Hey guys :) Okay, there are two things about this chapter: 1, I rushed it down and it was supposed to be longer than this, and 2. I didn't read it over, so sorry for any mistakes.

Thank guys for the reviews, and I hope you like & review this chapter too! I love all of u!

Let go of the past and go for the future. Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined. – Henry David Thoreau.

James groans as he gets up from his bed. Stretching, he passes a hand through his hair and across his face. What time is it? He searches for his phone, flipping over the covers on his bed, looking under his pillow.

Then he freezes. There is a dark spot on his bed that looks like-

Blood.

Memories rush back at James, ones he's tried to keep bottled up for so long, the memories of old James, the one who loved music, the one who had high hopes for himself, the one who had a dream. But it was all crushed that one day, the one day that is forever embedded in his mind.

Flashback

James sat in the hospital hall, waiting patiently for the doctor to come out and tell him what the hell was wrong with him. After waking up with pants filled with blood, and looking paler than a vampire, James was worried sick about himself. There was no one who he could call, no real friend, his mother was dead, and his father was a bastard who didn't even care about him anymore. He had no siblings, and he'd lost all contact with any relatives. He was all alone.

'James Diamond?' he looked up, positive that his eyes were rimmed red. The doctor frowns. 'Did you stay here for the past three hours?' James nodded. 'Well come in then.'

James stood, and followed the doctor into his office. 'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' he asked, his heart pounding.

'I've run some tests, Mr. Diamond, and it turns out that you have an autoimmune disorder known as Neglis Aplastic Anemia. Basically it causes the immune system to attack the red blood cells in the bone marrow.'

James frowns. 'What does that mean?'

'It causes a depletion of red blood cells, which would cause depletion in platelets and white blood cells also. The best cure for this is a bone marrow transplant.'

'And what would happen if I don't get the transplant?'

'Not getting the transplant can be fatal. All you need is a blood donor, and we can replace the bone marrow, and there's a chance the bone marrow would continue making the good blood cells.'

Time slowed for James. Basically the doctor was telling him that he was dying, because his immune system was stupid.

'But we have two problems, Mr. Diamond,' the doctor continued. 'One, you have O negative blood, which, in order to replace it would have to be O negative, which is very rare. And second, the transplant is very costly, and we would need an adult's permission to perform it, since you're underage.'

James said nothing. The world was weighing down on him, and he didn't know what to do. He nodded numbly, ignoring the look of sympathy the doctor was giving him.

'And one more thing. Try not to over exert yourself, okay? Don't run too much and don't exercise too much. Do you sing?'

James nodded, hoping and praying the doctor wasn't going to say what he was thinking.

'Then you have to sing a lot less. Most people don't realize, but singing makes you breathe a lot more, you have to take deep breaths, and that wouldn't be good for you, especially since you can't use up too much of the oxygen in your body due the depletion of blood cells. Okay, James?'

'Not... sing?' James choked out, unable to process what the doctor had just said.

'Negli's a killer, James. It robs the body of its ability to transport oxygen. No singing, no over-exercising other than your usual routine, don't run a lot, just don't overexert yourself, okay James?'

James didn't react.

No singing. James couldn't sing.

To James, that was worse than the prospect of dying.

He walked out the hospital, numb and emotionless, all the way to his house, to his bedroom, where he sat down, and stared at the wall opposite him.

What was he going to do now? Suddenly a random lyric from Young the Giant's song came to him.

Life's too short to even care at all.

And James' life had just gotten shorter.

...

After that day, James made a resolution to forget everything, forget his dreams, and just throw himself into life.

He fucked everything that had two legs and walked; he drank almost every night and partied hard.

YOLO, right?

James didn't care anymore. No one loves him, no one cares about him. He just wants to live life to the fullest. He was going to die anyway. He didn't want to fall in love, or anyone to fall in love with him. He didn't want to get caught up with anyone. He had lost all his reason to live. He just wanted to waste his life away.

But stupid Kendall had to come along to ruin his plans. When he saw Kendall, it was almost like love at first sight for him. James had pushed it away, but stupid, idiotic Kendall had to stand up to him, be nice to him, then on top of all of that, he had to have the most angelic voice ever. And he had to be Brennan Knight's son.

Stupid Kendall.

He just couldn't fall for Kendall.

