Hey, I'm back. It took a while to write but here's chapter 2! (:
Disclaimer: I don't own in any way Twilight or the characters used in the story except for Carlison. And the Taylor Swift song used below is completely her property. Not mine. I just used it because it fit and I liked the mood it created.
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My body looked just the way I wanted it to. I though as I stood in front of the full length mirror in nothing but a lacy bra and panties. Or more of what my manager and personal trainer wanted, but that didn't mean I didn't like my toned abs (six pack baby!)
My height was over average, five eleven and I could still grow, I was skinny, right now 122 pounds (part of a tiring diet that worked very effectively. I didn't eat anything, and when I thought I was going to faint I ate a cube of cheese. I had stopped the day I came here, my parents would…freak out if they knew my habits for a skinny body.) I had Elizabeth Masen's eyes, the bright green gem like quality of my Father's Mother. My hair was the exact mix of Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus. Long, semi-thick, brown, messy, and had some defined curls, but most of the time it settled for wavy. And the full lips on my face were the color of fresh blood. I got the pale skin and seven freckles laid their home around my cheeks.
I heard voices downstairs and thought it was probably time to eat breakfast. I pulled on a pair of slightly ripped skinny jeans, my purple NYU sweatshirt, and a pair of signature silver glittery TOMS. I braided my hair loosely on one side and bushed mascara ad eyeliner on.
Good it was almost ten and I had gotten coffee yet. I wasn't ever fully coherent until 12:00.
"Mownin Untie Gaga!" squealed a very messy Eva, I ruffled her hair and kissed a part of her cheek that wasn't covered in chocolate donut. I snatched a wet wiped and cleaned all traces of the treat off her face.
"Why, Hellooooo Eva!" I replied giggling as her brown eyes went wide.
Suddenly there were arms around my leg; I looked down to see a very blonde Elsie. We often joked that Els wasn't Jacob's kid, but the mailman's.
"Hi, Els how are you?" I whispered against both of their curls, blonde for Elsie and Red-Brown for Eva. They could be exact copies of Nessie (PALE!), except the fact that they both have Jacob's easy and lazy grin, and his twinkling brown eyes.
"Good, good, good. But we missed you while you were in Yew Nork." She said, with as much drama as a four year old could.
"New York, Els. I missed both of you too."
"We hew wif Unca Sef, he's babysittin us whiwle Momma and Dada Chwistmas shop!" Eva screamed, throwing her tiny fingers in the air.
"Santa's coming, Santa's coming!" Elsie yelped as Seth picked her up and swung her onto his back.
"Yeah, he is Els, in eleven days. Pretty soon!" Seth assured my tiny niece, right before I could.
"So how they'd get you to babysit these two today?" I asked Seth as Eva started to help decorate the Christmas tree with Mom and Dad, and Elsie watched Dragon Tales with Emmet, Rosalie, Carlisle, and Esme.
Alice and Jasper had left for Paris last night, something about a fashion show, lots of designers and Chanel was all I got out of her speedy and hyper conversation between each other yesterday. I looked at Eva trying to put the angel on top of the tree and wondered if Elsie had just gotten bored and quit to watch cartoons with the other part of the family.
Dad nodded his head and it confirmed my thinking.
She was SO much like me.
"Else and Eves wanted to come over, Nessie and Jake needed to finish shopping in Seattle, so I took them over here because they batted their long eyelashes and smiled." Seth replied, smiling at his god-daughters
"Little girl charm is hard to resist." I laughed and agreed with him
He snorted an I raised my eyebrow, asking for an explanation,
"You're one to talk Carlie, you would whisper please and no one and I mean no one ever said no to you. They said no to Nessie, but never to you. You put everyone under this like, I don't even know, spell or something. We had no choice but to grovel to your every wish and whim."
I know, I remember, I was a privileged and spoiled child. My wish was your command. But it was because from the time I was two I commanded attention, I had the biggest green eyes you had ever seen and long thin chocolate colored hair and a lisp. Could you say no to anyone with those features? Especially one who wrote songs about bunnies and ice cream cake?
