The Promise part 2

reminder this is rated M for adult themes/references to child abuse- things get a little intense this chapter.

Ezra stepped into the gray sweat pants and pulled the drawstring tight. They were a little long for him, but at the moment he didn't care. He reached for the long sleeved t-shirt Vin had provided and quickly pulled it over his head. He couldn't seem to quit trembling. Ezra knew that everyone would be here when he stepped out of the room and right now it felt like a sanctuary. His insides twisted with the knowledge that he was a coward. What kind of man runs away in fear of another? Certainly not Chris' kind or Vin's kind. No, somehow he alone fell into that category. Ezra sat on the edge of the bed and wearily buried his face in his hands. Wincing, he pulled back and looked at his bruised and torn palms. When did that happen? He closed his eyes but opened them immediately as the memories started to descend. Maybe he could get through this if he could just keep his eyes open. He jumped at the knock on the door.

"Ezra?" It was Vin.

"Come in." Ezra didn't look up as the door opened. Vin leaned casually against a dresser.

"You gonna come out of here tonight?"

"I'm considering."

"Ain't gonna do you any good to hide away in here."

Ezra's head snapped up and he glared at Vin. "What the hell do you know about what will do me good?"

Vin never blinked. "Know you're hurting and you have friends out there that want to help."

"They can't."

"You once said we helped just by being there. I reckon that's what we're offering this time."

Ezra stood and crossed his arms in front of him as a shudder swept over him. "This time is different." Park's face flashed before him and he knew he was going to be sick again. " I gotta go." Pushing past Vin, he hurried across the hall and into the bathroom.

Vin waited in the hall for him to come out. "Feel better?"

Ezra shot a look of annoyance. "Hardly."

"Come on out into the living room."

Pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger Ezra sighed. " I don't see as I have much of a choice."

Ezra felt like every person in the room turned in unison to stare at him as they entered the living room. He couldn't look at them. He let Vin steer him to the couch and push him down. Chris was sitting next to him. Shifting uneasily, Ezra pushed himself as far into the corner of the couch as possible without physically cowering. 'Cowering,' he thought 'if the shoe fits.' He ran a trembling hand over his face and stared at the coffee table.

"You want some coffee, Ezra?" Josiah was just bringing a handful of mugs in to everybody.

Ezra's stomach lurched. "No."

Buck couldn't stand it any more. "What the hell is going on?"

"Buck." Josiah tried to calm him, but Buck ignored him.

"It's him, isn't it?" Wilmington's voice grew louder as he spoke. "It's Parks. I spent an entire week with that bastard and I want to know."

Ezra jerked back like he'd been slapped when Buck said Park's name.

"Shut up, Buck!" Chris barked.

"You shut up!" Buck stepped forward. " I need to know, dammit. That man is, is..."

"Not bad for a paper pusher," Ezra's low statement descended on the room like a hammer.

Buck staggered back a moment before moving to Ezra's side. "Ezra, come on. Please, I didn't know."

Ezra nodded. "What's to know?" he asked. It didn't matter any more. He was falling apart and he was falling apart in front of the only family he'd ever known. The only men he'd ever truly trusted were seeing him for what he really was, nothing.

"Ezra." Buck touched Ezra's shoulder.

Ezra recoiled instantly at the touch and jumped to his feet. Quickly, he moved to the sliding glass doors and stood staring out at the night. The rain had let up some, but was still coming down.

Everything was coming down, He thought running a hand through his hair. He caught the reflections of the others behind him. Josiah squeezing Buck's shoulder in comfort. Vin standing quietly a few steps behind him.

JD had turned around in his chair and was watching him. "Don't shut us out, Ez. We're here remember?"

Ezra closed his eyes. "So is he." He leaned his head forward against the cool glass.

Another memory attacked in the darkness. Parks was standing over him laughing.

"Well, look at it this way, kid." he paused, looking down to zip up his pants. "at least you're good for something, so quit your blubbering or I'll make sure you have something to really cry about."

Ezra heard movement behind him and opened his eyes again to make sure everyone kept back. His own reflection stared back at him. He blinked and looked again at his slouched shoulders, his eyes swollen with emotion and filled with terror. His hair was a disheveled mess.

