Maximum Paradise Driver! Chapter 2: Boners Ahoy, a bleach fanfic

Llamas in hats,foreskins of a thousand jews. Bryan ferry ruler of the orest.

A bitter, chill wind howled through the night sky, the sixteen faceless moons hidden beneath a thick layer of grey storm cloud that pissed down rain droplets like piss. Clearly this was London town. More specifically the eastern quart, narrowed down to Bethnal green wherein resided sir Cockwell of Dongton abbey. The window panes rattled udder this fierce assult, but this did dot disseude the inhabitants from their meeting.

A large table sat in the middle of te room, saiga on one end, dressed in his regular clotehs, sir cockwell on the other immpecably attired in a fine blue suit. Both were seemingly having a conversation that consisted entirely of eyebrow movement, eyebrow whipping back and forth. Theu whipped their eyebros back and forth they whipped their eyebrows back and forth!

Saiga grunted and blinked like a micheal j foxx as across the table cockwells eyebrows became a buzzsaw of smug amusement. Huffing like a bitch, saiga got out his hacked psp and loaded up his pokemon nuzlocke;the sexy saiga stripping show, and began to play. He managed to get through four chapters before cockell spoke in deep, throbbing tones.

"it is on this most auspicious of days I call you ere saiga" throbbed cockwell like the boigiouse he was "I heard of you via mengle, he said you did good work"

"I enjoyed none of it sir" said saiga silkily, "it would be bad PR". Well except for making a meat dragon out of orphans, that was some pretty fun shit.

"ah but nonetheless you were skilled, and it is those skills that I need rom you" cockwell stroked his fine mustache like a sir.

"so its true, what they were saying on the train." saiga ejaculated. "howard potter has come to Hogwarts"

"if he has it is o no consequence to me" said cockwell, his voce stroking saigas face "he is not the man I need taken care of"

"name my target" saiga narrowed his eye sand tried to be cool like clint eastwod but it was difficult for him to be any kind of cool.

"You know of Sinister Duke Murderfist?" qweried cockwell "the most sinister man in the sinister land?"

Saiga nodded onece or twice "they say he practices the blackest of necromancy, that his undead servants if given the chance would not tip the barristas; they assay the only way to hook him, is to use a childs toe" he puffed on his piep and stowed away his fake beard.

"I want you to rape duke murdrfister to death, ( •_•) ( •_•) ರೃ (ರೃ_•)"

So saiga and cockwell, they ooked at each other, and saiga said! "ok." And so he played the frst song that came to his head, it just so happened to be! The best sond in the world! It's the best sone in the world! JITENSHA! JITENSHA!~

"is there any specific…way, you want this to happen?" said saiga "I can paint the walls ith avisceral spray of brain matter that then goes off to claim more victim for its own dark purposes"

"I want him to hold his anus's in his hand" stted cockwall "and I want him to know that ony four of those are his"

Even saiga had to admit, that was some pretty fucked shit. He wasn't even sure how he could fuck at east five sphincters out of a guy, but, justice would find a way. Perhaps he should consult han slol, so he would know when to shoot first.

"we need to talk… expenses" said saiga.

"fourt five euros, and this flute" replied cocwell produing a extravget flute, one as you might get for free at christmans times. The flute was extrageantly detailed in electric blue enamel which was carved into a thousand sinuous dicks, etwined in a multitude of intricate dances, a individual look of relicious delight layed upon eac of their faces in precious body of the flute was argyley patterened in crimson and noir, to offset the brightness of the blue wangers.

"where did you get that?" asked saiga in a voice like johnny depp, his face flashed handsomely.

"this one time" smirked cockwell "at band camp, I found a djin using this flute as a dildo. So I gathered up all the persons and instruments and immolated them all in a dread ritual. The fesh sloughed off their boddies and mixed with the melted metal, turning into an orb which condensed to a hundredth of its original size. And out came the flute . All their souls are bound to the djins magic which resides inside the flute"

The candles flickered eerily.

"oh" said saiga "for a second there I thought it was the flute of triumph, crafted from a an angels dong"

"haha no" said cockwell "I'd never own somethig that tacky"

"your paisley shag rug says otherwise" inslugted saiga cruelly, turning nhis nose up as shagwell "as does your maroon caudroy wallpaper.

"hey!" cockwell raised his voice "those were rare and expensice ussr masterworks! I will not be insulted in my own house!"

"Why?" said saiga in return, a bit louder in aggression times "do you have somewhere special you go for that?

"its called ya mums house ya dumb cunt!" shouted cockwell "we do kinky s&m shit!"

"shut yer dumb cunt up ya cunt!" shouted saiga, but not moving from his seat "or I'll go fuck your mum!"

"my mums the queen, dickwad!" smugged cock "she has people to get fucked for her!"

"then I guess I have a long day a head of me" said saiga, "and I'll be think of her all along, even when im actually uckin her, that's how much I hate you. Cuntburger."

A vein explodded in cockwells forhead "come at me bro!" he shuted sprouting afake tan and whatever that shit is when you get silicone injected int your lips "I'LL TEAR YER COCK OFF AND SHOE IT UP YER CUNT!"

"I'LL TEAR YER CUNT OFF AND BASH YER CROSS THE JAW WITH IT!" saiga returned with vigor, spittke flying from his mouth in rage!

"CMON THEN!" shouted cockwell!

They both bellowed at the same time, purple in the face from rages "SQUARE GO LIKE!"

A frission of tension passed between the two before expressions of impressed smugness came upon their faces. "freakin solid" they said to ech other, comreades in arms, and fist bumped as cockwell became a dapper gentleman once mre, shedding his guido fac ont a passing srvnt.

"well then" said saiga bracingly, standing up and doing up his fly wgich had come down. Cockwell followd suit. "itll take a week, yeah?" he strode to the door, "come on ichigo"

Ichigo crawled out from under the table, as did cocwells attractive mexicas chef, sniorita vasques. "right sir," he mutteded, shifting Kenneth to a more comfortable position, and wiped his mouth.

Saiga strde out the door "lets go!" and the picture went kind of washed out and blurred around the edges and the camera panned out and up away from cockwells mansion to show all of grimdark London as te theme music played its jaunty tuene!

Maximum! Paradise! Driver!

~ get cha game on! Get ya game on! Get ya game on coz ya gotta play ya cards right!~

The scene showed Saiga and ichigo frolicking and running happily, or perhaps in just the semnlance of happiness for the latter, around the cobblestone streets of old London town. As they ran, several other characters such as rukia, lady hawke, Orochimaru, jesus and a mystery character shouded In light unwrappable, appeared and high fived them respectively.