Try it, I dare you, it's impossible.
"I recall frequently getting diamond earrings (something I had demanded at three, one thing Bella didn't want but Edward didn't mind as long as they weren't hoops or trampy) and custom made guitars (when I was 12.) And getting lots of designer dresses, I have like, forty Valentino's up there in my closet." I also haven't forgotten you taking me cliff diving, and you kissing me, and you teaching me how to drive a stick shift car.
"Funny, me too, well I was wonder-"
He didn't get to finish because I had jumped up and exclaimed,
"It's snowing!"
I loved being able to write songs and relating to my fans. I loved crowds and singing and playing guitar, I love glitter and New York and full skirted dresses and shopping when it's super windy and cupcakes and TOMS. But none of that stuff even holds a candle to snow.
New York and snow are practically synonyms. That's part of why I love that freaking city so much.
But it was snowing. Hard. And it was sticking. It was wonderfully white outside.
"No way, it hasn't snowed for like two years!" Seth said, appalled
I turned to Seth; he was the only person I knew who could understand my snow fetish.
I was in my room seconds later rummaging through three of my seven suitcases for snow clothes: My new red Marc Jacobs coat, black Jimmy Choo rain boots, a knitted white hat, and some gold eye shadow, mascara, and eyeliner.
I was ready for snow!
We walked around the back yard for an hour or so trying to build snowmen with the girls and failing, but we made beautiful snow angels.
When Seth broke the news, "I have to work in like two hours, so I have to go pretty soon. The Hospital's around an hour and a half away and I have rounds." He sighed and looked away
For some very odd reason I was disappointed, I didn't know why but I felt a pang of emptiness in my chest.
Seth saw it, he brushed his thumb along my jaw line and it felt…nice. Warm, but completely innocent. Seth was innocent, he had tender brown eyes and kind of floppy but not teenage floppy hair, and he extends a helping hand to everyone. He was a good selfless person dedicated to saving sick people and on his days off he volunteered to coach soccer at the Middle school. Here's the thing about him imprinting on me- He loves me, unconditionally, and he's never yelled or even been mad at me. He's insanely good at reading Carlison Cullen.
He brings me sheet music before I say anything about having lyrics in my head, he brings donuts before I cry, and knows when to stand there and just keep me warm when I need it.
To everyone, they see us as the perfect couple. And it's true, we balance each other out, but I don't know if I could deal with never breaking up or fighting or not having any emotion but…love. I've never had a relationship like that before, and it kind of scares me. Being that committed, to one person. (I'll explain James later.)
But we aren't together because I would fall in love way to fast, and I don't think either of us would fall out of love. And I hate Washington as a place of permanent residency, and I would stay here when I wasn't doing press junkets or on tour. And I would be stuck just like my mother in a state that suffocated me for fourteen years or so. With a boyfriend who makes the best chicken noodle soup for colds in the whole entire world.
I will not grind myself in to hell (a synonym for Washington.)
"I'll be off tomorrow around 12, come to the rez at four; you haven't seen Jake and Nessie's new house yet. It's awesome." He reassured me
"Okay… I thought you lived in Seattle?"
"Fife, it's a smallish town a half hour out of Seattle, neighbors are nice, houses are big, and everyone knows everyone. It's nice."
"Ah, okay well Bye…"
We walked back to the house and got the kids inside with hot chocolate and coloring books. I walked to his car, it was cute, and he drove a 2010 Nissan Altima, Seth bent down and kissed my cheek. It was quick, but it didn't stop the tingles (yeah I know, I never got chills from James kissing my cheek!)
"Bye Car, see you tomorrow." He said as Seth got in the car and drove away, I meant to tell him to be careful, but he was gone in a second, the words still hanging on my lips.
It was late, probably 2 am and I was up listening to the quiet noises of the movie on my flat-screen, Easy A, my favorite movie. Ever.
