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Again, standard disclaimers apply. Kishimoto, crack, partial borrowing of the lyrics to Fergie's song, some OOC-ness. Read at your own risk. It's unbeta'd, which is why it's so messy and all over the place.
"For the umpteenth time, SHUT UP, KIBA!" Shino yelled. There was a terrible buzzing noise being emitted from Shino's chest and Hinata knew he was going to explode at any minute. It was hard being the unofficial peacemaker of the team, especially when Shino and Kiba had two very strong, often clashing personalities and she was as timid as a handicapped baby bunny.
Earlier, Kiba and Akamaru had busied themselves by writing a song called "Kibalicious" and performing it grated on Shino's nerves. Since Shino had found it difficult to come up with a catch phrase of his own, he had quickly worked himself into a rage, a rage that reminded her of the face Neji possessed the time he confronted her for using the last of his beloved Pantene Pro-V conditioner.
Brief flashback:
"I had to use the BRANCH-HOUSE conditioner, and we all know that's a bunch of worthless CRAP! If I find ANY split ends, Hinata-sama," he roared, "you will find your destiny lies six feet under ground!"
End flashback.
She paled, inching closer and closer to Kiba.
"Aww," Kiba grinned, unfazed by the vicious glare he was receiving (if anything, he was used to it already). "Just the chorus, then!"
Kunai/makeshift microphone in hand, he began to sing. "Kibalicious. I'm hot, hot. Kibalicious. I'm so damn hot, hot."
"No you're not," Shino scowled, deciding whether he should jab the weapon down Kiba's throat or commit hara-kiri.
Kiba gave Shino the finger and put away the sharp object, once he realized Shino's killing intent. "Kibalicious. Bug Boy's jealous of what I got! I'm Kibalicious. Sing it, Hinata!"
Hinata reddened, nodding her head 'no'.
"Please, Hinata-chan?" Kiba pleaded, giving her his best puppy-dog look. "And with the widdle dance? Pwease? For me? And widdle Akamaru-kun?"
Hinata fidgeted uncomfortably in her spot, darting her eyes back and forth- ANYTHING not to make eye contact with him. Gaah! Contact! How could she possibly turn him down now? She sighed in defeat.
"T-t-t-t-t-t-t-tasty, tasty..." she crooned as she slowly shimmied her rear end during every 'tasty' sung (something that Kiba had taught her, much to Shino's dismay), earning her the stares of interested fanboys standing nearby (her teammates included). Kiba, thoroughly pleased with the little show, walked off proudly. Hinata held on to her rapidly diminishing poise for as long as she could, managing to take three very uneasy steps before promptly passing out.
Shino rolled his eyes as he, amidst the jealous glares of aforementioned fanboys, carried Hinata on his back. Sure, he could feel certain soft mounds of flesh against his jacket, but he was trying his hardest not to notice. Stupid fanboys. Stupid hormones. Stupid song. Stupid deflated ego. Stupid Kiba. All roads led to Kiba being an idiot. He continued his gait, maintaining a sizeable hearing distance from the annoying fleabag and Akamaru.
Four blocks ahead, Kiba was getting a little too carried away as he continued his song and dance routine, which had started to meander toward movements of the NC-17 variety. The Inuzuka had already removed his coat and tank top, singing "T, to the A, to the S-T-E-Y DAMN I'M SEXY! T, to the A, to the S-T-E-Y YEAH I'M SEXY!" while rubbing his chest and thrusting his pelvis (much to the joy of his rabid fangirls) and was just about to remove his pants when the back of his head was smacked none-too-gently by one ticked off Inuzuka Tsume.
"KIBA! What did I tell you about public indecency? I don't want Tsunade-sama to have to call me about your exhibitionist behavior again!"
"Aww, MOM!" Kiba whined, as he was forced to put on his jacket. "You totally embarrassed me in front of all my fan-bitches!" (Said fan-bitches squealed in rapt fascination- Kiba acknowledged their presence! And they had been, like, HIDING!) "That was SOOOOOO unkibalicious of you!"
(In the background, high-pitched sighs of "Totally unkibalicious of you, Mrs. Inuzuka!" could be heard.)
Tsume gave her son another thwack on the head for the 'bitch' comment before dragging him home by the ear. As Tsume (with son in tow) passed by Shino and the still unconscious Hinata, Kiba, knowing he'd be grounded the moment he set foot in his house, grabbed Shino's arm, nearly causing him to drop the Hyuuga heir in the process. Shino had to walk at Tsume's fast pace to keep up with Kiba's words.
"Shino," he gasped, as if he were a dead man walking (which was partially true- Tsume scolded her children the same way she scolded her dogs- smacking their rear-ends with a big rolled up newspaper and screaming out variations of "BAD BOY!" -or girl, as it was the case for Hana- and "NO!")- "I'm trusting you and Hinata-chan to get 'kibalicious' all over Konoha! Don't let me down!"
Shino sweat dropped. As if he'd take orders from Kiba. And if he knew Hinata, she'd be too shy to talk to others, try as she might.
Rolling his eyes yet again, he came to a halt and continued his trek back in the direction of the Hyuuga compound even angrier than before.
Damn that guy. Stupid Kiba. Stupid, stupid, stupid Kiba, with his freakin' cool catch phrase and throngs of female admirers, and- Shino grinned evilly as a tune came to mind. "S to the T to the U-P-I-D Kiba's stupid, S to the T to the U-P-I-D Kiba's stupid…" he sang.
Sure it was childish. Sure, people were staring at him, mentally adding to their lists of reasons why the Aburame were so strange. Did he harbor a care? Not really.
After dropping Hinata off at home, he remembered to stop by Tsunade's office to inform her of their successful mission.
Following their debriefing, the busty blonde finally spoke. "Wonderful, Shino. But before you leave, I have a very important assignment that I need for you to complete. I would send Kiba, but you're clearly the more responsible candidate for this job."
Shino saw no reason to disagree with the Hokage on that observation.
"I need you to go to Sunagakure to retrieve a very important item from the Kazekage. You'll leave tomorrow at sunrise."
"Hai, Tsunade-sama."
With those final words, Shino was dismissed to leave.
Tomorrow's excursion to Suna would later show the young Aburame just how rewarding sharing the word kibalicious could be.
I'm glad the holidays are over. I think my crack muse is finally back!
Reviews, comments, constructive criticism, lay them on me if you can. Thanks for reading!