A/N: By the way, it takes place in fifth year.
Cup Sizes- Who the Hell are Anne and Martha?
"Ginny, drop it. Please." Harry groaned desperately as the youngest of the Weasleys chased her for her bust measurements. "Why the hell do you want them anyways?" he asked, curious to know her obsession with her cookies. He-I mean she looked down at her chest, usually able to see his stomach, but now so his cleavage poking out from the Hogwarts' dress shirt uniform. They were so weird.
"'Cause not even Lavender's bra fit you! And she is pretty much the bustiest girl in Gryffindor! Well now it's you." Ginny winked and tried again to pull the conjured measuring tape across his chest, only for Harry to turn about five shades of red as her coconuts jiggled.
"Ew, Harry! Get a bra!" Ginny started laughing hysterically making Harry turn redder than Ron's hair.
"What is wrong with these things?" the girl groaned mentally, they jiggled for crying out loud if you didn't wear a bra, which were not comfortable. If you didn't wear one, people could see your nipples, and perverts (cough Draco Malfoy cough) would be staring at you! It sucked to be a girl, and sucked even harder to be a boy turned girl.
"This weekend when we go to Hogsmead, you are coming with me and Hermione to go bra shopping. And Ron is going too. We do not want our innocent little Harry's virtue to be taken away because he doesn't have the luxury that is a bra." She coed, stroking his hair in a mock-sympathy manner while Harry squirmed out of her grasp.
"Shut up! Where is Ron and Hermione anyways?" the elder of the two seethed, really wanting to slap his supposedly best mate for dragging him into this mess.
"Ron was having a bit of a mishap with his 'boulder holder' so Hermione offered to switch with him. They should be back any second." Ginny replies, looking out the door.
Harry twitched at the term 'boulder holder' and wished she were back in his carefree male body, without all this drama of bras and shaving anywhere that wasn't your face.
A rather awkward silence rung through the two, Harry thinking about the most violent way to destroy a bra and Ginny thinking of more ways to further humiliate and torture Harry.
Suddenly, a distraught Hermione ran in, hair a mess and cheeks flushed. "Help. It's Ron. Hurry!" and pulled the two into a stall in the girls' bathroom.
And there was Ron, bra upside down on his chest, clasps in a knot, constricting his tender jugs painfully. Harry and Ginny burst into laughter at the sight of the redhead, whose face now matched his hair. "Shut up and help me! This bloody bra is killing Anne and Martha." Ron grumbled.
"Who the hell are Anne and Martha, you arse?" asked Harry, still hiccupping little chuckles.
"My precious boobies, of course." Ron said matter-of-factly, tugging on the bra, but immediately regretting it as it snapped back against his already in pain 'Anne and Martha'.
Ginny rolled her eyes at his big br-sister. "Well? Don't just stare at me! Help!" Ron hissed at the three.
Hermione was the first to approach him awkwardly trying to untangle the clasps without getting too close. After a while of groping and twisting, 'Anne and Martha 'were free.
And as soon as they were Hermione, Harry and Ginny raced out, not wanting to meet 'Anne and Martha', if you know what I mean. Ron rolled his eyes and said 'screw it' to the bra and just put on his shirt and skirt with the Gryffindor tie.
The Golden Trio was back together, Ron rubbing his chest every so often, Hermione reading and Ginny and Harry fighting. All was normal for now.
"Ugh! Where am I going to sleep! It'll be too awkward to sleep in the boys' dorms now!" Ron moaned, imagining camping out in the Astronomy Tower.
Ginny just shrugged, "Not my problem bro, or should I say sis?"
"You're dead to me!" Ron wails, curling into a ball and sniffling.
"Geez. PMS, much?" Ginny giggles at her sister's behavior as a hormonal PMSing girl.
At the three letters Harry jumped up. "We won't actually get PMS an-and periods and stuff, right?" he asked, turning red all over at mentioning it.
Hermione closes Hogwarts: A History and answers with, "Maybe. But trust me, it won't be fun. You'll have back pains, and boys will be an even bigger prick to you and the teachers would be bastards toward you and- and-" she was heaving after that little rant.
"Are you sure you're not on that time of the month, Hermione, dear?" Ron asked 'caringly' like a 'good pal'.
Hermione just blushed and reopened her book and continued to read.
"Ohhh!" squealed Ginny, "Which reminds me! We are so taking you two panty shopping!" she clasped her hands happily.
"HELL NO!" yelled Ron and Harry at the same time, not going to face the embarrassment of not only buying bras, but bloody frilly panties too.
"Mwahahahaha!" Ginny laughs evilly, reminding Harry of George and Fred.
