a/n – Slight change in plans, guys. After looking over my outline I think this story's narrative will flow better (and that this story will feel more like a proper road trip) if I split up the two lengthy chapters I had planned into more, shorter updates. So you can expect 4 or 5 short-ish chapters after this one.
Many thanks to Court81981 and MalTease for their helpful feedback on this chapter. And thank you to everyone who's reviewed this story and/or added it to their follows/favorites.
Peeta blinks several times, still half-asleep. Bright sunlight streams in from the windows and the smell of pine hangs heavy in the air.
When he hears someone cough he startles fully awake, disoriented and confused.
He looks to his left and sees Katniss, one hand on the steering wheel of her truck and the other rubbing her eyes. And suddenly he remembers where he is and what they're doing.
As the immediate past comes rushing back to him he relaxes a little in his seat.
"Hey, Katniss," he says sleepily, stretching a little and yawning.
She smiles but doesn't take her eyes off the road. In the bright light of day the dark circles under her eyes are severe.
She must not have slept at all last night, Peeta muses.
"Morning, Peeta" she says in response, stifling a yawn herself.
"Where are we?" his asks, rubbing his eyes. But when he looks out the passenger-side window a moment later and sees snow-capped mountains and tall pine trees he's pretty sure he's figured it out.
"Near Tahoe," Katniss answers, confirming his suspicions. "We've been driving about four hours now."
They drive on in silence for a long while after that. Peeta looks out his window at the mountains in the distance and at the trees whizzing by.
He wills himself to focus on the scenery. On the nearness of the girl sitting next to him. On the music playing on her iPod.
On anything but the enormity of what he's just done.
Once they reach South Lake Tahoe, Katniss pulls off Interstate 50 and takes a sharp right onto a smaller state highway. She says there's a lake in Mokolumne Wilderness that she hasn't been to in years. A good picnic spot, she says, and far less crowded than Lake Tahoe will be.
They have enough money to eat in restaurants. Cheap places like Subway or Pizza Hut, anyway. Even though they have no real idea where they're headed, they've been saving up for this trip for months.
But Katniss insists that, goddamnit, they are going to spend at least part of this trip taking advantage of the fact that they aren't in El Cerrito anymore. Which means, Peeta knows after a lifetime of knowing Katniss, that they'll be having picnics and sleeping under the stars on this trip as often as he'll agree to it.
Peeta hasn't gone camping since they were in the fourth grade together and their teacher took them on an overnight trip to shitty little Folsom Lake. He would never admit this to her, but the great outdoors frighten him a little. Always have.
So he isn't sure he quite likes Katniss' plan.
But he says nothing. He owes her big time, after all. Her and her all-but-deadbeat dad, who got her this truck as a birthday present to assuage his guilty conscience.
Katniss parks the truck when they reach Woods Lake, her intended destination. Peeta climbs out of the passenger seat and stretches. His back. His neck. His legs, which are beginning to ache after sitting for so long. He gets the food and blankets from where they're stashed in the back of the truck and carries it all to the water's edge.
He dimly registers that the surroundings are objectively beautiful. But he's so tired, even after his nap in the truck. As he spreads out the blanket, he decides that all he wants to do for a while is sit and eat. Maybe take another nap.
Katniss joins him on the blanket a few moments later.
"See?" she asks him, her features drooping with exhaustion. "I told you it was pretty here."
She stretches languidly – like a cat, Peeta thinks fleetingly – and lies down next to him on the blanket.
She is asleep in seconds.
Peeta ignores the lake and their bucolic surroundings and watches Katniss sleep for what feels like a very long time.
He realizes, with a start, that this is the first time he's ever seen Katniss Everdeen's face without a scowl.
He finds he can't look away.
Over lunch a few hours later, Peeta takes out the roadmap of the United States he picked up from a gas station a few days ago.
He lays it flat across the blanket so they can both look at it.
Peeta's never been east of Reno before. He traces Interstate 80 with his fingertip. He marvels at just how far it goes, despite the fact that he knows he sounds like an idiot talking like that.
He tells Katniss he'd like to keep heading east for a while and just see what's out there.