~chillin' out with the crew in the booze yard! Fuckin bitches and never trying too hard!~

Saiga and ichigo were mugging a passing elderly couple with a rusty pipe and Kenneth, smoking cigars and drinking mother. They stole the elderly couples money and broke the wifes kneecaps so they wouldn't tell. Then they ran back to their club house that was under a sweage treatment plany.

~sing the song that ends the world, dammit they never taught us this! Everyones dead and we don't have enough toast to hit this~

A post apocalypitic world splayed across London, leather strewn punks controlled the toast trade, and therefore controlled the London. Saiga nd ichigo had to join the velvert underground resistance just to survive because the leader of the monarchy, the TOAST KING did not like them. The TOAST KING lived on te moon.

~dreamin! Don't give it up saiga! Dreamin! Don't give it up ichigo! Greamin! Don't gve it up TOAST KING! Dreamin! Don't give give it up give it up give it yo!~

There's just avery long scene of ichigo and saiga making out here. A childs voive cries in the bckrgond and avant garde shit happened.

~you are my fiend! Aaa! Do you remember when? Bakamo, kirikano ha daicho! You are my dream! Aaa! Babushka Manfred Hoe! Oh shining day! Go the distance!~

Saiag sat at the pub drinking scooners of piss with a suit wering skeleton whislt ichigo and the skeetons teenage girl apprecntice or whatever sat on the sticky floor, because they awerent allowed people things!

~the closer you are to bumsex! The tougher it is to see it! And I'll never take it for granted, so lets go!~

Maximum Paradise Driver chaptersode 2: Boners Ahoy!

The pram clattered noisily down te bitchuman street of privet drive on the cold, grey Tuesday morning our story starts. The birds were signing, sultry bird songs of big bird. The overcat sky was being dull and lustreless, and ichigo was dying to sink his teeth into something! Get it? Coz hes a vampire! Hahahahahaha!

Ichigo pused the pram sullenly, his orange emo finge hiding his velveteen tears from the world as they wormed wigglt tracks through his mascara eyeliner eyeshadow. His eye make up was purple. Metallic purple. Just like saiga liked it. In fact, he was looking very visual kei at the moment, as saiga did like the tight leather trousers too. A single tear fell from his cheek and plopped daintily onto the prams covering.

"waah! Waah! Babay saiga wants milk! Fetch me a nipple!"

Ichigo sighed. 'babay saiga' was not a baby. He was full grown saiga. In a pram. Ichigo sighed in disgust, stokhilm syndrome related disgust. He thought of hawke.

"gorramit ichigo!" saig saiga "fetch me that nipple!"

"does it have to be mine?" saked ichigo, already resigning himself?

"probably! Ho da fuq shud I knoe?" wailed saiga.

Ichigo looked around the street, it was empty. He vomited despair from his ears and reaced under his shirt, ripping off his left nipple with a sound like 24 hour party people. He gave it to saiga who blew it up like a balloon to make a full iszed ladys breasy that lactated delicious lager. Saiga guzzled it down like a baby. A hungry andgry babay. He threw the drained breats out the side of the pram and it plopped limply onto the sidewalk. A fat midget of a vespa rodeover it.

After all, the nipple was humans naturl enemy, such were wthe wise words of lester corncrake: A long long time ago, before the nipple was our natural enemy.

Ichigo walked ast number three and headed towards the nondescript number 4 privet drive, and up to the door.

"lets go in" saiged saiga and they both walked in.

Voices could be head unp ahead. Something about coffe and bacon.

They entered the lounge room and beheld the sight before them. A large number of bronzed, callused, handsone nude illegal immagrants stodd is rows, unclothed but for a bowtie. A fat man with hardly any neck and a bushy moustache sat at the table, his skinny long necked wife there too, both smiling happily as it was thire sons birthday.

"how many are there?" askd the large blond son meanly.

"thirty seix, counted them myself" replied the dad very satidfied with himself.

"thirty six?" the sons voice was deadly cold and calm. "but last year, last year I had thirty seven!"

"well some of the are quite a bit bigger than last year!" said the dad, defending himself, and gesturing to the naked slaves flaccid wangers.

"I don't care how big they are" said the son with a finality tht promised detah.

Saiga and ichigo were finally noctied. "who th devil are you?" bellowed uncle Vernon!

"I'm saiga!" said ichogo

And I'm Ichigo" said Saiga!

They both burst into peals of laughter. "it's the other way round really!" they said in unison.

"oh funny men" said aunt petunia.

Dudlye threw his breakfast of self used condoms to the floor "pay attention to me!"

Both prents did immediately.

"good" said dudders "now why the hell are you in my house?"

"Oh, that" said saiga, "We're here to kidnap harry actually, and use him to ply a vicious sociopath to work with us"

Harry entered the room at that moment, carrying a large box labelled 'toys'. It was humming. " made all your stuffs clean again so you wont hit me and what not aye? God save the queen!"

It was difficult to believe this would maybe or maybe not become professor harry potter of the lignin scar.

"get back into your crawl space before I use jumbotron on you agani' said Vernon waving his bocon about threateningly.

"right u are unk, say no more say no more" said harry, who was glad he didn't have to catch mice for supper again. He went tio go chain himself daown, so as to save petunia the trouble.

Harry left.

"yeah, yo can probs just take him" said Vernon, "we have a thousand other fuckslaves, what diofference id a small oprphan boy with secret magic powers?"

"yo said it out loud again" said dudders and petunia, thouroughly sick of vernons lack of secret ability keepings.

"whoopsie~" said Vernon/.

"may I have a moment of your time?" a glacial voice asked ina non asking tone from the window he was perched in like a ninja.

They all turned to see a handsome boy of seventeen or so, his suit impeccable and atiitude imperturbable.

This was the Thomas Riddle Saiga was looking for.

"what is it sexy legs?" aaid petunia smarmily, wanting to fuck the boy already.

Tom silently cast the bitchucus pleasicus spell wandlessly, and petunia was silent. "I'm here for harry potter, and I wont take no for an answer."

Saiga stepped forward, "yes you see theyr is some trouble with that, I own him now"

Tom vomited steam and glared at saiga with cold dead eyes.

"yes" continued sauga "nasty business, what do you want him for?"

"he will die by my hand, insolent braggard, or so will you" steam wafted still.

"you may inded kill him, tommermort, on one condition"

Tom riddle hissed more stem "call me that again knave, and there will be no need for me to deal"

Saiga rolled his eyes, "you have to join me for a arseassination job". He laughed at his funny play on words. "zehahahahahaha!"

The steam vomit lessened "very well" said tom, "death for a detth and the oth will be repayed to that slippery gypsey!" tom cursed the slippery gypsy.

"slippery gypsy?!" guffawed saiga, "more like a bloddy mexicunt!"

There was a preganat pause.