"My god, Ginny! You sound so much like Fred and George," Hemione says, patting her friend on the head.
"Hermione! Ginny! I've lost Trevor. Have you seen him?" asked Neville shyly.
"Again? Neville! That's you're fifth year in a row!" Hermione said shocked. Neville just blushed. "Who are you two?" he asks kindly at 'Harry and Ron.'
Said boys just exchanged looks, neither wanting to let other people know the embarrassment of being a boy girl.
Hermione, being the all-knowing know-it-all (redundant much) answered for them, "This is uh, my friends who are uh visiting Hogwarts." She said, twisting her fingers. She was never much of a liar.
Neville nodded muttering a shy "Hi" and leaves on the epic adventure for the toad.
"Thanks 'Mione. Really saved our arses there." Ron said appreciatively, well as appreciative as a Ron could get.
"Humph." Hermione acknowledged his thanks and continued reading, not really forgiving him for teasing her PMS like behavior.
After a while Harry had gotten bored and started poking around for fun. He plucked Hermione's book from her hands and ran away with it down the hall, while she chased after him.
Really, she'd been in such a good place. "HARRY JAMES POTTER! GIVE IT BACK RIGHT NOW!" she yelled in a rather mother like tone. Harry turned around as he ran, sticking out his tongue, and ran straight into Malfoy, knocking him down.
Her face was now red as she panted, nose no more than five inches from Malfoy's, who was in shock.
She realized her position; she was straddling Malfoy, a position where she never wanted to be in again.
There was soon buzz all around them.
"Oh my god. Who is that whore all around my Drakey-poo?"
"DA-AMN! That it one fine piece of specimen."
"I'd totally tap that fanny."
"You'd tap anything with legs."
"… Touche."
"I-I am so sorry! I just-just-" she flushed under Draco's intense stare, "Sorry," she whispered again and got up and ran off awkwardly into Hermione's hug.
Malfoy snickered at the cuteness of the new Potter. Yes, she was a fine piece of meat, and she will be his.
"Oh Merlin!" Harry moaned, she had just tackled Draco Malfoy! What the hell was wrong with her? Hermione was right, she was daft!
"You just tackled Malfoy with a body like that?" Ginny clucked her tongue disapprovingly, "He's probably planning on making you his now, you bloody tease."
Harry rolled her eyes, "Draco doesn't even swing that way!"
Ginny stared at her, "You do realize that you're a chick now, right?" she asked in a tone of voice meant for explaining that fire was hot to a three year old.
"Damn." Harry said, pretty much summing up his entire life at the moment in one word.
Soon, after pigging out on roast beef sandwiches courtesy of and more complaining on how much life sucks, the Hogwarts express pulled into Hogwarts.
"Damn! We forgot our prefect duties!" Hermione hissed, almost at her knees sobbing at the disgrace.
"Well, we can't both be prefects. We're both chicks. Besides, as far as they know, Ron Weasley is dead." Ron replied, actually relieved he didn't have to do any of the prefect duties.
"Irresponsible! Stupid! Disgraceful!" Hermione was beating herself on the head, almost crying.
"Er, Hermie? Are you okay?" Harry asked awkwardly patting her shoulder sympathetically.
"NO! NOW I HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF DETENTION!" she sniffed, burying her head in her hands in the 'shame'.
"You're crazy." Harry commented drily, taking a noncommittal munch out of his dinner roll.
"Says the one who practically tried to rape Malfoy" Hermione muttered.
Harry almost immediately turned a strange mix of pink and red at the mention of 'the incident'.
"Hi, who're you?" Katie Bell asked Harry curiously smiling.
"Um, I'm a-a visitor. Yeah." Harry said the 'yeah' to himself happy with his lie.
"Oh. Well, welcome to Hogwarts!" she smiled and turned back to talking to Pavarti, who smiled back at Harry.
Harry turned to look at the teacher's table, only to see Professor Dumbledore looking at him, twinkle in his eyes and winked at him. Creepy old guys really don't need to wink, really.
Then he figured it out, Dumbledore knew he wasn't a male. Crap.
"Hey, Ron-" after noticing the few stares from the girls, "Ron, er Ronalda, Dumbledore knows."
Ron-alda swallowed the mouthful of chicken and looked at him. "Who the hell is Ro- oh. Never mind. Wait, DUMBLEDORE KNOWS?' he practically shouted, earning quite a few 'What the hell' looks.
Ron blushed and tried again, "Dumbledore knows?" he whispered, shocked.
Harry nodded, patting a still depressed Hermione on the shoulder softly. "Damn. We're so screwed, mate." Ron sniffs, suddenly not really hungry for more food. (Amazing.)
