Aurora Note: Ta-da~! Chapter two! Sorry it's a bit delayed -_-' Enjoy! =D

Chapter Two

Queen of Vengeance, Fool of Bargaining

"This is war, Kyon!" Haruhi screamed.

With an angry cry she pulled free of the scarves binding her hands and pointed a finger threateningly at Kyon, who was ever so tempted to say Ooo a finger, I'm so scared! but fears over the future condition of his face stopped him. But only just.

"This is war," their eccentric leader repeated, only this time she said it almost happily. A mischievous smile crept onto Haruhi's face.

"Haruhi...please don't smile like that," Kyon said warily, as she untied her feet and stood, slowly edging towards Kyon, the creepy smile steadily growing larger. "Haruhi...".

She stopped in front of Kyon, Itsuki at her side ready to grab her if she- no- when she attacked.

"And if this is war...," Haruhi began, eyes glinting. "Then we get to choose".

Kyon stared dumbly at her. She should know by now that a single sentence was not going to make things clear to him. Only after her plan had been deconstructed, detailed diagrams of each section provided, explained to him a million times in several languages, made into a book and made into a film staring Angelina Jolie as Haruhi, with many scenes containing bunny suits, would Kyon fully understand. But all he got was half arsed, contradicting ramblings from a girl who believed in aliens, time travellers and espers and because she was God they were real, only she didn't know, despite spending the majority of her time with them. No, Kyon would never understand what was going on in her head for this was a girl who had the power to do anything right at her fingertips, yet she chose to declare war on Kyon for accidentally flashing her underwear to all their classmates (despite the fact she was quite happy to wear a skimpy bunny suit that left little to the imagination), and surely it made more sense for her, for God, to just reverse time?

Alas it seemed that reversing time was just too impossible for even her to imagine, so here she was declaring war. Just like any other teenager her age did on a daily basis...

"Choose what?" Kyon enquired, dreading the answer.

"Our armies, duh!"

Oh god, oh god, please don't say she can make a whole army appear! Please, please, please! I'll stop thinking of bunny suits Kyon's inner monologue ranted. I'll get rid of that picture of Mikuru! Wait. Who am I even begging to?

"But there's only five of us Haruhi. And they're not exactly gonna be even armies," Kyon said nervously, hoping logic would deter Haruhi. "You wanna play fair, right?"

"Hmm, I suppose you're right..."

Logic: Crazy people's worst nightmare!

"But I'm sure Nagato-san wouldn't mind being referee, right?"

Haruhi turned on their silent companion, who simply nodded. Damn you Nagato-san!

"Excellent! So it's me and Mikuru, against Bunny Boy and Itsuki," Haruhi smiled happily.

"Wait a minute! I never agreed to any of this! And why am I still tied up?!"

"Because you're an idiot," Haruhi stated like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And you don't have to agree. I will get my vengeance whether you like it or not".

Haruhi grinned triumphantly and began to head towards the door. On the way she retrieved her shoe and, for good measure, slapped Kyon once more in the face. "Let's go, Mikuru-chan!"

Mikuru whimpered and hesitantly picked her way through the carnage that was the club room. Haruhi's temper had left the floor strewn with books, their spines snapped upon impact with Kyon's face, pages bursting free, now covering everything like huge pieces of confetti. Furniture was sprawled everywhere due to Kyon's failed attempts at building a fort, and the cosplay mountain appeared to have evolved into a volcano and erupted, as random items of clothing were here and there.

Oh great, she leaves us to clean up her mess.

"Hey, any chance I could be untied now?"

~#~#~#~#~

Next Day, April 1st

Kyon blinked open his sleep filled eyes. Had he just heard a giggle? Shrugging it off, he rolled over and buried himself further beneath his quilt. Waking up could wait another five minutes. School could wait forever if it wanted, because all that waited for him there was a whole world of pain in the form of Haruhi and her 'army' and he was much happier dreaming of Mikuru wearing nothing but a- that was definitely a giggle!

With a groan, Kyon pulled himself into an upright position. Why did school have to start so early? He rubbed his eyes and quickly located the source of the giggles. His sister.

"Morning, Onii-chan," Mini- Haruhi sang from the doorway.

"And why are you so happy this morning?" Kyon growled. He was not in the mood for the Haruhi clone's antics today. Sometimes she was just as bad as the original.

"No reason in particular," she replied, smiling in that scary way. "Just watch your step!"

Mini-Haruhi scampered off and Kyon blinked after her. What on earth?

Then he noticed the floor seemed to be sparkling in the sunlight that filtered through his curtains. Cautiously leaning over the side of his bed Kyon investigated.

