DISCLAIMER; HP belongs to JKR. The story line and all new characters, new character development, new developments are my intellectual property.

a/n while it is true this is fiction, there are plenty of stories of those who will stop at nothing to get their way? Raise your hand all of those readers who had met or had a terrible in-law? Or a nasty ex who still wants what is yours? Or someone like Molly who believes their son or daughter is more deserving than you? Alas, such is life, not too far from fiction...

Forensics of the 'SURPRISE,' A Crime of Rudeness and Tackiness

Everyone has an agenda

What a nasty crime; the criminals were guilty of crashing on the unsuspecting's lovers romantic getaway. So what went wrong? Who betrayed the unpleasantly surprised pair? What were the events which preceded the impromptu across-the-pond arrival of the Weasley locust? The awful spur of the moment had deep roots in past events.

Now, If forensics were conducted on the events that precipitated the SURPRISE, the chief investigator would conclude the ill conceived Burrow's visit by the doomed couple was the loaded gun, and the announcement of their trip was the trigger which prompted Ginny's actions.

No sooner that the doomed couple had Floo, that Ginny had convinced Molly and Arthur to crash on the unsuspecting and naive prey.

Initially, her father was rather reluctant, unconvinced of the wisdom of joining a trip without an invitation. Ginny, however, argued that the traveling fools would be lonely, yeah sure.

Ron jumped in and explained that he would have to be gone two days, but thought it was a good idea, thus he would pay for the Portkey difference in price, totally disregarding his father's concerns.

He knew an opportunity for what it was and knew that Ginny was onto something; she had the fine tuned skills of a hunting predator.

His only concern was about the game and in making Hermione angry, "No worries brother, Hermione and Harry won't mind, after all she will be there with her parents,¨she winked and Ron understood loud and clear.

Now that we have the weapon, the trigger and the perpetrators have been identified, the question remains what went on before, during, and after?

Who is Who-and Why?

Arthur aka 'the Nincompoop'

At the end, they all had agreed, and arrangements were made. "I will talk to Kingsley, he knows their agenda," Arthur volunteered.

The next morning, as promised, he went into his office, "Kingsley, you know that Harry is a son to me, and I wouldn't ask you to give me his itinerary unless it was very important. An emergency, shall we say a surprise; they will love it. It is for the family, you know."

The minister was very busy; nevertheless he was reluctant when he passed it on to Arthur, a family emergency of some sort. Kingsley later recalled that Arthur had said that it was a family emergency, but he had failed to ask who were they, whose family and what was the emergency.

The answer was simple; they and family, were the same, namely the Weasley, and the emergency was to ruin the couple's private getaway.

Arthur, a total nincompoop, an otherwise intelligent wizard, and not usually a simpleton, convinced himself that it was selfish for the family not to share the travel experience with the couple, after all they had so little family. At least that was true for Harry. The nagging feeling of wrong–doing kept pushing him to be the voice of reason and would not stop. And there were Bill and George, who had warned him of the wrongness of the plan, but he decided to go along with the witches, it was easier that way.

Unknown Allies

Or Bill and Fleur-

"Father, if they had wanted to cart everyone along, they would have said something a while ago, please leave them alone. Fleur told me in no uncertain terms, that Harry and Hermione wanted to be alone." Bill said trying to be conciliatory and to take the edge off his tone.

Besides, Fleur had been furious for the last two hours, after the foolish couple, not too cleverly, had come to bid their adieus before going to America. Fleur being better acquainted with Hermione had been upset over Ginny's histrionics. She had known for a while that Hermione was head over heels for the obtuse and apparently clueless boy-wonder.

"But love, how can you know that, has Hermione whispered to you any big revelations?"

She smiled at him, with her Mona Lisa smile, the one who drove his wolf a little wild, *"Mais Oui, mon Amour, Je suis une femme et français, Je sais tout à propos de l'amour. En outré, je suis également une sorcière." (But of course my love, I'm a a female and also French and know all about love. Besides, I am also a witch.)

