Yes I realize Ukitake is out of character but when you need a straight character, you need one.
Recently, I took the Mary Sue lithium test for Aphrodite and another character coming up soon and Aphrodite's score was 102 and the other character's score was 28 but apparently the test isn't completely accurate seeing as Aphrodite is in no way the highest Mary Sue you could get. Also, my friend told me that Aphrodite basically makes fun of other Mary Sue characters... I can kinda see it :D
Chapter 2
Aphrodite's P.O.V
I awoke the next day early, as usual, and watched about a million Bleach episodes(Ten) in hopes of learning spoilers and then I could be like some kind of freaking future-seeing person and all the Soul Reapers would love me and it would quickly become a male harem because of their love for me. OR, They think I'm some type of freak and set me on fire in front of everyone. Now that I think about it...that'd be pretty pimpin'.
"I wonder if my sisters will miss me yo." I murmured to my fat orange and white cat Jasper, who looked up at me, confusion in his sky blue eyes. "Of course you can't understand me. You only understand when I kick and hit you. Maso-Maso-chan~..." He was definetly a MAJOR masochist, seeing as I could punch, kick, put tabasco sauce on his mouth and he would still love me. Yes, I love him too I'm just a super sadist so we be sharin' that S-S-S-S...M-M-M...relationship you know?(Oh Rihanna. How I love that song and I loved it even more when I thought you were saying S-S-S-S...ham-ham-ham.)
"I hope you know cat, I'm taking me with you." this sentence caused Jasper's ears to turn back, making it obvious he was trying to show he didn't want to go. I simply scoffed at that. "Pssh. You don't get a say in what happens to you silly bucket of lard. It'll make you sad since you don't want to go? Who gives a remote? Only MY happiness matters. Selfish animal." I said the last words, shaking my head whilst shoving the fat ginger cat off my bed. If only he could talk. That would make everything so much funnier then it already is.
Later that day bruv
I was sitting outside of my window, waiting for Juu-chan, thinking about all the things I would miss from the human world, which would be alot of stupid things since I have no life. I just sit on my computer, watching my favorite youtube people whislt eating Taco Bell which is heaven in a taco, burrito, chalupa casing. I say heaven instead of meat because...WE ALL KNOW THAT AIN'T REAL MEAT!
I sighed, bringing my knees to my chest and looking at the empty street infront of myself. It was almost an hour after he said he'd be here so I think he might be late. This is the point in the story where we figure out Juu-chan ended up encountering a hollow and needs my help or else he will die which I think would be pitiful and make him unfit to be a captain. Seriously. You, a captain-class Soul Reaper, need my help, which is like the help of a biodegradable, empty water bottle. Something's wrong with that Mona Lisa yo. I lay back on the grass and started rolling around saying "Hurry up! Hurry up!" which would be when he finally shows up.
"What? You think this is wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong: My phone bill was slowly increasing. I eventually got fed up with it and switched to a boost mobile phone, which is only $50 a month. Pretty good deal if I do say so myself." After reciting that, Juu-chan just continued to stare at me like he didn't know how to reply to that. Instead, he sighed and turned away from me. "Let's go." he then glanced back at me and asked, "Why is that animal in your arms? You aren't taking it with you."
"Jasper isn't an animal. He's a masochistic bucket of lard. And I am taking him with me. I'm not gonna say 'Try to stop me yo.' because you probably can stop me..."
"You aren't taking it with you. The academy doesn't allow animals in the dorms."
"Ah...so you didn't stay in the dorms."
"If you weren't my brother's daughter, I would've never done this for you." Juu-chan pinched the bridge of his nose after mumbling that statement.
"What? You're my dad's brother?" I asked him, then remembered my dad talking about a brother last time I talked to him in jail. Why'd my dad go to jail? Because one night, he went to a convinence store, which always had it's doors open otherwise the doors would lock and he ended up accidently closing the doors and when the police came, they thought he was robbing the store considering the fact that he had his money in his hand so now he's in jail for another year bruv.
"Yes I am Takero's older brother." Juu-chan stated, interupting my reminisancing about my father.
"...He's in jail now ya knows?"
"I guessed as much." he sighed, shaking his head.
After a few minutes of silence, I spoke up. "I know you're having fun, remembering your failure of a brother, but can we go now?" I figured since his mind was full of thoughts of Dad, he probably forgot all about Jasper so this would be a good time to leave.
"Fine." He replied, taking out his sword and piercing the air and turning his sword,
which made big Shoji doors appear. When the doors slowly opened, it revealed a bright white light that blinded my eyes for a few minutes. The white haired man stared at me, until I finished clutching my eyes and screaming "THE LIGHT. OH HOW IT BURNS MY CORNEA!"