More for Kendall's sake than his.

...

'Hey babe,' James says to Jo as he walks up to her and plants a kiss on her forehead.

Jo smiles at him, and is about to respond when a loud shout comes from behind him.

'Yo, Jam-ez!'

James turns with a smile. 'Hi, Dak.'

The boy bounces up to them with a large smile on his face. 'Dude, did you know that the Knight kid is The Brennan Knight's son?'

James frowns. Did everyone know already? Judging from Kendall's reaction the day before in Music, when Mr. Parker congratulated him, he probably wanted to hide in a hole now.

'Really?' Jo says, eyes wide. 'Coming to think of it, he does look like him.'

Dak shrugs. 'Anyway, I wanted to ditch first period, go and do something fun. You in?' He asks Jo and James.

Jo nods. Just then, Kendall walks through the door, Starbucks in his hand. 'You know what Dak? I'll catch up with you. Go ahead.'

Dak frowns but Jo pulls him away to wherever the hell they were going.

James walks up to Kendall. 'Hey, Knight.'

Kendall frowns and rubbed his temple with his free hand. 'Not now, James. I'm not in the mood for any of your shit right now.'

'Ooh, sassy Kendall. You know-'

'Aren't you supposed to be with Slut Brunet and Slut Blondie?'

James frowns, confused, before realization dawned. 'Dak and Jo? No, they went off to fuck each other while I'm here trying to be nice to you.'

Kendall sighs and leans against a locker, bending his head down to cover his eyes. 'What do you want, James?'

I want to see your eyes.

James starts, wondering where that thought came from. He quickly pushes it away. 'I want to fuck you, but since you're not putting out, I'm trying to woo you in with my beauty. Is it working?'

Kendall's fists clench, and for the first time, he meet James' eyes. James is shocked to see dark spots under the boy's eyes, and his green eyes look tired and angry. 'Just leave me alone, James.'

'I'm afraid I'm behind niceties,' James says. Be mean. Be mean. He repeats over and over in his head.

Kendall shakes his head in frustration and walks around James, before he felt a hand on his arm.

'Look, Kendall, I'm sorry, okay?'

A smile tugs at Kendall's lips. 'You are?'

James groans internally. What had happened to be mean? 'Yeah,' he says, smirking. 'I'm sorry you didn't I fuck you.'

Kendall looks up and his eyes are shining. He yanks his arm away from James' hand. 'And for once I thought you had a heart. Be bitchy to the new kid? Is that it? Or is it that you're too fucking spoiled and you must get everything you want? I try to be nice to you, and this is how you repay me? You bitch.' He says coldly.

As he turns and walks away, James is speechless. But at least his work is done. Kendall hates him, right?

Then he realized why Kendall's eyes were shining. It was because he wanted to cry.

'I'm sorry,' he says, this time meaning it. But it is too late. Kendall was already gone.

...

Kendall slams his fist into his locker as a few tears escaped. Fucking James with his stupid fucking eyes, his fucking hair, his fucking lips that Kendall wanted to kiss- Whoa.

Where did that come from? Kendall didn't want to kiss James... did he? He just thinks the brunet is hot and sexy, nothing else. He wipes the tears away quickly.

'Hey, Kendall!' a cheery voice came says behind him, and he turns to see Logan coming up behind him, a huge smile on his face.

'Hey Logan. Where's your other half?' Kendall says, Logan's addictive smile getting to him, and he grins, for the first time this morning.

Logan hooks a thumb in his jeans. 'He's coming, with his usual pile of notes and books. Y'know, nerd stuff.'

Just as he said that, a loud thump comes from behind Logan, and Kendall looks over the boy's shoulder, his eyes wide.

Phillip is on the ground, all his books and papers scattered, and James, Jett and a whole bunch of other students are pointing at him and laughing.

Logan mutters a curse under his breath, and storms off to meet his brother, Kendall at his heels. But, to his surprise, he passes Phillip, going up to James, and begins to yell at him.

Kendall looks down at Phillip, surprised to see that someone is already helping him up, and gathering his books for him. It is Carlos. Kendall races to Phillip, wrapping a hand around the boy's shoulders protectively. 'Stay away from him, Carlos. You know that it's you and your friends' fault for tripping him.'