He loved it when she spoke to him in French. Hence once he told her that he was fully in agreement, Lobo, his wolf, was grateful when Fleur called him from their room. She had said something about a show of her deep appreciation for his faith on her, AUUUUUUU, a loud howl was heard minutes after.

And George, the secret Informer-

George was certain that his family's crashing plan was an outrage. Hermione loved Harry and wanted to be alone with him. He knew her feelings after his last year's talk with Hermione, "George, I like you a lot and shagging you would be extra nice. Too bad really, but it wouldn't be fair to either you or I, because you want more and I want less. Let's not ruin a great relationship. It isn't because of Ron, he has been out the picture for a long time."

"Why did you break up?" George asked.

"It was because of his interpretation of the unwritten rules for a Quidditch player on the road. His actions killed whatever love I had for him. I now understand that I have loved only one man, Harry; ever since the first time I saw his scrawny bum. Sadly he is blind, he can only see Ginny." She appeared sad, "Hmm, do you think his glasses need cleaning?" At this, they both laughed breaking off the tension.

As much as Ginny was his sister, he knew that Harry wasn't the one for her. It was all hype and his mother's plans. Besides there were at least three blokes better suited for her. Plus, he was plenty aware of her life on the road as a Quidditch star.

As a matter of fact, one day around nine to ten months ago, he had a visitor at his shop.

"No Viktor, Hermione's only day at WWW is Saturday. She must be at her office right now. Could I perhaps be of some assistance?" George asked with alacrity seeing the dread reflected on Victor's eyes and guessing the reason of his visit. Once Viktor talked, he had sent the Bulgarian Hulk straight to Harry.

It wasn't news to George; he already knew it from several people. He had tried to tell Harry more than once, it just wasn't right, but Harry had refused to believe it.

And there he sat; George was totally shocked with Bill's revelation. His brother stopped at WWW after dinner the day after they left. He had refused to believe it, how could his kin be crashing into someone else's trip, were they under some form of Imperius?

"So Bro, you must be wrong, imagine going on the HOT trip of your life, and two exes plus their parents come crashing on you?" I hope that you are wrong, it is just crass and horribly wrong, when are they leaving?"

Apparently they would be leaving in a couple of days, but he wasn't sure. The news prompted him to act. He had to send Harry a Muggle message. It went to his hotel thru the service he hired in America for his export of WWW toys, the rage in America. He sent an owl to a London address, and they did the rest.

Because the message was to Harry Potter, he needed to keep it cryptic. He Floo Pansy, who listening to the nonsense he had told her, felt the desire of hexing them with an unforgiveable; but reconsidering, she gave him all the needed information.

He was still uncertain about the time difference, or some damage could have been prevented. Just a thought, but it was highly doubtful since they couldn't be stopped. While chatting, George noticed, for the first time ever how pretty Pansy was. And Pansy looked at George once over...By the time he left, Ron was no longer number one in her heart. She was willing to explore, as for George, he dreamed of being with Pansy. When he woke up, Fred was sitting right above the bed. "Your dreams were hot, who was the babe? I have a tip, she can be the one. Go for it. " George agreed.

Ron 'The Director'

Ron wanted his witch, even if they hadn't dated in nearly two years. He was dreaming of an unforgettable make up time with her. Never mind that: a. Was there ever a hint from Hermione and Harry indicating they wanted company? b. The closest to an invitation was asking him when he would be there. c. The couple wasn't lonely. d. The trip was being paid by Hermione's parents less than the two days in D.C. e. She had long ago told him, in no uncertain terms, that he was O.U.T. of her life as a romantic partner.

"Ron, let's face it, we just don't work out as a couple. The reasons are simple, firstly, I had better kisses with my 3rd class boyfriend. It is a fact that we just don't click that way. Besides, I am no longer in denial and I have come to terms that I only love one wizard, and his last name is not Weasley. But you are my friend, and if I could have two wizards you would be the other one." Hermione had told him in clear, simple sentences, just to make sure not to overload his lazy mind.

