I Accidentally Vaporize My Pre – Algebra Teacher Poseidon read.
"Are all the chapter names going to be weird like this?" Leo asked.
"Most likely." was the general answer.
Look, I didn't want to be a half-blood.
At this all of the half-bloods sighed. The gods wondered what might make them think like that.
If you're reading this because you think you might be one, my advice is:
"NO!"Every Greek besides Piper and Leo yelled. "Hey! My ideas can be great just not all the time." Percy said pouting Thalia laughed at her boyfriend giving him a kiss on the cheek.
close this book right now. Believe whatever lie your mom or dad told you about your birth, and try to lead a normal life.
They shrugged then said, "It's not that bad."
Being a half – blood is dangerous. It's scary. Most of the time, it gets you killed in painful, nasty ways.
The demigods grimaced.
If you're a normal kid, reading this because you think it's fiction, great. Read on. I envy you for being able to believe that none of this ever happened.
"So do we." This came from all the half-bloods including the Romans who had been told about the Titan War from the Greek side. All the gods shared a glance and the same thought was going through their minds, What happened? Zeus was about to ask the demigods but then Poseidon kept reading.
But if you recognize yourself in these pages―if you feel something stirring inside―stop reading immediately. You might be one of us. And once you know that, it's only a matter of time before they sense it too, and they'll come for you.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
"Unfortunately there was no way you could have with what was coming up." Nico said and the rest of the half-bloods nodded.
My name is Percy Jackson.
"No it's Peter Johnson." Conner said trying an attempt of a joke seeing all of the half-bloods managed to laugh and Dionysus agreed with Connor.
I'm twelve years old. Until a few months ago, I was a boarding student at Yancy Academy, a private school for troubled kids in upstate New York.
Am I a troubled kid?
"Yes." Everyone said including Percy the Gods looked him and said " You know you called yourself troubled right?" "Yeah and?"
Yeah. You could say that.
At this all the half-bloods smiled.
I could start at any point in my short miserable life to prove it, but things really started going bad last May, when our grade six class took a field trip to Manhattan- twenty-eight-mental-case kids and two teachers on a yellow school bus, heading for the Metropolitan Museum of Art to look at ancient Greek and Roman stuff.
"That doesn't seem bad." This of course came from Annabeth.
I know- it sounds like torture.
At this Annabeth huffed and everyone snickered.
Most Yancy field trips were. But Mr. Brunner, our latin teacher was leading this trip, so I had high hopes.
The Romans sat up, "Latin?"
Mr. Brunner was this middle aged guy in a motorized wheelchair. He had thinning hair and a scruffy beard and a frayed tweed jacket, which always smelled like coffee. You wouldn't think he was cool, but he told stories and jokes and would let us play games in class. He also had this awesome collection of Roman armor and weapons, so he was the only teacher whose class didn't put me to sleep.
"That's horrible." Athena stated and everyone ignored her.
"Hey, doesn't that sound like Chiron?" Katie asked to no one in particular. Everyone turned to Dionysus whose head was in a magazine.
He looked up and was about to go back to his magazine until he saw Zeus glaring at him. He sighed and said. "Yes, that's him."
"Are you even paying attention?" Aphrodite asked.
"Maybe, are you?" He got whacked in the head with a stiletto for that.
I hoped the trip would be ok. At least, I hoped for once I wouldn't get in trouble.
"Why would he even think that?" Clarisse asked.
"Yeah," Nico agreed, "When is Percy never in any type of trouble?"
Thalia and Annabeth laughed, but Poseidon was wondering why Clarisse and Nico would say that. Would my son get in that much trouble in the future?
Boy was I wrong.
The Greeks minus the two snorted.
See, bad things happen to me on field trips. Like at my fifth-grade school, when we went to the Saratoga battlefield, I had this accident with a Revolutionary War cannon. I wasn't aiming for the school bus but of course, I got expelled anyway.
…
"Oh… my… gods!" hermes and Apollo managed to yell through his laughter. Everyone else however couldn't breathe. After everyone calmed down TPoseidon continued.
And before that, at my fourth-grade school when we took a behind-the-scenes tour of the Marine World shark pool, I sort of hit the wrong lever on the catwalk and our class took an unplanned swim.
This resulted in another round of laughter. A couple minutes later they managed to calm down.
And the time before that... Well, you get the idea.
At this point all of the half-bloods were arguing.
