*I don't own anything (nor the song)
*Sorry for any grammar mistakes
Sorry if Naru is way out of character
"Even My Dad Does Sometimes" (Ed Sheeran)
There were only two instances in my life when I have cried.
It's alright to cry
Even my dad does sometimes
So don't wipe your eyes
Tears remind you you're alive
It's alright to die
Cause deaths the only thing you haven't tried
But just for tonight
Hold on
The first time was at Gene's funeral. I swear my heart was ripped apart. When Gene died, I felt like I died when he did. I was never a person that expressed many emotions to begin with but Gene was always there to get a true smile or laugh from me. He would annoy me to no end at times and I would be jealous of him sometimes because he could easily express himself. But no matter what, it would never change the fact that I loved him because who could not love that stupid medium. The funeral was very painful; my mother was sobbing her eyes out while father was crying as well though less visibly. Lin had a pained expression on his face while Madoka clung to him crying. The last few words that he told me through our connection was to go back to Japan and to stop acting like I was dead because I wasn't. When he broke our last connection, the tears that formed around my eyes broke free.
So live life like you're giving up
Cause you act like you are
Go ahead and just live it up
Go on and tear me apart
It's alright to shake
Even my hand does sometimes
So inside we rage
I didn't take Gene's advice right away. I stayed in England for a year and half before I made up my mind to return to Japan. I decided to go back when I was eating at dinner with my parents, Lin and Madoka who was visiting for the holidays. Madoka was running SPR back in Japan because my mother demanded the branch remain open. I assumed Madoka told my mother about Mai and maybe was hoping she would meet her sometime. Then they started talking about Mai and the other regulars. I tried to leave the table immediately but then mother told me as much as she would miss me I had to go back to Japan to come back to life. She also said that she would prefer to see me less if it meant that she wouldn't see another dead son. The only difference between Gene and me was that I was walking. Her words were like she had just dumped a bucket of ice-cold water on me. It took me a minute before I said that I needed to book a flight and so I left them with small smiles on their faces. Before leaving the room completely I heard an "I might finally get to meet Mai and get my son back."
It took some time for Mai and me to go back to our normal routine of me teasing her and yelling at me. I could tell that she was still mourning for my brother; the one she liked and I guess it hurt her seeing my face because I reminded her of him. That was what I thought, but I was wrong.
Against the dying of the light
It's alright to say that deaths the only thing you haven't tried
But just for today
Hold on
So live life like you're giving up
Cause you act like you are
Go ahead and just live it up
Go on and tear me apart
Hold on
A perfect way to describe Mai was to compare her to an angel. Her beautiful smile more radiant than the sun with her flawless white cream-like skin. Her beautiful red blush always making her look so innocent.
How things change drastically from one moment to another.
I hold her in my arms, her body still and lifeless. I bury my head on the crook of her neck, tears threating to spill. I could tell my clothes were starting to get soaked with her blood because I could feel the warmness spreading throughout my torso. I uttered a please because if I said anything more my tears would fall and everything would become real. I keep thinking this is a nightmare, one that I will wake up from eventually. There is no way that Mai would also leave me the way Gene left me. I don't know how I would be able to move on from this if Mai didn't stay with me. How could I deal with two heartbreaks? I let her enter my life, though unconsciously. How could I let her fall from my grasp, when I haven't even told her that I loved her?
How I want to unleash my PK on the person who hit Mai with a car. When I ran out of the office, I saw Mai's body on the street, her white long sleeved shirt seeping with blood and I froze. My PK threating to burst out but I calmed down enough to grab her and call Lin to take us to the hospital.
I never meant to do her harm. How I regret my words. I know if Mai doesn't make it out of this alive, I will never forgive myself for hurting her.
I teased her about her love life, trying to find out if she was dating someone. I needed to know if she was seeing someone because I would not tell her my feelings if she were seeing someone. As soon as I teased her, she grimaced as she went on to say that it wasn't my concern. Not getting a straight answer, I asked her if point-blank if she had a boyfriend. She then gave in saying no because she could not get over a certain person. I immediately blurted Gene's name and then she yelled that she hasn't gotten over me as she quickly ran out the door, slamming it behind her.
If I hadn't teased her or if I had reached her sooner she wouldn't be her in my arms, fighting for her life. Her lips were turning slightly blue; her breaths were short and haggard.
This was a nightmare. This was a nightmare I kept on repeating. Lin was driving the fastest that he could but I felt that the no matter how fast he drove, it would never be fast enough. Lin kept trying to reassure me that everything would be okay but I could tell by the sound of his voice that he was worried and wasn't so sure if she would make it.
She confessed to me twice and I still couldn't even tell her once.
"Naru calm down" I hear Lin say quietly.
"What?" I say, looking up at Lin confused but then I realize that my PK was getting out of control once again. Lin doesn't say anything after that.
"Please" I whisper, my voice breaking as I brush her hair from her face.
Mai is the only girl that I am willing to open up to and love. I need her to be okay.
"I love you, please stay" I say as I kiss her on the forehead.
Live life like you're giving up
Cause you act like you are
Go ahead and just live it up
Go on and tear me apart
And hold on
That is when my tears finally break free, making me cry for the second time in my life.
*Just to reassure everyone who reads this….Mai DOES NOT die. I don't think I could ever kill a character. I know some people do that…but I am not one of those people
* I have been updating almost regularly, which is a surprise to me…but um… I can't promise that will stay like that forever.
* Originally I said 1-2 chapters but since I like writing short chapters, I will add the hospital and the other scene later.
*I have no idea why I am writing something so sad, *sigh* maybe school is getting to me.
~Bye