"Thank you, Tsunade-san, for checking up on me, since my husband isn't very responsible." Said Kushina, who was laying in bed, she looked pale and her tomato-red hair looked redder than normal because of that.
"Don't worry, Kushina-chan. I will take care of them and make sure they don't destroy anything…or themselves." answered Tsunade. She flashed a rare smile to the ill woman.
"You should smile more, Tsunade-san. You look less scary when you smile, and more nice." Said Kushina, while she drifted off to sleep.
Two minutes later, Kushina was sleeping soundly, and Tsunade was suppressing her anger.
"Scary? Me? I'm the innocence self… Am I?"She whispered.
"She probably didn't mean that, she is ill and was nearly sleeping… Well, let's just forget what she said and look how Minato and Naruto are faring." And with that, the blond woman walked to the kitchen, wondering why those two idiots are in a kitchen, they didn't think they could cook, did they?
"Okay Naruto. As long as we don't destroy the kitchen, we can make nice muffins for Kushina." Said Minato to his son.
Naruto was jumping up and down, a big spoon in his hands and the colander, his 'shiny' helmet, on his head.
He was very exited, since he was making muffins for his 'Kaa-chan' and since it were muffins he was making, it was naturally that he could have one too.
Minato started reading in a real cookbook. "We need…a bowl, milk, eggs, flour, butter, a spoon…" Naruto waved his spoon, "a mixer, and those thingies to put the 'muffins' in" Minato rubbed his head, "Geez, why do they use such troublesome words?"
"Sensei. You're starting to sound like a Nara…"
Minato turned around, took Naruto's spoon and pointed dangerously with it to the intruder.
"Yo." Said Kakashi, waving with his hand. "I'd rather not be killed with a spoon, sensei."
"What are YOU doing here?"Asked Minato, shocked, and with those words, the spoon came closer to Kakashi's nose.
"First, don't try to stick that extremely dangerous spoon in my nose, second, that's the recipe for pancakes, and third, why do you have a pan on your head?"
"That didn't answer my question, Kakashi…"said Minato, not knowing why his student always popped up when he was trying to do something stupid, like cooking.
"I needed to do something. I was bored, since a certain Hokage is refusing missions to me."
"It's for your own safety. And if you want to do something, something dangerous, try to keep Tsunade away from here. Mission Rank: A."
Kakashi nodded, and tried to stiffen a laugh. "So, the almighty Hokage needs protection, but not only from Tsunade, because I suppose you also need protection from your wife?"
"Yes! Yes! That's exactly what I meant! What should I be without you, Kakashi?"Cheered Minato.
"Dead." Smiled Kakashi sweetly.
Naruto looked in awe to the silver haired boy. "So, if Tsunade tries to… hit us, you're gonna try to stop her?"
"Yep. It's my mission. I will protect the Hokage, and a wannabe Hokage from an outraged wife and the scariest doctor I've ever met. It's a promise." Said Kakashi, while ruffling through Naruto's hair.
"You must be very brave! But you need your 'shiny helmet' if you're gonna safe us!"Shouted Naruto.
"I don't think I need my 'shi…"started Kakashi, but before he finished Naruto placed the same pan as before on his head.
"Now you are a real protector!" Naruto jumped up and down, like always.
It wasn't over yet. Minato was smiling very evilly.
"But a real protector needs a weapon, isn't it, Naru-chan?"
Naruto jumped on Kakashi shouting, "You need a weapon! Just like me! But what are you gonna get?"
"Heh…I don't want a…"started Kakashi. Minato was grinning.
"I've got the perfect weapon for you, Kashi-kun…"said the Yondaime Hokage.
"Here" And Minato placed a very big soupspoon in Kakashi's hands.
"Hell no."
"You are going to defeat the scariest and dangerously Tsunade-san with this mighty spoon!"Shouted Minato. Naruto smiled like he never smiled before. He would love to see the way Kakashi would use the spoon.
"Like I said before: Hell no."
"I demand you to keep this spoon. I'm your Hokage." Said Minato.
"And I am going to be Hokage! And you are Daddy's ANBU, so you have to do what he says!"Shouted Naruto.
"Like hell I'm going to hit Tsunade-san with this! I'm never ever going to hit HER with a SPOON!"
"Who are you going to hit a spoon?"Came a voice from behind.
"Tsunade!"Screamed Minato and Naruto.
"I AM NOT GOING TO HIT TSUNADE WITH A ****SPOON! HITTING THAT SCARY WOMAN IS THE SAME THING AS SUICIDE! I'D RATHER FIGHT SEVEN
S-RANKED MISSING-NIN THAN TSUNADE!"
"He… didn't mean that, Tsunade-sama…"said Minato, who slowly walked away.