"Okay, we have to talk." Demanded Ginny as she pulled Harry, Ron and Hermione into the Room of Requirement in a broom cupboard around where the Hogwarts kitchen was.
"What do you want?" moaned Ron, not wanting to put up with her little sister right now.
"About you two, " she pointed at the two teenage boys/girls/transsexuals/hermaphrodites/whatever the hell they were, "How are you going to hide it, if you are going to hide it?" Harry shrugs, "I don't want anyone to know, so I guess we have to reinvent ourselves?"
Ronalda groans pitifully, "Too lazy!" Ginny and Hermione both slapped her.
"You are such a boy, Ron! An insufferable, lazy, stupid, jerk!" Hermione bursts out at Ron, thoroughly scaring the poop out of him.
"No I'm not! I'm a bloody girl! With bewbies and bacon strips and everything!" she wails.
"So am I!" Harry sobs into Ron, both relenting the fact that they were dick-turned-chicks.
"You guys are ridiculously weird." Ginny said, miffed slightly.
"You mean girls?" Ron sniffed, rubbing his snot away with the back of his hand, disgusting Hermione to new levels.
"Actually, yes." Ginny giggled into her palms at her sister.
"Anyways, for us to fool the others until we get a cure for this-" she poked 'Martha' for emphasis, "you'll be girls. Harry already called Ron Ronalda so he's done. But what about Harry?"
Harry just shrugged, swatting at invisible lint on her sleeve and tie like a kitty. "Harriet? No, too old, Henriet? No, that's not even a real name, Henrietta? Maybe… Harrietta! That's such a cute name!" Ginny squealed.
"Didn't you have a hamster named Harrietta, Ginny?" Ron asked, not wanting his best mate to be associated with a dead, fat, hamster.
"Yes. Why?" Ginny asked.
"Nothing, nothing." Grumbled Ron, not even bothering.
"So Ron is Ronalda, and I'm Harrietta?" Harry asked, pouting.
"Yeah. What's with the bulldog face?" Hermione asked, noticing the pout.
"Don't you think it'll be obvious? That we are Ron and Harry, though?"
"I guess, but this is the only plan we've got. Oh, and can you stop wearing your glasses?" answered Hermione, biting her lip unconsciously thinking.
"No. I'm nearsighted, I wouldn't be able to see the blackboard in class." Harry said, touching his dorky looking spectacles.
"Oh. Then can I make you where contacts or like better glasses?" Hermione asked, thinking about if no glasses would suit her friend.
"I guess. I would prefer glasses, of course." Harry said quietly.
"Why? You've broken then too many times, and they look terrible on you, no offense." Ginny piped up, taking sides with Hermione.
"Well. You're a jerk, no offense!" Harry mocked Ginny. He liked his glasses, what is wrong with his glasses?
"Sorry, mate. But it's either change your glasses or suffer eternal teasing from other blokes. Your choice, of course." Ron brushed off the topic as if it was no big deal, only putting more pressure on Harry's shoulders.
"Fine. I hate you all." Harry sulked, poking at a spider web under the chair he was on.
"YAY! Contacts it is!" Hermione cheered and suddenly the Room of Requirement shifted, into an optical store. They soon found the right contacts for Harrietta, and put them in.
"You alright, mate?" asked Ronalda to his friend.
"Yeah, fine. It's just so clear and light!" Harry said, obviously amazed.
"Good, now let's hit the common room. Dinner's already over." Said Hermione, leaving the Room of Requirement.
And as soon as they got into the halls, everyone's eyes were on Ronalda and Harrietta. There were catcalls and wolf whistles as they both turned red and walked faster. Until they saw Malfoy, who was catcalling the loudest and winked at Harrietta when he had caught her eye. "Hate you." She mouthed to him, and ran to catch up, only for Malfoy to stare harder at her rack, that was now jiggling and bouncing with her movement.
Of course Harrietta felt them too, so she pressed an arm to it to control the jiggling.
Mafloy snickered. "You still have nice tits!" he yelled at her.
Harrietta turned and stuck her tongue out at him adorably, which was supposed to be teasing but the only thing that she teased was Draco's well, thing down below.
"Damn you Potter. Damn you and your nice tits and fine arse. Damn you to hell!" Draco cursed mentally, now having to have a nice wank tonight.
And Harrietta probably knew that too, the ever tease she was.
Harry was enjoying being a girl, boys held the door for you, you get treated as royalty just because you have big bewbies, and of course, it was so much easier to tease a certain platinum blond Slytherin.
All was good, that day.
A/n: Not a lot of humour in this one, I know. But this was just filler anyways, nothing really important happened. It was all kind of pointless. Drop a review, I really appreciate it.