A/N: So much chapter two! Yeah, I don't wanna do 'My Sweetest Downfall' right now. Too much caffeine for angst…Note: This, like over thirty of my other stories, IS A HUMOROUS STORY! There will only be a handful of romantically depressing/serious moments. The rest will be cute, soaked, and smothered with fluff.
"God, we're screwed," Patrick moaned as soon as the door slammed shut behind them. Each of the adolescent spirits held a key in their hands, taking up North's offer to stay at the Pole. "I haven't screwed with a relationship 'since I screwed over that president and that movie star chick!" Over and over, Patrick banged his head against the wall, muttering.
"Does your entire vocabulary contain first person adjectives and 'screw'?" Valentine snapped, tossing her red hair over her shoulder. "Do you have to look like a hooker who can't afford anything more than a curtain?" Pumpkin hissed, glaring at the red haired diva. Before Valentine could retaliate, Pumpkin stormed through a herd of stumbling, obviously intoxicated elves, and down the hall toward her and Valentine's shared room.
"God, she's hot when she's mad…" Valentine muttered, trying to run after and stumble after the younger spirit. Patrick gagged as Valentine tried to grasp at Pumpkin's clenched hands. New Years scoffed and turned to face the wall, exhaling dramatically. Patrick looked up to her, smiling. "What do you choose to make of all this?" he questioned.
She shrugged, her eyes closed shut, almost gracefully. "I choose to make nothing of this. I don't even want this. I want to be at home, nursing hangovers and shopping with people who will be dead in a hundred years while I go on living. I make nothing of this other than a fool's errand that we will be punished for failing at." Patrick shuddered at New Year's almost sober explanation, knowing she was right. To get two spirits to fall in love was difficult. To get two male spirits together was harder. To get two male spirits who hate each other together?
Impossible.
Patrick sighed, sinking against the wall. "I don't see why I have to stay here though… If he really wants love, I can just strip him, and force him to swallow my-"
New Years forced her hand over his mouth, her eyes squint shut in disgust. "There is no way in hell that I want to hear that." Patrick snorted and licked her hand almost casually. She simply rubbed it on her skirt and began to walk down the hall, opposite to where Valentine and Halloween ran off. "Oi, where you going?" he asked, his head tilted to the side.
Valentine jutted her chin forward in a silent order for him to follow. He nodded. "I'm gonna look for dear Jackie. And, if I get lucky, which I should since you're hear, I should find the old man's vodka stash." Patrick shrugged, as if the misuse of his powers and being was normal, and followed her. His hands wound into the hem of her skirt, trailing after the older spirit as if he was a child in the grocery store.
"What's up your sleeve, New?" Patrick asked after minutes of aimlessly trailing down a long hallway. She shrugged. "I was thinking of giving him a casual sex-god look. It does not matter what Pooka's are into, because Bunny is still a man. Speaking of Pooka though," she said, stopping in the hallway, "They are a part of your culture. What do you know about them?"
Patrick shook his head in already admitted defeat. "Not much. I just know they can transform from human to beast, but must maintain beast-like qualities in the process. Other than that, the myths get kinda fucked up. Some say they are mischievous, some say they are helpful. But I've met Bunny before, so I'm familiar with him."
New Year's eyebrows quirked up in response, a general sense of curiosity obviously overcoming her. "You've met him? What's he like?" Patrick nose scrunched up in thought. "He's not too bad. He's definitely a Guardian, with that stereotypical 'holier than thou' thing going on. But he's a hard worker, and he's all about it. Never takes a break, the fool." She sighed once she heard this, her head resting in one of her hands. "That doesn't make this any easier either…"
Patrick smiled, patting her on the back reassuringly. "No. But it makes it more fun." At this, he sent her a wink and began to walk ahead of her, skipping. She followed quickly, smiling. Of course, speak of the devil and he shall appear, yes?
"Yo, whachu doin' here, ya bloke?" a voice asked from behind them. Both spirits turned to see the great Easter Rabbit himself, Bunnymund. Patrick smiled, reaching a hand out to grab Bunny's extended paw, giving it a strong shake. "Business. North asked us to inspire some new ideas since he doesn't want Easter to beat him out. Apparently you're putting up one hell of a fight," Patrick said with a certain kind of ease. He then showed a face of mock worry. "Don't tell him I told ya all that, all right?" Bunny smiled in appreciation of this fact and nodded.
"So," Bunnymund started, turning to New Years, "Who's that?" Patrick shrugged, waving her off as if she was nothing. "Spirit of New Years. She's pretty into what's going on with the humans and such, so she was brought in. So was Pumpkin and Valentine. Something about those two knowing how to appeal to the older generations." Bunnymund nodded, totally eating this lie up. He turned to New Years and smiled. He held out his hand in a friendly handshake, giving her a polite nod. Patrick couldn't help but notice the fact that Bunny didn't give her a once over, nor did he attempt to flirt.
Either this man was gay, or this man was an idiot.
New Years gave him a flirty smile and winked. "Pleasure to meet you, Bunny. Spirit of New Years. Call me New if you wish!" Bunnymund smiled in return, nodding. "If that's whachu want, Sheila." New Years nodded, still smiling. "If you don't mind me asking, where's this new Guardian? I'm quite curious to see if he's as important as everyone makes him out to be."
