"You should get a girlfriend."
Dean was already eighteen, and he already had all the ladies hearts. Sometimes he teased Sam by saying that he should get a girl. And he just took it has a joke, because in the end it was one. But Dean wasn't a person that easy to figure it out. So, when they were on a couch watching a random movie, with their Dad out on a hunt, and his brother brings this question with a serious face. He just doesn't know what to answer.
"Well, not really a girlfriend. Because we are always moving... But you know what I mean."
"No, actually I don't."
"Come one Sam, I was your age when I did it for the first time. And I'm not saying you have to. Just trying to say that is normal to have needs."
"Can't we just watch the movie?" Sam sigh. Apparently Dean wasn't going to let this one go, because he was putting the movie in mute. If you think about it was kind of funny, because normally Dean was always the one who didn't want to talk.
"No, we need to talk about this Sammy."
"why?"
"Because you need to know that it's a normal thing."
"Dean?"
Sam didn't buy it, there was something more going on here.
"Well... I kinda... I was watching a really lame show, and at a point there was a woman, I think she was a therapist, no idea. Anyway, the woman said that all the younger boys around thirteen to fifteen needed to have (the talk) with their parents for being able to understand what is happening to themselves. No way in hell was dad going to do it, so I just thought maybe I could help."
"I'm not going to talk with you about this."
"Sam it's not like we never talk about it, the only difference is that this time his about you.
"Big difference."
Sam was reaching for the remote when Dean was faster then him and put it far away from his reach.
"Ok, lets go for the beginning shall we?"
Dean had a grin on his face, Sam just rolled his eyes, Dean was enjoying this too much for his own good.
"So, did you ever had a feeling, like when you saw a girl you felt a shiver or thought, damn it I want to know her?"
Shiver? The only way that he felt shivers was when it was freaking cold. Well, he also felt sometimes a shiver in his back, when he thought that maybe Dean was going to be disappointed, or mad at him. The thought of wanting to know Dean was always in his mind, because everyday he realized that he still didn't know his brother a 100 %. And everyday he wanted to know more. But passing by a girl and thought "I must talk to her" no, that never happened before
"Shiver, in a good way no" Sam felt his brother eyes on him, but he didn't look at him, he didn't care because there was no way he was going to have this conversation eye to eye with his brother, and it seemed that Dean really didn't mind.
"Not a thing? It doesn't have to be a shiver it can be anything, like when you feel a knot in your stomach"
"I feel that all the time." This time Sam looked at him, with a face that say (that is just normal), but by the looks of dean, it seems that it wasn't.
"I'm not talking here about stomach aches. And also not revering about the hunts, being nervous before a hunt it's normal."
"Dean, we are talking about people here, right? So, when you ask me a question, I answer what I feel about the people, not how I feel about hunts or ghosts." He was kinda upset for Dean to think that he didn't even know what they were talking about.
"Ok... All the time? Really?"
"Isn't that normal?" The way Dean made that question just made him confused
"No, no, It is normal. I was just kind of surprised, normally when you feel that, it's not all the time, especially not with random girls coming and going... This is not coming right, What I'm trying to say here, is sometimes a person feels attracted to another and feel that knot in his stomach. Time passes he find some girls, that give him a good time, but most of them don't give him that shiver that feeling, do you understand what I'm saying? We are always traveling, so we see what? 100 of girls in one day? Do you feel that knot in your stomach with all of them?"
Sam looked at him in shocked, before saying.
"Who the hell told you that every time meet every girl?"
This time was Dean turn to be shocked.
"What? Just one?"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean a thing, because that's just normal."
If Dean thought about it, they were in this city and house over four months now, that was a long time for them, Sam was in this school longer than usual, so, maybe it was only normal for Sam to have a crush. Maybe it was best saying to his little brother for not getting his hopes too high, because they would leave soon or later. But then again Sam didn't even seem to realize it. Maybe it was better to make sure of this.
"What do you feel?"
"What do you mean? What do I feel about what?"
"About the one who makes you feel Butterflies." Dean laughed at his own words, he was teasing a little bit, but Sam was looking at the floor like his thoughts was on fire, and Dean automatically stoped laughing.
"Before anything, What's her name?" Dean thought it was better distract his brother a little bit, or he would get himself on fire to thinking so much.
Sam smiled a little bit at the ridiculous of the question. Wasn't it obvious that he was talking about Dean
"Let's call that person Deana." He laughed a bit, the thought that his brother believed he liked someone was funny. But there was something he didn't really understood, maybe he could really use this change to find out. He started to talk wail his eyes drift to deans hands, because suddenly it was to much to look at him.