"Love, Hermione, be honest that you are still mad about my strays over the time, they are normal; everyone who plays Quidditch plays the field. We are famous; fans want us; and we cannot help it. I am just a hot blooded wizard," he stated while looking at her, hoping for a nod, or a yes, and he was still waiting.

She had told him to go away, but how could he pass the chance he was looking for? Hermione was his; if not, just ask his mother, she had even told George when he had said he liked her as well. Same went for Charlie.

Yes, and there was the fact of Hermione's hidden charms. Yup, Hermione's parents had money, and they loved their princess. Once he wasn't able to play anymore, he was sure the good life would be smiling all the way. He was foolish, but he was saving his money. He had his pride but didn't mind being sponsored, he deserved it. Too many years of being the underdog, no more, he would make sure of that. And add his assets to her future inheritance, he had been to their homes, hers and both grandparents, and he'd have it made.

He often recalled the time he learned about the witch's hidden assets, so to speak. His mind wondered to the first he went to her house. It was for the welcoming party her parents had offered for their friends and family. I was a celebration for their return from Australia.

Hermione forgot to mention the guest list was over one hundred and fifty guests. She had invited all the Weasley's but different excuses prevented some from accepting.

He did seem to recall that the house was connected to the Floo (Hermione had said something to Arthur to help her connect the Floo into her parent's home.) Harry told him that the Floo was connected to a fireplace in a guest room.

Upon arrival, Ron was very confused. He had thought Harry and him had landed in a Death Eater's home, the size and elegance confused him, it was some kind of trap.

Before Harry could stop him, Ron was out the room, wand on hand, and in a dueling stance he intercepted the first passer by.

Hermione's grandmother nearly had a heart attack; she was walking past the room at that very instance.

"Hermione, Bob, Jean, an intruder, he has a knife…HELP!." Someone yelled; the blue-haired lady grabbed a small and dainty porcelain vase and…SMASH! She broke it to smithereens on Ron's head. Harry fell to the ground, grabbed his stomach, and tears rolled down his cheeks, a laughing attack.

The memory would make George, Charlie, Bill and Harry laugh non-stop. Harry made a pensive to show everyone, and they laughed for days. Even Percy would ask for a replay. Ron got mad just thinking about it.

During the ball, they played the first reenactment of the 'Faux-Pass.' The wizards chased each other with toothpicks, in lieu of wands, and Fleur played the part of the grandmother. What a laugh, ha,ha; Ron was upset, heat rising up to his ears.

Otherwise, he had a fantastic time with The Bell of the Ball, Hermione. And got to admire the older home, not Malfoy Manor, a somwhat reduced scale but not far behind. Later he went to the more gradiose homes of the grandparents which cinched his decision. His future was written, it had Hermione written all over, when he was ready, that was.

Of course, the reenactment was played every time the group drank a little too much, and even little Teddy now would run with a stick, giggling, "Diretor," he would scream.

A knife, no, not at all, they had explained to the older lady. It was a stick for practice, because Ron was studying to be a music director...Oh well, the webs wizards' weave.. and out of it 'The Director' was born. It became Ron's infamous nickname whenever annoying him was on. As for the grandmother, she still eyed him suspiciously.

Ginny the?

Something had been changing for three months, and she had noticed. Finally, It all had gone belly up that night around three months ago. It was late, maybe an hour before midnight when she had arrived unannounced at Grimmauld Place. It was an early arrival from one of the Harpies' games. Her lovers had homes to go back to, so she went to Harry's. It was time she did something, she had fallen out of grace and it was time to make points.

Albeit the late hour, Harry was at the kitchen looking flummoxed and all together frazzled. She found Harry bent against the counter, hitting his forehead with one fist. He was clearly upset. He had not heard Ginny come in. He finally lifted his head and just said. "Hello." But instead of looking at her, his eyes were looking past her, at the stairs.

Hermione was coming down, wearing a short silk robe, extra alluring Ginny observed. She also looked frustrated and upset, what was up?

"Don't mind me. I am getting a glass of milk. Hmm, hey Harry, I am glad that your glasses are staying up. A good thing so you will be able to see whenever you need put out fires. Good night, so glad you didn't get burnt." Hermione barked at him, poured the milk and left.

