= = =CHAPTER ONE= = =
The Bauldelaire orphans were tired. As it should be, of course, three children alone on a desert island in the middle of a vast ocean containing sinister submarines and malevolent marine mammals, with nothing but their brains and a few resources should feel tired after taking one skip in a hopscotch game.
But these three children were different. As one may or may not know, the three children I am referring to have been through much more than any person should have to be dealt, much less three. Their parents had been killed in a horrible accident, for the most part they had been bouncing around from horrible guardian to horrible guardian, been chased by a crazed actor named Count Olaf (although he wasn't much of a Count), along with his girlfriend, Esme, and a strange organization that could be evil or could be good, but the orphans were so tired of choosing sides lately, they had decided it should be shades of grey. Perhaps to one person it could be bad, to another, good.
But, being alone on a desert island as they were, they hadn't heard much from crazy relatives or actors, or grey organizations. They had heard seagulls and waves crashing against the sandy shore, and the leaves in the great tree at the center of the sandy mass blow gently in the afternoon breeze.
The Bauldelaires liked it here very much. They were away from trouble, for now, and they could be together. It was safe, here, even though to any ordinary person, it would've been the most dangerous place in the world. But it felt a tiny bit like home, so the children were happy.
The children also had one more passenger aboard their sad lives; Little Beatrice, mother deceased, father unknown. They had raised the little girl as their own, naming her after their mother, also deceased, as mentioned earlier. Beatrice had added a nice touch to the now-quartet, providing a bit of hope to the orphans' dismal lives. Over the one year they had had their little girl, she had grown to be a little over half of Sunny's height. She was a giggling, straight-haired, bundle of joy, who enjoyed the company of her adoptive family very much. It had been discovered rather quickly that she loved water, coconuts, and the color red.
The orphans discovered this the day a red scarf washed up on shore. At the time, Beatrice (Or BeaBea, as Sunny referred to her), was building sand castles. Her big eyes fell upon the discarded object and she started laughing in that way that only babies can. It is the very definition of joy. This drew everyone's attention, as BeaBea began waddling frantically down the shore towards the cloth. She waded into the waves, as she was an excellent swimmer for a one-year-old, and pulled it out triumphantly. She hadn't taken it off since she found it, and on the day of departure, it had two weeks.
That is a rather long time for such a grown-up-baby.
But I suppose I should introduce the other main characters of this story, for what is the story without them?
Sunny was the youngest Bauldelaire and the best cook out of all four. One simply could not survive on cold food for one's whole life, could one?
Klaus was the book-smart one. He could give one important information that one might need or might not. Either way, Klaus knew it.
Violet was the oldest and the cleverest of the three. She invented things that needed inventing. One needed inventions in one's life, or else one could simply not survive.
If by now these names don't tug on a familiar heart string in your brain, dear reader, I suggest you exit out of this web browser immediately and not run to the nearest bookstore to pick up the first thirteen books of this dreadful series. Just forget you ever read the names so your mind does not focus on three children's struggles. And if these names do tug on that brain string, I suggest you cut it with mental scissors, dear readers. It only gets worse from here, and no one really wants this saga to continue, do they?