"Coward," he whispered. Suddenly the rage and shame was more than he could bare and he launched himself at the reflection, screaming, "You fucking coward!"

Vin heard Ezra's whisper of 'coward' and the rest of the room heard the second reference, but none of them were prepared for the violence that erupted. They reacted in slow motion at first hardly believing that Ezra was screaming and throwing himself at the glass door. The first loud crack of glass snapped them into action.

"Shit." Chris was on his feet.

Vin reached Ezra first, but was thrown off before he could get a hold of Ezra's fists. "Ezra, stop!" he yelled as he picked himself up off the floor.

"You fucking good for nothing son of a bitch!" Ezra was sobbing as he attacked the glass, heedless that it was splintering and cracking. Strong arms wrapped around his chest pulling him back and away from his target. Instinctively, Ezra threw his head back.

"Damn!" Chris cried out releasing Ezra and grabbing his nose as stars and lights flashed before him. He felt someone grab him and steady him.

"Easy, Chris," JD whispered.

Buck tried to grab Ezra, but ended up falling back and knocking Josiah and Nathan to the floor.

"Ezra!" Josiah shouted just as the sliding door shattered around their friend.

Ezra stumbled through the jagged opening and onto the porch, glass embedding into his arms and feet. Blood streamed down his face where a shard had caught him along the hair line. He blinked through the warm liquid, struggled to his feet and ran into the night.

Chris fought with the door trying to force it open so that no one else would get cut trying to get through the broken glass. He searched anxiously for a sign of Ezra. They had no idea how badly he might be cut and right now they had no idea what else he might do to himself. Finally, the door released and with Josiah's help,they slid it back enough for all of them to get out.

Vin was out first,running into the rain and shouting for Ezra. "We have to find him, Chris," he gasped as Chris caught up to him.

"We will."

"There!" JD pointed towards the drive way.

Ezra was running down the gravel towards the road.

"Get him off the drive and into the grass!" Chris yelled as they started running.

Ezra could hear footsteps coming up fast behind him and knew he had to run faster, but couldn't coax any more speed from his abused legs. A shadow on his right made him veer left. The shadow moved forward slightly in front of him and another shadow took its place. He turned abruptly and took off across the field in front of Chris' house.

Buck saw his opportunity as soon as JD and Vin caught up with Ezra and steered him off the gravel. Launching himself forward, he wrapped his arms around Ezra's legs and brought him down in a tackle.

Ezra fought with all that was left in him. His legs confined in a solid lock, he swung at his assailant with his arms. His elbow connected with Buck's head knocking him off center and loosening his grip on Ezra's legs. Ezra felt his opportunity and kicked out, not hearing the grunt of pain as he knocked the air out of his friend. Again, Ezra staggered to his feet, but this time arms locked around his chest and pinned his arms to his side.

Josiah caught Ezra just as he got to his feet.

"Watch his head!" Chris shouted his warning in time for Josiah to turn out of the way of Ezra's skull.

"Let me go!" Ezra screamed. He kicked at Josiah's legs, then twisting around brought his left leg behind Josiah and kicked with what power he could from that angle at the back of Josiah's knee. Josiah's leg buckled and both men went down but Josiah didn't let go.

"Let go!" Ezra continued to twist and fight.

"Ezra, stop." Josiah commanded over the struggling. When Ezra kept fighting, Vin stepped forward and carefully restrained his flailing legs.

"Easy," Josiah breathed in Ezra's ear.

Ezra shook his head. "Let me go," he pleaded.

"Not until you calm down."

"Such a fucking coward." Ezra tried to struggle again.

"Stop it!" Josiah tightened his grasp. "Come on, Brother, we need you here."

Ezra's movements stilled. "No," he whispered. He had no strength left as he lay there pinned to the wet ground. As suddenly as his rage had appeared it was gone, replaced with a hollow emptiness.

Josiah felt Ezra go limp in his arms. "Ezra?" he asked quietly trying to keep his voice steady.

"Let me go, Josiah." Ezra's southern accent was low and thick.

"Are you calm?"

"Yes," Ezra lied.

Slowly Josiah and Vin released him and moved back to give him space. The rain had stopped finally, but all seven men shivered in the chilled damp air. Ezra lay on his back staring up at the sky and letting the cold seep into him He would give anything right then to feel something besides fear.

