"DNAmy." Kim addressed the latest arrival to the party.
"The one and only!" the mad geneticist replied.
"Thank god there's only one," muttered Ron.
"I was about to call you. I was hoping you would help me find my newest creation and bring him home to his mommy." This took Kim and Ron aback. They had repeated sent DNAmy to jail, where she was inevitably forced to share a cell with one of the biggest meanies the world had ever known, or to the Laputa Center for Criminally Insane Scientists, not to mention their continual battles with her "Montykins."
"If we keep cleaning up your messes for you, you'll never learn not to make them in the first place," said Kim.
"How dare you call my babies 'messes!' YOU...ARE...the second and fourth biggest meanies I have ever had to deal with!" The next sound that came from DNAmy was hard to describe, but the actions that followed were not. A cacophony of assorted strange animal calls, accompanied by thunderous footsteps grew louder and louder, until the menagerie emerged from the darkness, charging full force towards the pipeline.
"I haven't seen such a collection of wrongsickness like that since...some time in the past!" yelled Ron. Nonetheless, he employed his mad running away skills to draw the Caribears and Walwolves away from the pipeline to buy time for Kim to come up with a better plan of action. In the frigid air, Ron began to lose ground.
"Airway...constricting. Animals...gaining. While he was collapsing to the frigid tundra, he glanced behind him. The pack of hybrids had turned around and returned to their creator. They followed her as she drove her snowmobile off into the near-pitch blackness that was five P.M. on the North Slope.
--
"Ron?" He had found his way back onto his feet, but still didn't seem particularly coherent. In an attempt to rectify the situation, Kim employed a weapon reserved for her use alone. As her lips separated from his, it was clear that this had put his head back into the game.
"You know, you are about a thousand times better at that than Bonnie ever could dream of being."
"Good, your head's back on straight. I'm afraid we've lost DNAmy for the time being, but I know who can find her." Kim turned to a familiar source of information. "Wade, can you put a satellite trace on DNAmy?"
"It's too dark for a visible satellite. If I switch over to the infrared feed, I should be able to track her to her headquarters." After a ten-second flurry of keyboard action, Wade had an answer for Kim. "She's about six miles away. I don't recommend going on foot."
"Can you take us there?" Kim asked Rich.
"This truck doesn't do so well off-road," said Rich. "I can set you two up with some better transportation."
"Or we could just go back and get the Sloth," said Ron. They did just that. Rich drove them back to the airstrip.
"You may want to leave the engine running if you leave it outside, at least if you want it to start again before April." Kim made a note of this. They drove off and soon found themselves in front of a building with DNAmy's snowmobile parked off to the side, and what appeared to be a large paddock towards the back. Fortunately, the animals within did not seem particularly interested in the visitors.
"Okay, we have 26 hours to shut down this joint and make it back in time to win a state championship. Let's do this." Kim and Ron first tried a side door and found it to be unlocked and unalarmed.
"That was easy. Perhaps too easy." Kim and Ron had to adjust to the stifling mid-fifties heat of the lab by shedding a couple of layers. They were clearly in some kind of control room judging by the number of monitors on the walls. There appeared to be a console where a guard would be sitting, but it was currently unoccupied, much to Kim and Ron's non-surprise.
"Let's see, no sun for about two months, the weather..."
"And you're stuck with DNAmy. Yeah, I can see why there's a vacancy."
"Why do you two have to be such meanies?" DNAmy's voice came on over the intercom. It was at that point that Ron realized that had been leaning on the talk button.
"Because your creations are sick and wrong!" answered Ron.
"Ron, that didn't go through," said Kim. Ron pressed the talk button and repeated his earlier declaration.
"Ron!" Normally, Kim didn't encourage Ron to be so blunt, but in the back of her mind, she agreed with him. Besides, DNAmy wasn't as harmful as the other villains in situations like this; at least she wasn't in the past. A hissing sound began to fill the room, as did an odd smell.
"KP, do you smell..." Ron was out before he could finish the question, and Kim followed soon after.
--
"Is it safe?" Kim and Ron had no idea what DNAmy was talking about. What they did know is that they were each tied to some sort of slab, and that a geneticist a few chromosomes short of a genome was looking over them. She repeated the question. "Is it safe?"