"he's down the hall in the cupboard space or something" said Vernon, waxing his moustace handsomely.

Tom nodded gravelt, and stalked out of the room leaking boiling steam from his mouth.

Saiga nodded thoughtfully, eyeing the fuckslaves, "make us a bit more brekky ichigo; French toast if ye please" he sat down at the breakfast table with the dursley family. They all got along famously.

"that is totes wix!" trilled young harries voice followed by the high pitched exhalation of steam. There was a sickening crunch. The wet tearing sound, that cracked and crunched and splorched rhythmically to the sound of young harrys mounting arse screams.

Ichigo severed French toast, his face stoic to the sounds of eveil.

Vernon sipped his tea dantily, a small happy smile on huis face. Petunia nodded in time to the beat, eyes closed in day drem times. Dudely had syepped outside to make a call to his crack salesman demanding his money or the guys knees.

The whistle hiss of steam ceased, and the crawl space door clanged. Heavy, slow footsteps clumped along the hall and tom poked his body around the door farema. His crisp white shirt was soaked in the same pink watery fluid that ran rivulets from his hands and dissaperared into his dark suit. "I'm going to use your shower, if you don't mind" tom didn't ask.

Petunia immediately stood up, "I'll show you the way" sahe said, flopping her left tit out.

Tom imperiused her and the tit went back in. they left up the stair case.

"so!" Said uncle Vernon looking at saiga, "that your sociopath?"

"yes indeedy sir" replied saiga.

"it's too bad he was one of, you know, their lot" said Vernon, "a nigger"

This was an odd thing for Vernon to say, tom was clearly not black. "tom is not black" said ichigo who was staunchly anti racism.

Vernon huffed. Nobody recognised when he ws joking setting. The twats. "well if that's the case, would either of you liej to buy some cheap weed? My shits good"

"how good?" queried saiga.

"goo enough to cause me to go colour blind!" Vernon cackled and cackled.

Nobody knew why.

"I'll pay no more than thirty eight pond fifty" said saiga

"it was meant to be fifty pounds" huffed Vernon "but now we don't have to feed potter boy any more, I guess the deficit can cit you some slack"

"freakin solid" said saiga, fist bumping with vernons mostache.

The newly minted power trio sauntered up a street of London. Well, saiga sauntered. Tom strode powerfully and ichigo haf the meek posture of any number of useless moe girls.

Tom grabbed a neaby pack of chavs in his fist and discharged steam, searing the clammy, grey flesh right off their faces.

"why did you even?" asked saiga, unsure as to what toms plan was.

His question was answered when a sicjly yellow/orange light orb arose from each steam cleaned chav skull, and entered toms eyes with a sort of fire like effect. Toms eyes glowed momentarily before calming. Chav corpses his the concrete and nothing of value was lost.

"that's some sichs hit right there" said ichigo "not even I would dare to consume anything that was once chav"

"and that is why" said tom his voice all silky menace "if you ever questionme again I shall devour your soul"

Saiga just shrugged and started rolling a joint the size of a tampon "lets see if Vernon was telling the truth" he lit it and inhaled deeply.

"oi!" shouted a voice "stop right there criminal scum!"

Two bobbies dashed towards them wering the classical London cop regalia. One was bearded and wearing sunglasses, the other was massive, corpulent and had wings sprouting from his severa stories tall back.

"well since two dead guys are back, shit is good" saiga coughed as he smoked some more.

"theyre both gods you dingus!" said ichigo. He turne to the pair "I'm very sorry for any trouble we ay have caused you in the past"

C'thulhu-cop and Jesus-cop, partners in crime solving, private detectives, part of the polie force and possible puella magi.

"thatw as a lot of p's" said jesus cop "eight p's. that's as many as four twos. And that's terribel" he noted this joke was to be reused at some point.

And then cthulhucop burbled his sick black burble "hazchemgangploxsyil" the words sloughed from his moughth and seeped over the gum stained concrete.

"that's right!" shouted haysoos! "wot are you wto skoom bags doin in London? Look sharp weve got a chav infection"

Tom victory screeched a geyser of steam into the sky.

"we'll tell city 'all e get an purpol hart" said jesus.

"holy shit you guys!" sait cthulu "look behind us"

If you've ever seen dawn of the dead, shawn of the dead or high school of the dead you'll know exactly what the fuck hes on about.

A fuckton of fuckspawned head dong dongbies stumbled towards the pentagon of protagonists. Their hellish fuckgroans sounding loud and clear over the apathetic burble of citizens. One particularly careless viartnemese old lady was careless enough to snap a pic of them on her iphone for her bdsm blog. The fat black dongbie grabbed her tenderly by the shoulders and inserted his dick of a head into here mouth. It was then the ruthmic thrusting began. In and out! In an out! More and more! The pus the pain! The black voodoo! The wet jigsaw puzzle! The dongbie came being questionably consesntedly deepthroated by the lady, all the way down. Tehn the transforming started. Her head became as a clump of melting wax, shifting and bubbling and broiling and compressing into the exact size and shape of a dong.

Nearby a fat boy was recording the whole thing for his bdsm blog. The process began aknesw.

The pwotagonists all cocked the absolute fuck out of their guns. Icigo has two ornately carves blunderbus that he akinbos or whatevs that term is. Tom has a single nazi issue pistol with a very long barrel that holds his wand and shoots magic bullets like a baws! Saiga thinks hes a mangle cunt and weild a sweet arse shotgun with a fccuking sick as shit punp action oh yes! Jesus has him cock shooting minigun again because you have to fight cockwith cock otherwise why would the term cockfight exist? Cthulhu has his incomprehensible antimagikker gun or something. Its not really a gun but a lazor he shoots fom his mouth.

Shit is about to get real.

"well fuck you very much cunts!" saiga shouted to the encroaching horde of dickhesd, lol, and did tht pump hing hwre you hold the gun to the side and pump it with one hand like a sick bro! "weve got some short distance swimming to do- oh my god is that little kuriboh!?" she sqeeled like a fan girl.

Martin billany/lits koriboh strode calmy through the crowd of dongbies, and I thingk you know why gentle readers. Saiga ran over to him.

"oh my gods martin koriboh I am yor #1 fan! I have downloaded all of your episodes! Illegally! Tee hee! Letha pants!"

Martin sighed and sighned saigas tits and tried to leave but saiga followed him.

"I was thinkin of oing my own NTAS do you want to read it!" he shoved the script under little billanys nose.

Martin read aloud with all of his skill so as to keep the disdain from his voice "A simple abridging

Fox: really! If you didn't have any spare teabags you could have just said so, how very rude!

Cut to ninja

Voice over of fox: ia! Ia! cthulhu fhtagn!