Chris appeared over him and without a word grabbed his arm and hauled him to his feet. Ezra expected a physical blow, but instead Chris simply turned him around and gently pushed him toward the house.

Ezra didn't look at the shattered remains of the door or into the faces of any of the men around him as he let himself be led inside. Chris pushed him into the main bathroom and pointed to the toilet.

"Sit down and take off your shirt," he ordered evenly.

Ezra closed the seat lid and sat down wearily. Following Chris' instructions he pulled off the wet shirt and waited. The shirt was taken from his hands and he heard it land in the bath tub with a dull thud. He didn't bother to look up when Nathan entered with a handful of first aid supplies.

Chris stepped out of Nathan's way. He watched as Nathan searched Ezra's arms for any bits of glass. Tiny cuts bled lightly, creating abstract designs from his shoulder to his hands. Carefully, Nathan cleaned and bandaged Ezra's hands and worked on the cut on his forehead.

"You might need stitches for some of these," Nathan commented. "Any cuts on your legs?"

Ezra shook his head.

"Check his feet." Chris reminded.

Vin popped his head into the cramped room. "There's dry clothes for Ezra in on your bed,Chris."

"Thanks." Chris didn't take his eyes from Ezra. The smaller man continued to sit completely still as Nathan checked his feet. They'd forgotten he had been barefoot.

"Damn lucky there, Ez," The former medic said as he bandaged the soles of Ezra's feet. "No major cuts. It's going to hurt a bit to walk though." With that Nathan was finished. He exchanged a worried look with Chris and left the room.

"Go change," Chris said.

Ezra nodded and moved out of the bathroom. As he left,Chris closed his eyes and banged his head lightly against the wall. His whole face throbbed from its impromptu collision with the back of Ezra's head. He didn't want to go out into the living room and see the damage there. He didn't want to see the physical reminders of what Ezra was dealing with. He remembered what it felt like to be filled with that kind of rage. So over powering and uncontrollable. Chris didn't know if he could admit it to the others, but Ezra was scaring him. Running a hand through his hair, he took a couple of deep breaths before he was ready to face the others. Maybe Josiah would have some answers.

Ezra entered Chris' bedroom and locked the door behind him. He moved quickly to the bed and changed into the waiting clothes. Searching the floor he found a pair of sneakers to pull onto his bruised feet. Like the rest of the clothes,they were a little big for him. He wondered absently if Chris actually had anything large enough for Josiah to change into.

Everyone needed dry clothes now, thanks to him.

Ezra looked around the room then, getting his barrings. He eyed the window for a moment,wondering what his chances for escape would be if he could get out unnoticed. He knew Vin kept his keys in the jeep. He could climb out, run around the back of the house, slip the jeep into neutral and push it down the drive. By the time he had to start the thing,he'd have enough of a head start that he could probably lose anybody who tried to follow him. It wasn't much, but it was the only plan he could come up with.

Getting up, he moved silently into the small bathroom connected to Chris' room. He turned on the water and splashed his face a few times. He stared at his reflection in the mirrored door of the medicine cabinet. A half hour ago, he'd felt nothing but hatred toward the man looking back at him. Now he felt nothing. Nothing. He hated that word and the memories it stirred. He tried to fight them, but his brain refused to obey his commands. He could feel the body on top of him pinning him helplessly to the bed.

"Who are you going to tell, Ezra? Nobody will believe you," Parks grunted into his ear. "You know why?" The harsh voice dropped to a whisper as brutal hands tore at him. "You're nothing to them, understand? Nothing."

Ezra shook his head to chase away the image. "Nothing," he said out loud. Even his voice sounded hollow to him, empty, filled with nothing. He stood there a moment before reaching up and opening the medicine cabinet. He let his eyes sweep over the row of small bottles, reading each label quickly. He focused on a nearly full prescription of pain killers and a half a bottle of muscle relaxants. He probably wouldn't need both, but together they would insure he accomplished what he wanted. Maybe this was the better plan, to just make everything go away.

He reached forward slowly as if fearing the bottles might actually come to life and jump out at him. He let his fingers just barely touch the plastic, tracing over the cap, feeling the ridges beneath his finger tips. It would be so easy, just a few sips of water and he could lay down and drift off to oblivion...on Chris' bed. Chris, Buck, Nathan, Josiah, Vin and JD, their faces swirled through his head. Abruptly he let his hand drop and slammed the cabinet closed. "Damn you," he hissed bowing his head.