"Actually, I don't have a clue, I know I always had stomach knot when I was around that person, but then again I always had, so, that is just normal. I don't know, I feel tense when yo... She is not around, but when I can see her again I just feel really relieved. Relieved that she is alive. I felt happy has hell when she talks to me like I mean a thing...It's funny because sometimes we don't say anything at all and I think 'this is right' I feel more peaceful around her than I ever would then be myself. And then she talks, she asks something really random, and somehow I felt suddenly nervous, I ask myself 'why? ' It's stupid there is no reason for me to feel nervous, but I do, I'm soundly afraid to say anything at all, and the damn answer is just a yes or no, so why can't I speak. But then, like she always does, she saves me for my own thoughts and just make a silly comment, And suddenly it's like I can speak again, and I'm answering and laughing. Because, damn no one makes me laughed like she does."
Dean can't take his eyes of Sam, he doesn't even move. He just thinks he is only fourteen How can he feel so much? Sam goes silent for a minute, and look directed at him. Dean suddenly feels a little shiver, and he would have laughed, but he realizes he can't move with Sam eyes piercing him, like he he's trying to see something. And then, finally, Sam breaks the silence of the room, and in a low voice he says.
"I never saw eyes more beautiful. I don't think there is anyone who can make my heart beat so fast. Also there is no one who can make me feel so sad... When h... she is sad, I feel so useless, it kills me. I should be able to make her feel happy like she does to me. But no, I just stand there, not saying a word, it's pathetic." The last word comes out rougher than he intended, but he continued.
"When she is mad at me or sad about something I said, I swear I can see my hart falling to the ground. And damned if that doesn't make me more confused... I don't understand... I really don't. I never felt like this. I thought maybe I shouldn't think about it, damn it Dean I feel like I'm in the roller coaster of feeling that I can't get out off...Dean Help me."
Dean can see the watery eyes of Sam, and that really breaks his heart. Sammy, his Sammy is asking him to help, and he doesn't know what do to.
"You are only 14" He said in low and shaky tone, like that was the answer for all the problems. Dean regret his words has soon has he said it.
Sam looks at him with a little bit of shock, like that wasn't what he was waiting to hear, and suddenly his tears are running in his face.
"Shit" Sam says wail trying to stop his tears with the help of his sleeve. If this was a normal day, Dean would had given him a little punch in the arm while saying ' watch your mouth'. But Sam was right in front of him breaking apart, he didn't had seen his brother crying like this in a long time. And without any thought he craped Sam's arm and pulled Sam into his embrace, wail hugging him with his strong arms, like he was protecting his brother from something evil that was outside. Sam craped his shirt really hard and started sobbing. Dean was now running his hand in Sam hair and whispered into his ear.
"Shhh, It's ok, everything he's going to be ok Sammy"
"I d...don't get it... Why?... do... I ...fe...feel...li...ke this?"
It was hard for Dean to answer, because not even he had ever felt like that towards someone. Hell, it's difficult to see his brother, that has only 14 years old, having so much love to give, and yet they had to leave. They always had. Would Sam, in the future find someone he could love without problems? Being able to be himself? Sam shouldn't have to live this life, he didn't deserve it. And if Dean could, he would do anything to give Sam a normal life.
"It's ok Sammy, it isn't a bad thing. You're in love" It was the truth, if Sam had said it to him before, he would have joked about it, he would have said that it was only a crush. But he knew that this was no crush. Sam pushed himself a little form Dean embrace, just the little he needed to be able to look at his brother eyes. Dean was still with his arm around Sam, but he took his hand from Sam hair and cleaned some tears with his temp. Sam let him close his eye for a second.
"I'm... i... in Love with you?" Sam was a little confused, yeah, he loved his brother, but he never thought he was in love with his brother.
Dean gave him a really gentle smile.
"No Sammy. Not in that way. You love me like family loves family. Like brother loves brother. Like I love you. The things you feel, people don't feel toward family. Your feelings are from loving someone, and it's not in a family way."
A sob escapes his mouth, he hates to cry, he really does, he was trying to stop it, but it made it worse, it was hard to breath. He took his hands off Dean shirt. Ignoring his brother hand on his face, Sam rested his forehead on Deans shoulder, putting his arms around his brother waist and craping the back of his shirt.
"what's... tthe...difrentes" If Dean wasn't paying really good attention to his brother, he would have missed the words.
"Well... for example, did you ever wanted to kiss dad?" Sam was so shocked that his tears stop.
"Hell no... that's disgusting..." Dean laughed.
"Right? And this... Deana? Did you ever want to walk hand by hand with her? Or even kiss her?" At that moment Sam hugged him a little more, and now it was impossible to get more closer.
"All the time" It was a warm whisper that Dean felt in his neck. It felt good, but his mind didn't even realize that
"See. That's that kind of love."
And Sam that day made another sad realization, he was a freak because he loved his brother.