Ninja: that horrible simulation of language! We must kill the beast before it,ah urg aaaahhhh!*bursts into flames with writhing tentacles*

Fourth Hokage appears

Fox: finally! Someone sensible I can talk to at long last. Tell me good sir, if I can-

Fourth Hokage: screw being a single dad! I cant juggle meth and a kid!

Roll the theme music.

Seals fox in Naruto

Baby Naruto: I'm gonna take a nipple…and suck it!*glasses pull*

Cut to Naruto running away from the fuzz

Naruto: ah, vandalising our sacred national monument. The only way I can keep my sanity in this dump.

Voice over of Naruto explaining the setting.

Ninja: hokag-

Hokage: what'd I tell ya bout disturbin me durin

Right,so, Naruto wants to put in place a therapy clinic but that's treason. He's still upbeat about it though and sounds like faulerro.

Hokage sounds like the hitcher and smokes a lot of pot.

Kakashi is French."

"see!" said saiga! Happily. "its great innit?"

Matrin, apparently unable to take any more of this bullshit, went and sucked a dongbie off but nothing happened, again, you know why handsome readers.

The donby that was about to turn saiga sunndly found his head blown apart by 10000 cocks in a sngle second by a grinning jesus. And not a Korean jesus either. He aint got no time for yo shit! 21 JUM STREET IS SO FUNNY!

Ichigo lepts in with guns blazing akimbo, grapeshot splattering the fuck oy of da dongbies. They were mown down in their hundreds but it was not enough.

Cthuhlu opened his mouth and with a pingas! Fied his lazer that took out a vast swathe of dongbies, making it so they never were nor never could be.

Tom stood clamy off the side, taking careful shots that had a myriad dof effects. A avada kedavra bullet that killed one dongby instantly, a cutting buttel that cleaved a path, leaving behind severed wangs. A blasting bullet. Freeze and flame. Loitning. Multishot. Summon cat. Attack of the walking baths with scizzors. Its better than it sounds ok/

"its no use!" shouted jesus, pumping load after load and dickshot after dicshot into the dongby horde. "they are too many!"

"Even my lust gn is not working" bellowed saiga, trying to call forth his boners pwer!

"WERE GONNA DIE!" wailed ichigo in a tone that was uncertain of happiness.

Tom strode up, livid at his apparent weakness "stand aside you fewls!" he dashed into the orde and began punching the dongbys in their dick heads with one hand and shooting them with his gun with the other. Soon a small clearing ws clared. Tom looed staright up and screamed. His scream was not like befoee when just a small cloud of steam happened, this was a gargantuan, mushroom cloud of deafening screech teapot steam. It caused a barrier of the stuff to syrround him, and even thorufh the ear splitting screech you could hear his single worded cry. "R PATS!"

"artax?" asked saiga, "artax is dead"

"No he said 'arpatts'" said jesus.

"No, he sid" sid cthulhu, "armpits"

Whatever he said, the sky rent in tawin. The oer cats cloud splitting like the anus of soon to be duke muderfits. A vast, dystopian tangle of badwrong descended from the horizon reachin split, amorphous and devoid of everything proper the mass swirled and swirled and compressed into a single greasy cube of matter. A single pink line drew across the cube, gaining complexity and pattern in a n angular, gaining space ascross te surface as the patten got more fuller until the cube was solid pink. It exploded outwrds in a shower of light.

A man sat astride a fell steed. He was exhuding bright light at unprecedented rates. This man was Robert pattenson. He rode on the shoulders of Kirsten stuart, soulless abomination of a homunculus, a creature born of no emotion or passion, only purpose, in a ridiculous pantomime they canted through the dongbies and up to tom riddle.

"r pats" tom inclined his head slightly, sick smirk at the ready.

R pats opened his mouth wide, too wide, but no sound emanated yet tom seemed to comprehend none te less. The mouth opened wider still and tom chuckled darly.

"not today, friend."

R pas let out another of his wordless, soundless whispers and stepped up on kirstens shoulders, so they were at double height. He surveyed the approaching horde, thousands strong and thick enough to be the only thing besides skyscrapers in sight. And then there were only a hundred.

Saiga blinked confusedly at the strange screaming rush of air that accompanied the sudden loss of most of the dongbies. Just awht was Robert Pattenson. Why did he ride Kirsten Stewart? What was his power that it eclipsed all their own many times over?

A tick necked Russian with an eyeball as big as a car ran past, punching ichgo around the head and neck with pink sausage fists and fingers like summer hosepipes, this guywasnt fucking around! "think twice before wearing eyeliner you transsexual rapist!"

Tehn existence rewrote itself. The last 482 words being remorphed into a much more suitable and bad arse dongbie killing spree.

"haha! Yeah!" vrowed saiga viktorious-ly! Pumping another shogun round into a dingby, killing the uck out of it.

"pretty good yeah" said ichigo.

Tom just chuckled darjly, white mist leaking from his maw.

Out in the swarm of dongbies, two true London coppers stood true. Jesus H chirst and cop'thulhu. Back to back and full metal badarse, they fired they regulation issue pistols with unnering recision through multiple donby dickheads at once. But the horde was too many.

"jesus" said copthulhu

"yeah buddy?" asked jesus, bashing a floppy knob with his nightstick.

"since we're not going to mke it out of this 'alive'-"

Jesus cit jhim off with his last bullet, saving him from a grapple "don't worry mate, if this is how you've never actually said thanks, or that youre actually my friend, or about the tight pants and the dick tattoo you tricked me into, its fine. Neither have I"

"nah" said copthulhu with a tentacly grin, "I've been banging ya wife!"

They both burst out laughting.

"I know mate!" guffawed jesus "so was I!"

They laughed and laughed and shook hands before their laughs became gagged and sloppy. Two old gods, two best friends, two coppers.

"better him than me" said saiga.

Ichigo facepalmed as saigas word ctivated some form of trigger on the dongbies. They surged together limply, condesning into one great big dickmass. A dickmass with the upper half of kanye wast and the lower half of megan fox. But still visibly made of dicks.

"ok" said saiga, "now I'm imagining a baby-faced big-eared black guy named Hammerfist Ballstomper with a raging coke habit becoming Emperor of Earth. Not sure why"

The dickmass ssurged with the force of a thousand suns.

"I counter you with a seamus ballcrusher st. poon" said ichigo.

Some Siamese-twin penguins juggling cabbages on a motorcycle whilst a naked traffic instructor hurls custard at them went past in lieu of a tumble weed. And the dickmass spared its foul produvt all across the fine city of London town.

They had no choice. "youll like this shit tom" said saiga, pegging a burberry tacksuit and some kfc into the dickmass, ichigo followed it up with a can of 76c beer and a really cheap pack of fags.