"He's such a kelp head." Thalia said.
"No, no Thalia." Nico said, "He's an aqua dude." Connor and Travis quickly agreed with Nico and Nico got a smug look on his face.
"You're all wrong," Clarisse interrupted them, "Obviously he's Prissy."
Before Poseidon could interrupt the group started a debate on which one of them was correct with the Stolls backing up Nico. Katie started yelling at the Stolls and Nico while backing up Clarisse. Jason and Leo started cracking up at the nicknames they had for Percy. The gods watched this in interest; this was their children after all. Piper leaned over to Annabeth and all the gods stopped watching the fight to see what she would do.
"Are they always like this?" Piper asked.
"Yeah," Annabeth answered smiling a bit, "Hold on."
Annabeth cleared her throat and the group stopped arguing to look at her afraid of what she would do since they were arguing about Percy. She might still be hard on that subject but she simply said, "You're all wrong."
"Oh," Travis said taking a risk, "and why is that Annie?"
Annabeth glared at Travis and he shuddered.
"Because he's a Seaweed Brain."
…
Then simultaneously they all said, "Touche."
Percy pouted and said "I have such good friends." Percy said with very thick sarcasm. Thalia laughed and kissed him for about 10 seconds before they pulled back. He grinned and told the Romans ' that's how you do it." Thalia must have heard him because half a second later he was crisped.
This trip, I was determined to be good. All the way into the city I put up with Nancy Bobofit, the freckly, redheaded kleptomaniac girl, hitting my best friend Grover in the back of the head with chinks of peanut butter-and-ketchup sandwich.
At this the half-bloods frowned.
Grover was an easy target.
"Grover the satyr!" Zeus boomed and started to huff.
Thalia nodded. "He's not that bad father."
"He let you die."
"He didn't let me die." Thalia said. "I chose my fate." Her father calmed down after this.
He was scrawny. He cried when he got frustrated.
"Did he do that because of…?" Thalia asked Annabeth.
"Yeah," Annabeth answered.
Thalia sighed and the gods understood what she was talking about.
He must've been held back several grades, because he was the only sixth grader with acne and the start of a wispy beard on his chin. On top of all that, he was crippled. He had a note excusing him from PE for the rest of his life because he had some kind of muscular disease in his legs. He walked funny, like every step hurt him, but don't let that fool you. You should have seen him run when it was enchilada day in the cafeteria.
"I don't think Grover would like that description." Apollo mused.
"He's blowing his cover." Artemis said.
"I don't blame him," Connor said.
"Oh," Artemis said, "Why not?"
"'Cause, Grover's obsessed with Enchiladas." Travis said and Connor agreed.
Anyway, Nancy Bobofit was throwing wads of sandwich that stuck in his curly brown hair, and she knew I couldn't do anything back to her cause I was already on probation. The headmaster threatened me with death
"What!"The Demigods yelled.
Poseidon smiled and said, "Wait I'm not done reading."
by in-school suspension if anything bad, embarrassing, or even mildly entertaining happened on this trip.
"Oh,"The demigods answered smiling sheepishly. A couple people snickered.
Hermes frowned, "That sucks." Apollo agreed.
"I'm going to kill her," I mumbled.
"Do it!" Clarisse and Ares shouted. Some people agreed.
Grover tried to calm me down. "It's ok. I like peanut butter." He dodged another piece of Nancy's lunch.
"That's it." I started to get up, but Grover pulled me back to my seat.
Ares became very sad at this.
"You're already on probation," he reminded me. "You know who'll get blamed if anything happens." Looking back on it, I wish I'd decked Nancy Bobofit right then and there.
In-school suspension would've been nothing compared to the mess I was about to get myself into.
"What!" Thalia shouted. Everyone else ignored her.
Mr. Brunner led the museum tour. He rode up front in his wheelchair, guiding us through the big echoey galleries, past marble statues and glass cases full of really old black-and-orange pottery.
It blew my mind that this stuff had survived for two thousand, three thousand years.
"Longer than that." Hephaestus muttered.
He gathered us around a thirteen-foot-tall stone column with a big sphinx on the top, and started telling us how it was a grave marker, a stele for a girl our age. He told us about the carvings on the sides. I was trying to listen to what he had to say, because it was kind of interesting, but everyone around me was talking, and every time, I told them to shut up, the other teacher chaperone, Mrs. Dodds, would give me the evil eye.