"Ok," she says, nodding, as she brushes the crumbs off her lap. "Sounds good to me."
He begins fidgeting with the Coke can next to him.
"When do you have to be home, Katniss?" he asks her. He can't look her in the eye. "I mean, when will people start to…"
He trails off.
"I really don't think my mom gives a shit when I come home, Peeta," she tells him boldly.
This doesn't surprise Peeta much. Katniss' mother has never been much of an actual mother to her. As far as he knows, she's never knocked her around the way his own mother has done him; but she's never been much of a presence in Katniss' life, either. She works nights a lot. Peeta knows she's rarely even home.
But Katniss' mother wasn't really who Peeta was asking about.
"What about Gale?" he asks. His voice cracks a little, to his immense chagrin, when he says Gale's name. He tries to cover it up with a cough and hopes Katniss didn't notice.
Gale. Katniss' nineteen-year-old boyfriend. Gale.
Now it's Katniss' turn to look away.
"Gale and I broke up last week, Peeta," she mumbles.
His eyes snap to her.
"You… you did?" he asks. His voice cracks again. He cringes inwardly.
She turns to him and nods.
"It just… wasn't working anymore."
Peeta's hand opens and closes around the Coke can, over and over again. He's only vaguely aware that he's doing it.
He doesn't know what to say.
"I'm… sorry, Katniss." He figures that's a good start.
But he isn't sorry.
They end up spending the entire day at Woods Lake, just napping and talking.
Shortly before 3 p.m., Katniss announces that she's going to teach Peeta how to fish. She runs back to the truck eagerly, her long braid bouncing behind her.
She returns with fishing equipment before Peeta even has a chance to protest.
The lesson is an abject failure. Peeta's never fished before. Before today, he'd never even been within ten feet of a fishing pole. He discovers, right away, that he can't even deal with the sight of live bait wriggling on the hook.
After he gives up and goes ashore, he watches Katniss catch two sizable lake trout all by herself.
Katniss brings the fish back to their little area at the water's edge and cleans them with ease. She builds a small campfire. Peeta fries the fish up for an early dinner.
"How did you learn how to do all this stuff?" Peeta asks her after they've finished eating. It's something he's always wondered about his friend. "I mean, you grew up in the suburbs just like I did."
Katniss shrugs. "I watch a lot of nature stuff on TV, I guess." She pokes at the ground with a stick. "And sometimes, Gale and I would… do this kind of stuff together." She shrugs again.
"Oh," Peeta says. What else can he say?
She looks up at him and smiles. "It's a lot more fun doing it with you though."
The sun is beginning to set. The campfire goes out and suddenly the thin, mountain air is very chilly. Peeta guesses the Sierras Nevadas don't care that it's summer.
To his immense relief, when he suggests they spend the night in a hotel tonight rather than camping out, Katniss readily agrees.
Maybe she feels, as he does, that tonight they need a good night's sleep more than anything.
They pile back into the truck and drive east until they reach a town in Nevada called Winnemucca. They quickly discover there isn't much to this town. But they agree that they've done more than enough driving for one day.
Peeta proposes they find some cheap motel so they can make their money last as long as possible. Katniss says that sounds fine.
Peeta checks his phone for the nearest one. It's the first time he's looked at his phone all day.
He decides to ignore, for now, the notifications saying he has nine unread texts and three voicemails. He wonders fleetingly how many Katniss must have, despite her earlier insistence that no one would care she was gone.
"The closest motel to us is something called 'The Lonely Traveler.'" Peeta grins at her and she rolls her eyes, which makes him laugh.
Still laughing, he reads off the directions to Katniss as she drives.
The motel lobby smells bad. Like stale cigarette smoke and cats and something else Peeta can't quite identify. But he knows they can't be too picky.
The old lady behind the counter looks at them funny when Peeta asks for a room.
"Oh, it's ok. We're married," Katniss offers quickly before Peeta can stop her, presumably in an attempt to get the woman's eyebrows to resume their normal position on her face.
Peeta wonders if he's imagining the blush he sees on Katniss' cheeks.