If you thought there were a lot of dongbies, you mind will be motherfucking blownby the amount of chavs attracted by the cheap goods. Cheap goods steroitypical of chavs for a reason mothafucka! Those filthy beasts love burberry tracksuits and cheap things you can buy when youre 18. Most , if not all the chavs were like 14-15 or 17 in some cases.

most improper.

Girl hawke sat up against the headboard of a hospital bed that she was in because of all the stabwounds, legs stretched out under the this blanket with the boardgame numberwang on top of. She rolled the three hundred sided die. She got a

"four" muttered ichigo from a chair beside her… "nope"

She rolled the die again.

It was the cubed root of ninety seven.

"nope" ichigo spn the bonus rond stage exposing a dead rat ina perfecty coiffed blond wig.

Another roll, negative twelfty.

"nope"

Shinty six.

"nope"

Four.

"nope"

Four.

Nope.

Four.

"that's numberwang!" ichio cheered for hawke with agrin.

"he' down on the farm, helping us out" sang the little old lady haring ther room, "if there's a pet with a problem h'll sort it out hmm hmm hm hmm hmm hmm hmm, hmmhmm hmm hmmhmm…" she trailed off dreamily.

"weren't we playing wangernumb?" asked hawke? "wast the Coiffed Rat one of the Wangernymb specific choices?"

Ichogo looked down at the 1000000 page rulebook and shook his head, "is it really important at this point" he said with a smile.

Hawke favoured him with a honeyes look "you know how I get about my wangernumb"

Ichigo tried to think of a play on words that insinuated thyey didn't have sex enough. Numb of wangs? Wand the number? Even though they couldn't have sex till hawke got out of the hospital and ichgio got through his councelling of saiga.

"oh I know how you get about my …number of wangs" he said with a word critical fumble.

Hawke snickered and shrugged, "they don't call you spider for nothing, you know"

"at least its not as bad as 'the man who had so many penises it was worth making a televeison program about'" ichgo implied, mouthing the words 'fourteen'.

"that's as many as four three point fives" said hawke with a dead serious expression "and that's terrible"

Ichogi winked "I got yer superdickery, right here!" he unzipped his fly and mimed earfucking hawke. She spluttered and lughed until the nurses came in to revive the little old lady from her Improper Conduct Veiwed heart attack.

The nurses shot them a look of annoyance as they rushed the little old lady out into ER. Why couldn't those two just not for five minutes?

The cobbled London stret was stewn with steaming slops of chav and dongbie flesh, saiga was still blinking the light out of his eyes from the explosion from when the chavs reached critica mass.

"you were right. For once." Said tom, hissing steam amused. He did enjoy such devastatinf chav death, his quota might even be fulled. He strode about to each of the chav flesh bits and absorbed as much essence as he could.

"of course im right" scoffed saiga, "and you know what else is right?" he asked to ichigo. They walked to a nearby chinese resteraunt and ordered some dimsums. Which saiga ate while ichigo doggy styled him under the table. "a post battle victory meal!"

But something was wrong. Something was terribly horribly wrong for saiga. It was an indescribable gut feeling, a lurching sense of unease that made him hate his dad and apologise for the excessive drinking he hadn't even started yet. No wait, that was the nicklbeack he could hear in te ackground. But he stil felt very very odd.

He looked down. Instead of the usula orange blond hair there was bright pink. Also the person giving hij a sexjob was agirl. And with her vagins too! Nuuuuuuuu!

Saiga lept back in double decker disgust and confusion, "who are you and where the hell is my ichig-poo?" he whispered aghast that a girl had touched his most sacred area. His left knee scar.

"wotcher, mate" the girl said brightly and saiga ran. Ran away, and contemplated living in an unsightly manner as his hate wasn't strong enough and he had the wrong eyes.

Saiga burst out onto the street where a garden shed pulsated and glided down the street, consuming rubbish, dongbi parts and stray cats like a grea wooden basking shark. He ran up to tom who was smoking some weed out of a classy pipe.

"wahuhpluhbuh!" he whined at him "ichigo! Not! Girl! What?!"

"you know something?" said tom 'I might be just high enough to be interested in your drivel"

"ichigo is really a girl!" sobbed saiga "or its an imposssterrr!"

Tom just laughed and resfused to comment futher.

The girl wandered out of the china shop, munching on twiglets and spring rolls, "hiya, I'm nymphomadora tnoks" she said cheerily

"where is ichigo!" demanded saiga, fretting with his hands. I ichigo got away he could get to the police, and then the ungrateful little sod would get him arrested! After all he'd done for him!

The girl shrugged, "I owed him a favour, so we switched places seeing as how I'm a metamorphagus an all"

"since when?!" siaga pimpslapped her.

"oi! Leave off you cunt!" tonks flashed him her tits and he cowed like abitch. "bout a fortnight ago"

"How unorthodox" frostilied rukia.

Saiga shrieked like a little bitch at the sound of her voice in fright, "when in the name mrs doubtfire did you get here?" he asked questioningly.

"I've always been here" rikia flashbacked…

{"fourt five euros, and this flute" replied cocwell produing a extravget flute, one as you might get for free at christmans times. The flute was extrageantly detailed in electric blue enamel which was carved into a thousand sinuous dicks, etwined in a multitude of intricate dances, a individual look of relicious delight layed upon eac of their faces in precious body of the flute was argyley patterened in crimson and noir, to offset the brightness of the blue wangers.

"where did you get that?" asked saiga in a voice like johnny depp, his face flashed handsomely.

"holy shit do I love saiga's dick I wish I was under the table with ichigo right now sucking him off" said rukia who had been standing behind Saiga.

The candles flickered eerily.

"oh" said saiga "for a second there I thought it was the flute of triumph, crafted from a an angels dong"

"haha no" said cockwell "I'd never own somethig that tacky"

"your paisley shag rug says otherwise" inslugted saiga cruelly, turning nhis nose up as shagwell "as does your maroon caudroy wallpaper.

Rukia urinated loudly with her voice "both of those things would actually be pretty ugly" she said.

"hey!" cockwell raised his voice "those were rare and expensice USSR masterworks! I will not be insulted in my own house!"

"Why?" said saiga in return, a bit louder in aggression times "do you have somewhere special you go for that?~

"don't worry" said rukia riding saiga's dick "I'm sure it's just his killing harry child with a watermelon. Not kiddie rape."

The whistle hiss of steam ceased, and the crawl space door clanged.~

The sight and smell of the dongbies was getting rukia so fuck mothering wet so she jumed on saiga and started having a standing up sixtyniner with him. Saiga fell over in surprise. "get over here ichigo and do me!" she shouted to him through a mouthful of cock. Ichigo came up and started to doggy style her while she was still sixyninin saiga. All around the dongbies surged in delight.}

"see?" asked rukia pointing out that she was obviously here the whole time and not just edited in by ironypus to appease Saiga.