"Why does she sound like someone I know?" Nico wondered and Hades agreed. She did sound familiar.
Mrs. Dodds was this little math teacher from Georgia who always wore a black leather jacket, even though she was fifty years old. She looked mean enough to drive a Harley right into your locker. She had come to Yancy halfway through the year, when our last math teacher had a nervous breakdown.
Nico's eyes widened at this. He knew who "Mrs. Dodd's" was. He hoped his dad had guessed it to but no such luck.
"Pfft, yeah nervous breakdown." Hermes muttered.
From her first day, Mrs. Dodds loved Nancy Bobofit and figured I was devil spawn.
"Well if you want to go by fact," Travis started.
"That would be Nico," Connor finished.
"Yeah… wait-What!" Nico said. All the demigods started laughing and Hades huffed and glared at the gods daring them to say anything. Even Percy cracked a smile and all the half-bloods could tell he wasn't mad at them anymore.
She would point her finger at me and say, "Now honey," real sweet and I knew I was going to get after-school detention for a month. One time, after she'd made me erase answers out of old math workbooks until midnight,
"She really is evil isn't she?" Leo asked and Jason nodded.
"You have no idea." Nico muttered but they couldn't hear him.
I told Grover I didn't think Mrs. Dodds was human. He looked at me, real serious, and said, "You're absolutely right."
All the half-bloods shuddered.
Mr. Brunner kept talking about the Greek funeral art.
Finally, Nancy Bobofit snickered something about the naked guy on the stele,
"She's so immature." Piper said and everyone else agreed.
and I turned around and said, "Will you shut up?"
"Good." Jason said and several people nodded.
It came out louder than I meant it to.
"Of course it did." Thalia said.
The whole group laughed. Mr. Brunner stopped his story.
"Mr. Jackson," he said, "did you have a comment?"
My face was totally red. I said, "No, sir."
Mr. Brunner pointed to one of the pictures on the stele.
"Perhaps you'll tell us what this picture represents?"
I looked at the carving and felt a flush of relief, because I actually recognized it. "That's Kronos eating his kids, right?"
Poseidon and all the elder gods except Zeus shivered. "It had to be that one didn't it?" Hades said. Nico grimaced along with his father. Katie didn't look to good either. Percy also looked like his father turning more green by the second Thalia looked at Nico,Katie, and her boyfriend with sympathy.
"Why is it never a different stele?" Demeter ranted. "Why is it always that one?"
Poseidon, to stop Demeter's rant, kept reading.
"Yes," said Mr. Brunner obviously not satisfied. "And he did this because..."
"Well..." I racked my brain trying to remember.
"He needs to eat more muffins." Demeter said.
"Oh, will you stop with that already!" Hades yelled.
Nico snorted. "It's worse in the future." He said. "All she talks about is cereal."
"Cereal…" Demeter mused.
"Don't give her any ideas!" Hades said. "Keep reading Poseidon!"
"Kronos was the king god, and-"
"GOD!" everyone shouted and Zeus huffed.
"Well if he didn't know then he does now." Rachel said. The half-bloods agreed.
"What do you mean he knows now?" Athena asked the group. They all glanced worriedly at each other.
"Nothing." They all chorused. Athena however still remained suspicious to what was going on.
Chris who got at what Rachel was hinting at grimaced remembering what he had done. "I'm sure Chiron will correct him."
"God?" Mr. Brunner asked.
"Titan," I corrected myself.
"See."
"And... he didn't trust his kids, who were the gods. So, um, Kronos ate them, right? But his wife hid baby Zeus and gave Kronos a rock to eat instead. And later, when Zeus grew up, he tricked his dad, Kronos, into barfing up his brothers and sisters-"
Again the elder gods and the three grimaced.
"Eeew!" said one of the girls behind me.
"Exactly." Aphrodite said.
"-and so there was this big fight between the gods and the Titans," I continued, "and the gods won."
"He just shortened a century worth of fighting," Jason started.
"Into a couple of sentences," Leo finished.
"Yeah, cause I'm like that." Percy shrugged.
Some snickers from the group.
"Why are they laughing you got that right?" Chris asked Percy.
"Mortals are weird." Percy replied.
"I'm right here you know." Rachel said. They ignored her.
Behind me, Nancy Bobofit mumbled to a friend, "Like we're going to use this in real life. Like it's going to say on our job applications, 'Please explain why Kronos ate his kids.'"