"Hm," is all the woman says in response. Whether or not she believes Katniss' story she doesn't say. But she hands over the key to room 212 either way.
Peeta carries their bags down the dim hallway as Katniss leads the way, key in hand. The door to their room creaks loudly on its hinges when she opens it.
Sitting in the middle of the room is a lone double bed. The mattress sags in the middle but the bedding appears clean. Which is more than Peeta can say for the sofa by the window and the carpet.
But clearly, the sofa or the floor is where he'll be sleeping tonight all the same.
"I'll… just get changed in there," Peeta says, suddenly feeling very awkward, his face hot. He gestures lamely to the bathroom.
"All right," Katniss says, turning down the bed.
Peeta practically runs towards the bathroom, accidentally bumping into the doorknob in his haste. Behind him, he can hear Katniss laughing.
His face burns hotter.
Five minutes later Peeta emerges, clad in a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants.
"What are you doing?" Katniss asks him as he takes one of the pillows, and the comforter, off the bed.
"I'm… taking this stuff so I can sleep on the sofa," he says. He wonders if she can see his embarrassment in the darkness of the room.
"Oh, you don't need to do that," she says. "Here. There's plenty of space in the bed." She pats the empty spot next to her. "I'll make room."
"Um… are you sure?" he asks, nervously.
"Of course," she tells him. "Don't be silly. This bed will be so much more comfortable than that nasty couch."
Her tone of voice brooks no opposition. He doesn't try to argue.
Gingerly, he sits down on the bed and lies down next to her. He tries to take up as little space as possible. But the bed is small, and their legs brush once, twice, as he settles himself.
"Goodnight, Peeta," she murmurs quietly. She rolls over onto her side so that she's facing him. Her eyes are shining gray pools, reflecting the light from the streetlamps just outside their window.
She bumps his foot with one of hers.
"Night, Katniss," he breathes.
Peeta wonders if she can feel him shaking.
He falls asleep, the feel of her breath ghosting over his face.
A hot iron. A door slamming on fingers. Broken fingers.
The baseball bat he keeps beside his bed just in case. But she finds it, the way she finds everything. Breaks it over his head.
Screaming. He's screaming. Everyone's screaming.
Gentle, strong arms embrace his flailing body. Nimble fingers smooth back the sweaty hair from his forehead. Soft lips tenderly kiss his cheek.
"Peeta," Katniss murmurs in his ear. "It's only a nightmare. Wake up, Peeta. Everything's ok."
He slowly comes to himself. His breathing regulates as Katniss runs her fingers reassuringly up and down his arm, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake.
He's so embarrassed he thinks he might die.
He clears his throat.
"I'm… sorry if I woke you, Katniss," he says, sheepishly.
Peeta can feel her shake her head on the pillow. "Don't apologize," she says quietly. "You did nothing wrong."
Peeta nods. But he doesn't agree.
"Do you want to tell me about it?" she asks him a moment later.
"No," he tells her honestly. He doesn't want to relive it right now. He doesn't want to relive it ever. "It's nothing you don't already know about anyway."
"Ok," she says. She pauses before continuing. "Do you have nightmares about your mom a lot?"
"No," he says again. Also the truth.
He doesn't tell her what most of his nightmares are actually about. His courage doesn't stretch that far.
Fortunately, Katniss doesn't press.
They lie awake together for what must be at least another hour. Her arms wrapped around him, his head on her chest.
They've never done anything like this before. Touching each other like this. But it feels so good. So impossibly good. And Peeta doesn't dare move away.
Shortly before dawn, she speaks again.
"Are you still awake, Peeta?" she asks. She sounds almost nervous.
"Yeah."
"I'm… so sorry," she tells him. It's a whisper. "That I couldn't keep you safe. That… that this is the best I can do for you."
Peeta turns to look at her. The earnest expression he sees on her face breaks him.
Unbidden, the thought – the elephant in the living room; the unanswerable question that's looming over everything – rushes to the forefront of his mind.
What the fuck am I going to do now?
Without warning, Peeta bursts into tears.
He buries his face in her chest and her arms wrap around him tightly.
He cries himself to sleep.