Theme Song!
Are you ready kids?
Eye, eye, Captain!
Oooooh, who lives in a wonderful heterosexual world?
HYPER HETERO!
Who needs to slow down and let her the other sexualities take charge?
HYPER HETERO!
If you need saving from punny supervillains?
HYPER HETERO!
Then drop to the deck and flop like a fish!
HYPER HETERO!
(ready?)
HYPER HETERO!
HYPER HETERO!
HYPEEEEEER HETEROOOOOO!
Chapter 2: Bluebirbs
Hyper Homo and I were chilling in the Home of Sexuals lair.
"So, Homo" I started "Where do we start in finding the other sexuals?"
"Well I was thinking we could start…." But before he could finish a high pitched sound sounded from the computer.
"What's that?" I asked.
"Holy Homo!" Yelled Homo "This means serious trouble in New York City!"
"Lets go!" I said. We got into our tubes that lead up to the surface.
"Flying at the speed of light! No villain shall escape our might!" we both yelled as we zoomed up the tubes into the base lair where our hired interns worked.
"Hyper Homo!" two of them yelled as we entered. Homo straddled forward to face his short and adoring fans.
"Just what evil lurks my young chums?" he asked. "Is Penny Dreadful back to weaving her alluring yarns, entwining New York City in her weekly allure?"
"Worse!" said the boy, he was holding a clipboard and had short white hair. His voice was slightly high pitched. He was probably in his last year of high school.
"Did Axe man make a hatchet job of the New York City pops again?"
"Worse!" this time a young girl in pigtails said it. She had blonde hair and was about the same age as the boy.
"Tell me that Cary Okey didn't use her siren song and telekinesis to turn this city's streets into thriving agricultural farm land!"
"Worse!" This time they said it together.
"What could be worse kids?"
They both said something at the same time but I couldn't understand them.
"Wait what?" Neither could Homo apparently "One at a time"
They both said it at the same time again.
"Okay, alright….Brian speak"
"I'm not a dog, Hyper Homo" he seemed to have a slight Southern drawl.
"No, I know…" said Homo, getting irritated.
"There's such a thing as polite is all!" said Brian calmly.
"God, Brian he didn't mean anything by it" said the girl, rolling her eyes at him.
"Last nerve, Wendy! That's what you're on mine right now!"
"Oooh time of the month much, Brian?!" said Wendy, mockingly.
Brain put his face in his hands
"Time of the month? Do you even get your joke, Wendy?"
"Okay! We're getting a little off track here!" interrupted Hyper Homo, before the whole thing turned ugly. I was in the corner sniggering to myself. "Whom did you say has returned to New York City?"
Suddenly, a new person walked in the door. "Hyper Homo!" he kept repeating as he was running closer to us.
"Holy Homo! It's Patrick!"
"Hyper Homo! I came as fast as I could!" he was panting, and put his hands on his knees. "After I finished my lunch, and my lunch dessert, and my dessert dessert."
"Well now maybe I'll get some information here!" said Homo, crossing his arms.
"Oh well I'm sorry we couldn't accommodate, Hyper Homo" said Brian "Wendy's having a tough time, right sweetie?"
"I'm not having a tough time" whispered Wendy softly.
"Oh really?" said Brain patronisingly. "Even though Jerry Timpkin didn't ask you to the Swing of the Spring Fling?"
"Well, he's going to the Swing of the Spring Fling with you, Brian"
"Oh, honey, I don't need a partner to bring the bling to the Swing of the Spring Fling" replied Brian, flipping his hair. "See what I did"
"I totally saw what you did!" Said Patrick, impressed.
"Hyper Homo! Did you see what I did?!" he looked over at Homo, pure admiration in his eyes.
"Yes, Brian…" Homo was not impressed, "I saw the whole thing. Patrick! You have some news about what vile villain has come to this fair city!"
"The Bluebird of Misery and the Purple Puritan have both returned to New York City!"
"Holy Homo!" Said Homo "And finally! The Bluebird of Misery and the Purple Puritan are tied as my fifth most dangerous colour themed foes!"
"Hyper Homo! If the Bluebird of Misery and the Purple Puritan have teamed up they could spell reaaaaal trouble!" said Wendy, concerned.
"Maybe you should call for backup, Hyper Homo!" said Patrick. "Maybe you should call in the Boon Squad!"
"Oh, Patrick" said Homo, putting his hand on Patrick's shoulder. "There was a fire at the BeneFactory, they're laid up at Hero Hospital"
"Well, what about Black Tarzan, king of the Urban Jungle?" Suggested Wendy.
"Brain! He's one of your favourites, isn't he?" said Patrick, facing Brian.
"He is! I have his poster!" replied Brian.
"This doesn't sound like his kind of case." Said Homo.
"Well, maybe it's time for us interns to get in on the action?" suggested Brian. "You know Tie Kwan Do? Well I Tie Kwan Do it!"