"And why, Mr. Jackson," Brunner said, "to paraphrase Miss Bobofit's excellent question, does this matter in real life?"
"Busted," the Stolls snickered.
Poseidon smiled as she read the next line.
"Busted," Grover muttered.
"Oh no," Conner started.
"We think like a satyr." Travis finished.
They both looked at each other and grimaced. "Oh the horror!" They hugged each other and acted like they were crying.
Annabeth shook her head at the duo's antics and told Poseidon to read on.
"Shut up," Nancy hissed, her face even brighter red than her hair.
At least Nancy got packed, too. Mr. Brunner was the only one who every caught her saying anything wrong. He had radar ears.
"Or a horse's ears." Leo said. "Wait, do his ears count as a horse's ears?"
His answer was a bunch of shrugs.
I thought about his question, and shrugged. "I don't know, sir."
"I see," Mr. Brunner looked disappointed. "Well, half credit, Mr. Jackson. Zeus did indeed feed Kronos a mixture of mustard and wine, which made him disgorge his other five children, who, of course being immortal gods, had been living and growing up completely undigested in the Titan's stomach. The gods defeated their father, sliced him to pieces with his own scythe and scattered him remains in Tartarus, the darkest part of the Underworld. On that happy note, it's time for lunch. Mrs. Dodds, would you lead us back outside?"
All the demigods smiled at this.
The class drifted off, the girls holding their stomachs, the guys pushing each other around and acting like doofuses.
"Boys are doofuses." Artemis said. All the girls agreed while the boys shouted and protested.
"Poseidon read on." Athena said.
Grover and I were about to follow when Mr. Brunner said, "Mr. Jackson."
I knew what was coming.
I told Grover to keep going. Then I turned toward Mr. Brunner. "Sir?"
Mr. Brunner had this look that wouldn't let you go―
"It never does," Piper said and the others agreed.
intense brown eyes that could've been a thousand years old and had seen everything.
"You must learn the answer to my question," Mr. Brunner told me.
"About the Titans?"
"About real life. And how your studies apply to it."
"Oh."
"What you learn from me," he said, "is vitally important. I expect you to treat it as such. I will accept only the best from you, Percy Jackson."
I wanted to get angry, this guy pushed me so hard.
"It's for the best."Hestia said scaring everyone but Nico and Percy as if they were used to it.
I mean, sure it was kind of cool on tournament days, when he dressed up in a suit of Roman armor and shouted: "What ho!" and challenged us, sword point against chalk, to run to the board and name every Greek and Roman person who ever lived, and their mother, and what god they worshipped.
"Cool."
But Mr. Brunner expected me to be as good as everybody else, despite the fact I have dyslexia and attention deficit disorder and I have never made above a C- in my life. No―he didn't want me to be as good he expected me to be better. And I just couldn't learn all those names and facts, much less spell them correctly.
"I know what you mean." Leo said.
I mumbled something about trying harder, while Mr. Brunner took a long sad look at the stele, like he'd been at this girl's funeral.
"He probably was."
He told me to go outside and eat my lunch. The class gathered on the front steps of the museum, where we could watch the foot traffic along Fifth Avenue.
Overhead, a large storm was brewing, with clouds blacker than I'd ever seen over the city. I figured maybe it was Global warming or something, because the weather all across New York State had been weird since Christmas. We'd had massive snow storms, flooding, wildfires from lightning strikes. I wouldn't have been surprised if this was a hurricane blowing in.
Everyone glanced at Zeus and then glanced at the demigods.
"You'll find out soon." Percy said and Poseidon kept reading.
Nobody else seemed to notice. Some of the guys were pelting pigeons with Lunchables crackers. Nancy Bobofit was trying to pickpocket something from a lady's purse, and, of course, Mrs. Dodds wasn't seeing a thing.
Grover and I sat on the edge of the fountain, away from the others. We thought that maybe if we did that, everybody wouldn't know we were from that school―the school for loser freaks who couldn't make it elsewhere.
"Detention?" Grover asked.
"Nah," I said. "Not from Brunner. I wish he'd lay off me sometimes. I mean―I'm not a genius."
All the demigods minus The Romans, Piper, and Leo snorted.
Grover didn't say anything for a while. Then, when I thought he was going to give me some deep philosophical comment to make me feel better, he said, "Can I have your apple?"
