up and got one down. "You shouldn't east to many of these, you'll get fat." I said factually.
"I don't care if i get fat! They taste nice!" She said, making a grab foot the pasty.
"But if you get fat, you won't be able to wear a swimsuit, and boys won't like you." I said gently, as if i was breaking done really bad news.
"I don't like boys. And even if i did like boys, and i was fat, and i wore a swimsuit, they'd like me anyway." She said as if it was obvious.
"Why would they like you?"i asked as i chuckeled.
"Because I'm brilliant!" She said just before she bit into her pasty.
"Cam!" Our mom called.
There's no fucking way anyone is gonna see me in this. A green a white polka dot bikini top. No way. Just... no way.
I started to smell smoke. Not like fire smoke, but cigarette smoke. Omg no! She's not! I walked over and opened maceys booth.
"What are you doing?" I said, seeing the cigarette in her hand.
"Burning one." She said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which, it kinda was, just, i was wondering more of the why.
"But, you don't smoke."
"I started yesterday. You know it keeps you thin." She said matter of factly. she took another Puff.
And then... The fire alarm went off.
While i was still half naked with the bikini.
We both gasped, as she tried to put the cigarette out and stop the smoke, as i rushed back to my dressing room, quickly.
But the store manager was quicker. Just as i closed the curtain, she opened it and pulled me out.
"We're evacuating the store, you really need to get outside!" She said pulling me out of the changing room. I tried to pull away and go back in, but she wouldn't let me. She keep repeating that we had to get outside as she got macey out as well. She picked up an inflatable crocodile and handed it to me as she continued to push us out of the store and onto the busy highstreet. I had the inflated crocodile wrapped around my torso as people were waking past and staring.
"Oh my God I'm so sorry cam." Macey said.
Pepe were laughing, staring, pointing, anything that had to do with my embarrassment at that point.
"Just ignore them cam."
10. 12 3 4 567 8 9 10! 12345678910!
"Oh! Jabba! Do you want the rest of this Burger? I lost my appetite!" Dillon said walking past.
"Cam, are you okay? What's going on?" Josh said coming out of nowhere. Dillon and his group of twats started chanting "jabba!" Over and over again.
Maceys words played over in my mind as a whole crowd started chanting with Dillon.
Its no wonder i went mental, if this is how I'm treated.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°••°•°•
I got home and leaned on the counter in the kitchen. There was music in my head again. The cupboard seemed like a friend at this moment.
"1." i stated to myself "2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10."
I hadn't realised in that time, i actually started waking closer and closer to the cupboard, and now, i was there. I opened it and started. And I'm not that easy to stop.
•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°
I sat at the table eating chocolate. there was a pile of wrappers sitting in front of me that i had to dig trough to find things that i hadn't yet eaten.
I picked up a fairy cake, but dropped it on the floor. Then i poured the rainbow drops into my hand. I realised what i was doing and through them across the room.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
I walked through the corridors i knew so well. Everything felt like slow motion as i made my way to our meeting place.
"I'm back. I lasted what? Two days?" I started while crying and sniffling, "something happened.*sniff * It was sooo embarrassing *sniff*. My skin feels itchy with it. *sniff* I hate to think that people would have gone home and *sniff * talked about it. like it was a joke. The Yorkshire puddings or something. *sniff * is too much out there. I don't even know how to explain it. It just smashes up all of your senses. I'm not strong enough to deal with it all on my own." I started to let out sobs, but held back as much add i could. "Tissue please, fatty." I reached down, but Liz want doing anything. I walked to the next stall and opened the door to see it empty.
"What are you doing her?" I heard from behind me. I turned quickly to see Liz standing there with a bemused expression on her face.
"I've got some good news."
"What?" She said, her face brightened immediately.
"I've decided to come back. I just don't think in ready."
She looks a bit pissed now. She walked over to the sink and picked up the flowers. She walked over to me and pulled then out of vase. I thought she was giving me a welcome home present. Wrong!
She poured the water on me, dipped the vase and then started beating me with the flowers.
"Ow! Stop it! Stop it!" She still wouldn't stop, so i grabbed her wrists,"just stop it!"
"Everyone in here is holding in to there lives by there fingertips cam! And you get given the chance to state p start again and you don't want it!" She screamed in my face.
"I don't like it out there." I said walking to the Jessie of the toilets.
"No! You don't like it anywhere, because you don't like yourself! You better start doing. Because I've been trying to be more like you for months. And I'd there's no hope for you then, what hope I'd there for me?"
"What if something bad happens? Something really bad? I tried counting to ten and it didn't w work."
"Then you put on your cam armour and you charge at it!" She reached up and pulled the remaining flowers out of my hair. "Promise me you won't come back."