"And I'm really good at languages!" said Wendy.
"And my mum wants me out of the house more, so it would be perfect!" said Patrick.
"Listen" Homo said, getting down to the children's levels, he motioned for me to join him. "You interns will be with us in spirit, and spirit is stronger than one hundred lasers!" He then added. "I will also have my one hundred lasers!"
"We believe in you, Hyper Homo and Hyper Hetero!" said Patrick encouragingly.
"But we worry about you sometimes." Said Wendy, worried "Cuz what would happen to New York City without you? And what to happen to us without you?" Tears were in her eyes now.
"That's something you'll never have to find out!" said Homo. "Not as long as I'm around! Now to clip the wings of the Bluebird of Misery and show that Purple Puritan some pugilistic persecution!"
He got up, taking me with him and said.
"So long and awaaaay!" and we flew up into the sky.
Soon, in the Purple Puritan's secret lair.
"A man may think God sleeps, but God sees everything!" The Purple Puritan was saying. "And so does Hyper Homo!"
The Bluebird of Misery was laying on a sofa while the Purple Puritan was pacing the room. "Urgh! That is just nerves, Purple Puritan!" She squawks out of fear and anger.
"And why should I not quake, Bluebird? Is not every scheme destroyed by that Hyper Homosexual!"
"Not this time, Purple Puritan!" said the Bluebird from her seat. He swatted her away with his winged hand.
"Please! Do not play your feminine hand flesh upon me!"
"Geez! Sorry!" She squawked out of embarrassment.
"My religion forbids such inter-gender tangency!" She moved towards him "Just! Please, be mindful"
"Okay look!" she starts "Cards on the table, angst wise, I like to twist the knife a little, why I teamed up with you, but you're making it too easy! Let me do some of the work!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't realise my own anguish wasn't enough for you!" yelled the Purple Puritan.
"Quantitively, yes. Qualitatively, eh! Let me do some of the heavy lifting!"
"To be unburdened by you? With your comely beak…and….such plumage" the Purple Puritan started to sweat as he got closer to the Bluebird.
"There we go" Bluebird squawked. "Thank you!"
"I'm sure the city will join us, in our excruciation, turning the whole of New York City into a nest of despair." Purple Puritan looks down at the Bluebird's nest. "It must have taken ages to gather that many twigs."
"It was the twine that was really hard to pull together." Replied the Bluebird without looking at him. "And hey! You're not too shabby yourself! You have this death trap all ready to go in case, Hyper Homo and Hyper Hetero show up!"
"But it shan't be enough!" The Purple Puritan was angry now.
"You think?" The Bluebird was worried now "It shall not? I have faith in you!"
Suddenly, a laser sound was heard and a hole appeared in the wall.
"When crime appears upon the scene, so does Hyper Homo!"
"And Hyper Hetero!" I chimed in. This was my first real case and I was determined to get it right.
"Hyper Homo?!" Yelled both the Purple Puritan and the Bluebird.
"Looks like our witch hunt for the Purple Puritan is over!" said Homo.
"And so is our jerk hunt for the Bluebird of Misery!" I said, felling clever.
"Hey! PP!" Yelled the Bluebird to the Purple Puritan "remember that death trap we were talking about?"
"I wish you wouldn't!" said Homo. "We needn't do this dance!"
"On the contrary, Hyper Homo!" said Purple Puritan from the other side of the room, we both looked, he was by a giant lever in the wall. "Feel the plush embrace of my pernicious poppet!" I giant cage fell on the both of us when he pulled the lever. The trap started to close in on us tightly. We were almost being hugged to death. So much pain.
"Go on, Hypers! Scream a scream that a bull would weep to hear!" yelled the Purpled Puritan as the Bluebird cackled in the background.
"Can't. Break. Free" Homo was saying. "But. I. Must!"
"Homo! Think about the interns!" I yelled at him. Suddenly, I heard what the interns had been saying. "What would happen to New York City without you, without you, without you" it echoed. "Look out, look out, look out" came Brian's voice.
"Homosexual Willpower!" yelled Homo, and suddenly the bindings were gone! We were free!
"My pernicious poppet destroyed by willpower based feedback!" Yelled the Purple Puritan "Impossible!"
"Nothing's impossible to Hyper Homo!" said Homo "Except giving up! Activating Gay Laser!" He yelled and both the Purple Puritan and the Bluebird were handcuffed and bound.
Homo grabbed his phone and typed in a number "Hyper Homo calling New York City PD! It's time to tie a bow on these colour themed creeps, a rainbow!"
"Colour is incidental to our overall themes!" Yelled the Bluebird, but no one was listening, cuz she was a villain. "I am a bird!" she was yelling.
"Tell it to jail!" said Homo and we were off, back to the Home of Sexuals to find our missing sexuals.
AN- I hope you enjoy! :D - Moist