Thalia cracked a smile at her boyfriend who was watching her observing her he said "Are you wearing my stuff, Sparks? Yeah and what are you going to do about i- she didn't finish because tackled her and tickled her saying" That is what I do, Sparks."
The demigods smiled at the couple after all they heard that they really loved each other. The gods smiled at the two including Artemis as they read on she grew more respect for Percy and maybe a little crush but she put it away so Aphrodite couldn't find it.
I didn't have much of an appetite, so I let him take it.
I watched the stream of cabs going down Fifth Avenue and thought about my mom's apartment, only a little ways uptown from where we sat. I hadn't seen her since Christmas. I wanted so bad to jump in a taxi and head for home. She'd hug me and be glad to see me, but she'd be disappointed, too. She'd send me right back to Yancy, remind me that I had to try harder, even if this was my sixth school in six years and I was probably going to get kicked out again. I wouldn't be able to stand that sad look she'd give me.
Poseidon and those who had met Sally smiled.
Aphrodite squealed and when everyone turned to her she said, "Poseidon still likes her."
Piper smiled at her mother's antics.
"You really cares about her doesn't you?" Piper asked and everyone who had met Sally smiled and nodded their head
"You have no idea Piper." Percy muttered.
Mr. Brunner parked his wheelchair at the base of the handicapped ramp. He ate celery while he read a paperback novel. A red umbrella stuck up from the back of his chair, making it look like a motorized cafe table.
"Cool," said Leo and he started fantasizing about how it looked.
I was about to unwrap my sandwich when Nancy Bobofit appeared in front of me with her ugly friends―I guess she'd gotten tired of stealing from the tourists―and dumped her half-eaten lunch in Grover's lap.
Thalia, Nico, and Percy growled evilly while the others scooted away from them because their powers were acting up.
"Oops." She grinned at me with her crooked teeth. Her freckles were orange, as if somebody had spray-painted her face with liquid Cheetos.
"Oh yeah," Travis said his voice oozing with sarcasm, "Very attractive."
"Your descriptions are weird." Nico said.
"You are too." Percy and Thalia said.
"I wonder how you'll describe us?" Thalia said
I tried to stay cool. The school counselor had told me a million times, "Count to ten, get control of your temper." But I was so mad my mind went blank. A wave roared in my ears.
All the demigods smiled at this knowing Nancy would get what she would deserve.
"I don't remember touching her, but the next thing I knew, Nancy was sitting on her butt in the fountain, screaming, "Percy pushed me!"
"Woo! Go Kelp Head/Seaweed Brain/Aquaman!" was all you heard screaming.
Before a fight could break out over nicknames again Piper said, "Poseidon, if you could?"
Mrs. Dodds materialized next to us.
Some of the kids were whispering: "Did you see―"
"―the water―"
"―like it grabbed her―"
Everyone smiled at this.
I didn't know what they were talking about. All I knew was that I was in trouble again.
As soon as Mrs. Dodds was sure poor little Nancy was okay, promising to get her a new shirt at the museum gift shop, etc., etc., Mrs. Dodds turned on me. There was a triumphant fire in her eyes, as if I'd done something she'd been waiting for all semester.
"Oh no." All the demigods said realizing who Mrs. Dodds was.
Hades who realized who Mrs. Dodds was gasped and said, "Alecto."
All the gods gasped and the tension in the air rose.
"You sent a fury after my son." Poseidon almost yelled. Hades eyes were bugging out.
"Dad!, stop I'm okay i'm here." " Don't hurt Uncle Hades!" Percy screamed to his father
Poseidon glared at Hades but didn't do anything.
"Now, honey―"
"I know," I grumbled. "A month erasing workbooks."
"Never guess your punishment." Connor and Travis said trying to diffuse the tension. "Exactly," Hermes agreed, "That's rule number 18."
"There's a rule book?" Hephaestus asked incredulous.
"Yep."
That wasn't the right thing to say.
Connor, Travis, and Hermes looked smug at this. Everyone rolled their eyes at them.
"Come with me," Mrs. Dodds said.
"Wait!" Grover yelped. "It was me. I pushed her."
I stared at him, stunned. I couldn't believe he was trying to cover for me. Mrs. Dodds scared Grover to death.
She glared at him so hard his whiskery chin trembled.
"That is so cool," said Connor, "When we get back we have to get Grover to do that."
"We should totally video tape it." Travis agreed.
"Hey guys?"
"Yeah Thalia?"
