Chapter two

Ophiomachus

I woke up to screaming. The first thing I thought was oh my gosh, someone is being killed out there! The second thing I thought was how dare they interrupt my sleeping! So I got up and went downstairs. I usually would probably try to stop whoever was being murdered from being murdered, but I had just fallen asleep and had wanted to stay asleep. I had been at a birthday party for my little seven year old brother, Cerulean, and as you might know, hobbits go all out on birthday parties. Not that Cerulean and I are hobbits. There are only five non-hobbits in the Shire, we're the fourth and fifth (We were saved from a town Smaug destroyed a really long time ago. Yeah, we are still alive- I said that we weren't Hobbits, not that we were human. Same with my sort of friend Kabutomushi. You humans assume all humanoids are one of you.) It was a costume party. Everyone had left a while ago, but there had been so much to clean up that I hadn't gotten to sleep until like an hour ago.

I pushed open the door, snarling "What do you want!?"

Standing there was a redheaded girl in a blue shirt costume and a brown haired girl in a red shirt.

"A crazy fish with a toilet paper sword!" Screamed Cat.

"And an old young guy and a sack of string!" Shouted Kabutomushi.

"What? How can you be old and young at the same time?" I asked, confusion obviously showing in my ice-blue eyes.

"He isn't an old man but he has silver hair," Kabutomushi explained, yellow eyes wide.

"That's the first question you ask?!" Cat rolled her eyes. "GIANT. FISH. WITH. A. SWORD. Does that mean anything to you?" I cocked my head at the figure behind the two girls.

"I don't think that's a fish. It looks more like a cockroach or something," I said. The two screamed and ducked to the ground. A scorpion-like tail shot out from the cockroach- which I guess was supposed to be a scorpion- and wrapped around my arm, yanking me through the air until I was in front of it. Then it wrapped around me like a rope, the pointed end against my throat. I tried to twist my head but couldn't move from fear. Funny, though, I didn't feel that scared.

"The blade at his throat is covered in poison," a voice said. "If I give him the tiniest scratch, he will die in three days. So…it only seems fair that you three should join the Akatsuki- one for each day."

"The Akatsuki?" Kabutomushi asked flatly. "What?"

"Just say yes!" Cat rolled her eyes.

"Oh- yeah sure," Kabutomushi said, nodding. "I'll join."

"Me too!" Cat said. "Me too!"

"I-I'll join if I get to live!" I gasped against the metal blade.

"Fine," the thing snorted. "And how do you not know who the Akatsuki are?"

"They probably work for Sauron!" Cat screamed. "Kill 'em!"

"Try to think!" Kabutomushi insisted. "They'll kill Ophiomachus!"

"Shut up!" the scorpion thing snapped. "We don't work for Sauron! We don't even know who he is!"

"How do you not know who Sauron is?!" Kabutomushi gave him a look.

"And can I have your name? I really need to stop mentally referring to you as Scorpion Thing," I added.

"Psht," Scorpion Thing said in an annoying way. "Sasori is my name. And we don't know who Sauron is because we are not from this universe."

Dead silence.

"Sorry?" Kabutomushi asked, raising one eyebrow.

"What? Nah," Cat's jaw dropped but then she shut it and twisted her face into a disbelieving smirk.

"Okay," I said. The other two looked at me in shock and Sasori sighed, apparently happy that someone believed him. Or maybe it was an exaggerated sigh at Kabutomushi and Cat.

"We were walking around in our world when suddenly we saw a shiny blue disk. The disk had the words Lord of the Rings engraved on it, and so naturally we inspected it. We told Tobi not to touch it," Sasori sighed, rolling his eyes. "We really did. But the moron wouldn't listen, saying he wanted to 'make his senpais happy,' and he stuck his hand into it. Then he fell all the way through. You would've thought we'd see this as a warning, but no- Hidan insisted that it was 'so totally cool' and he jumped through. Pein-sama insisted that we couldn't afford to lose an important member who had immortality. So he went. So Konan went. So Zetsu went. So Kisame went. So Itachi went. So Deidara went, screaming 'I'll kill you, Itachi!' So I went. So Kakuzu went for some reason. So now we're here."

"…Who is Itachi? Zetsu? Deidara? What? And what's a senpai?" Kabutomushi looked at him.

"Itachi, Zetsu, and Deidara are Akatsuki members. Senpai means senior or someone of a higher rank than you," Sasori said.

"What," Cat asked. "What." It was more of a statement than a question.

"And now, I will take you to our leader," Sasori said. "He stayed at the sarcastic annoying kid's house while we found you guys. Then we will administer the tests you need to take to join. Or I could always kill you three on the spot."

"Wait," Kabutomushi said. From the tone of her voice, it was not a negotiable demand. "Why did you guys come to my house? And why am I the sarcastic annoying kid?" She muttered the last part.

"Oh," Sasori said. "We came through the portal about a week ago. Our main spy, Zetsu, had friends in high places in about 3 days. We have plenty of information on this universe- and the Elves and Dwarves have made no attempt to hide your existence- or your exceptional 'mockingbird' talent."

"Oh," Kabutomushi went slightly pale and fell silent.

"Are you gonna let me go?" I asked in slight exasperation. They ignored me and continued talking about some stupid…irrelevant….IDIOTIC-

Suddenly Sasori let go, and when I stumbled forward and turned the tail was partially melted and smoldering.

"What the-" Sasori snapped, taking a step back. "Nothing should be able to- wha-"

"I don't know what happened. Can we just get moving?" I muttered, my formerly polite voice turing ice-cold. Sasori gave me a strange look but nodded an okay.

"I didn't know you could do that," Cat said angrily once we started walking.

"I think there's more to you than you're letting on," Sasori said matter-of-factly. "Oh well. You seem like the early death type, so you probably won't last enough to be a serious threat."

I shrugged and gave him an annoyed look.

The four of us walked back with him, Cat screaming threats, Kabutomushi silently trying to figure out a way to escape without getting herself killed. I was silent. I felt like I should wonder if Cerulean will notice that I'm gone in the morning, but I was contemplating Sasori's comment about me being the 'early death type-' and even more than that, the fact that he thought that I could be a threat if I survived.