"What is she talking about?" thought Ron. It was probably best for himself and Kim that he didn't know which movie she was referencing.
"This is starting to feel familiar," whispered Kim to Ron. "Which means we have a familiar way to get out of this." Kim turned to Ron's pocket. "Rufus, you know what to do."
"Oh, that won't be necessary," the scientist responded in an eerily chipper voice. She gestured towards where Rufus had been restrained. "If you'll take a look off to your left...what's your name again?"
"Ron Stoppable. Seriously, it's not a hard name to remember. And yet only Señor Senior, Senior, and Monkey Fist seem to be able to remember it."
"Well, maybe my Montykins could help me remember it if you meanies didn't always keep him on the run," DNAmy retorted.
"Did it ever occur to you that maybe he's not just running from us?" Ron's question went unheard by its recipient, who had gone off to the control room, probably to try to do something unpleasant to the teens.
"Ron! Ixnay on the eiledvay sultsinay! Or at least do a better job of veiling said insults."
"Relax, KP. I'm just implementing Plan B."
"What? Is your plan to make her so upset that she foils herself?"
"How did you know?"
"I've known you long enough that I know you don't put anybody down without a very good reason."
"I'd say that keeping you from whatever it is that DNAmy wants to do with us is a very good reason. With Rufus tied up like he is, I have to do something." While Ron was explaining his M.O., Kim realized that she was confined just loosely enough that she could reach a small metal tube that she had for these situations.
"Correction. We have to do something."
"Right." While DNAmy had accounted for Rufus, she had not accounted for Kim's secret lipstick laser. It make short work of her shackles, allowing her to free herself, then Ron and Rufus. Next stop was the control panel. To their surprise, DNAmy was not there. Nonetheless, they needed to make sure that if she reappeared, her equipment would be unable to produce any more things that should not be.
"Okay, Ron, do your thing."
"Aye, aye, KP!" Ron kicked out the chair in front of the main console and began a performance that would have made Jerry Lee Lewis proud. Just before he began his grand finale, however, the secret borrower of the equipment returned, accompanied by some of her animals.
"You...what is it that Drakken always calls you?"
"Buffoon?"
"Yeah, that's it! Anyway, do you realize what you've done?" asked DNAmy, a bit frantically.
"Stopping you from doing something bad to us," answered Kim.
"That, and your...sidekick has let all my babies out into the cold and dark!" The once-cheerily mad scientist had descended into a state of near hysteria, although she quickly recovered for a moment.
"Oh, and they took all your warm clothes with them." Kim and Ron looked at where they had shed some of their extra layers, only to see an empty spot on the floor.
"It looks like you'll be staying here until it warms up! I do hope you two don't have anything going on for the next, oh, six months." DNAmy ran off to places unknown.
"Just great. And I left the remote for the car in the car, so either we put our mad running skills to the test, or..." Kim called up Wade. "Wade, can you remotely drive the Sloth over here?"
"In my sleep."
"Wade, I think Kim and the Tweebs would feel better if you were awake when you did that." Wade and Kim rolled their eyes, and within a few seconds, a large panel slid up enough for the Sloth to enter. Unfortunately, something went haywire with the building's wiring, and the panel slammed down on the back of the car. It rose again momentarily, enough to allow the car to enter the building.
"Ooh, the Tweebs are not going to like this," said Kim.
"Give me a minute...let me run some diagnostics." After another quick burst of typing, Wade had a damage report."
"Rockets are not go, but pretty much everything else is intact. I'd recommend hitching a ride if you want to make it back in time for the state championship."
"The plane we flew up here on, is it still here?" Wade checked back over at the airstrip.
"No dice. It doesn't look like I can get another plane up there until the ice fog clears out."
"And that will be..."
"...tomorrow afternoon. You two will be cutting it close."
"I guess we know how much time we have to round up all those...whatever you call them."
"I'll have you know that I intend to complete this mission with time to spare. Come on, Ron." Kim drove her damaged Sloth out into the darkness in pursuit of the genetically-mangled menagerie.
--
Notes: I modified the first chapter a bit, including naming the main person in charge up in Alaska. I hope the time frame isn't too Kimplausible at this point. Thanks to everyone who has been reading and/or reviewing.