Suddenly I had a song in my head; my hands itched for a way to write down the thoughts in my head and the melody bombarding my ears. I couldn't find a paper so I settled for a napkin and purple marker. I wrote down the lyrics on the crumpled up thing:
Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps, praying the floor won't fall through
Again
And my mother accused me of losing my mind
But I swore I was fine
You paint me a blue sky
And go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game but you changed the rules everyday
Wondering' which version of you I might get on the phone tonight
Well I stopped picking up and this song is to let you know why
Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
I should have known
Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame
Maybe it's you and you're sick need to give love and take it away
And you'll add my name to your long list of traitors who don't understand
And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said run as fast as you can
Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
Dear John, I see it all now, it was wrong
Don't you think 19's too young to be played by your dark twisted games
When I loved you so
I should have known
You are an expert at "sorry"
And keeping lines blurry
Never impressed by me acing your tests
All the girls that you've run dry have tired, lifeless eyes
Cause you burned them out
But I took your matches before fire could catch me
So don't look now
I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town...
Dear John, I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress cried the whole way home
I see it all now that you're gone
Don't you think I was too young to be messed with?
The girl in the dress wrote you a song
you should have known
you should have known
don't you think I was too young?
You should have known...
By the end I was sobbing, completely flat out crying and it was all because some stupid boy I was supposed to marry broke me into pieces and I had to put myself back together. The door pushed open and shut, it was my Dad. I lay on the bed and bared my soul my head on his lap, while he wiped tears away he said this was normal and then he read the lyrics and his fists clenched and unclenched a bit.
"You're not perfect Carlison. You pretend to be happy, and giggly, and perfect. But here, at home, you don't have to put on a show, we're you're family." Then he added, "We love you without the stage make-up."
"I know, but when you put that make-up on everyday of your life, it becomes routine, and you stop knowing what you look like without it."
We talked for a while, me and my 17 year old Daddy. It was great, I cried off all my stage make-up and for those two hours, as we watched Easy A, I was just me. Just…Carlie. Not Carlison, not Ms. Cullen, or even Carlison Cullen. Carlie.
I woke up and needed a shower, I felt hideous with my puffy red eyes and ratty hair and un-brushed teeth.
After forty minutes in the shower, blow drying and straitening my hair, putting on mascara, eyeliner, cover-up, and a grey shift dress, paisley tights, Chanel boots and a knitted purple beret I was ready for business, or seeing Seth. But it was 9:00.
I needed coffee.
Not brewed from a french press kind from downstairs. But Starbucks. Real Coffee.
I picked up my iPhone and dialed his number.
"Hello?" he asked
"Hey Seth it's me I am in desperate need of Starbucks, so I was thinking that I could drive to Seattle because I need to finish shopping and if you wanted I could just pick you up on the way there at you house."
"Okay, so you are driving here, getting me, going shopping. This is all because you need Starbucks?" he laughed for a minute
"It's a serious addiction, I need it or I will get a massive headache and be bedridden for the rest of the day. It will be terrible."
"Okay, sounds good, but be super careful. The roads are a bit icy and it's a long drive from there to here. Got it?"
"Sir, yes sir!"
"Seriously Car, if anything ever happened to you I don't know what- just…be careful and don't go to fast like you usually do. I have to go, rounds are calling! Bye Car."
He hung up.
I got into my car (BMW M6, it was the closest thing I had to a baby.)
"It's a party in the USA!" I sang to the up-beat lyrics of the Miley Cyrus song, I was going 70 mph and I had good control until…
I hit black ice and slammed on my breaks, and turning my wheel to hastily and the car went around in two full 360's we were off the road and I saw the trees, we were heading straight toward them and I accidently hit the gas instead of break and I heard a sickening crunch, glass shattering and blood dripped down my face and my ribs and ankle were pounding with pain.
I grabbed my phone dialed 911, said who I was, and where I was and she said help was on the way.
I fell into darkness's warm embrace.
The paramedic's help was a blur, I remember screaming,
"Seattle Presbyterian, take me to Seattle Presbyterian and tell Seth Clearwater I'm there, that's where he works!"
I had to repeat it several times before I heard her say okay.
Then I slept, there was pain, and terror. And I fell into black.