Moony,

I swear I wasn't looking through your things again. I was just looking for some chocolate because I got hungry and didn't feel like going ALL the way down to the kitchens (it is very far away from the dorm). And I was looking through your trunk and it kind of just fell out on the floor and I accidentally opened it. I really didn't mean to, I swear. But the chocolate was good, at least. I'll pay you back for that chocolate I borrowed – not stole – by the way.

But I found that letter you wrote.

Guess you didn't throw it in the fire. Maybe you should've. Maybe not. Probably not.

I was going to find you and talk to you, but…I haven't. Not yet, anyway. I'm really not sure what I'd say. Suppose that's why I'm writing this instead. To organize my thoughts or some shit. Not like it'll really help. My usually get all jumbled-like around you. But I think you'd be proud of me for writing things down like this. Or maybe you wouldn't care, I don't know.

But Moony… You shouldn't love me. You're supposed to be smart and logical and know what's a good idea and what isn't, and this isn't a good idea. It's probably your worst idea EVER to be honest. I guess you probably didn't choose this though. You would've known better because this really is a terrible idea.

I'll only hurt you. I'll hurt you even though I don't want to or don't mean to or anything like that. I did it last year. You know I did. With that bloody stupid prank I played on Snivellus. And even though I promised I wouldn't do anything like that again (and I really won't, I mean it) we both know I'll still hurt you in some other way. That's what I do. I'm a Black. It's in my blood.

But you… You're good. You might be boring and tea and books and school but you're so much more than that. You're kind and caring and funny as hell and I like talking to you and being with you and…you're my Moony. Me… I'm bad. I'm a fuck up. I'm a disinherited heir and I do stupid things and get into trouble and talk without thinking and hurt you more than I ever, ever wanted to. I'm no good. You know I'm no good.

But somehow you're still my friend and you still care about me and even LOVE me and I've never been loved the way you've always loved me, Remus.

I can't say I really understand the difference that those two words make that you wrote about. I got a bit distracted thinking about pudding. You think they'll have some at dinner tonight? They'd better or we'll have to sneak down to the kitchens later. I really want pudding. It's your fault, you know. Curse you, Moony! Curse you!

Anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't understand. I don't understand "love" and "being in love". I don't really even know what that is, love. I never really have. The only thing I know for sure is that I care about you, Remus. A lot. You're my best friend and I would do ANYTHING for you. I'm bad, yeah, but you make me want to be good. You make me want to try to be good even if it's impossible. I want to be better for you.

I don't know. I guess it's daft, isn't it? Or maybe not. I just…get all warm inside when we're together. And I like just being with you because I don't have to pretend or hide my badness. And you make me smile and laugh and I want nothing more than to make you happy and spend all of my time with you and...

It's like chocolate. You know I like chocolate. I like chocolate a lot. All of kinds of chocolate! Even the kind with the coconut in it that I know you hate. But just because I like all sorts of chocolate doesn't mean I really want all of them. I like chocolate from you best. It's…special. It's different from all the other kinds I've head. And I really, really love that kind of chocolate. I don't want any others, just the kind from you. It's like…that. I'd be happy with just your chocolate, Moony. It's….

Bloody hell, I'm in love with you.

It's bad. I'M bad. But I love you, Remus John Lupin.

What the hell am I still doing writing this? I need to find you! You're probably in the bloody library, aren't you? You always are. I'd swear you love those books more than me, you berk. Guess I oughta find you 'cause I'm in love you.

~Padfoot