Saiga gave a non committal shrug. "seems legit"

It had been a fortnight since last chapter, siaga hissed through his teeth. How could he not notice? Combining this with the fact that Roxroy was clearly the best name ever, it was obvious this was all a plot to destroy Ireland.

He had to buy some chick peas.

"aight tom, we gotta bounce" saiga gestured to tom upwards. "and bitch" he addressed tonks and clicked sassily three times in a Z "you can just fuck righ the hell of, mmkay"

What he assumed to be tkons was ctually a flesh snowman that tom was building. Real people fless, not chav. "she left already, you imbecil"

"whatevs" saiga sniffed, "either you get more talkative or we need to get a third party member so we can actually be entertaining"

"I'll take the latter choice" saif tom straight facededly.

They flew off into the sky, away from the spicy mysteries below brewing in the depths of the soho palace. The child trafficking, the illegal ingrediaents, the filthy prostitute for a mayor. It was amobsters delight. A mobster or a teenager. Either or.

Sidestroy: dongbies in disnyer world!

The dongbies were in Disney land. The end!

The laboratory was cold, sterile and deathly white. The only colour besides the crab dinner on a scalpel rack was the nazi swasticker. You hear me right bitches. It s nazi time.

A man was babbling madly. "they told me I was mad! To think that I cold create a new strain of super sasuke in a single night, with afraction of the resources, and a fool for an assistant" he paused to whip bill bailey with a whip "but I showed them! Hahehahaha! You are goerring to love this!" he cried to the heavens.

"I did nazi this coming" chipped in bill bailey, what a lovely chap.

A voice box buzzed and a voice was heard "dr. frankenitachi" it said "well done. But this was not what we ere after. And you know haw ssj3 hitler gets. You know this."

"I'm an immortal zombiw you fools!" crowed dr. frankenitachi "he cannot kill me!"

"no" buzzed the voice box in a new, heavily accented german voice than its previous Texan drawl "but I can get very mad at you"

Bill bailey tittered nervously, hitler kept threatening is beard and hair.

"and I can take bills beard hair"

Shit.

"I don't care!" said frankenitachi "leave me to play with my ne toy!"

"till tomorrow thn" said the voice of hitler.

"why did you resurrect your little brother anyway?" asked bill

"because I love him enough to kill everyone else" said itachi. He gazed down at the sasuke.

Raven tresses adorned his head, his nose was symmetrically pleasing on his Adonis like face. As were his ears. His angular chin gave way to a sloping neck and cute little collar bones. He was well muscled and pale in the body, wearing a respectably sized peins and zilch pubes. There were a few scars from the process but frankenitachi thought they made him look dashing.

Sasuke sat up. "you littke shitbox" he said

"I knew youd love it"

Sasuke turned to his brother " I was happy dead, dobe ewas there. My soul was in the nether realm, how did you get it into my body?"

"I didn't~" said itachi, "I put it into this cockring, this way you can pilot your old body, that I touched up myself~"

"I'm a zombie!" wailed sasuke, unable to bring himself to punch bill bailery in the face.

"no no you silly goose! You're a lich!" sang frankenitachi.

"and you think that make sit better?"

"doesn't it?" aksed frankenitachi.

Sasuke seethed as carl schwimmen waled into the rom. Carl schwimmen looked remarkably like a gant penis sporting arms tat ended in crab claws, with a enormous double headed erection blossoming out the fromt. He wore a grumpy expression at this, sporting a mono eye and monobrow, and a tank top that bore the slogan 'no more dicks'

"le me get this straight" said carl "So the Nazi's, ressurected Dr. Frankenitachi, so he could create Sasuke, just to have a mildly unhealthy sexual relationship with him?"

"pretty much" said bill bailey.

Carl therw his claws up in disgust as his double header bobbed in a trance inducing fashion.

It was then saiga and tom walked in. saiga pointed his pointer inger and said firmly amid clouds of pot smoke "you. You're comin with me."

The walls of the run down London motel were mouldy with mildew, and smelled of old cereal. A babbys wail awoke the occupants. Orochimaru, Sasuke, Danzo, Goofy Tobi and Kakazu. The reason is, like in the plot of those ghastly The Hangover movies, they have to find out what they did. And along the way kill a bunch of dudes and perhaps discover something about themselves, something important.

Orochimaru stabbed the babby with his mouth sword to shut it up and alleviate his splitting tequila headache. "(╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)" he shouted in pained rage.

"┬─┬ ノ( ゜-゜ノ)" replied kakazu, "there is all my money on that table"

Danzo opened the dufflebag full of money. It was infact full of used 50 shades of grey nevols. It was agreed the books be burtn, the only time it was allowed to do so, and cast into a strong eastern wind.

"Kokoro HIYA HYA sore demo suki desu~!" sang tobi gleefully "Sugata PAYA PAYA soredemo ikimasho~!"

"これは全くばかげている！"サスケは言った。"ただ、私たちは酔っている間でした何かを見つける冒険を持っており、自分自身について何か、何か重要なことを発見することができます！"

"I'm cool withat" said orochimaru, eyeing the boy.

"mee too, as long as we discover money" said kakazu.

"＼(・ω・)／RETTSU nyaa!" sand tobi dancing like a drugged out madman.

Danzo wa all for this, he did love adventuring. It reminded hiom of his golden years, setting out on journeys with old hiruzen, gutting enemies and banging skanks along the way. Oh ye those were the days, and another thing! He-

Everyone ignored danzo's broken internal monologue, in favour of him supposed to be wordless. Plus he was old and boring.

The fivesome let out the front dooe of the London motel and were instantly assaulted by bright sopt lights.

"チーズそれは、それはファズだ！"、怒りでサスケを叫んだ"あるいはそれらすべてを殺す！"

The five ninja burst into action, chopping down police, SAS and Hellsing untits down with their swords and shooting fireballs and snakes and wind blasts, strangling them with detachable hands via earth grudge fear. In ten seconds flat all the innocent dudes just doing their job were either dead or dying.

"lets blame tobi and ditch hom" suggested orochimaru, "I don't feel like going back to gaol"

"on that note" said kakazu "we may as well watch danzo wankサスケwith his sharingarm, its about as good an idea'

"ok" agreed orochimaru, licking his chin with his massively suggestive tongue.

"forgot I wa dealing with a creepy paedo" sighed kakazu.

"well his 16 or 17 now, so no paedo" shot back orochimaru "just ephebo"

Danzo ruminted on haow oro wanted the boy back when he was twelve. Orochimaru looked guilty and replied it was "just a phanse." He was going through and they should all just "for get it".

