Chapter 2

A/N Thank you all for your lovely and encouraging reviews! Here's the next part. I believe I should warn for language here, (Mrs P speaking her mind) although imho it's very mild.

Here go, hope you like it!

~o~

'Anna, have you got any idea what's wrong with Carson? He's been walking around the house as if he's lost something,' Lady Mary asked her maid when she was being dressed for dinner.

'I wouldn't know, milady,' answered Anna. But when her lady had described Mr Carson's mood, she realised with a pang that it was exactly how he had looked the past few days. She knew Lady Mary and Mr Carson had a deep affection for each other, so she followed her line of thoughts.

'I'd say it started after we spend our day at the beach, milady,' she mused.

'Mm, I believe you're right. Do you think he didn't enjoy the beach? I'd say Carson's idea of fun would be visiting a museum.'

Another hit on the mark. Anna chuckled, while she put hairpins in place.

'In fact, that was among his first suggestions, as was a visit to the Crystal Palace. I'm sorry to say most of the staff's idea of fun went another way, and then a few days later he announced we were going to the beach. That was brilliant, a whole day outdoors! We loved it. But even so, I think he had a nice day. Miss Baxter told me he and Mrs Hughes waded through the water together, holding hands.'

'He and Mrs Hughes?'

'So Daisy and Miss Baxter say, milady.'

When they looked at each other via the mirror, Lady Mary and Anna noticed each other's twinkling eyes and knew they were thinking the same.

'Carson and Mrs Hughes…Anna, that is so sweet!' the lady said, smiling broadly. 'Don't you think it's utterly romantic?'

'Yes, milady it is,' Anna answered, suddenly seeing the situation clearly, 'but perhaps that's the problem as well.'

'What do you mean?'

'Well, if it's true and they are in love, they can't be together or they'll lose their jobs,' Anna said.

'What? Of course not! I would…'

'Butlers and housekeepers can't marry, milady. His Lordship would never accept that.'

Lady Mary's shoulders dropped.

'You're right of course,' she sighed. 'I suggest we keep our theory to ourselves then, Anna. As you said, we don't even know if it's true. But I'll look out for them. You know, I want Carson to be happy. He and I have always been close.'

'My lips are sealed milady.'

'And so are mine. Thank you, Anna.'

They shared a conspiratorial smile.

~o~

Mr Carson had been left flabbergasted after Mrs Patmore's visit that afternoon. He had been sitting at his desk for half an hour after she had left, staring at his pencil-sharpener. Now he was supervising dinner service and found he could not get the conversation out of his head. It repeated itself while he was serving out the wine.

'I'll tell you what's so important Mr Carson!' the short-tempered woman had announced hotly.

'I'd be grateful if you did because I am busy!'

'Very well, I shall get to the point immediately then. What happened that day at the beach?'

He gaped at her.

'The day at the beach? I'm sure I don't know what you mean, Mrs Patmore,' he answered.

'And I am sure that you do,' she stated bluntly.

'I don't…'

'Mr Carson, please. What did you mean by walking hand in hand with Mrs Hughes?'

His cheeks immediately turned beet red. 'I am sure I didn't mean anything at all, Mrs Hughes offered me her hand because I was afraid to fall over, and…'

'And you took it. Tell me, how do you feel about Mrs Hughes?'

He cleared his throat.

'Well. She is an excellent housekeeper and a fine colleague. She does….'

'Come on, Mr Carson. I am not blind,' Mrs Patmore growled.

'That is good for you but I don't see what more there could be about…'

She cut him off again.

'You love her, Mr Carson.'

'What! I don't…I have never…I…you,' he spluttered.

'Come on now Mr Carson!'

The butler threw her a glare that would have reduced the entire staff to tears, but mrs parmore was unaffected. She stared him down and raised an eyebrow.

It took some time but finally he had to admit defeat. His shoulders slumped and he heaved a sigh.

'Very well, you'll have it,' he growled, but before he spoke he opened his desk drawer and produced a hip-flask. He opened it and poured a small amount in his coffee.

'Sorry Mrs Patmore, but I need a drop of whisky now. You?' he held out the flask to her and she held up her cup.