He glares at the brunet who frowns. 'Hell no it isn't. I have nothing to do with James and Jett's shit.' He holds out the books in his hand, smiling up at Phillip. 'It's Logan, right?'

Phillip shakes his head, his eyes cast down. 'P-Phillip.'

Is it just Kendall or is there disappointment in Carlos' eyes? He shakes it off. Carlos smiles one last time, before sauntering off.

Kendall looks over at Phillip. 'Hey, are you okay?'

Phillip nods slowly, but Kendall didn't miss the small tear that escaped. He bites his lip, wishing Logan could come and take care of his brother. He steals a glance over to James' direction, where Logan is currently. Kendall could hear snippets of what Logan is saying in his low-threatening voice.

'-after everything we've been through, you pull this shit, James? Don't ever do that again or else I will fuck you up.'

Kendall could see the smug look on James' face. 'Maybe I want you to, Logie Bear.'

Logan turns scarlet. 'Don't you dare fucking call me that again,' he hisses. 'And pull this off again and I will shave your hair off in your sleep, okay?'

Terror actually flits across James' face, and his eyes widens. It is gone as soon as it came, but Logan has already strutted away, coming over to Phillip, to comfort him.

Kendall briefly meets James' eyes before turning away, but it answers one question that had been rotating in his head. Why did he do that?

The answer is simple. He wants to hurt Kendall.

...

Phillip enters the lunch room a little cautiously, flanked by Kendall and Logan. He swallows hard, as he sees the evil gazes and grins directed at him. Kendall feels his tension, and places a hand on his shoulder.

'Don't worry, Phillip,' he says, squeezing his shoulder. 'Logan and I will be here to protect you from those assholes.'

Phillip smiles gratefully at him, unable to believe that he's finally made a second friend in high school. As he sits down, he sees his first friend running at full speed towards them, and winces.

'Phillip!' a screeching voice sounds and Kendall jumps about half a mile in the air.

A girl with brown curly hair skids to a stop next to their table, pushing Logan off his chair, and sitting next to Phillip.

'Nice to see you, too, Camille,' Logan grunts as he takes a seat next to Kendall.

Camille shrugs, and turns to Phillip, a huge smile on her face. 'Phillip! Did you miss me yesterday? I couldn't come yesterday because I had to go to the doctor, you know, girl stuff. But OMG, did you hear that Brennan Knight's son is coming to this school?! Liz says that he's smoking hot, but I didn't see him yet. Did you-'

She breaks off when she, for the first time, sees Kendall sitting there, his face red. Her mouth drops open, and she turns back to Phillip, saying in a not-so-subtle way – 'Is that him?'

Phillip nods slowly and she turns back to Kendall with a smile on her face. 'Damn, you are hot,' she says, and Kendall flushes again.

'So tell me about you father,' Camille says excitedly. 'What is he like? Where does he get his inspiration from? Does he like Coke or Sprite? What is he allergic to?'

The questions continue, but Phillip could see Kendall's eyes getting darker and hooded with each one.

'Camille, that's enough,' he tries to interject, but the girl ignores him.

Sometimes he wonders when he ever started liking her. It is obvious to everyone that he liked her, and she had the biggest crush on him, but he was too scared to ask her out. Scared of what? Maybe getting slapped in the face.

Phillip knows there is something that Kendall is hiding, and he didn't blame him. Everyone has their secrets. Phillip could see that Kendall is on the verge of breaking, and he had to do something fast. Kendall is his second friend ever, and he had to do something to help him.

He bites his lip. He probably isn't going to regret this, ever, but it is worth a try.

...

Kendall's eyes widen as Phillip launches himself from his seat onto Camille, kissing her harshly. He looks awkwardly at Logan, who is staring at the couple in shock.

'Finally grew some balls, huh, Phillip?' a sarcastic voice breaks through the couple's loving embrace.

Phillip draws back, his lips red and looking dazed. James is standing behind them a smirk on his face.

'What do you want, James?' Logan says, his hands balling into fists.

'Oh, nothing. Just came by to congratulate the new couple and to ask Camille to tell me if Phillip is as good as the first time I fucked her. Or any of the other five times.' He winks at her, and saunters off.

Camille is red in the face, before she whips her head around to face Phillip. 'Phil- I- I'm sorry,' she mumbles, but Phillip is shaking his head. 'Forget it, Camille. There was nothing anyways,' he says, his eyes diverted.