"Holy macaroni..."

Covering almost every inch of his bedroom floor were mouse traps. Hundreds and hundreds of mouse traps. They were even on his shelves and window ledge so there was no possible way of escape, and no possible way of disabling them all.

"Haruhiiiiiiiiiiiii!"

~#~#~#~#~

"Ow- stupid- ow -Haruhi is gonna- ow- pay for this!" Kyon seethed as he limped to school.

Seeing as his entire bedroom had become the mouse equivalent of hell, Kyon had been left with no choice but to try and leap across the entire length of the room to the safety of the hall. But seeing as he was Kyon, he landed in the middle of the room, and had spent almost half an hour painfully peeling over one hundred mouse traps from various places, all of which were now a lovely bright red and ached like there was no tomorrow.

"Morning, Kyon-kun!" Itsuki called, joining his friend as he slowly made his way upstairs to the club room. "Ouch, what happened to you?"

"So many mouse traps...," Kyon replied vaguely, not wishing to go into detail over his latest misfortune.

"And your face?"

"My face?"

Asides from certain bruising from all the objects flying at his face yesterday afternoon, Kyon couldn't think of anything else wrong with his face, and now that he thought about it, he hadn't looked in a mirror this morning...

"Um...," Itsuki started, turning Kyon so he could see his reflection in a near by cabinet. "See for yourself".

Kyon stared at his reflection. On top of all the bruises he now had whiskers and a cute button nose, applied with what looked suspiciously like permanent marker pen.

"This isn't going to come off any time soon is it?"

"Uh, nope..."

"Excuse me while I go commit a crime".

Kyon turned stiffly and marched up the remainder of the stairs.

"It's not murder is it?" Itsuki called after him.

"Is it murder if she 'trips' and falls out a window?"

"I'm pretty sure it is if you trip her".

"Damn".

"Do you even know if it was Suzumiya-san?" Itsuki asked catching up to Kyon. "It could have been your sister".

"No, this was Haruhi, my sister probably helped her, but it was definitely Haruhi. Who else do we know who's insane enough to fill a person's room with mouse traps while they sleep? This is that war she was talking about!"

"True but- ah don't open the door!" Itsuki cried, grabbing Kyon's wrist just as he was about to open the clubroom door.

"What?!"

"Look," Itsuki replied, pointing at the door handle.

Now that Kyon looked closely, he saw that little sparks were flying off the metal door handle and there was a faint buzzing sound being emitted.

"She didn't!" Kyon exclaimed.

"I did!" Haruhi cried, opening the club room door with a flourish.

Haruhi stood in the doorway, Mikuru cowering behind her, giant rubber gloves on her hands, white lab coat and goggles completing her mad scientist look.

"You electrified the door handle!" Kyon cried, the full extent of how close he had came to almost dying hitting him like a two ton truck.

"Yes I did! And I'm only just getting started!"

"You tried to kill me! And- and you filled my room with mouse traps! And you drew on my face! Isn't that enough? You've got your revenge, Haruhi. Just stop!" Kyon was getting desperate. There was no way of telling how far Haruhi was going to take her revenge.

"No! You made a fool of me, so I'll make a fool of you!"

Fool. Why did that word ring a bell? Then Kyon realised.

"It's April Fool's Day! That's why you're doing all this! You're going to prank me until you've got revenge? Or until I die?!"

"Until you die would be good but I have no desire to spend time in jail just yet".

"So that means if you prank me...," Kyon said, a plan starting to form. "I can prank you too!"

"This is war, Kyon remember? You can fight back too".

"In that case. I declare war on you too, Haruhi!"

"Good! It's much more fun if you participate! I can crush all your efforts to beat me!"

"Fine! Let the games begin!"

"Fine!"

Haruhi slammed the clubroom door shut and Kyon sped off down the corridor with an angry stamp of his heel. Itsuki, who had been staring at the pair as they fought, wearily trudged after Kyon.

What a pair of five-year-olds...

Aurora Note: Anyone else think everyone's kinda OOC? Oh well, I hope it's ok! And after writing this chapter I realised the title of the chapter doesn't fit the content that well -_-' (I thought up the title before I wrote the chapter). Also if anyone understood anything in that small rant near the start (beginning with 'Kyon stared dumbly at her...') give yourself a medal! I worte it and even I'm not sure what I'm going on about XD I'm working on making the paragraphs longer, I know that's my main problem, but on Word the paragraphs look big but on here they're all stretched out and not so big -_-'

Please review!~ And check out my profile for progress updates and more fics! ^_^