"Shut up."
"I don't think so, Mr. Underwood," she said.
"But―"
"You―will―stay―here."
Grover looked at me desperately.
"It's okay, man," I told him. "Thanks for trying."
"Honey," Mrs. Dodds barked at me. "Now."
Nancy Bobofit smirked.
I gave her my deluxe I'll-kill-you-later stare.
Every demigod except the three shivered at Percy's glare.
"Percy can be scary if he wanted to and you didn't need to be on the recieving one if you value your life." Thalia said looking at her boyfriend's face who was smirking at the others while the gods were thinking Where did he learn to do that.
Then I turned to face Mrs. Dodds, but she wasn't there. She was standing at the museum entrance, way at the top of the steps, gesturing impatiently at me to come on.
How'd she get there so fast?
"Super human speed." Katie said.
I have moments like that a lot, when my brain falls asleep or something, and the next thing I know I've missed something, as if a puzzle piece fell out of the universe and left me staring at the blank place behind it. The school counselor told me this was part of the ADHD, my brain misinterpreting things.
"I'm not so sure." Poseidon said.
I wasn't so sure.
"Like father, like son." Rachel said. Everyone else snorted. Poseidon and Percy however was happy that they shared the same thoughts.
I went after Mrs. Dodds.
The tension increased twice as much then.
Halfway up the steps, I glanced back at Grover. He was looking pale, cutting his eyes between me and Mr. Brunner, like he wanted Mr. Brunner to notice what was going on, but Mr. Brunner was absorbed in his novel.
"Oh great."
I looked back up. Mrs. Dodds had disappeared again. She was now inside the building, at the end of the entrance hall.
Okay, I thought. She's going to make me buy a new shirt for Nancy at the gift shop.
"I wish." Thalia muttered.
But apparently that wasn't the plan.
"It never is." Thalia said.
Percy who notice her discomfort kissed her on her lips for about two minutes before saying " You know me better than that Thals." She smiled him and give a peck on the lips before saying " I sure do."
I followed her deeper into the museum. When I finally caught up to her, we were back in the Greek and Roman section.
Except for us, the gallery was empty.
"Even better." Leo said his voice full of sarcasm.
Mrs. Dodds stood with her arms crossed in front of a big marble frieze of the Greek gods. She was making this weird noise in her throat, like growling.
"She probably is." Clarisse said and Piper agreed.
Even without the noise, I would've been nervous. It's weird being alone with a teacher, especially Mrs. Dodds. Something about the way she looked at the frieze, as if she wanted to pulverize it...
"You've been giving us problems, honey," she said.
Zeus narrowed his eyes. "What problems?"
But none of the demigods answered. Suddenly Athena gasped. She had made the connection between the title and why Zeus was acting so weird.
"What is it?" Zeus asked.
Athena was about to answer when she saw the look on the demigods' faces pleading her not to tell. She sighed and said,"Nothing."
All the demigods were relieved. If Zeus had found out what had happened he would have probably killed Percy on the spot.
I did the safe thing. I said, "Yes, ma'am."
She tugged on the cuffs of her leather jacket. "Did you really think you would get away with it?"
"Get away with what?" Apollo asked. But no one answered.
The look in her eyes was beyond mad. It was evil.
She's a teacher, I thought nervously. It's not like she's going to hurt me.
"Sadly, that's exactly what she plans on doing." Thalia and the others muttered. Percy said " Guys, I am here right now. Stop acting like i am dead.
I said, "I'll―I'll try harder, ma'am."
Thunder shook the building.
All the gods and some of the demigods glanced at Zeus who was wondering why he was so angry.
"We are not fools, Percy Jackson," Mrs. Dodds said. "It was only a matter of time before we found you out. Confess, and you will suffer less pain."
"Confess about what?" Poseidon asked. He was truly worried for his son but no one offered an answer.
I didn't know what she was talking about. All I could think of was that the teachers must've found the illegal stash of candy I'd been selling out of my dorm room.
Hermes,Apollo, and the Stolls were looking at Percy with respect.
Or maybe they'd realized I got my essay on Tom Sawyer from the Internet without ever reading the book and now they were going to take away my grade. Or worse, they were going to make me read the book.
All the gods and demigods agreed while the goddesses rolled their eyes. Hey, the demigods do have dyslexia.
"Well?" she demanded.
"Ma'am, I don't..."
"Your time is up," she hissed.