'Cheers Mr Carson, Now out with it.'

Another deep sigh.

'And if I did, what would be the point? Think about it Mrs Patmore. What can I offer her?' As angry as she had been with him before, she was touched by his sad tone.

'You could make her happy,' she said simply.

'How?' He sat upright and now sounded almost desperate. 'In my view, the best I can offer her is a clandestine affair, sneaking in and out of each other's rooms in the wee hours,' he continued. 'I don't want that and I don't want to do that to her, she deserves much better. I would want to marry her, and that would leave us both out on the streets, with no home and no job. Of course there are options, but she didn't work hard all her life to reach this position to just throw it away to run a grocery shop in some village with me.'

Mrs Patmore let this information sink in.

She poured them another cup of coffee and then asked, 'is that why you have been behaving like you did? You want to discourage her?'

'I suppose so,' he sighed. 'The way she looked at me that day, flirting with me, looking so delightful and happy, and I was foolish enough to take her hand.'

'Didn't you want to?'

'There's nothing I wanted more but it was a mistake. I know she… cares about me but it's best she should not know about my feelings for her. Like I said, what would be the point?'

A silence followed after this confession, during which they sipped their coffee, laced with another dash from the flask.

Mrs Patmore had felt the anger rise again, but she managed to stay calm.

'Well, I see you have thought it over very thoroughly,' she said.

He nodded. 'I did. It's for the best,' he said, wearing his butler face again.

'So you said. And what does Mrs Hughes say about all that?'

He looked up in shock and she was certain he had never, ever thought about that.

'What? Well, I don't…I mean I have never told her any of that, of course not! That would be…'

But Mrs Patmore couldn't keep her anger at bay anymore, she jumped from her chair and burst out.

'So you decide for her what she wants and what she should do without even asking her how she feels about that?! Who are you Mr Carson, God in Heaven?!' she roared. 'Have you any idea what you are doing to that poor woman?! She's at the point of breakdown, she hardly eats anything and she cries herself to sleep at night… Oh yes, she does Mr Carson! I hear her every night and it's all because of you and your bloody politeness! Because you think you know what's best for her!'

He was speechless. He didn't even try to scold her for her swearing. He just sat there and stared at the fuming woman in front of him, hands on her hips, eyes shooting daggers at him.

'But…it's because I love her,' he said helplessly.

'Then you've got a right stupid way of showing that!'

'But what should I do?' he asked confused.

'You should bloody well TALK to her!' Mrs Patmore exploded again. 'Right now she thinks you don't want her and it's breaking her heart! I'm telling you Mr Carson I would not be here if I didn't know she loves you, although at the moment I can't see why! Did I make myself clear?!'

The cheek of that woman!

But he was drained of all energy and just said, 'I get your point Mrs Patmore.'

'I am glad. I'll be off then, dinner to prepare. And I expect a change in poor Mrs Hughes within two days! Good day to you Mr Carson!'

And she had sailed out of his office, leaving him unable to move until Edward reminded him it was time for the dressing gong.

And now he was serving out the wine, something he had done a million times thank heaven, because when asked, he couldn't have said whether he was serving out wine of potatoes.

She thinks you don't want her, the wretched woman had shouted at him. She cries herself to sleep. She loves you.

The words whirled around in his mind, and slowly he began to realise what he had done.

'Carson?' Lady Grantham asked gently. He had been standing next to her with the wine carafe for almost two minutes.

'Oh, I'm sorry milady.'

Mrs Hughes, his Elsie, as he had called her in his dreams for years, thinks he doesn't want her. She cries herself to sleep.

'Mr Carson, should we go fetch dessert?' James whispered.

'Hm? Ah yes, very good James.'

The family had noticed the butler's absentmindedness, but didn't thought too much of it. Perhaps he wasn't feeling well. He did look a bit tired, Lord Grantham thought, and decided he would relieve Carson of his evening duties and do with Barrow instead.

Lady Mary however had been watching the butler the entire evening and was worried about him.

~o~

A/N Please leave a review if you have the time…they make my day! x george