"But i really miss you." We were both crying at this point. She hugged me and kissed my cheek and nods.
°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•
So the pool party.
To swim or not to swim?
Not to swim.
Turn up to a pool part with a bag of booze nicked from your mom, then no one will care if you swim or not.
But how to escape?
I'm thinking window.
I climbed out of the window, onto the little ledge where the living room sticks out a bit further.
As i was climbing down off that, i used an old pot hanger to balance my weight. well, let's say i might have put a but too much weight on it, cause the next thing i know, I'm falling through the air, and landing on moms plants.
"Jesus, cam! You bloody ruined my flower beds!" My mom said rushing out of the house.
She started dressing the cut i got on my hand.
"You shell like a brewery." She said. "Next time you wands borrow some booze just ask. You should know we haven't got the right sort of guttering for sneeking in and out of windows. "Take your top of, let's have a look at your back."she said starting my shirt up.
"No, no way." I said getting up and walking off.
"Come on cam, its not like i haven't seen it all before. When you were little you used to run around naked all the time."
"Yeah well I'm not a kid anymore."
"Karim," mom said then motioned for him to leave. age lifted up my shirt again and started pressing on something sore.
"Ow!"
"Alright alright, its alright. Its just a bruise." I sat back and she picked my hand up up and had a posture odd tweezers in her other hand. "You sure you're airtight about going to the pub and stuff?" She pulled some pottery out of my hand "i do worry about you you know?"
"I'm fine."
"Are you still going to this pool thing today?"
I sighed and looked away.
"It didn't matter what people think about you."
"Yeah, well your not the one who has to stand in a swimming costume next to Macey with her gravity defying boobs. I'm gonna look like a condom filled with bolonaeges sauce."
"Remember when you were little and we went to Disney world, and you said i had a big ass in front of Tina Walters parents?"
My eyes widened add i looked away "no... why? Did it upset you?"
"You get used to it. Plus i was sleeping with Tina Walters dad at the time so fool on her."
She pulled another piece of pottery out.
"I'm sorry about what i said the other day. In the kitchen."
"That's fine" she said, before pulling another bit out.
°•°•°•°°•°•°
I walked up to Macey's unfairly massive house. Why can't she realise that not everyone if rich,
I heard music playing, and looked through the window to see Bex, Macey, Grant and Zach there in there swimming costumes.
"Cam?" I heard my name from around the garden.
"Hey, Cam." Josh said as I rounded the corner.
"Hey." My genius reply, was.
"There's something different about you today.." He started, as I tilted my head in question. "Where's your inflatable crocodile?" He asked. It was meant as a joke. I know, but it hurt. It hurt that someone this beautiful time my life is a joke.
He scoffed "actually,I thought you were fantastic. There's not many people that could of style it out like you did." I smiled in response. "C'mon. Let's stay here and chat. I don't fancy a swim."
"Why not?" I aired sitting down next to him.
"I don't rally wanna talk about it."
"Tell me."
"No, you'll laugh."
"Maybe."
"Ahh. Well, err.. I've got spots on my back. Like... Back acne."
"Backne?"
"Yeah."
"Show me."
"No."
"Show me... Show me." I repeated.
"No laughing." He said with his dinner in the air.
"Alright."
He turned so his back was to me, and pulse away the back neck of his shirt.
Oh my God! Even his spots were really sexy.
"Well?" Josh asked, bringing me out of my trance.
"Well, there's hardly anything there. No ones gonna see anything." I said reassuringly.
"Look, let's make a deal. I'll go in if you go in."
I thought about it for a minute.
"Alright." I said as we shook hands
Deal.. Oh shit!
°•^•^•^•^•^•^•^•^
I say at the side or the pool, looking at all the albums, in my swimsuit and dressing gown. Macey walked into the swimming pool and smiled at me reassuringly. She started talking to Josh, as he was on the lilo, grant was currently kissing Bex's foot while Zach poured the drinks.
Macey started swimming towards me.
"Is there something wrong?" She asked.
"No, why?"
"So aren't you getting involved?"
"I'm DJing, duhh" I replied as if it were obvious.
"We don't need a DJ, just stick on now 33." As if that answered everything.
"Are you kidding? That's got father and son by boyzone."
"Yeah, well, we will just get out and skip it. Look your not gonna make friends if your sitting on the sidelines the whole time."
"Are people talking about that?"
She looked over at the group "they might be. Look, you don't want people thinking you're weird do you?" I shook my head. "You don't want people thinking you're not normal? Just come in," she waited for my reply. "You are boring." She turned and swam back to the centre of the pool. "Boring!" She repeated.
I thought about what she said, before standing up, putting the albums down and taking my dressing gown off.