Bunnymund shrugged. "I think the snowflake is in his room. I can take you lot if you'd like." New Years nodded. "Yes please!" He smiled and turned back around, waving for them to follow. "His room is actually at the very end of this hall. Surprised y'all didn't see it. It's cold as hell down there. Try not to go to close, myself," He looked over to New Years, "Why do you wanna see the idiot anyways?" New Years shrugged, inwardly smirking at the Pooka's seemingly innocent curiosity. "Curiosity killed the party girl. Lots of horror movies about it. Didn't ya know?" Bunny rolled his eyes, most likely realizing the pure, undiluted idiocy this girl possessed. After a few seconds of comfortable silence, New Years spoke again.
"What can you tell us about Jack Frost?" New Years asked, her head cocked to the side in mock-innocence. Bunnymund shrugged, not turning around. "He's an idiot. But he's decent. A real trouble maker, that one." New Years nodded diligently, as if this cleared up everything. Patrick continued to send her confused looks, wondering why she was asking so many questions.
"Well, Sheila, Pat, here we are!" Bunny said abruptly, pointing to a door that had already begun to frost over. Bunny didn't get too close to it. As he walked away, he tossed a glance back at the pair as they waved him off. As soon as he was out of sight- and out of mind –Patrick turned on New Years.
"What the hell was that?" he hissed, his hands winding into her hair. Patrick leaned, glaring viciously at the white haired girl in front of him. His lips were pulled back in a vicious snarl, his eyes flashing a dangerous shade of orange. Warm breath was flowing against New Years pale cheeks. In any other situation, it would be hot.
In a weak attempt to not look terrified, she shook him off. Flicking her hair over her shoulder, trying to look casual, she looked down her nose at him. "I was getting information. You were doing a fucking fantastic job, I just couldn't let you steal all of the credit," she snarled, venom dripping from every word. Patrick rolled his eyes. "You could have let something on!"
New Years scoffed, tossing her hands up. "How in god's name would we be able to let on something? I had to sound interested so I could see if Bunny would get jealous! Note that he didn't mention anything about his personality, nor his physical appearance! He doesn't want anyone to see anything!"
"No way in hell! He does not like him! You're seeing this because you're scared of North!" Patrick shouted. New Years recoiled, flushing. Patrick immediately realized his mistake and reached out a hand, as if to make amends. "Fuck you," New Years hissed, slapping his hand away, "I can make them fall in love without Valentine's help! I know."
Patrick immediately realized that he had not only offended New Years as a person, he had offended her as a spirit. She was the first spirit to exist. She had lived centuries without any other spirit to support her. Humans had treated her horribly until the past decade, so why would she suddenly be scared of fucking Santa Clause? Especially now, of all moments?
With a slow breath, New Years turned to look at the door. Without further hesitation, she knocked on the door, almost breaking to poor slab of wood down. "Open the fucking door!" she shrieked, kicking it for good measure.
"I'm coming! Jesus Christ Tooth, are you on your-" Jack Frost opened the door to come toe to toe with the second coldest spirit known to the planet. New Years was glaring viciously, looking ready to kill. Jack felt himself frost over, gulping in worry for his wellbeing.
"Hello Frost," she said with a devious smirk, an eyebrow arched delicately. Jack wanted to die, being so close to her. "H-hey New Years," he said casually, trying not to sound afraid. Inside though, he was almost shitting himself. He peeked over her shoulder and saw the rumored insane embodiment of luck and St. Patrick's day. "Oh hell no," Jack muttered, causing New Years to snort.
"We aren't gonna hurt ya. We're here to help you," she laughed, smiling. Jack narrowed his eyes, obviously suspicious. The two of the four most dangerous spirits in existence had come to his door, neither looking oh too happy. New Years shrugged and shoved him out of the way, stepping into the chilled room. Patrick followed suit, somewhat smiling in a halfhearted apology.
"What do you want?" Jack hissed, attempting (and failing) to sound intimdating. New Years snorted and flopped down onto his blue sheeted bed, enjoying the feel of cold wrap around her as she burrowed into the sheets. Patrick shrugged and gestured for him to close the door. Doing so, Jack pressed himself against it, making sure to face the awkward duo.
"Okay, now tell me," he half ordered, half pleaded. New Years emitted a low moan from the sheets of Jack's bed, a gesture that permitted Patrick to speak. "North sent us to help you." Jack scoffed, obviously not believeing him. "He wants us to help you with Bunny."
Jack immediately collapsed to the ground, hyperventilating. New Years pulled herself out of his bed as Patrick rushed over to help him. "Yep," she sang, her feet swinging from the bed side, "He's Santa, dumb ass. He knows everything that you could ever want from Christmas, as long as you believe." Jack glanced up, eyes wide. Patrick nodded, sympathetically patting his back. He stepped away as Jack sharply stood up, staring at the ground.
It was quiet for a few minutes, Jack's heavy breathing the only thing keeping the room from being eerily quiet. New Years finally sighed, puffing air into her cheeks. "Do you want our help or-"
"Make him love me," Jack said, a certain determination in his eyes.
A/N: I actually really like this… But I wish I could have described Jack better toward the end though…