Author's Note: Thank you for all the reviews! I am so happy that you all enjoy reading this! I have the next few chapters worked out but I need to write before I can post. Please continue to read this and review because it inspires me to write more! -Flashback- *Dream*

Warnings/Disclaimers: I don't own Big Time Rush, I wish I did. There will be some references to boy/boy relationships. Don't like, don't read, it's simple.

Chapter 2: Nightmare

Carlos POV

Logan was the absolute best cook I ever met! Heck he is the only cook I ever met. He could turn a simple dish like chicken nuggets and french fries into heaven on a plate. Mrs. Knight volunteered James and Kendall to clean up and do the dishes tonight. Her reason was that Logan and I cooked, well Logan did all the cooking, I just stared at his ass while he did it. I smiled at my two friends as they groaned about having to do the dishes. Logan did most of them while he cooked so all Kendall and James had to do was the plates and silverware.

After they were done with washing the dishes, they joined Logan and I on the couch. We were watching a show about two girls on their web show, a violent blond girl, sweet yet sassy brunette girl and their nerdy technical producer. I thought it was funny because it seemed so real. Logan was staring off into space or finding a cure for the common cold, I couldn't tell which. Kendall played with James hair while he slept on Kendall's lap. This was my family now and I was happy for the first time ever since that day.

-My older brother, David, coughed up more blood into his sleeve. We were racing to the hospital because the coughing up blood started during the middle of dinner. Aurora and Candice, my older sisters had to stay home and watch the younger kids, Marcos and Dani. I could see the bright red substance dripping from his sleeve and onto his pants. We were there within a few minutes, my dad being a cop we didn't have to worry about being pulled over. He was well over the speed limit the entire way, I couldn't blame him.

Once we got to the hospital, David was wheeled away and we had to wait in the emergency room waiting area. My mom was weeping into my dad's shirt while he tried to comfort her. I silently prayed that he would make it and be okay, my prayer wasn't heard, for minutes after my mother stopped crying we got the news. Cancer. I knew that meant it was bad. The doctor explained it to us once we got into his room. My normally happy brother was pale and wired up to countless machines.

Stage 4 Lung Cancer. I cried into his bed my tears full of agony and pain. He had six months to live if he was lucky. The cure hadn't been found yet, only chemo could save him. He said no. His explanation was that we would be broke if we tried to pay for the expensive procedures. My father became pissed and my mom cried more, begging him to reconsider. David said he wanted to go home with his family and within a few minutes we were driving back. There were no words uttered, only silence filled the car.

Throughout the six months we all tried to change his mind but none of us were able to. He grew weaker each day and I stopped going to school, hanging out with my friends and everything else that had been going on in my life. My parents still went to work but other than that we spent as much time as we could with our brother. David and I were playing cards when he asked if I would go because he was feeling tired. I stayed and he drifted off to sleep. I didn't know at the time he had passed. I watched him go. It looked so peaceful. I cried for weeks after his passing.-

A tear rolled down my face. I quickly ran into my room, crying on my pillow by whole body shaking. Logan came in a few seconds later and tried to calm me down to ask me what was wrong. I hiccuped my response and he held me allowing me to cry into his chest.

"Shh...Carlos, he is in a better place. He wouldn't want you to be crying over his death." Logan whispered to me, he was trying his best to get me to stop crying but it wasn't enough this time.

"He died because he didn't want to be a burden to my family! He should have just gone with the procedure and forget about the cost! I watched him die!" I yelled to no one and to everyone. "It hurts Logan, it hurts."

"Good. That means you still love him. It means you haven't forgotten about him." He said rubbing my back and rocking me in his arms. I kept crying until I fell asleep in his arms.

*David was sitting on his bed holding his cards with a smile on his face. I let him beat me at Kemps and I think he knew it. He called 'Kemps' and placed his hand in front of me, yep, he won.

"Carlos, could you please go? I'm feeling pretty tired." He said yawning for effect.

"No. If you go asleep you won't wake up! Please don't leave me!" I cried and grabbed his hand, "Please! Don't go!" I begged.