Naruto's blue eyes were filled with fear and focused on something behind Kakashi's back.
"…She's standing right behind me, isn't she…?"Asked Kakashi.
"Yes she is…"whispered Minato, while he tried to shove Naruto behind him so he wouldn't get noticed and get hurt.
"She is indeed…"growled Tsunade dangerously.
"crap."
"Did you say something Hatake?" Tsunade growled some more.
"…no…."
Kakashi turned and looked right in the most scary and angry face he'd ever seen.
Even in the supermarket she didn't look this… freakish.
'Shinobi Rule number 25: Do not show emotions… Do not show emotions…Do not show emotions… Especially NOT NOW!' thought Kakashi.
The silver haired boy (with a pan on his head) started to back away from the woman.
Kakashi looked to the two blonds behind him, who were shivering from fear.
Minato swore that if glares could kill, they would drop dead on the ground, now.
Tsunade came closer to Kakashi, still growling and she was showing her teeth.
The boy closed his visible eye. He was not scared. He was not scared.
OH GOD! HE WAS SO SCARED! But he didn't show it.
Slowly he opened his eye a little bit. Tsunade was coming closer. He backed away.
"It's the same as standing before a wild, crazed animal. Don't run if you want to stay alive. Listen to me, legs, don't move. It's the same as standing before a wild, crazed animal…Geez, she even looks like a wild, crazed animal…"
He saw Tsunade making a fist and she looked like she was out of control now.
"Sensei…? Did I say something insulting out loud?"Asked Kakashi, who wanted to run as fast away as he could now, but didn't.
"Yes you did."
"I think it's better for you to run now, Kakashi…"insisted the small Naruto. "Or you can hit her with your spoon!"
"She'll be only pissed off if I do that…"
"Tsunade-san is already pissed off…"said Minato with huge eyes while looking at Tsunade's fist, which was moving fast to Kakashi.
"Say goodbye to Rin from me.."
Tsunade's fist made contact with Kakashi. The impact of the fist sends him through the wall and he landed several meters before the table in the living room.
Kushina's bed was standing in the living room, and the vibrations and rumbling the hit caused, waked the ill woman up.
"What happened…?"Asked the half-sleeping Kushina.
Kakashi, still dazed from the hit, did the first thing that came in his mind.
"Just go to sleep, Kushina-san, it's alright…"
"Why is Naruto crying?"Asked Kushina.
Kakashi forced himself to smile, "Minato gave him the wrong cookie. Nothing to be concerned about, really…"
"And why doesn't Minato anything to comfort him?"Asked Kushina, half-sleeping and concerned.
"You don't give me another choice… SHARINGAN!"And with that Kakashi yanked his forehead protector up and send the woman back to sleep.
Immediately Kakashi felt dizzy and he was getting really irritated. Yesterday that stupid chicken and the microwave and now muffins, spoons and a raged Tsunade. Could it get worse than this?
"I hope that this wouldn't worsen…"said Kakashi while heading back to the kitchen.
Minato was being shacked by Tsunade. She had him grasped by his collar and was shaking him violently. Naruto was hiding himself behind his colander and tried not to cry. But it was in vain, tears streamed down his cheeks. Poor boy.
Kakashi thought that Minato could safe himself and went to Naruto to comfort him.
"It's alright, Naru-chan. It's alright. Your daddy is going to be fine…" He whispered in the ear of the small boy.
"No it's not! Tsunade-san destroys the whole kitchen and my muffins!"Naruto cried.
Kushina was waking up again.
'Damn!' was the only thing that Kakashi could think.
"SHARINGAN!" and he ran back to the kitchen.
"Don't cry anymore, Naru-chan, please…"
Finally Tsunade noticed the crying son of the Hokage. She dropped Minato, who was about to vomit. She pushed Kakashi aside and started snuggling Naruto.
"Poor, poor Naruto. I will not get this mad around you again, I promise." She said in an extremely sweet voice.
Minato crawled to Kakashi, who was standing, panting, in a corner, trying to brush some wall-dust from his clothing.
"I thought you were going to safe us when we were in trouble…"said Minato, not being able to think straight.
"I tried and I have. I couldn't save you from Tsunade, Minato-sensei, but I made sure Kushina didn't see the battlefield… I mean, the kitchen." panted Kakashi.
"I even used the Sharingan two times!"
"Good boy." And Minato patted him on the shoulder.
"Why is it that woman always get soft around crying and small children?"Asked Minato.
"Dunno." answered Kakashi.
A blast, rays of sunshine and this time some… petals?... and the window flew open.
"JIRAIYA IS IN THE HOUSE!"Shouted Jiraiya.
"Oh no." sighted Kakashi and he tried to stop himself from crying out loud.