'Nothing?' she whispers softly, before she gets up and runs off, crying.

Kendall looks at her fleeing figure, his throat tight, not only because of all the questions about his father, but also because of James. Suddenly, he realizes why Phillip had kissed her in the first place.

'Thank you,' he says softly to Phillip, who looks up at him, his eyes broken.

He nods, acknowledging Kendall's thanks, but Kendall could see that he is hurting on the inside.

And he could do nothing to help.

...

'Fuck, Jamie~', Jo moans as she rode out on her orgasm.

He pulls out of her, panting heavily and zips up his pants. She smiles up at him, but he could still feel his heart, heavy inside his chest. All he could think about is Kendall, and he just couldn't stop.

Without saying a word to her, he walks away, leaving her fixing her clothes. Suddenly, he feels light-headed. The room spins, and all he hears is Jo's scream, before he falls to the ground, unconscious.

...

Jo is freaking out. James has just fallen to the ground, and her first reaction is OMG JAMES IS DEAD! But, her more sensible side makes her pull out her phone and dial Dak's number frantically.

When he answers, he sounds irritated. 'What do you want, Jo. I'm in Hawk's class. He'll have my shit if he sees me on the phone.'

Jo didn't fucking care. 'Dak! This is important! James fainted, and I don't know what to do.'

'What? Just throw water on him, idiot. You probably fucked him too much last night. Gotta go. Hawk is coming back.'

Jo mentally slaps herself. How could she forget the whole splashing-water-on-people-to-wake-them-up? She walks out of the storage room, and runs into a blond guy who was passing. She knows him, he had been talking to James. Maybe he could help.

'Um, hi,' she says, to him, then suddenly remembers his name is Kendall.

He narrows his eyes, as she flips her hair over her shoulders. 'Can you help me? I have a problem.' She says, trying to get the flirtiness out of her voice, and trying to act serious.

'I'm not going to fuck you,' he says, folding his arms, and looking down on her. She fights the urge to roll her eyes.

'As tempting as that sounds, no. James fainted, and I don't know how to get him awake.'

Concern flits across his face, then disappears, but, it didn't have to take an idiot to realize that the guy likes James.

'Why should I care?'

Jo smiles smugly and steps away from the door, gesturing to it with her head. 'Because you have a crush on him, and if you don't help him, he might die.'

Kendall's eyes widen fractionally. 'Is it that obvious?'

Did he not care that James is unconscious? 'No it isn't. Just to me. But please, please, just get him awake.'

Kendall bites his lip. Maybe he should really go. What if it was a trap? Jo looked panicky, even behind the smugness. 'Are you coming with me?'

She shrugs. 'Do you want me to?'

Kendall looks away, and she gets the message. 'Fine. I'm gone. But if he dies, I'm going to blame you.'

Kendall bites his lip again, worried. If he dies, I might die too.

Kendall opens the door to the storage room, and his heart constricts when he sees James unconscious on the floor. He is breathing shallow breaths, and his lips are parted. Kendall crouches, and brushes the bangs out of his face.

What should he do? He thinks back to the CPU drill he did when he was nine. But all that was for if he was drowning.

Part of Kendall wants to place his lips against James', and the other part wants to throw a bucket of ice cold water on him, in repayment for what he had done to Phillip.

Kendall makes up his mind. His friends are more important than his personal desires. He gets up, takes a bucket from the corner of the room (probably the one that the janitors put the water in to mop), goes to the toilet, and filled it with water.

Then he goes back to the room, and, closing his eyes, dumps the water on James. The brunet moans, and his head rolls from side to side, but he didn't wake.

Kendall groans internally. He places the bucket back where he got it. What is he going to do now?

He crouches, and begins to lean towards James, his heart racing. When he is centimetres away from James' face, the idiot's eyes flew open and Kendall drew away quickly.

The brunet begins to sit up, rubbing his eyes, as Kendall looks at him awkwardly. 'What- What happened? Why am I so wet?'

'You almost died dude. I literally saved you life.'

James' eyes widen fractionally, and he quickly glances toward, if Kendall is guessing correctly, he glances toward his groin. Then he sighs in relief.

Kendall is confused. Maybe James has finally lost it.