It was now that kakazu realised he an orochimaru were done up to be as identical as possible. They both had soft blond haie n their eyes and matching metallic ballbags. This was the extent of their similarities and kakzue decreed it was to stop immediately. "take off yoru balbag orochimaru" he said exasperatedly.

"ooh!" fired up orochimaru "well who went and made you phillip desouza?!"

some sort of other-dimensional shadow demon, crudely shaped into the form of a child in an effort to mock God's creations appeared as though he wre there the entire time, "you chaps gut a ot of guts showin yer facese round these parts gain. I aughta turkey slap you wit a horse!"

"それは問題だ"サスケは低い怒りのトーンで話した、"我々は非常に酔っ払って、今、私たちはそれのいずれかを思い出すことができない。"彼は刀を持って、それを通して現在の電化を走った、"私たちは答えを見つけるようにあなたはそうなのでしょうか。"

"if it is answers you seek" said the boy in te voice of an old china man "you must seek the holy trinity! a dynamic go-getter, a genius and a man from Ireland!"

Tobi giggled and sucked the boy into his pocket eye dimension, "Ikki mono janaai!"

The antasic five set off through the London streets that looked suspiciously like the town at the start of soul eater. They passed by depressed citizens wearing matching uniforms that had swatstickers on the shoulders. None of them looked up as the flamboyant fivesome walked towards the big skyscraper labelled "Denholm industries'. A man in a suit fell from it and splattered on the ground ebfore them.

They stepped through te body and walked inside, up to the front desk whereupon they kidnapped the secretarys. Renholm industries is equal opportunity after ll. They took them to a bak room and every body but サスケ had a smoke break whilst サスケ interrogated them.

"どこで見つけることができる、"サスケは目でセクシーな男性を殴った、"天才、ダイナミックゴーゲッターは、"彼は、セクシーな女性の鼻を血まみれになった"とアイルランドから来た男？"

"the basement!" the sexy pair howled, "go to the basement!"

They all went to the basement.

In the basement they found a quite startling scene. Jen was leaning over the computor desk whist being doggy styled by roy. And roy was beant over jen being doggy styled by moss.

"can you not go any faster roy" stated jen, grumpy with the slow speed of the fucking.

Roy gave a irish chuckled and dribbled potatos chuckle 'if I did that, I'd have to thrust out of time with moss and you know haw sensitive my but is, id rupture something"

"well not rupture" said moss as the studio audience laughed and wanked "more bruise but itll be higly uncomfortable all the same" he said in his reedy yet manly voice.

They all thrusted in rthym and danzo had to step outside for a smoke break.

"Kenja nanzo kiken datta Hitori monde shigeki (Yarashi~!)" sang tobu.

The holy three looked up, the dynamic go getter, the genius and the man from Ireland. They waved cheerily in greeting the the now four adventurers.

Orochimaru gowed with sick glee, his tongue probing the three "we were told you coud help us find answers as to the goinds on"

"oh that" said moss with another thrust "I reckon you have to go talk with duke murderfist"

An ominous and dramatic sound sounded in the background. No one knew why.

"and he knows what we did whistlt passed out drunk. That is responsibe for the pipers ceasing and azathoth waking from his unending slumber in the centre of the universe to burn rape and pillage all creation to his gigantic insane hearts content?" asked danzo.

"no." said moss.

"no?" said orochimaru, ejaculating vipers everwhere.

"no." repeated moss, "but he does know a guy who does"

Kakazu wanted to skip the middle man "who is this man ho mudderfits knows?"

"how the ruddy hell should I know" said moss, thrusting still steadily.

"You are the three," growled [[spoiler: Kakazu]]. "you know about as much as the entire internet"

"if some ome hasn't twitted it" irished roy amid a shower of Guinness "we cant know it"

Such a harsh political and social commentary. "fine you ingorant boobs! We shall go to the ducke and rend from hin this information!"

"I think I'll stay here a while" said orochimaru.

Jen made a face and muttered "yep, just came abit there"

"I retract my decision and substitute my own" said orochimaru, drawing back in disgust.

Sasuke's google translate had broken. "where is he, this murderist?" he asked in imaginary Japanese.

It turned out you had to go to Hoxton square, turn left instead of right until you get down to that car park behind the dragon bar. There you would find a hatch in the gravel that led you to a underground puddle of sorts, which you dove into despite it only being a few centimeters deep, until you came out the other side. Upon which you wold find yourself in a specil part of London: the up market flats!

On the way there they passed a lonely brave knight knocking on a garde wall which a dragon appeared over. He wanted to see if the dragon wanted to come out and play, indulging in a game of run outs or ting tang tommy. The dragon was upset, saying, "I cant play out. I have chicken pox and my arms have transformed into brnches. Plus my mon is really angry with me coz my BMX got nicked" three owls in the background watched the scene unfold, furious as now the sudes will be uneven.

They also passed a bight yellow school bus occupied only by a large man wearing only shoes(no socks) his knickers, a grubby singlet and hat hanging out the open door, leering at sixteen year olds. They spent sixteen hour here as orochimaru had to trade tactics with te man, stoppng only once for a bowl of riceicles.

When they finally got to his addees 'something something funeral lane' and demolished the two funerl parlours that stood nearby fro a laugh, te five worked out a paln. Kakazu and orochimaru would transform into two completely random strangers and pretent to be selling life insurance and fine leather jackrts. Orochi became a 6-7 teen yar old boy woth a serious face and orange hair, kakakzu became [description not available because saiga-kun is a jerk!]

They knocked on th door. A dour faced man with a faint green tinge to his skin, glowing purplr eyes and an abundance offine stitches opened it, and sighed, taking a photograph from his pocket "saiga and ichigo?" he asked.

"of course" said kakazaiga, " I take it murderfist is expecting us?"

The butler nodded and rolled his eyes, "yes but first you've got to pass a test" he led them into a dark room. He ushered them into the middle and flicked on the light.

Boobs. Boobs, everywhere boobs. And then stepping out from the crowd, a single crab. The boobs converged upon the crab, crushing its strurdy carapace with ease.

"this is the 51 tits of granite" said the butler, "before murderfist sees you, you need to survive a titty fuck" he left the room, "good luck".

They surveryed the room, it was about a kilimoter on all sides. And packed full of granite tits, 51 must just be the title. And the tits certainly didn't move like granite. They jiggled and wiggled and bounced seductively.

"Dude" whispered orochimaru "what do?"

"well" kakzu deliberated the sich carefully "between your damage negation abilities and my defensive capabilities, we should easily be able to tank a titjob without getting our dicks crushed"

Neither of them actually had a penis anymore, though. Just, all their weird body mod jutsu got rid of that, now they had better replacements; or so they told others and their bros.

The replacements wwre accually pretty slick, though.