I proceeded to walk to the little slide at the other side of the pool. Everything in that moment was in slow motion, as I pulled myself up onto the slide.
I pushed myself down and closed my eyes as the sudden speed hour me, expecting to fell the coldness of the water consume me.
But instead,I got stuck. Stuck on the water slide. My big fat ass got me stuck! Once again, my weight has embarrassed the hell out of me.
They all turned to look at me, one by one. I heard Macey mumble "oh god."
Bex and grant came up from under the water and looked at everyone. They seen then all looking at Mr so slowly turned there heads.
°•°•°•°•°•°•
"So that's it? You went to a party. And the party was okay." Joe said as I said an abridgement of my week.
"You know cam, these sessions are meant to be a time when you can open up. Discuss with someone, confidentially, how your really feeling."
"I told you. It was alright."
"Tell me how you're feeling right now. And be honest."
I just sighed in response.
"Okay, I'll tell you how I feel. Two weeks ago, my wife kicked me out, so I've been stopping on my brother couch ever since. This morning I wake up and there's no milk. I bought that fucking milk and he used it to drown his sugar puffs in. So with no cup of coffee I find to work, get shat on by a pigeon, I meet my new patient and she's about as open as a nuns foo." I didn't know what to say at this point, so I just say there looking at the floor with my mouth hanging open. "So, how do you feel?" He asked again.
I exhaled loudly.
"I feel like... I hate being here. I feel like I hate this room."
"What do you have most about it?"
"Well the pictures. There shit."
After I said that he did up and walked across the room to a picture of a man holding a baby. He took it off the wall and walked to the window. He dangled it out, then looked to me and dropped it.
"Wing you get into trouble for that?"
"No, if anyone asks, I'll tell them that you did it."
"I'll tell them you're lying."
"Well, who are they gonna believe? I'm not the one with the history of me so illness."was his genius reply.
"What about the ink blob?"
"That... Reminds me of a sanitary towel."
"Then out it goes." He said before taking it off the wall and throwing it out of the window.
"What about buster Keaton?" He said referring to the picture of buster Keaton looking depressed on a step.
"No. Quite like that one."
"Yeah me too" he then sat back down.
"What did your instinct say about me? After five seconds."I said the last bit almost as an after thought.
"I can't remember."
"I don't believe you."
"My instinct said, that you see yourself as a fragile thing. Like a little broken bird, sloshing around in a bottle. But if you trust me. If we trust each, then you'll be alright. Because, basically, I think you're a pretty tough cookie."
°•°•°•°√°•^•^•^•^•
I sat there at the end of the slide not knowing what to do. Josh looked at me sympathetically. I looked around the room, when my eyes landed on grant.
"Grant?"
"Yes, m'dear?" He asked why an English accent.
"Come use those big arms you been building to prise my fat butt out of this slide."
I noticed everybody relax. Even Zach, who always looks so moody, settled for a small smirk at my attitude.
"No problem cam." He said chuckling as he swam over to the slide.
We all started splashing around.
"Barman! A lemon hooch I'd you'd be so kind." I said to Zach as he was the only one not in the pool. And plus he had all the drinks near him."and turn that shit off!" I said, noticing the song that was playing. Everyone started laughing.
We were all in the little sauna that was near the pool, deciding who was going to the chip shop.
"Why don't we play a game for it?" Bex suggested.
"Alright yeah, I've got a good one. Maybe... Last one into the pool should go..." We all froze and looked at each other with wife eyes before jumping up and running out.
Bex got there first, followed by Josh then me. Then Zach and grant so Macey had to get the chips.
The doctors looked at my legs and said 'didn't it hurt? Didn't it hurt so much when you were doing it that it hurt to breathe?' at least they remind me i survived. But only just.
I can't believe I've actually got a group of friends. I can't believe I'm finally out. I can't believe they actually think I'm getting better.
I looked up from where I was in the pool to see Macey with my jacket and the hospital tag Liz have me before i left. I waited to see her reaction, but water got splashed in my face and I forgot about it.
Hey, so, did you like it, love it or hate it? I know loads of people say that, but what can I say? I'm a sheep.
BTW, I made Mr Solomon the bald therapist because otherwise cammie is would have a better relationship with Dr. Steve. And I didn't like that.
I did this cause this is one of my favourite shows and series two has just started. *happy dance* and Gallagher girls if one of my favourite book series, so... You get my point.
Oh and by the way, there will be zammie! There just had to be jammie first. So be patient grasshoppers!
Anyways, review what you think, how I can improve, what you like or don't like, pretty much anything really. To do with the story anyway.
I should hopefully update once a week, maybe more. I'm thinking it might be around 24 chapters, but I'm not to sure yet.
Anyway, thanks for reading
Irish Gallagher Girl