Then the weirdest thing happened. Her eyes began to glow like barbecue coals. Her fingers stretched, turning into talons. Her jacket melted into large, leathery wings. She wasn't human. She was a shriveled hag with bat wings and claws and a mouth full of yellow fangs, and she was about to slice me to ribbons.
No one said a word or moved a centimeter while Poseidon read.
Then things got even stranger.
"How strange can they get?" Leo asked.
Mr. Brunner, who'd been out in front of the museum a minute before, wheeled his chair into the doorway of the gallery, holding a pen in his hand.
A collective sigh was let out as Poseidon read this.
"What ho, Percy!" he shouted, and tossed the pen through the air.
Mrs. Dodds lunged at me. With a yelp, I dodged and felt talons slash the air next to my ear. I snatched the ballpoint pen out of the air, but when it hit my hand, it wasn't a pen anymore. It was a sword―Mr. Brunner's bronze sword, which he always used on tournament day.
Percy smiled fondly, "Ah, Anaklusmos." before grimacing at Zoe's death and who sword he held in his hands.
His eyes darken at the thought of Hercules hurting his friends the demigods and gods were looking at him with worry.
Mrs. Dodds spun toward me with a murderous look in her eyes.
My knees were jelly. My hands were shaking so bad I almost dropped the sword.
"Wuss." Ares said and Clarisse was about to agree but then Ares was blasted with water and Clarisse decided to keep her mouth shut.
She snarled, "Die, honey!"
"She used that all the way back then?" Nico said with disgust.
And she flew straight at me.
Absolute terror ran through my body. I did the only thing that came naturally: I swung the sword.
"Yeah, 'cause it's natural to everyone to swing a sword." Leo said.
The metal blade hit her shoulder and passed clean through her body as if she were made of water. Hisss!
"Yeah Go-"
"If you say Aqua Dude I will singe off your eyebrows with lightning."
Mrs. Dodds was a sand castle in a power fan.
"That's a weird way to describe it." Jason said.
She exploded into yellow powder, vaporized on the spot, leaving nothing but the smell of sulfur and a dying screech and a chill of evil in the air, as if those two glowing red eyes were still watching me.
"That's creepy." Rachel said.
I was alone.
There was a ballpoint pen in my hand.
Mr. Brunner wasn't there. Nobody was there but me.
"The mist is still affecting you?"
My hands were still trembling. My lunch must've been contaminated with magic mushrooms or something.
"Yeah that's it." Hermes said.
"Magic mushrooms…" Connor said.
"Oh no…" All the demigods got scared.
Travis grinned. "Could we-"
"NO!"
Had I imagined the whole thing?
"No."
I went back outside. It had started to rain.
Grover was sitting by the fountain, a museum map tented over his head. Nancy Bobofit was still standing there, soaked from her swim in the fountain, grumbling to her ugly friends. When she saw me, she said, "I hope Mrs. Kerr whipped your butt."
"Who?"
I said, "Who?"
"Our teacher. Duh!"
"What just happened?" Rachel asked.
"The mist." Annabeth, Thalia, and Percy replied.
"Oh."
I blinked. We had no teacher named Mrs. Kerr. I asked Nancy what she was talking about.
She just rolled her eyes and turned away.
I asked Grover where Mrs. Dodds was.
He said, "Who?"
But he paused first, and he wouldn't look at me, so I thought he was messing with me.
Travis turned to Connor, "We need to give Grover lying lessons when we go back."
"Not funny, man," I told him. "This is serious."
Thunder boomed overhead.
"Apparently Zeus think so." Piper said.
I saw Mr. Brunner sitting under his red umbrella, reading his book, as if he'd never moved.
I went over to him.
He looked up, a little distracted. "Ah, that would be my pen. Please bring your own writing utensil in the future, Mr. Jackson."
Many people smiled at this.
I handed Mr. Brunner his pen. I hadn't even realized I was still holding it.
"Sir," I said, "where's Mrs. Dodds?"
He stared at me blankly. "Who?"
"The other chaperone. Mrs. Dodds. The pre-algebra teacher."
He frowned and sat forward, looking mildly concerned. "Percy, there is no Mrs. Dodds on this trip. As far as I know, there has never been a Mrs. Dodds at Yancy Academy. Are you feeling all right?"
"At least Chiron can lie." Travis said. Connor nodded in agreement.
"Who's reading next?" Poseidon asked.