Author's Note: Okay, so I love Elsie Hughes! I also ship Hughes/Carson so, so, so much! As far as I'm concerned, they're already canon! Which is why Elsie's cancer scare really freaked me out, especially as they're saying that someone will die! If Isobel dies I will break something. If Elsie dies I will break someone. If Violet dies, let's crack open the gun cupboard, because I'm off to hunt some writers! Anyway, I decided to make this a little series and write one for Elsie/Charles.
Elsie/Charles (Elsie POV)
If I loved you, which I don't, but if I did, it would make me laugh to see you fussing over dinner preparations. And, though I'd never say it, I'd think the way your brow furrows over the tiniest things is actually rather sweet.
If I loved you, which I don't, but if I did, I'd want to see you everyday, to look at you in the morning and know that everything would be okay. Because I don't know if you know what you mean, how the sight of you is enough to inspire complete confidence. You are a rock, so solid, so constant, so dependable. You are the house; Downton is not Downton without you. Maybe, if I loved you, you'd be the reason that I stayed.
If I loved you, which I don't, but if I did, I could never be happier than when I danced with you. Like at Christmas time, when I'd pretend that dancing is a chore, that I would gladly sit down if I could. But the feeling I might have in your arms is not one I would ever sit out on; to feel like a young woman again, to be light and free, with nothing hanging over my head. To be beautiful and wanted and loved. In your arms, I could entertain the idea that maybe, just maybe, someone might need me to be there.
If I loved you, which I don't, but if I did, I would put up with anything you could do; if you were angry or frustrated and couldn't hold it in; if you yelled at me in one of the rare moments when your heart leads your head and you forget about logic. I would sit and listen until you felt better again. Because I know you would do the same.
If you loved me, which you don't, at least not that you've said, I'd keep listening out for any word, something that might hint to it, but nothing comes. And then I'd get confused. Because I've seen you move the world for me.
You see, if I loved you, which I don't, but if I did, I would like you to say it first, to know if it was real. Because, sometimes, I'd forget that we're not in love. I'd forget that you're not mine and I'm not yours. I'd take it for granted; because it's an unspoken truth, isn't it? We're a pair. And maybe, I've always just thought that there was nobody else, that there could not possibly be any other that I was meant to be with. For us to be in love, nothing would have to change, because, perhaps, I'd feel like that's how it was all the time.
But that is only if I loved you. Which I do and I always have and I always will.