"Ezra."

Ezra jumped and staggered backwards at the sound of Chris' tight voice.

Chris watched silently as Josiah and Buck cleaned glass off the floor. Buck was savagely beating a broom against the floor as he swiped at the larger pieces. Josiah had a handful of wet towels and was patting down the areas Buck had already swept.

"He's okay right?" JD asked breaking the silence.

"He didn't get any deep cuts or anything," Nathan answered him. "Feet are pretty banged up from the gravel though."

Buck stopped taking his anger out on the broom for a minute. "What happened here?"

Nobody answered right away and he went back to sweeping, the room filling with the steady swish, swish as the bristles struck against the hard wood floor.

Josiah finally stood upright and rubbed at his back. "He's angry."

"We're all angry, Josiah," Nathan pointed out.

"Yeah,but we're angry with Parks." Josiah tossed the paper towels into a trash can he'd brought in from the kitchen. "Ezra's mad at himself."

"Why?" JD didn't understand.

Josiah didn't know if he could explain. "JD,there's a lot of emotion rolling around in Ezra right now and he's been taught all of his life to control it. He's dealing with these memories and trying to hold all that rage inside. He can't."

"But shouldn't he be mad at Parks? He's the one who hurt him," JD pointed out logically.

Chris moved down the hall to his bedroom as silence once again descended in the living room. He turned the door knob and frowned to find it locked. Pulling his wallet out of his back pocket Chris extracted a rarely used credit card. The lock on this door was touchy and this wasn't the first time he'd had to break into his own bedroom. When he didn't see Ezra, he looked first at the windows,but they were both closed. Then he heard the water running in the bath room.

Chris peered into the bathroom just as Ezra opened the medicine cabinet. He could see the raw emotion and pain on the younger man's face. He held his breath as he watched Ezra reach for and lightly touched the prescription bottles. More than anything he wanted to barge into the tiny room and angrily pull Standish away from the temptation, but he waited. He'd let Ezra make his choice first, then he'd step in.

Suddenly, Ezra's hand dropped to his side and he slammed the medicine cabinet closed.

"Damn you." Chris heard him hiss.

Stepping into the doorway Chris crossed his arms in front of him. "Ezra," he said simply, not quite able to keep his receding anger out of his voice.

Ezra spun and jumped backwards like a startled animal. His eyes filled with a combination of fear and shame. "H-how long have you been standing there?"

"Long enough." Chris nodded towards the medicine cabinet. "What made you choose to leave those in there?"

Ezra looked at the tiled floor and wondered if it was possible to debase himself any further in front of this man. Sighing heavily he ran his fingers through his hair. "I remembered a promise."

Chris stepped into the bath room and turned the faucets off. He rested against the sink, not caring that he was infringing on Ezra's personal space. "Must have been a hell of a promise because you looked pretty determined there for a second."

Ezra looked up and glared at Chris. "Subtlety does not become you, so just leave it alone."

Chris' eyes flashed as he struck out. He grabbed Ezra's arms and threw him back against the wall pinning him there. "That better?" he growled. "Is this what you want? Anger? Well I am angry, Ezra. I'm mad as hell cause there are six men in this house who would give their lives to defend yours and I find you in here about to throw it all away. I want to know why."

Ezra let out a short bitter laugh. "Why not?" he asked.

"Don't play that game, Ezra."

Ezra looked down and shifted slightly in Chris' grasp. "I don't know what you..."

Chris gave the smaller man a rough shake and tightened his grip. He leaned forward until his face was only a few inches away from Ezra's. "Look at me," hedemanded, waiting for green eyes to meet his before continuing. "No matter what you throw at me, I'm staying right here. You can scream at me, you can destroy my house, you can break my damn nose but I am here to stay. Understand?"

Ezra nodded slowly.

"Good." Chris backed up a step and released his hold on his friend.

Ezra let out a slow shaky breath. "Why?" he asked. "Why stay?"

Chris smiled and tapped the medicine cabinet as he spoke. "I trust a man who keeps his promises."

TBC...