"Carlos, even if I am gone you will never be alone. You will always have a piece of me in your heart. I won't ever be gone and you will never be alone if I am in there." He poked my chest where my heart was and smiled at me. He closed his eyes and I screamed.*

Logan POV

I was woken up by Carlos' screaming. I shook him awake and he cried into my chest again. I knew he had a 'nightmare' about David. Trying to comfort him was nearly impossible. He was shaking uncontrollably and continued to sob into my chest. I kissed the top of his head and whispered one single sentence.

"He loves you Carlos." He quickly pulled away from me and stared me for a while before nodding.

"I know he does. I just...remember that day so vividly it haunts me. I miss him everyday." Carlos was fighting the tears that had built up for so long. These nightmares were common for weeks after his brother died. They still happened but only once in a while, whenever something triggered his memory.

I had him remember everything about David before that night. His spiky hair that he dyed blond, his piercing green eyes- Carlos said they were better than emeralds- and the happy attitude he always had no matter what happened. Calming down greatly Carlos went back to sleep. I couldn't blame him for being tired, he cried his heart out. I glanced at the picture of Carlos and David sitting on Carlos' dresser. They were at the beach and looked like they were having the time of their life. I fell asleep still holding onto my best friend.

Carlos POV

I woke up and remembered the events of last night. I slowly got off my bed, hoping I didn't wake up Logan. I decided to go outside and make a phone call, to my parents. I wandered the halls at 5 in the morning dialing my old phone number. The line rang for a while and my mom picked up.

"Hello? Who is it? It's 3 am!" I smiled at her voice. She couldn't sound mad even if she tried to.

"Mama? It's Carlos." I said with a weak voice.

"Carlos, what's wrong?" Her voice full of worry and concern.

"I had another nightmare." That one sentence she was familiar with. Whenever I had one that was the first thing I said to her.

"Oh, hijo. Are you okay? Why didn't you call me when it happened?" I heard metal tink against glass and I knew she was making coffee to keep herself awake.

"Logan was there for me. He stayed with me through it. Logan said some things I needed to hear at that moment."

"Like?" She sighed when I didn't continue.

"Like David wouldn't want me to cry, that he was always with me, and it's good to feel like this." I didn't get to finish my sentence let alone my thought before she yelled into the phone.

"IT'S GOOD TO FEEL LIKE THIS?" Her loud voice made me pull the phone away from my ear.

"Mama, listen! It's good to feel sad because it shows that I still am thinking about him, that he hasn't really gone from my heart. I know he is in a better place now. It was his choice to make and he made the one he felt was better for everyone, even if it didn't feel like it at the time." I explained to her. I heard her sniffle and I knew she was crying.

"Yes Carlos. He is happier now." She agreed, "I understand why you love him hijo. He has an excellent head on his shoulders."

"Does that mean?" I didn't have to finish the sentence she knew what I meant.

"Yes hijo. Your father and I have talked about it and well nothing has changed. You still are our son and we love you and Logan. I don't mean to sound rude but it's been an hour I need to get ready for work. Are you going to be okay Carlos?"

"I will be. I love you mom." I said smiling for so many reasons.

"I love you too. Bye hijo."

I walked back to the apartment and silently shut the front door. I crept back into my room to find Logan sitting up. He rushed at me and pulled me into a tight hug.

"Don't ever leave without writing a note! I was so worried Carlos!" Logan said sounding worried. I kissed him and he yawned halfway through.

"Very sexy Logie." I joked poking his chest. I knew he was tired and so was I but I had to tell him. "My parents are okay with me. I called my mom and told her about last night. She was worried about me but I told her you were here for me. Then she told me that they were fine with me and you dating."

"Good. Now sleep." Logan yawned again pulling me towards the bed. I fell asleep next to Logan and I smiled despite what happened last night.

A/N: This chapter was NOTHING like how I wrote it out to be. I decided to make it about Carlos' back story. The next three chapters will be about the remaining guys' important life altering events. Carlos' in my mind was the most sad because it was very close to me. Almost all of what Carlos went through is what I went through. I lost someone very close just how I described it in the story. I am not looking for sympathy, I got enough of that. I had to write this. My mind was on a war path to have this written. Before I knew it I wrote Carlos' loss of my own life. I hope you enjoyed reading this. Please review!