A/N I know this chapter is relatively short, but I wanted to post something today before I got swamped with outside work. I will try and post again tonight. Reviews make me update faster! : P
Tara sat inside Moon Goddess Emporium for another two hours. She remained on the floor in the very spot it had all happened, staring at the floor. Her hands fidgeted with the material of her pants and she bit her bottom lip, at times so hard that she almost drew blood.
What just happened? This thought repeated itself relentlessly in her mind like a broken alarm.
Tara shifted her upper body slightly. Her back felt bruised all over. So did her thighs. Her knuckles were sore from where they were banged into the floor. Everything ached.
Yet all she could remember was the way it felt when Pam had grabbed the nape of her neck, kissing her like her life depended on it. Hands running down her face, tongue softly caressing her lips. And how Tara touched her back with everything she had.
Then the guilt surfaced.
Only I would do something this fucked up, she thought. Tara looked back and reflected on the lifetime of unbounded pain and abuse she had been through, even as a small child.
Of course I would end up sleeping with the woman who threatened to fucking mutilate me, part of her avowed.
Then why did it feel so good? another voice in Tara's head asked. Because when the two of them just let go, when they dropped their harsh exteriors and whatever games were being played, it felt so natural and so right.
Listen to yourself! Tara silently chastised herself. What the fuck is wrong with me?She then thought about Naomi. A wave of nausea swept over her as the idea of Naomi finding out what she had done crossed her mind. She would be absolutely horrified. And with good reason.
Tara lowered her head and rubbed her hands over her eyes.
I'm just going to forget this ever happened. She clearly is not going to bother you anymore. You probably won't even see her again. Just stay the fuck away from vampires. And witches. And… just, stay the fuck away from everyone, for your own sake.
Tara exhaled and then felt a tug of disappointment in the pit of her stomach. Deep down, she did want to see Pam again, even though she wouldn't consciously admit this.
Tara looked up and shook her head, trying desperately to stop reliving the way Pam's face looked when Tara was inside of her.
"Fuck," Tara mumbled, hand over her mouth as she stared vacantly at the wall, trying to push the images away.
It was no use. It was all she could think about.
XXX
Pam was back at Fangtasia. It was practically dawn and she needed to sleep. The place was nowhere near clean, but she didn't have the energy to tell Ginger off, wherever she was. She walked down into the basement, too tired now to even change her clothes. She slipped inside her pink coffin, closed the lid, and shut her eyes.
She lay there for almost an hour. She was exhausted but couldn't fall asleep. She could feel her blood start to trickle out of her ears.
She couldn't relax, and she then realized how uncomfortable it was trying to sleep in her constrictive outfit. She didn't want to get up, so she began to undress inside her coffin. She unbuttoned her top and pushed it to the side. But as her hands moved to her pants, she remembered Tara on top of her, whose warm hands had run down the length of her body to pull them off without hesitation.
Pam couldn't do it. She lay there in her bra with her pants still on, her hand resting on her pelvis. Both arms then moved to wrap around her waist as she embraced herself. She held there for a moment, then moved the back of her hand to her face to wipe away some more blood. She figured it was the bleeds, but then recognized to her dismay that it was a tear.
It was then Pam realized. She was lonely. Desperately lonely.
The tears started flowing now. She tried to hold them back but couldn't and eventually gave in. She held herself tighter, her body convulsing as she started to sob hopelessly. She didn't even worry about being heard, because no one was listening. No one was there.