James looks up at him, and, for a split second, Kendall sees a little boy who is scared of – what? Then it disappears and James's face is carefully blank.

'Did you really have to soak me with water?'

'Could you stop fucking complaining? A 'thank you Kendall for saving my life' would be nicer,' Kendall says irritated, but he can't get the image of scared James out of his head. Something is going on with James, and he is itching to find out what.

James rolls his eyes and gets up. 'Whatever.' His eyes widen fractionally. 'Shit. Gotta go. TTYL.'

Kendall frowns as James speeds off out the room and down the hall.

What the HELL?!

...

James smelt it, before he felt it.

He is just standing there, admiring Kendall's beauty, when he smells the faint metallic odour. Confusion only lasted a second, when his boxers feel wet and warm.

Fuck.

His eyes grow wide, and neon lights flash in his head.

'Shit. Gotta go. TTYL.'

Some other time, James would've slapped himself for using text language, but he had to get the fuck out of there. He races down the corridor to the bathroom, entering and flinging himself into a stall, shutting the door.

He looks down at his pants and saw a dark stain spreading. He feels like sinking to the floor and crying.

'James?'

James curses inwardly. Of course stupid Kendall had to follow him.

'James? I know you're there. Are you alright?'

James bites his lip. The blond is so nice to him. Did he really deserve the treatment James is giving him?

No.

What would be the consequence of giving in to his desires for just a few minutes? James forces himself not to think about it. Maybe Kendall could help him.

He opens the door slowly, peeking out, his heart fluttering at the look of pure concern on Kendall's face.

'Can I talk to you?'

...

Kendall's mouth drops open when he sees James exit the bathroom, by his groin his pants looking dark with wet liquid.

James bites his lip, looking awkward. 'Look, it's not what it seems, Kendall. I didn't piss myself-' he looked down, looking back up, his eyes filled with... fear? 'Nor am I a transgender girl on her period.'

Despite the serious situation, Kendall can't help but snort at that ridiculous possibility. Oh, James isn't a girl, alright.

James' face crumples, and he turns away. 'Oh fuck this. Forget it Kendall. I'm better off killing myself.'

Then his eyes widen, like he didn't expect that to come out. Kendall raises his eyebrows. 'What?'

'Nothing,' James says, stepping away from Kendall, and for the first time since he saw James yesterday, he witnesses the real James.

Kendall strides up to James, and places a hand on his cheek. 'Why don't you clean up, and then we'll talk, okay?'

Why are you being nice to me? James wants to ask, but he is so captured by Kendall's eyes, that he swallows it.

...

'It's called Negli's Aplastic Anemia,' James says, looking across at Kendall, both of them sitting on the bathroom floor. Kendall raises his eyebrows questioningly.

'My immune system is attacking my blood cells. I'm-' James chokes, suddenly a wave of emotions washed over him. He feels like a burden is lifted off him, but still- he couldn't get it out. He couldn't say those words.

I'm dying.

But Kendall's eyes darken as it dawns on him. 'James-' he breathed.

He reaches for James, his eyes suddenly filled with worry, but James jerks out of reach. 'Don't.' James says, fighting tears. 'Don't feel sorry for me when all I did to you in the past two days.'

'I don't think,' Kendall says, his eyes trained steadily on James. 'I don't think it matters when it's life and death.'

A rush of anger surges through James, anger towards Kendall, for being so nice to him, to himself, for being an ass. 'It does matter! It always matters! I'm fucking dying, Kendall, and all I can think about is-'

He stops short, breathing harshly, and Kendall turns to face him. 'All you can think about is what?' he says softly, and James gets up quickly.

'Stop, Kendall. Just stop it. You don't know me, you don't know my life. Do you even care that I might die tomorrow? Do you-'

Kendall scrambles up to meet James. 'Of course I care! And you're not going to die, James! There has to be a way to fix it- or at least treat it.'

But James is already shaking his head. 'No. There isn't.'

Kendall gazes up at him. 'Don't you want to live?'

James stares down at Kendall, and realizes that suddenly, he did want to live, he wanted to live to be friends with Kendall, to learn more about him, to make him happy. To kiss him. To hug him.

But James would die eventually, and he didn't even want to know what would happen to Kendall.

'No,' he says softly, looking away. He had to make Kendall hate him again. He had to push Kendall away. He had to.

'No I don't.'