Harry had flushed red all the way up to his ears and looked mad at himself, His hands ran through his messy hair, "Mimi-." He called and thought better of it. However, his eyes never left her as she walked up.

"And what is up with the Princess? And what is about your glasses and a fire? And she ignored me completely; no hello Ginny and no goodnight. What am I missing here, a lovers' spat?"

Ginny faced him angrily. Her shoulders squared and even pulled out her wand aggressively. He still hadn't looked at her once during the entire diatribe.

"First, put that wand out, or I will ask you to never enter my home again." At this he looked at her straight on. His eyes seemed moist, but his look was glacial and angry. His stance wasn't at all friendly. This Harry, the dangerous Auror, scared her. Many feared his darkness, she knew his reputation, many said that he was right at the edge of darkness, and she could see it now.

"Second, I don't know what she is talking about it; and even if I did, it isn't your affair. What is certain is that I am not up for one of your tirades. I told you over three months ago not to show up here when you come back from your games. You always reek of sex, and who knows what else. I know what you do, and also about your groupies and your mates."

Ginny was wondering what was going on.

"So don't be looking at me for blame for what you do and to excuse your actions. Please go home, I have work tomorrow. And please keep Hermione out of our problems. I mean it, stay out of our friendship, she is my family. Never forget that Sirius is gone, and all I have is Hermione." Harry turned around to go to his room.

"Ah, before you blame anyone for my knowledge of your sordid affairs. Do tell the young wife of your Krum not to send the nephew to beg me for the large family the man has. For Dumbledore's sake, the man is older than Arthur, his wife, a beautiful witch, is Bill's age. He has five children, one just two years old, and a sixth on the way. It would appear as if the wizard dips his wick at home while being with you?" He smirked nastily at the angry paling Ginny.

Yes, until that evening, she was able to kiss him and make up, even after the warning three months ago. Well, with a little mother's help, she smirked. She thought he would dismiss it after she told him Viktor was wrong. True, things have cooled a bit, and that now she always needed incentives to get Harry in bed, with a little help of her Mom's brews.

Ron was right; he told her about his talk with Hermione. They were famous, young and beautiful. They were out traveling half the year; it was a way of life. Home was home, and the road was the road. But Harry was hers; she deserved his title and his vaults, the ones he would inherit upon his marriage. He was hers, just ask Molly; hadn't her told her so since the first time Ginny had set her eyes upon him. Mothers know best.

Since that evening, Harry's eyes followed the Mudblood princess whenever she was in the room. "Harry, is there something going on between you and Hermione that I should know? Why is still living here at your home, she has a job, and my brothers all say her parents are very rich. Their house is a Pureblood's home and then some. Is that why you like her? Is that the reason why you all are like dogs in heat after her fat ugly bum? I am glad that I was on the road when she had her party, I would had been sick. She is so ugly, I just don't get it."

Harry had snapped, "If she didn't live here with me, I would probably not be alive. She has been the one constant in my life. She has never betrayed me and gave it all to follow me during the worse year of my life, what do you expect? She is my family with Ron the closest. Of course, you all are, I was wrong by saying otherwise the other night. "

He paused to bang his head in frustration.

"Ron, Hermione and I, have shared dark moments nobody else would understand. As for you, well, we have shared shagging, and a little bit of love. Please don't be nasty. I wasn't the one who ruined what we had. I wanted to marry you. Even if you and I still have occasional sex, it is by your choice. I am never the one who starts it. Strange, how I don't even remember how we got in bed the next day. Sometimes, I think you feed me some kind of potion. But if that is the case and I ever found out—"His voice had trailed off.

She had never seen him so angry and decided to let go. She needed to play her cards right, when she was ready, not before. Right now she was, still, into a close friendship with benefits with the girl from South Africa. The witch was gorgeous, tall, and dark, with green eyes, she was sin. True she was married, and this was only for the road.