"lets try this first" they said in unison. Orochimaru made a shadow clone and kakazu made a earth clone. Orochimaru's activated his squishy body jutsu and kakazu's activated his stoneskin spell. They sent the clones out and tey were instantly mobbed.

The clones exposed their penis substitutes that wer in no way compensating for anything. The tits descended and destroyed the clones dick substitutes oin an instant.

Neither man spoke a words, but rather just left the room. The green tinged man was waiting.

"well since I don't see any blood o those shorts, can I wager you didn't take the titty fuck?" he said, expressionless.

Kakazu and orochumaru shook their heads like scolded five year olds.

"you pass the test" the man shrugged languidly "a real man would not chance such genital damage, though most do, but you did not"

"lucky us"

The man beckoned them to follow him down a corridor, up a flight of stairs, left, left, left, left, left, left up a flight, a rollercoaster ride, left, up again through the digestive tract of a giant snake of some description, through a lingerie floor of a mall, up who know how long on an elevator.

They stepped out and were before a door. "duke" said te man "saiga and ichigo to see you.

An flamboyant "Ooooo~" issued from the behind door.

"he'll take you now" said the man, gracing them with the frist emotion since they had sen him; a tiny smile.

This was starting to sound like orochimaru's kind of place. They went inside.

Inside the room it was bedrrom. But the most extravegent bedroom you've ever seen, wit silken ruffles and laces in sexual red colours, mirrors everywhere and bean bags festooned the floor anlong with sex position cushions. In the centre of the room lay a bed, on on that bed lay a handsome man wearing a frilly neckerchief and tight pantaloons. His true identity disguised clumsily by an enormous poweder blue powedered wig. He wore a tiny golden necklace wit the words cockwell mde of it in fancy font.

Kakazu and oro burst into action! They untransformed and rushed murderfist, binding him with earth grudge fear tendrils and a lond lond lon tongue. 'Murderfist' trilled at the indignity of it all "you are certainly not the two fine gentlemen I contracted!"

"no" said kakazu, his wind mask bursting from his skin, "we aren't"

"I might be though" said orochimaru, strangling cockwell, I mean murdefist a little.

"nope." Said murderfist "I'd remember if I hired a specimen as exotic as you, specifically becaue I'd have to have been passed out drunk~"

"well bully for you then" sulked orichimaru "looks like you'll never taste my extendercock"

'murderfist' shrugged.

"we came" said kakazu, whipping his tendrils,

"huh~" said murderfist in mild disgusted fascination.

"to this block of flats"

"oh"

"to get some information"

"which is?"

"what we did whistlt passed out drunk. That is responsibe for the pipers ceasing and azathoth waking from his unending slumber in the centre of the universe to burn rape and pillage all creation to his gigantic insane hearts content?"

"I don't know that"

"I know, but you know someone who does"

"this is true"

"spill your beans murderfist, spill them all over the floor like a fountain of information, that will take three days to clean"

"there's a worm at the bottom of my garden"

"and?"

"his name is wiggely woo"

"circumstantial"

'murderfist' let out a long suffering sigh, "just go down to my garden shed and content with the gatekeepers. Once you've done that go out the back door and you should met straigt with it"

"it?"

The duke nodded.

An awkward silence happened, punctuated only by the loud sound of smashing glass as sasuke, tobi and danzo burst through a window and into the room.

サスケは第一話を聞いた。"男は失意のうちに叫んで突然沈黙していたかのように我々は、フォースの乱れを感じた。何か間違っていますか？"

"oh no" said murdefist "we're doin just fine and dandy here, son!" we was still wraped up in two old mens tongues and tendrils. He liked his tongues nad tendrils young.

"Kibou wa kotoba ni shinakucha ((」・ω・)

" sang tobi happily, "chaos! chaos! Urusee na chaos! Moeru youna kimochi (Nande~!?)"

Danzo decided it prident for them all to abscond out the broken window and leave the ducke and his servents to clean it up. Which they all did immediately, and with great gusto.

The five dudes scrambelled across the great sweeping lawn and saw a collection of garden sheds, including the one that ate up all the stuff earlier.

"itd be the one right at the ack I guess" said oro-chan "look for something to doo with a worm called wiggely woo"

They all wnet inside the shed right at the back that had a smiling worm of the front and 'wiggely woo' on te front in graet block letters.

Inside was acosy two floor house, and a llama.

"carl! Get down here, we have guests!" shouted the one already there, it was wering a pink hat with a flower on.

The five waved to it, "can we go see the it out back now?"

"sorry" said te llama, "you've gotta deal with carl". It paused and turned back to the stairs, "caaaaaaaaaaaaarl!"

Another llama dropped from the ceiling to which it had been sticking with plungers attached to its feet, "you called?"

"yes" said the first llama, "now fight these men!"

Carl nodded solemnly "you had best prepare your vital organs for my next attack" and opened his mouth like asnake "foreskins of a thousand jews!". Foresiins of a thousand jews shout from him like acannon blast-[ok, I've got to add a really cool fight scene here as it's going to be the last one. Gotta be great and action. Techinacal enough to not destroy the ouse and then leave them out the back]

The five stood out the back after a tough fight, watching in trepidation as a white shape circled closer through the heavy foliage.

"(」・ω・)

Ooh!(/・ω・)/ Nyaa!(」・ω・)

Ooh!(/・ω・)/ Nyaa!
(」・ω・)

Ooh!(/・ω・)/ Nyaa!(」・ω・)

Ooh!(/・ω・)/ Nyaa!
(」・ω・)

Ooh!(/・ω・)/ Nyaa!(」・ω・)

Ooh!(/・ω・)/ Nyaa!
(」・ω・)

Ooh!(/・ω・)/ Nyaa!＼(・ω・)／RETTSU nyaa!" giggled to bi as he saw who it was.

Bryan Ferry: Ruler of the Forest.

Uguu~! Time for Ironii-chan corner with Ironii-chan!

This story is ver exciring for me! Like, very! It is a lot of fun! I am writing it for my friend Saiga-kun, as a favour desu, since he just loves Ichigo! He is funny guy Te-hee~!but I specially dedicate this chapter to my bestie kay-chan! And to all te others, to a slightly lesser extent desu! But anyway~ lets get onto the real reason behind ironii-chan corner with ironii-chan! I want to know if I should write this story!

Kabuto kills sasuke while he's in hospitlee ! and it is up to kakashi to find out who it was and why! But then kabuto goes to stay with mei chan, someone elses GF OMG! And then he becomes an uchiha! Mjand naruto has an affair with Karin! Itachi-sama will be so displeased when he finds out~uguu~ desu! And how will they all survive in the middle of a drug war!111!1!

What you all think?! Tell me in revews!