Jiraiya jumped inside the kitchen, but slipped on a little piece of butter.
He fell on the ground with a loud 'BOOM!'
Kushina started waking up, again…
"I'll go!"And Kakashi sprinted away while shouting "SHARINGAN!"
"Why is this butter here… AND, OH MY GOD! WHAT HAPPENED HERE?"
Jiraiya looked around. The whole kitchen was one big mess. The wall was… well, gone, the whole place was covered in flour and debris, plates were shattered and eggs were smashed, alike with the butter.
And don't forget that the microwave was still… destroyed. Even the chicken was laying somewhere there, smashed.
Naruto was calmed down and he had found the one, still remaining, bag with flour. And of course he decided, the mischievous little boy that he was, to jump on it.
The bag opened by the sudden weight and flour came out, covering everybody in the messy room. Everybody was white, like a ghost.
"Look Daddy! I'm the Going To Be Hokage Ghost!" he smiled happily. Minato was in shock. Kushina would definitely kill him if she saw the kitchen like this.
Minato was at the verge of tears, but Jiraiya got a super-idea.
"We could still make the muffins and say sorry when we give them. She would like that and forgive us… you."
"What a great idea! Let's do it! We're not gonna give up!"Shouted Minato, filled with hope.
And so the Kitchen Knights plus one Scary Doctor started making muffins. It was almost ready, they only needed to mix it, put it in the muffin-formed-cup-things and put it in the… microwave. (They didn't think about the microwave because they weren't in the brightest of moods and Kakashi wasn't there to remind them, and Tsunade didn't know about it.)
Minato took the so called 'muffin-mud' and put it in a blender. He forgot that he had to put it in the mixer. He didn't only forget that, he also forgot to put the cover on…
And the blender started working…
Muffin-mud splashed everywhere!
"NOOOO!"Minato screamed.
"IT TASTES NICE!"Screamed Jiraiya.
"EW!"Screamed Tsunade and she tried to hit Minato.
Naruto put the blender off.
"Look, I'm not a ghost anymore!"He said sad.
But there was one other bag with flour… and Naruto went white and 'ghostly' again.
"Look! I'm a ghost again!"
Naruto started dancing in the sink, but he slipped and fell on the ground with a loud 'BOOM', much like Jiraiya had done before.
Kushina waked up once again…
"What's happening here..?"She asked.
Minato started trembling when Kakashi didn't say 'SHARINGAN'.
"You know what? SCREW THIS!"Sounded Kakashi's voice.
"Kakashi-kun? Are you alright? You look…"
"I'm FINE! Thanks for asking!"
"You don't look fine. I think you need…"
"I DON'T need anything. Thank you. I'm fine."
"You ARE NOT! I'M TAKING YOU TO MINATO!"
"No, no, you don't need to. I'm completely alright."
"YOU ARE NOT! AND SINCE YOU'RE IN MY HOUSE, YOU ARE UNDER MY COMMAND! I'M THE WIFE OF YOUR HOKAGE, SO YOU DO WHAT I SAY AND I SAY NOW THAT YOU ARE NOT FINE AND I'M TAKING YOU TO MINATO!"
"…heh…"
"Right. That's how I want it… Where is Minato by the way?"
"…I don't know…"
"I don't care. I'm getting you some water. We are going to the kitchen."
"NO!"
"You are not listening? Then I'm dragging you to the kitchen."
Minato became paler with every step he heard her come closer.
Kushina didn't notice the wall… or what happened to the wall. Or Kakashi cast a Genjutsu so she wouldn't notice. She opened the door…
Minato flinched.
Kushina dropped Kakashi who was squirming to get free.
"Hey, honey…"Minato smiled.
"HOLY ******! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY KITCHEN?"
Naruto danced around her. "Look Mommy! I'm a ghost now!"
"AND WHAT HAPPENED TO NARUTO?"
Kakashi tried to stand up and walk away.
"AND WHAT HAPPENED WITH KAKASHI?"
It was silence for a moment.
"AND THE WALL?"
"…"
Kushina grabbed the big soupspoon and waved dangerously with it.
"YOU ARE ALL GOING TO DIE!"
Minato looked fearful. Naruto started to cry. Jiraiya tried to escape, but was stuck in the window. Tsunade smiled.
"Try to look at it positive, Minato-sensei. We are all going to die someday…"Kakashi tried to cheer Minato up.
Naruto said sniffling. "I think we should run now…"
And so the Kitchen Knights started running. (They all jumped out of the window, Jiraiya was free once again, and Tsunade didn't get a beating because even Kushina was scared of her, so she could stay where she was).
And so the Kitchen Knights decided to sleep in the park.
"Kakashi, why are you still with us?"
"Lost my keys. Don't ask."