Things couldn't be more fun, she had recently hooked up with a drop dead beautiful Bulgarian trainer, well not recently about nine months ago. Hmm, his wife was pregnant, damn.

Yes, Gregory was Victor Krum's uncle. He was older than her father, married, very rich, and a tasty bonbon. A real man, not a boy like Harry, and Marisa liked him as well; he was a veritable tiger in bed and what a tiger. The three of them had a good thing going. Why mess it up, for now.

It was Hermione's fault for knowing Viktor; had he also told Hermione?

Molly-◐- Master Deceiver/Subject Matter Expert

As for Molly, her blood hound instincts kicked instantly when she saw the couple. She saw the hungry looks, their body language, and she knew it. Wasn't she an expert?

She had shagged since she was 16, it started with her first one, Lucius, when he was barely thirteen, even at that age he had been beautiful, very.

She feared someone would find out, hmmm, if anyone else knew– And after him, she had shagged a few, well, many few, never mind. She had married properly to the father of her miracle five month baby son, she has been nearly sure that he was the father, maybe. Never mind she had taken a potion right before labor to make sure the babe was born already disguised with a strong glamour. Unless someone would find out and removed it, she was safe. Not even she knew for sure, it was better that way. She'd often worry, specially after Bill was bitten. And knew the rest when Fred died.

Hmm, of course she had used the same potion three more times, that one lover she couldn't say no to when she was still a beauty, and he still wasn't married, and she lost track of everything. So what? Everyone had their secrets. Her secrets were only hers, because the one lover didn't know about her suspicions. Ahem, more than suspections, she had tested them after Fred died. That day she averted disaster by Glamouring her dead son; not a nice thing to do. She had her reasons, everyone would know if 'he' ever found out; even worse, he would claim them all. And she was sure that not only she'd lose she would lose her four olders sons but Arthur was well. No, that wouldn't do.

Wasn't she clever, hadn't she gotten rid of Andromeda Black, Arthur's true love. Poor Ted, another of her conquests, he went along, because he loved Andy. She could help her girl, and her only son, Ron. And now Arthur was safe from Andromeda's claws.

Hmm, no sense in going there, the point is that she could read the tea leaves of lust, snogging, finger playing, loose bindings, lips and teeth markings left by overeager young wizards, the little things that escaped an untrained eye. Growing up in a very strict home, she knew how to erase those signs before coming into her home; she knew every glamour to disguise her telltale signs and looked innocent whenever she came into her home, or into her house's common room.

She was adept and a powerful witch. She knew how to use her wand and her charms. She had even learned one to restore her hymen. Too bad that too much Firewhiskey had made her forget the contraceptive charm with..cough, cough. And later 'forgotten' once again with Arthur... after repairing herself.

Arthur hadn't been her first choice but turned out the best one. The wizard knew how to keep his witch satisfied and was very well endowed for the part. Well mostly satisfied but for those other times….Besides, money would also be coming via Harry and Hermione. Of course Ron and Ginny were already paying to renovate the Burrow, and have been generous to a fault.

She had imparted all her knowledge onto her Ginny. The young witch had hot blood like her mother's, the little sweet vixen. With her looks and her mother's help, she would have her Harry. Potions, whatever she needed, mothers were for that.

She was glowing in the knowledge that she had been right. That she was correct pressuring Ginny to cancel the game and pay the fine. She told her, "Ginny, my girl, if you don't do something right now and go after Harry, you will lose him." She was always right.

Ah, now with the motive, the perpetrators, and the SUPRISE crime has been solved. But isn't Molly also a 'criminal' with many unsolved 'crimes?'…Wasn't she the driving force behind Ginny? Just out curiosity who is Molly´s ex-lover? Will she be discovered? All valid questions for later.

Next time:

AT the Hotel, the SURPRISE arrivals - The obnoxious nightmare continues.

-When Ginny had approached Harry, he had PUSHED her away. Duly noted, he smelled of her Rival. They had been kissing and...And Hermione reeked of what? Of Something familiar, she just could not put her finger into it. She would figure it out later tonight.

A/N GRR