Once I finished, he walked through the doors, myself following close behind.
"Get ready to run." He ordered when we arrived in Dangai, as I looked around, ignoring the foul scent it concieved.
"Huh? What do you mean?" No sooner had I asked that, I felt the ground start to shake. I slowly turned around and realized that the Kototsu was close behind us. "WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME!" I sobbed to myself out loud, running as fast as I possibly could from the sweeper. (AN: I was going to write something about Lee Na-Young and her almost death on a Korean drama...but I forgot...)"JUUSHIRO-SAMA! WHERE IS THE GLORIOUS EXIT THAT I'M LOVING THE SOUND OF RIGHT NOW?"
"Just up ahead."
"Oh...How did I miss that?" Right infront of us was a white doorway which apparently was the exit.
The two of us then quickly ran through the white doorway, escaping the deadly Kototsu. I let out a sigh of relief and realized my body felt weird. My blue eyes snapped open to see myself, along with Juushiro, falling from the sky, which I was enjoying until...
"I just remembered something..."
"What?" the white-haired man looked at me with a questioning look.
"I have a trepidation of heights..." I mumbled quietly.
"Say it again. I couldn't hear you."
"I'M SCARED OF HEIGHTS YO!" I quickly latched myself, Jasper in my arms, to the thirteenth captain's back with my iron grip while screaming YOLO.
"You can stop screaming now. We're on the ground." He looked back at me, who was still on his back.
"Oh." I replied, jumping off his back. "Ahem. Good work son." I looked around where we had landed, which was a grassy land near an apparent village. I looked up slowly at the taller man. "Why you suck son?"
"Excuse me?"
"Why didn't you have us end up where we went through the giant boss gate already in the Sereitei? Is it 'cuz you suck? Is it Uncle dearest?"
"No. It's because you're with me-"
"FUCK YOU!"
"..."
"Sorry. I had a moment there."
"I'm used to it. Your mother was like that." He stated
"Don't tell me; My mom is the sister of one of the other captains." FML if he said yes.
"No. Mother. They're your half-sibling; she had an affair with the captain's father before she met Takero."
"Aw yeah. Mommy was getting' that... everyday and night~."
"Let's start walking. We're wasting time standing here and talking." Juushiro began walking somewhat fast towards the village.
"Who is it?" I demanded, catching up to him.
"I will tell you when we see him." He answered, still walking fast.
"So it's a him..." I tapped on my chin, thinking of all the male captains that were candidates to be my half-brother. 'There's Gin, Aizen-' "Please don't tell me it's that rapist in glasses 5th squad captain."
"No. Close."...He didn't even deny Aizen was a rapist in glasses... Booyah~ After going through all of the male captains, only one possibly made sense in every way that he would be my brother.
"It's Captain Tousen isn't it?" I was damn sure it was him. Almost as sure as I was when I thought Lil' Wayne made a shout out to me in one of his songs.
Bitch he did. "How would that make sense Aphrodite? You're Asian and he's... you know..."
"Man you color stupid. I'm the blackest person you ever met. Believe it."
"Uh huh."
"I hate you."
"Captain Tousen is your half-brother." Juushiro looked at me with a straight face as he said those glorious words.
"REALLY!"
"No. Keep guessing." He replied with a childish smile I wanted to steamroll over so bad.
"...Anyone ever tell you that you're a bitch?"
"Anyone ever tell you that you aren't black?"
"My mommy did. She's dead. Like most main character's parents."
"Way to be original. Okay we've arrived." The taller man stopped infront a giant gate which I'm pretty sure is the one Ichigo pwned that giant guy at then Gin pwned everyone like a raging bitch on midol. Juushiro turned to me and stated, "From today here on to however long it takes, you will attend the Soul Reaper Academy and hone your skills to become a Soul Reaper, like Takero wished."
To this I let out a giant scoff. "Bitch please. The only skills I have are my rap skills. I ain't even good at running away; I get tired quickly and try to lay down on the ground every step I take like a cross-eyed cat."
"You'll learn skills that are actually useful. Like sword use, hado and kido, and running away without getting tired. And if those things don't help you in a battle, you can just 'rap' and scare the person away."
"Thank you. Jerk."
And I studied at the academy for about fifty motherfacking years but I must have found the spring of youth because I only look twenty or something along those lines. After I graduated, I was assigned in the real world to take care of some hollows, if you know what I mean...kill them. And I wasn't paying attention and now I'm dead. You have to post this story on 56,874 fanfictions with seventeen chapters in five seconds or I will visit you tonight and I will rap to you until you kill yourself.
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And Juushiro said I couldn't troll so hard motherfackers wanna find me. That shat crack. No. I didn't die...sadly.
Favorite and review please~ And I will have chapter three up as soon as I can.